Our work has some company come in and give us health checkouts. It's sort of a pain but you gotta do it to get a discount on the health care. This year was just ridiculous, they would not give up on it.
Afer getting poked and pricked and weighed, there is the interview process.
Them: Looks like your weight is just below being overweight, you may want to consider diet and exercise to reduce your weight….
Me: You guys just weighed me dressed for work. In addition to jeans and a shirt and all, I've got steel toed boots, gloves and arm guards, a bump cap, and a 2 pound radio. You should take off about 12 pounds from that total. You had me keep the boots on when I offered to take them off, are you nuts?
Them: Oh, heh, heh, we'll adjust that down. Now, I have to talk to you about your cholesterol. The high density level is kind of low. The benefits of this are….
Me: Did you notice my overall cholesterol is 127? Of course the high density is low, it's all low! Your metrics are based on higher cholesterol, not super low ones.
Them: Uh, yeah, uh, yes, the ratios are all good, heh, heh, uh moving on. I see that you say you only get moderate exercise 6 days a week and heavy exercise 3 days a week. How about getting those number of days up?
Me: My job has me walk about 15,000 steps a day, six days a week, that's the moderate exercise. Weather permitting, I ride my bike into work, 15 miles each way, 2-3 days a week, that's the heavy exercise. On my day off, I take it easy, and that's not changing.
Them: well, it would be great if you could exercise more.
Me: You yourself look like you are quite obese, munching a donut which I see on the napkin over there, and probably never get off your butt. I get enough exercise, you probably would collapse after a half day on my job. Are you supposed to pester me on every category? Can you just admit I'm healthy and get this over with?
Them: Oh! But sir, I'm merely pointing out the benefits of exercise…
Me: At this time you are pointlessly harrassing me. I'm writing down your name for the customer survey portion I see is last on this process. Sign me off now for my discounts or I will start matching you question for question, and I'm not leaving until I'm satisfied you are are as pestered as I am. I suggest we start with YOUR diet and weight, eh. Or are we clear here?
They signed me off. Gads, what a pain.
