"rampant liberal feminism " Topic

So I'm walking into work today and run into a student that I know. He's got some sort of physical disability that has him "walking" with arm braces. Good kid, really upbeat and positive all the time. We're chatting our way to the door, talking music. I do one of those dash ahead moves to open the door for him so he doesn't have to break stride.

Turns out there was a girl who was about to go out that door, and it was the wrong girl to open the door for. The kid is out of her visual field just behind the corner so all she see's is a dirty old man opening a door for a (questionably, very questionably) pretty young girl. I swear she just got out of a feminist class of some sort cause she lit right into me about everything. I can open my own doors/ you only open doors to look at my backside/ what I'm too inferior to you to be able to open my own doors/ It's men like you/ the usual all men are pigs crap.

This lasted for about a minute right in the middle of an often used entrance, during class change. So there was a group gathering, students trying to make their way out of or into the building, while staying out of this girls wrath.

I cut her off mid sentence and said " I opened the door to help this guy out (motioning to the kid with arm braces).

Something in me snapped at that point, and I could not let the issue go there. I had to get my retort as she walked away.

"But don't worry ma'am, next time I see you coming I'll make sure to close all the doors just so you can prove to me how strong and independent you are."

I know I'm going to hell, I'm okay with that.

I say good for you. Herself should learn it aint all about her.

But….did she have a nice bootie ?

(disclaimer – 20thmaine is not a male chauvenist pig, 20thmaine was trying to make a joke. 20thmaine may have failed, but the glory is in the attempt)

Nice one! Didn't fail at all. 8)=

I bet she wouldn't have any trouble letting you change a tire for her in the rain……..

If you see her changing a tire in the rain, pull up behind her and watch. Smoke a cigarette if you do. Be helpful and turn on your headlights for her.

I was a teen and entering the National Air & Space Museum. As it was a busy morning I was using the regular doors not the revolving ones, anyway I had let the door go when I realized a woman was close behind so I grabbed it to hold open for her. Got the "I can do that myself!" line, I shrugged, let it go, and the door smacked her in the face.

She got what she was asking for, as far as I'm concerned (yours too). Their is a big difference between standing up for your equal rights and being a bitch.

20thmaine, no,, not by a long shot. notice the double questionably in front of the pretty remark. I'm sure someone out there thinks she's beautiful, It just wasn't me.

Still……..you should have given her a nice wink and a smirk.

Its like poking a monkey with a stick.

Very Zen Tin Dictator. I'll have to work on that.

I'd be curious to hear her side of the story.

Well, I am a liberal & I do believe in some notions like "equal pay for equal work" that tend put me in the feminist camp. And I am perfectly capable of opening a door for myself.

That being said, whenever anyone opens a door for me of either gender, or holds an elevator for me…. I always thank them for their kindness. Those who think opening doors is chauvinism is missing the big picture of what really does need to change for all of us to treat one another with fairness & dignity.

I keep telling you gentlemen,"Move to the South". We don't put up with that sort of bad behavior.

She's a poseur.

Someone once said "I didn't open the door because you are a lady, I opened it because I'm a gentleman."

Opening a door or holding a door open for someone is good manners.

Objecting to it is bigotry.

Common courtesy is not gender based.

You should have punched her in the face and then said that's how I handle rude people, since you don't want to be treated like a lady.

I'm really thinking there's more to the story than the mere opening of a door…

There probably isn't.

Agreed with pictors since I've had this happen as well, though thankfully not to the extended level as Jakse describes.

Ditto Pictors.

Ditto Pictors. I was once abused by a woman carrying a large set of parcels because I opened the door for her. I was trying to help because of the parcels, not because she was female.

I've never seen or heard of any such thing happening before now.
I've hung around with a number of annoying hard-case 'Feminazis' and even they weren't prone to that sort of thing unless provoked by words or 'the male gaze'.

Well, I open doors for women because that's what my mother taught me. I'm too old to change stripes. I hold the door open for anyone behind me.

Space monkey, on my part I didn't even realize she was near the door till she started in on me. I was walking in talking to the kid. She was coming out. And trust me there was no gaze involved on my part. No words were spoken nor glances exchanged.

It's happened to me, with a similar result to GR C17 – she was standing in the doorway chewing me out, so I said OK and let go of the door.

It smacked her pretty hard on the shoulder and she yelped. I stood there and smiled at her as she stumbled back a bit and pushed the door open and stormed past me.

I knew it was petty, I knew I should have risen above it, but it still felt good…

Presumably this was at an institution of 'higher learning,' Space Monkey, so I have no problem with the anecdote as told.

Depending on geographical location (red or blue), I would not be surprised to hear of similar behavior elsewhere.

I agree with the other commenters that your response was quite appropriate.

Amusingly I have had the door opened for me at the post office several times in the last few months. My brother gets a lot of stuff off Ebay and it can be an armload picking mail up for him.

On one occasion the door opener was a female even older than I am.

Most recently the postal clerk came out from behind the counter and opened the door for me. She was halfway out before I could demure so I let her do it.

It is just common courtesy…

I had a similar altercation at work years ago. The same woman asked me a few weeks later to carry a heavy box of copy paper for her. I asked her if she voted in the last election, she said "Yes." I told her, "Carry your own box."

I call it selective equality.

Mike Bunkermeister Creek

What does her having voted have to do with it?

