"I think I just lost a friend." Topic

Well,
Yesterday was a day of unpleasant surprises. The worst was a long time gaming buddy kicked me to the curb. I am in a relationship with a young lady, that well, is getting serious, and that entails complications I won't get into here.

But, and this is a big but. It has cut into my gaming time. No biggie. It happens. Frustrating sometimes, but it happens. I warned all of my friends, "Hey, the holidays are going to be filled, and then I am going on a cruise in January, you may not see or hear from me for a while." This was back in November.

Fast forward to Tuesday, I call this friend and he basically tells me he has "written me off" and rushes off the phone. Then, he sends me a long email where he a) Says some unpleasant things about the motives of my relationship with my girlfriend and b) accuses me of being a lousy friend in all but name.

Ok, I send email back, explaining myself, and doing a bit of a mea culpa (hey, I am sensitive to being called a bad friend, a lot of us are in the hobby). Very pleasant reply comes back, I thought we patched things up, but the phone call was a nice let down where I got the feeling things were left with me being downgraded from friend to acquaintance. Admittedly, considering my available gaming time? Probably was going to happen anyhow.

He also accused me of being afflicted with ADHD as I tend to flit from rules set to rules set a lot (fair enough, but I know a LOT of guys who suffer from that problem, hell he got me into Fireball Forward, which I am not real nuts about, as well as 15mm WWII which considering I play 20mm generally, is kinda left me wondering what the hell am I going to do with all this 15mm crapola, so I kinda think that runs both ways.)

Then he sends a comment this morning about how he saw Tomorrow's War and Force on Force on the shelf and how he bought it because we were playing it a while ago. (I haven't picked it up recently for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is I can never seem to get the reaction system right, but I love the rules, and am awaiting the 2nd edition).

So, am I being silly when I see this as a further dig and am ready to wash my hands of him, or is it something I should just ignore and move on?

He sounds like a man-child who is jealous of having lost your attention. Maybe the Holidays were rough on him. I certainly don't know the whole story. He doesn't sound like a great loss.

I'd move on.

Hobbies are secondary to Life choices. Interesting, my group complain because I have multiple campaigns and play boardgames. Had to remind them that I bought a LOT of games and I plan on getting my money's worth out of them.

Also, over Xmas I cancelled gaming because of a impromptu family reunion that turned into a two and a half day party. I got two angry emails from one gamer for not playing/running something.

My family reunion was great because members that wouldn't talk to each other for decades finally got over their differences, my grand nieces liked my beard and a ten player game of Cards Against Humanity really revealed it's NOT me, It's THEM!!:)

or… maybe he saw himself as your romantic interest?
it happens.

Let it lay. If it passes all the better.

If I need to make a call between the woman whom I may well spend the rest of my life with and a gaming buddy…..

He also accused me of being afflicted with ADHD as I tend to flit from rules set to rules set a lot (fair enough, but I know a LOT of guys who suffer from that problem…

LOL! Youse guise must not board wargame or Eurogame at all. I'm (WE'RE) constantly flitting from rules system to rules system, several times a weekend. (Not a knock, at you).

Life goes on, believe me, I just went through a divorce and only now am peeking my head out from my shell. Things sucked for 16 months, but now I'm beginning to feel happy for the first time in a very long time.

These things happen, hopefully just temporarily on your end, but what happens, happens…

Best wishes!

We have had a name for this for decades, Gamer Widow, the guy who can't game anymore because of the significant other.

And boy, were we always jealous of the guys!

(and was I happy when I joined the ranks)

Sans all the facts and your now former friends perspective, based upon your description I would say your gaming buddy is jealous of your good fortune. It happens. As to the ADHD accusation he needs to get a grip. I have encountered few miniature war game enthusiasts that are not all over the place in terms of rules, periods and genres. I feel pretty strongly that if you were to take the effort to research past and current topics on TMP you would find a plethora of threads on how to either get the collecting down to a manageable level or threads on war gamers trying to pare down their collections and focus. After all we are the hobby that spawned the phrase that you will never die as long as you have unpainted lead. Or the comment about having so many lead miniatures in your basement you are shielded from an possible radiation fall out if World War III were to happen.

Sadly I think you need to move on and enjoy your possible future relationship. Things will balance out in the long run.

What rule sets does your new main squeeze prefer?

If you lost that gamer, he never was a friend in the first place.

I've found that successful relationships like the one you are currently pursuing are much harder to come by than other gamers. Even without other gamers, you can play solo, PBM, play computer wargames, paint figs and build scenery for "when." Without a significant other? So different.

JJ

We only have your side of the story. You found a girl, things change. Get on with it.

From your description, it doesn't sound like you lost a friend. Friends grow alongside you, but separate. Like vines climbing a trellis.

Your girlfriend will make you quit both your friends and your hobbies, might as well cut them both for now. You can make new friends after the divorce. You may want to sell your games and figures now to help pay for the wedding.

As Captain Stransky said,

"A world without women. It's an old theory of mine. Men can get along without women easily. Easily. I tell you a man's true destiny is not just breeding children, all this childbirth and chocolate, but to be free. To rule and to fight. In other words: to lead a man's existence. Women are no more than a nuisance. Sometimes necessary."

On the other hand, Todd Rundgren had this to say:

Leroy, boy is that you?
I thought your post-hangin' days were through
Sunk-in eyes and full of sighs, tell no lies, you get wise
I tell you now we're gonna pull you through
There's only one thing left that we can do

We gotta get you a woman
It's like nothin' else to make you feel sure you're alive
…

They may be stupid but they sure are fun
…

We gotta get you a woman
And when we're through with you, we'll get me one too

Ahhh….
The measures of true friendship…

Willing to help you move furniture
Doesn't believe gossip about you
Can share your time with that of your other friends
Will do a fridge beer run when your team has the ball
Can pick up fast-food for you without asking what you want
Knows when something is bothering you
Knows the miniatures you need as gifts…..that you don't already have
Will tell you your paint jobs are better than they really are
Knows how to pick up your miniatures carefully
Will give you a mulligan if you get the rules wrong
Will try any game with you at least once
…and many others

A friend will help you move, I true friend will help you move the body.

Friends pick you up, when you fall down. The guy knocking you down isn't your friend.

Don't let him get you down, enjoy the time you spend with your girlfriend, and best of luck.

Sounds like you haven't lost a friend – but he has : YouTube link

Yep…. I know and feel your pain. I moved 10 years ago to the county.. about a 30 minute trip form the city…. One of my best friends (who I might add was the friend pack alpha) basically wrote me off….

I should have gotten the picture when he said things like.. I am not coming out there, you chose to live there, etc… etc…. yet I continued to come into town to game, etc….

Worst part is.. to this day, he acts like it is MY fault we are not close any more….. because I moved….

Sadly, there is truth in Weesparky's comments. Hopefully, none of that will apply here.

Not to be rude, but how old are you two?

Mean to say, I've been gaming with the same people for about 30 years, and I find it hard to believe adults would act like this.

Someone getting pissed because you got a girlfriend?

Grow up, mate. The both of you.

I usually tell my wife about my gaming and how I did with it. At least we talk about it.