"Armies of Arcana is the greatest thing ever!" Topic

Not just in terms of gaming, I mean like the entire history and development of the world must have been directed towards this one pinnacle of human achievement.

I should first state that I am just average Joe Gamer, I'm not connected with Thane Morgan in any way. Though I'd love to meet him, I hear he is the coolest guy ever!

Anyway, I had been a WHFB fan for a long time. I had spent all of my money on get new books that required me to buy new figures. I guess you could say I had a problem, I often found myself without enough money to pay for little Jimmy's insulin. I was losing friends because of my need to rules lawyer constantly. My hair was falling out, though GW refused to admit it had anything to do with the surplus depleted uranium they are rumored to use in their castings, not that you heard it from me.

Then I found Armies of Arcana. At first I was dubious. I had tried other game systems, but they all had serious issues, like requiring new figures or giving me exotic diseases like ebola and spastic colon or the owners threatening to kill my mother. But I gave AoA a shot anyway.

Am I glad that I did! Pretty soon, I was playing fantasy battles like I always had wanted to play them. I was able to use all of my old figures, and new friends flocked to game with me. My hair grew back fuller than before! The weird rash disappeared! Women propositioned me everywhere I went!

Now, I'm not saying that AoA can fix all of your problems - but I'm not saying that it can't, either. Sure, its your right to keep toiling away with games that are slowly poisoning you, trying to kill your loved ones or damning your eternal soul. I wouldn't try to stop you. But AoA worked great for me, and now I can live my dream of being a kept man by a lingerie model and wargaming at my leisure. It might work for you, too!

Thock Muppet, a completely independent and unbiased gamer, just like you.

Are you sure you are not a sock 'muppet'?

Your membership is new, and your initials are the same as ...

Nice try, Thane; we don't even need Bill to uncover this one! :)

I will definately pick up a copy now!! I can't wait until I get propositioned by women everywhere I go!

Any chance of getting pics of the lingerie model on your website? (tastefully holding a copy of said ruleset that you have nothing at all to do with)

I hate to purchase miniature gaming systems without knowing what kind of women it will attract.

I got a GREAT chuckle out of this Thane. Thanks!

John

Gee, Thock Muppet, thanks for the completely unbiased opinions. Thats one of the things I really like about TMP is the clear, objective opinions. Its nice to hear you think Thane is a great guy, but you should hear what he says about you!! ;)

LMAO.... Thane, uh, I mean, Thock... you forgot to mention how playing AoA will help you loose weight (without ephedra!), get rock hard six pack abs and uh, contribute to "significant natural male enhancement".

Mlatch221

I think the "male enhancement" was implied in the attraction one generates to the opposite sex that comes from playing AoA.

I can't wait for my copy to get here. I was planning on playing a "Nekkid" ancients army and using putty to enhance the figures to attract women. I would just play with the army in tounaments and wait for the ladies to get offended by the knee length knobbly bits and then respond with an innocent "But that is how big a Wally would be in 25mm, isn't it? I had to convert them to make them more realistic based on my personal measurements."

It is so much more cost effective to just use a new ruleset than having to buy another army to convert that would use up all my flesh tone paints.

While I have zilch knowledge of AoA, I give good points for the humor in this. Good play, Thane.

-A.

Thanks guys. He had me going for a minute there.

ROFLMAO.

Apparently Thane ... er ... Thock missed his true calling. He should either be making unsightly gobs of money as a Madison Ave. advertising executive or working for the executive branch of the US government.

Doug

Tha... Thock Muppet neglected to mention that the designer is actually better looking than all those women who fall all over AOA players, so depends on what your standards are. It must be the hair, watch out for those long hair flips during games, it'll put your eye out.

Well done!

This is fantastic....Well done Thane! Reminds me I need to buy some more AoA stuff.

As a nuclear power plant technician, I resent the fictive tale that depleted uranium causes hairloss.

The only known effects are magnatisation of certain silicones which might be the reason for above mentioned lingerie model problem.

Boduognat, king of Nervii

Well I for one will not be buying AoA now or any products from the same publisher/creator. Haven't any of you learnt yet - Women are EVIL they expect you to spend your money on things OTHER than gaming! They expect you to spend your time on things OTHER than gaming. They are all evil I tell you - except the unattractive ones. To this end, as I am such a decent person, I am willing to take ALL attractive women from those afflicted with this terrible curse (or those who have bought AoA). For this service I only ask you send me your bank account details. I need to use someone else's account to set up this business venture. Anyone assisting me with this venture will get a share of the profits, totalling no less than $100,000 US.

