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"Fake Baby" Topic

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594 hits since 5 Jan 2014
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SECURITY MINISTER CRITTER Inactive Member05 Jan 2014 8:58 a.m. PST

I don't know where else to post.
Here's the Facebook review.
Here is her review of "Lifelike Baby Dolls" Warning: it may be offensive to those who own these dolls…….

"Nooooooooo. Are you Bleeped textting me? This is totally CRAYzyyy. It's called reborning (I'm so F'ing thankful spell check does NOT recognize that word) and it's these baby dolls that are designed to look like real babies. Like REALLY real. Like their skin feels real. And they have real hair. And some of them even breathe! I Bleeped text you not. And one of them even curls its hand around your finger when you put it there. Oh, and they're not for kids. They're for adults and there are all these adults who have them and love them and act like they're real babies and they have conferences with them and Bleeped text. Creeeepy. Seriously, check it out. As you can probably imagine I had a few thoughts about these reborn dolls:

1. It specifically says "This doll is not a toy, but a fine collectible to be enjoyed by adult collectors" who are insane Bleeped texts who should have their heads examined. Sorry, I added that last part.

2. Realistic my ass. Unless this doll wakes you up throughout the night and projectile poops out its diaper, it ain't realistic.

3. And Bleeped text, it's not anatomically correct? If I'm buying a realistic doll I want it to have a cute little vajayjay like a real baby. The kind that gets that gooky white Bleeped text in it so you have to feel all gross and clean it out sometimes.

4. Bates Motel and creepy rocking chair not included.

5. Apparently people who buy these things like to take them out in public and push them around in carriages and show them off and Bleeped text. And from now on when I see a cute sleeping baby in a carriage and I lean over to take a peek, I'm going to be looking for a random eye twitch or a gurgle to make sure that Bleeped text isn't a fake baby with a psychopath mommy.

6. NEIGHBOR: Nooo, she seemed totally normal. I never thought she'd be the kind of person to kill her husband. Hmmm, wait, then again, she did take care of that reborn doll for the past ten years. That was kinda weird.

7. FRIEND: Shouldn't your kid be in high school by now?

REBORNER: No way, she's gonna stay three-months-old forever. Isn't that awesome?!!

FRIEND: (Backing away slowly) Not creepy at all.

8. "Pick her up and her loosely jointed body will convince you she's So Truly Real!" Oh reallllly? And does her head flop to the side like it's going to fall off if you don't support her neck? And when she turns two can she suddenly dislocate her loosely jointed shoulders and weigh twice what she really weighs so you can't pick her up?

9. Okay, get this. Apparently there have been multiple cases of police officers breaking car windows because someone saw one of these babies sleeping inside. Can you imagine writing THAT note and putting it on the windshield?

Dear nut job. We broke your window to save your fake sleeping baby. Explain that one to your insurance company.

10. Oh, and here's another interesting fact about reborns. They make monkey dolls too. Realistic baby monkey dolls that look totally real so you can own a monkey baby. Seriously, I'm laughing as I type this. Could a rich person reading this PLEEEEEASE buy me a realistic monkey doll so I can push it around in a carriage freak people out? Pretty pleeeeeease. I promise to make a video and post it.

11. Someone in the reviews wrote that it even smells like a real baby. I responded with a question asking whether it smells like vomit or poop. I haven't heard back yet."

zippyfusenet Inactive Member05 Jan 2014 9:24 a.m. PST

I always thought that the Japanese would be the first to implement robot families. They'll be so much cleaner and more manageable than real families. Thank gawd we're ahead in this twisted, alienated, decadent technology.

We're number one! We're number one!

Cincinnatus Inactive Member05 Jan 2014 11:22 a.m. PST

People who play with toy soldiers shouldn't throw stones.

KatieL Inactive Member05 Jan 2014 12:11 p.m. PST

Actually this isn't uncommon -- people who (for various reasons) don't have kids often have kid-replacements.

Often it's dogs or cats. Cuddly toys for those with allergies. Horribly realistic dolls… makes sense in that context.

(My niece has a doll which is sufficiently realistic that it looks like a dead baby. I'm apparently the only one in the family creeped out by this.)

Streitax Inactive Member05 Jan 2014 2:25 p.m. PST

I shudder at the reason some people might have them.

Personal logo enfant perdus Supporting Member of TMP05 Jan 2014 5:59 p.m. PST

Nice rant, by the way.

Whatisitgood4atwork Inactive Member06 Jan 2014 2:59 a.m. PST

'People who play with toy soldiers shouldn't throw stones.'


Gearhead Inactive Member10 Mar 2014 5:14 p.m. PST

I've been wishing for brain bleach ever since I learned about this a while back. Creeps me right the hell out, but it could be worse: They could have actual kids.

The fact that they discuss, congregate, and write reviews might just make the FBI's job a bit easier now and then, too…

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