My skepticism is tempting me to go down to the local university and do some random sampling. If they hadn't dropped the Women's Studies progam recently I would have a list of times and places to aim for. As it is, I think the upper level literature and psychology classes are probably my best opportunity to run across such behavior out in the wild.

I had something just like that come up at a job once, it was in a wood shop and one of the two lady wood turners jumped in my face for holding the door for her that I held for everyone because its a bitch to open.. a week later she asked me to help her by loading a wood rack for her (I had just finished loading my own rack by myself) "you get the same pay I do so do same work for it", and I walked on to my work station. No one else in the shop helped her ether because they all saw her get in my face about the door (even the boss told her "you rep what you sow") It still made me feel bad to not help her.

Unfortunately, people have lost sight of common courtesy and good manners. A thank you would have been more than sufficient. Maybe I am getting old, but I really don't mind having the door opened for me. And, BTW, I hold the door for folks (male and female as well), especially if they have mobility issues, small children in tow, or animals or another reason they need an extra hand.

Well Space Monkey there are only 7 out of 31 posts who've had this experience, and the 7 all seem to indicate it only happened once. Mine was around 20 years ago. So it looks as if it's not all that common, which is a good thing.

As others have said it about common courtesy and good manners, on both sides.

That said I can't wait for the next time so I can try the smile and nod bit on 'em! (poke, poke, poke)

The difference in being polite (personal or cultural) and thinking that the other party is in need of help, all depends on the situation (and parties involved).

I open doors for women out of manners and politeness, not because I think their hands or muscles are too weak to do it on their own. Implying that women are in need of help or protection is what offense women, not when a male is being polite to them.

Have never had a woman react in the way you had, but would suggest that if she was a male, we'd recognize her as just a 'jerk'.

Dan

I've been cussed out by disabled people I was trying to help. Some folks just don't have the grace to accept someone doing something nice to them.

What does her having voted have to do with it?

Equality.

40+ years ago, at college, a friend of my girl friend (now wife) would refuse to pass through a door if I was holding it… so at every opportunity I would hold the door for her. It was fun seeing who would break first, her or my intended (cut it out and leave the door alone!)

She's now a left coast artist and we're going to one of her shows on the east coast in another month… so the experience didn't do any lasting harm to either of us.

I was out with a group of friends last night, all of them are professors at the local university and have been around college students most of their adult life. So I asked them if they'd ever heard such a thing and they generally agreed that it was something that they'd heard rumors of 20+ years ago at the peak of a particularly strident era of feminism… but none of them had ever seen it themselves or heard such stories in a long time.
That's not to say it doesn't happen anymore… but the woman the OP met must have been kind of 'special'.

I find it rude when I hold the door open for someone and there is no acknowledgement at all, as if it's expected. Yet other times by simply being polite I've shocked people which is even more upsetting, that it's such a rarity for them to experience it.

I've had disabled people be rude to me when I've held doors/offered help etc. Might be because they are an arse, might be because they have had condescending treatment before, and think its part of that pattern.

Militant feminists? I take my hat off to them.

(They hate that) ;)

Luckily in my country holding the door for women, or simply for any of your fellow passengers in subway is more common than just slapping his/her face with it. Same goes for who is entering/leaving elevator. We have our militant feminists but their current % is negligible…

Reminded me of an old Carol Burnett Show skit where Harvey Korman was opening the door for some lady(either Carol herself ,Vicki Lawrence ,or a guest on the show) who resented the gesture,proceeding to slam Korman's character.

Reminded me of an old Carol Burnett Show skit where Harvey Korman was opening the door for some lady(either Carol herself ,Vicki Lawrence ,or a guest on the show) who resented the gesture,proceeding to slam Korman's character.

It was Carol Burnett. She went off on him in a tirade of self empowerment speak. Then when Korman mentioned "Mr. [can't remeber, but it was the last name on the door to the office]", the HR director wasn't in yet, Burnett launched into a tirade about assuming it was a "Mr." instead of a "Ms.".

Korman explained that he knew it was a Mr because it was him.

Burnett stated that she hoped the interchange wouldn't impact her chances of being hired by him.

Korman ended the skit with, "No. I think I have a nice little spot for you in our complaint department."

"I've been cussed out by disabled people I was trying to help. Some folks just don't have the grace to accept someone doing something nice to them."

The problem is that it does get annoying after a while. Every day I have to (very slowly) climb up the steps out of Victoria station and most days people will try to offer to help. No idea what they think they're going to do. I'm not a small lass if they think they're carrying me up there…

But I tend to be concentrating rather hard on balancing and the interruption isn't exactly welcome… worse is that even after saying no and thanking them, some of them will try and insist meaning I have to stop, balanced on a step and have a entire conversation.

And some will decide that I'm incapable of running my own life vis-a-vis sets of stairs and will try and grab hold of me to "help". Which only really succeeds in unbalancing me.

I do try and be polite about it to start with -- because I don't want people to be dissuaded from offering help to the next person who might actually need it and however irritating it is for me to have to handle this *every day*, they are actually trying to be nice.

But if they look they're about to grab me, I've found that no amount of polite refusal is sufficient to stop them "being helpful" and they need a bluntness involving swear words in order to get through to them.

One guy a few weeks back didn't even bother to talk to me before just grabbing my arm. Really -- what goes through people's heads that they see someone on crutches and think "I'll try and yank them up a couple of steps by pulling on their arm" ??