Scott Middleton, chairman of SUYWABDYI*, Nigeria.

*Send us your women and bank detials you idiots.

SUYWABDYI copyrighted and Trademarked etc etc Alien Surfer Games Ltd.

Mars needs Women they should buy AoA!

Thanks for keeping the joke running, everyone :)

Looking for sllllithering snnnnakes to make me more attractive. I expect the prospect of multiple "heads" capable of "spitting" to bring the women running to my liar.

Mock Thuppet:

Gotta disagree - I once saw a copy of AoA in my local game shop. I browsed it for a full 7 or 8 minutes and was not propositioned by a single woman!

A dachsund did hump myleg, but that kind of attraction I can do without.

Well, of course it won't happen in the game store... how many women go near a game store?

Why was a dachsund in the game store?And maybe this story has more to say about the nature of your leg than it does AoA, lol :)

The problem is now, that if anyone gives an unbiased opinion on anything here on the site, they will be labelled as a sock puppet.

Sad. Almost as sad as the 15YO girl I saw being thrown out of a GW store, because she was "upsetting the players and making them feel bad."

and damned right she was,

nobody could leave the table without embarresing himself!

Boduognat, king of Nervii

Thane: I'll have you know my leg is quite shapely, and even won honorable mention as "Sexiest Appendage Alive" runner up in People magazine, July 1986.

As for AoA, Thock: The cover should have an "effective range" for the kind of effects you describe.

What if you're a female gamer? I don't want hordes of chicks hitting on me. Is this power as effective across gender lines?

Covert Walrus: What terrible thing was the girl doing? Beating the boys? Leaning over the table?

"Leaning over the table"

Just got wood! Damnit, now I just have to make my game tables bigger so the wimmenfolk will be forced to lean!

Neotacha:

You can't possibly mean that when at gaming-centric locations (shops, cons, game nights) you're in need of something to get *more* attention from the men?

Mark

Neotacha if you are holding a copy of AoA guys will flock to you, and not just because you are holding the stores last copy! Playing a game of AoA will probably get you a marriage proposal from anyone on this group LOL

Indeed, I agree with Inari7 there - women who game are so appealing. It's like having ten or more pints of lager and looking at women - they all appear stunners - we can liken this effect to that of the AoA game. A women appears at least 10 times more attractive if she holds a copy of AoA. Why my sudden change of heart? I recieved an interesting bulging brown envelope from Thock Muppet....

"I recieved an interesting bulging brown envelope from Thock Muppet...."

That sounds so wrong somehow! I didn't realize they made pants out of packing paper....

sorry... couln't resist... must have been all those years of playing D&D.

weesparky - lol - more a dig at the English Fooball scene and football agents - and general dodgy deals - but I bet they do make pants out of packing poper somewhere - I mean, they do edible ones out of rice paper!
I still don't Thock Muppet could make it bulge though....

But I just got an email about a new wonder drug that can fix that....

Thanks, guys, but I'm already happily married (and I hope he is, too). Didn't even need AoA to manage it, either. But I'm sure it would have helped, Thock Muppet, and if this particular marriage falls through, I shall rush right out and grab a copy of AoA.

But can you be sure that HE doesn't have a copy hidden somewhere ? :)

oooh - you - bad man ;-)

My favorite part about AoA is the term 'Eldritch'. That word will probably stick with me for the rest of my fantasy gaming life. Everyone say it ELDRITCH! I love the sound of that word.

I've always liked the sound of the word smock.

smock, smock, smock

Me, I like the word sponson.

sponson, sponson, sponson

Like a mouth full of happy...

Credit for the word eldritch goes to the game The Arkham Horror, which had "Eldritch signs" and it stuck with me too, lol.

Hmmm an "Eldritch smock sponson" sounds almost technical lol
"Flange" is also a great word
:)

I like the word flange - and the word moist - not sure why though.

I can't decide if this thread has degenerated into absurdity, or risen to the level of comedic genius...

Rich

Rich:

It has degenerated into comedic absurdity. Say, I like the word comedic.

comedic comedic comedic comedic comedic comedic

One could argue it was absurdly degenerate to start with. Can we argue if it has risen to comic absurdity?

No we can't (argument started)