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"(Office Story): "Corp. Training Slogan of the week"...." Topic


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501 hits since 21 Aug 2015
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Personal logo Murphy Sponsoring Member of TMP21 Aug 2015 6:22 a.m. PST

Disclaimer: I'm on a liquid diet….


Our Corporate Office has a "new" training program:
(Corporate Training Programs are nothing more than numbers games in which certain departments can then say "Look how many people we trained on project (insert name here)" It's all show and tell.."

The current program is called "Big Rocks"…..

They then said "it's to be applied to problems that can than be broken down into smaller tasks, so "Big rocks" being broken down into smaller rocks"….


During the meeting I said "Soooooo…convicts used to break big rocks down into smaller rocks. Are you trying to tell me that working through this training program is like being on a prison chain gang?"

*Cue the song by the late, great, Sam Cooke….*

Corp representative just blinked at me….

And the "fun" of watching our company grow into a corporate entity continues….

Submitted respectfully;

Murphy

Winston Smith Supporting Member of TMP21 Aug 2015 6:43 a.m. PST

You have far too many in Corporate who go to all the "seminars" and far too few who actually get work done.
How many times do you have to connect those stupid dots "outside the box"?

Tachikoma21 Aug 2015 7:26 a.m. PST

Years ago I sat through a company "training" program where the Powers That Be carried on for some time about the virtues of Just In Time manufacturing. Note that they weren't actually taking any steps to implement this idea themselves; their plan seemed to be that if they brought up the concept the employees would spontaneously take it upon themselves to revamp the manufacturing process and save them lots of money by reducing inventory. But I digress.

The analogy they used was that of a harbor, wherein Inventory was the water and Manufacturing Bottlenecks were rocks. By reducing the water level, they reasoned, you would discover the rocks and be able to remove them. When I pointed out that unseen rocks tend to rip the bottoms out of boats in shallow water, I became very unpopular with management.

TNE230021 Aug 2015 7:49 a.m. PST

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Cold Steel21 Aug 2015 8:56 a.m. PST

I've been doing fleet management for over 35 years and have to put up with the fresh-out-of-grad school neophytes the state hires. The state hires consultants to tell them how to do their jobs. If the consultants knew what they were doing, they probably wouldn't be consulting between real jobs. Every time these kids come up with the next "great new" idea, I have to explain to them why it won't work and but will waste a boatload of taxpayer dollars. This is usually followed by a lecture from my boss about being uncooperative, argumentative and "the client is always right." A few weeks later, these same rookies get to explain why their idea failed expensively and we should go back to what I told them to do in the first place. I no longer get to say "I told you so" because one of the senior managers usually looks at me and says "Don't you say a word."

Ed Mohrmann Supporting Member of TMP21 Aug 2015 12:03 p.m. PST

Joe, I used to get the same looks for the same reason(s).

When I retired, I went to each bright, shining "new face"
which had contributed over the preceding two years to
various fiasco's and presented all four of them with his
or her own DUNCE cap – complete with a testimonial on
the outside of the cap putting forth in excruciating
detail the folly perpetrated by the new owner of said
cap.

The presentations were made at what was supposed to be
my retirement celebration.

Funnier than – well, a lot of things…when you're ready
to retire, give it a shot.

Ed Mohrmann Supporting Member of TMP21 Aug 2015 12:06 p.m. PST

Tachikoma, got the same presentation with the same script
when IBM introduced 'Almost in Time' inventory management.

Got counseled for 'Almost in Time' comment…probably
because it turned out to be all too accurate a description
of the process.

Streitax Inactive Member21 Aug 2015 8:08 p.m. PST

"Just in time" is an exercise in the validation of Murphy's Law. At considerable expense.

Personal logo Doctor X Supporting Member of TMP21 Aug 2015 10:52 p.m. PST

I once worked for a company that experienced the "Idea of the Month" from our CEO. Every month he'd read a book and that was the new gospel. He had his immediate reports buying more books than Oprah trying to keep up with him and brown nose at the same time. It was hilarious. Of course nothing worked because none of the ideas were worked on for more than 2 weeks before they all started on the next "new" idea of the month.

When they asked me what book I read lately I told them "Good Night Moon", which I was reading to my young son at the time. I told them there was simple business wisdom in this book. Some took me seriously.

I guess that's one reason why this "technology" company actually lost productivity per employee over the four years I stayed there. I thought it would be impossible to do but they did it. They couldn't grow efficiency without hiring more heads.

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