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"Peenzilla Worship! Japanís Kanamara Festival..." Topic

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Gattamalata Inactive Member14 Mar 2013 7:37 p.m. PST

Peenzilla Worship! Japan's Kanamara Festival Coming Up this April!


Now that the obligatory warning, for the Mary Whitehouses of TMP, is out of the way…

This year on 7 April, the lusty cries of "Kanamara, dekkai mara!" ("steel rod, giant dong!") will once again ring through town.

Japan, traditionally a country where well-endowed foreigners are very welcome, embraces big penis worship in this very special festival. For the largest erections you've ever seen (anyone know Jonah Falcon personally?), save the date: Sunday 7 April 2013 at Kanayama Shrine in Kanagawa. All hail the huge pink peen! It just gets bigger and better every year.

If bigger doesn't bang your gong, there are a multitude of phalluses of all shapes and sizes. If you're non-Japanese and you're interested in this, you're not alone. An army of Western tourists descends upon the shrine every year, demanding cock.

Back in Edo times, when samurai roamed the land scoffing sushi, ladies of the Kawasaki night used to hold the Jibeta Matsuri (Earth Festival) to pray for divine protection from STDs while increasing profits at the same time. Sadly, things fell into disrepute in the Meiji period, but the ancient festival aroused the attention of Western scholars in the swinging 60s (yeah, baby), leading to a triumphant rebirth as the Kanamara Matsuri (Steel Phallus Festival) in the 70s. The original Earth Festival is included among the other festivities, with proceeds often donated to AIDS prevention groups.

Another legend has it that the festival first began when a beautiful young maiden, suffering from a bad case of vagina dentata, accidentally castrated not one but two young men. Don't worry, her tragic tale has a happy ending- she was saved by a large iron phallus inserted where it would do the most good, which broke the teeth of the minge monster. Who knew, dildos cure vagina dentata as well as hysteria. The iron phallus then became an object of reverence and was ceremoniously paraded through the town.

There are at least three huge erect wangs you'll get to see in the parade, bouncing up and down on people's shoulders.

So who will be attending?evil grin

The second legend does appear wargamey…

The phalli could be replace with swords, but who makes a Vagina Monster? Maybe a converted Otyugh?

Personal logo Saber6 Supporting Member of TMP Fezian14 Mar 2013 8:16 p.m. PST

So that's what Ron Jeremy does

Personal logo Waco Joe Supporting Member of TMP14 Mar 2013 8:28 p.m. PST

Nah, Ron is doing the Big Foot gig in those beef jerkey commercials.

Personal logo Editor in Chief Bill The Editor of TMP Fezian14 Mar 2013 8:42 p.m. PST

I think Ron is still recovering from heart surgery…

SECURITY MINISTER CRITTER Inactive Member15 Mar 2013 5:15 a.m. PST

OMG! What next?

Eclectic Wave Inactive Member15 Mar 2013 7:14 a.m. PST

Don't forget the very 'speciflly designed' treats on a stick that sell to the ladies…

RavenscraftCybernetics Inactive Member15 Mar 2013 8:07 a.m. PST

I was invited but have a schedule conflict.

Gattamalata Inactive Member15 Mar 2013 4:42 p.m. PST

OMG! What next?

Public Ritual Sex in Japan: Bizarre Fertility Festival
One of Japan's most ancient fertility festivals, Onda Matsuri ("Rice Field Festival"), which features public ritual sex, was held on February 3 at Asuka-ni-imasu Shrine in western Japan.

Around 1,400 years ago, Asuka was Japan's political, cultural and spiritual heartland. The chief priest of this Shinto shrine is the 87th priest in an unbroken line of priests always named Asuka- a tradition that has stretched down the ages for 87 generations, perhaps thanks to the legendary fertility conferred by the rite, which is said to bring luck in matchmaking, marriage and easy childbirth. Easy childbirth? That sounds a tad oxymoronic. if you ask me. But at any rate, it sounds better than having my deity "greatly multiply my pain in childbirth" for my sins, naming no names…

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