"Who wrote this???...." Topic

Recruiter contacts me today for a position with a "fast growing company".
Tells me all about it.
I listen to her.
I ask her to send me the placement so I can review it.
She sends it to me.
I read it.
I got back and read it again.
I get some coffee and re-re-read it.

Shook my head to clear the buzz out of it.

This is what they wrote:(Straight from their website for the career position)…

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"We are Technology Strategy and Advisory and we design and execute industry-relevant reinventions that allow organizations to realize exceptional business value from technology. Our vision is to become the world's leading advisors in harnessing technology and innovation as a force to reinvent and improve every business. Our mission is help client business executives disrupt their industry and utilize technology to capture market share.

Technology Strategy leverages deep business expertise combined with technology know-how, empowering clients to be more competitive by leading initiatives that unlock value and drive growth. To stay agile in a world dominated by change, the C-suite must position technology to create new products and services, while building new business architectures that break away from old ways of doing things, giving them the agility to compete and grow in the new. Accenture Technology Strategy enables leaders to act quickly and confidently as they pivot to the future. Known for our ability to execute at speed, we develop new capabilities in areas including Applied Intelligence, data and analytics, blockchain, robotics, Internet of Things and cyber resilience. We help clients determine clear, actionable paths to competitive agility by bringing them new thinking on business and technology."
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I contacted the recruiter and asked her "Did you read this?"
Recruiter says "Uh, not all of it."
I say, "Well I think you should. I've read it three times and I still can figure out what they want as it's badly written and punctuated, as well as accented badly, and is filled with buzzspeak and corporate jargon that makes no clear sense whatsoever."

Recruiter tells me "She will read it and get back with me."
She calls me an hour later, and tells me that "She couldn't figure it out", so she called the company about it, and they switched her over four times and finally to someone who had a voicemail that said they were out and wouldn't be back for another two weeks.

So please everyone…read this and tell me what you think.

Yes, this is what we are getting out of todays "Corporate Career Professionals"…

Sigh…

It's extremely clear to me. They want you to go to businesses and tell them that anything they are doing that is using technology more than six months old is wrong and bad. They need to buy new stuff and you can help. For a consuting fee.

Your reply should be, "Sounds good, but I can't work for a company that relies on the Internet Protocol, invented in 1969, to provide information. Call me back when you modernize."

You got it right with the 'buzzspeak' Murph. It's all just
'sound good' jargon, no substance at all.

The only thing that company offers is a chance to take
the money of other companies w/o really working for it.

Looks like someone from HR or communications wrote it with absolutely no idea what they were saying.

I can't believe you wasted the time to try and read it 3 times. You know this is going to be a real doozy of a company to work if this is any example.

They reinvent stuff. Is that bad? Like reinventing the wheel – would that be a bad thing? ;-)

Ask for it to be written in English.
It sounds like the current crop of "country" songs that are written by AI.

… what is cyber resilience? I think I need some.

Why are you looking for a new job? I thought you had a very good one you liked near the new house? I would not want to work, even as a contractor, that job posting you showed us.

"we develop new capabilities in areas including …, Internet of Things…"

jdpintex I read it twice and it was worth it for the laugh I got out of this sentence.

I had the same thought as John when reading it. There is not a single word of English used in the write-up, and you should ask for the translation.

Of course, if you own any stock in this company, you may want to dump it. ‌

Rick

what is cyber resilience?

Cyber resillience is the latest term (6+ years old) in the (still failed) attempt to shift protecting IT assets from a technical mentality to an operational mentality.

The difference professionals in the industry are looking for (and leaders and not resourcing) is simple. It's the difference between "I have a battallion with a command unit, two light and one heavy cavalry units, one small unit of rifle snipers, and the rest medium foot infantry." (what we focus on) and "I can defend the fort from anticipated adversaries." (what we should be focusing on).

The challenge is the first one is easy to count and evaluate (and thus easy for people to take credit for having), the second one is more difficult, and thus more easy to make short term gains that translate to promotions and bonuses.

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Internet of Things

IoT (yes, that's the acronym) is simply tyhe large number of small, single-purpose devices than can now be connected easily and cheaply through the Internet Protocol over existing wifi, cellular, and other networks.

Back in the day (say, the 70's and 80's), if you built a single-purpose device, you built … well .. a single-purpose device. A clock radio would have clock circuits that only do clock things and radio circults that only do radio things and maybe one or two wires to connect them that lets the alarm turn on the radio. So the guts of the clock radio only do clock and radio things.

Today, you get a general purpose microprocessor and program clock and radio things on to it, then conntect them to dieplays and controls. This is great because if you want a new clock radio with new functions (like turning on the coffee pot in the morning), you can just download an update instead of buying a new clock radio. Or having two – one for radio alarams and on to turn on the coffee. Likewise, if they find an after market problem, they can push you an update and you don't even have to know.

The benefit comes from the fact that the microprocessor can do lots of different things instead of the one built in capability and it uses "free" (you already paid for) infrastructure for control and maintenance.

The security problem comes from the fact that the microprocessor can do lots of different things instead of the one built in capability and it uses "free" (you already paid for) infrastructure for control and maintenance.

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if you own any stock in this company, you may want to dump it.

They actually do pretty well.

Going to the stockholders and saying "We got new, improved rifles for our snipers." is easy and makes you look good. Explaining what that means if one-, five-, or ten-thousand Zulus come over the hill tomorrow morning is harder to explain and loses people's interest.

If the Citizens of the Empire have to read more than headline deep in their newspaper, they're not going to rally Parlaiment to fund your expedition. Thus, they fund new rifles and shy away from developing new tactics.

As long as the market (i.e., people) sustains it, it's a good and profitable business model.

The fun thing about that… text, is that you can rearrange the sentences as you like without affecting the meaning. Start reading in the middle, quit before the end, you don't miss anything. Handy!

Another great question: is anyone not trying to do what they're trying to do? Have they differentiated themselves in saying, "we're trying to be great in the most currently popular ways?"

I have a theory I call The Fifth Grader Consultant which states: Any large organization can be made more efficient by hiring a fifth grader. Everyone has to come and explain their job to the fifth grader. If the fifth grader cannot understand their job, eliminate the position. Huge savings.

"We are gobbledygook and we do gobbledygook for people who don't understand the gobbledygook we do but think that gobbledygook is important. And lucky for us, there are a lot of those people."

But I guess if one can't detect or understand the few bits of actual detail in that thing, the job definitely isn't for you. And even if one can, the job probably still isn't for you.

So what they're going to get are: people who apply for anything, people who are desperate for work (really a subset of the first), people who understand it but are still desperate for work, people who understand it and don't care, and people who understand it and think that sort of language is a sign of intelligence and capability— i.e., born bureaucrats.

I agree with the Fifth Grader Consultant concept.
I also agree with Gillette Penn, who says that all laws should be understandable to a 12-year old, and those which aren'tshould be immediately repealed.

To my eye this is the only part that says anything:

We are Technology Strategy and Advisory and we design and execute industry-relevant reinventions …. Our vision is to become the world's leading advisors …

The rest is marketing.

etotheipi:
… go to businesses and tell them that anything they are doing that is using technology … is wrong and bad. They need to buy new stuff and you can help. For a consuting fee.

Nailed it.

Thanks, CeruLucifus.

It's the IT disease of the 21st Century – the blind belief that more, newer technology will make things better. And mind, I am a computer scientist whose been building and programming them for over 40 years. That attitude puts money in my pocket and security in my job … but a great void in my soul.