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"*I* am Parzival. *YOU* are not, movie or no movie." Topic

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Personal logo Parzival Supporting Member of TMP11 May 2018 5:09 a.m. PST

I shoulda known it was gonna happen.

I have been Parzival on the WorldWideWeb from the before it was first called the WorldWideWeb. I chose the moniker back in 1990 upon joining the America Online Network, and it has been my online nom-de-plume ever since. I am, as far as I have been able to determine, the first person to ever use the name on the Internet. All others are Johnny-come-latelies. I don't begrudge the use (hey, I didn't invent the name; that was Wolfram Von Eschenbach circa 1200 AD. Or sometime around then; I forget). And yes, I was flattered to see my moniker used in the novel Ready Player One, though I doubt it was because the author knew of my online persona and presence (though ya never know). (On a side note, I *did* know the answers to all of the puzzles in the book, solving everything well before the hero did…)

But I should have known that when it became a movie every little wannabe online gamer would try to use my name as their online presence. I'm now getting e-mails to my AOL account (yes, you now know the address) from various online game as clueless newbs try to sign up for accounts on Fortnite, etc., etc., apparently thinking that if they type in any combination including the screen name "Parzival" that they will either suddenly gain that account, or that they can sign in as just the name itself while leaving off the obligatory 564789 or whatever the next iteration of trailing numbers is from yet another copycat signing up (honestly, if you have to add any number behind the screen name, just choose something else).

So, for the record, again, *I* am Parzival. *You* are NOT. Stop trying to be me. You can't possibly meet the standard. Get yourself an original moniker that you can actually understand the origin of, or at least spell correctly.
And get off my virtual lawn.


CorroPredo11 May 2018 6:32 a.m. PST

Alas, Dear Parzival, originality is the bane of modern society and the millenial generation.

Winston Smith11 May 2018 7:30 a.m. PST

I am Groot the OFM.

Roderick Robertson Fezian11 May 2018 8:53 a.m. PST

Chrétien de Troyes is your man for the first story about Percival/Parzifal/Percy. Wolfram just took the character and ran with him 30-50 years later

(To the howls of true fans everywhere, I'm sure. "He spoiled a perfectly good story with all this "holy grail" nonsense; it was a lance", etc. At least he didn't make Percy a woman, or a ninja, or something).

I always thought Percival and Galahad to be the least likable knights. Me, I like Gawain and Bedivere.

Personal logo Parzival Supporting Member of TMP11 May 2018 9:31 a.m. PST

Point of order: I didn't say "invent the character," I said "invent the name," that name being "Parzival," by which I do mean that exact spelling (and pronunciation). Yes, de Troyes first wrote down the character of Percival, but I am not "Percival;" I am Parzival.

Tacitus11 May 2018 9:37 a.m. PST

Parzival, call 1(800)PARZIVAL or sign up now at to get the latest downloads and hottest titles like, "Parzival", "Parzival's Revenge", and "I am Parzival". Sincerely, Parzivalgrin

Ed Mohrmann Supporting Member of TMP11 May 2018 12:16 p.m. PST

For the wannabes, there's always Wagner's

Personal logo 20thmaine Supporting Member of TMP11 May 2018 12:51 p.m. PST

I am 20thmaine the OFM

I'm also 20thmaine Smith

Dn Jackson11 May 2018 10:49 p.m. PST

I'm Parzival and so's my wife.

Personal logo Patrick R Supporting Member of TMP12 May 2018 2:18 a.m. PST

I'm not Parzival, I want to be a lumberjack !!!

zoneofcontrol12 May 2018 6:08 a.m. PST

I am using my moniker to divert billions if not trillions of dollars from the wargaming market each week. To join me, there is a bonus to be paid up front to enter my area influence. BUT… just remember, once you do enter, there is no withdrawing. Moo-Ha-Ha.

Coelacanth12 May 2018 10:03 a.m. PST

Well, I am not Parzival, and that's fine by me. I am perfectly happy to be Coelacanth. I confess that I can (kind of) feel the pain of the little wannabes; for anywhere on the Web that has more members than there are words in the dictionary, the name Coelacanth has usually been taken long before I got there…


P.S. I am not Spartacus, either -- you guys are on your own!

Personal logo etotheipi Sponsoring Member of TMP14 May 2018 7:18 a.m. PST

I am a male with an androgynous first name and a fairly common last name that, combined, is the same as an actress (much younger than me) who is not so recognizable that people comment on our synonymity, but is good enough to have her information obscure mine on the web (unless you also add the military ranks under which I have published, the organizations to which I belonged, or the one to which I currently belong).

I hope some day to have her paycheck inadvertently routed to me and my bill collectors to hound her accountants.

Also, the truth is … I am Iron Man.

Sergeant Paper21 May 2018 9:15 a.m. PST

I've had many names. Just call me the Thick (Gamer-Sized!) Red Dude….

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