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"Random TMP thread subject generator" Topic

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1,201 hits since 30 Apr 2008
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madaxeman11 Apr 2008 11:01 a.m. PST

For those of you who haven't got the time to (or are losing the will to live in attempting to…) follow the many "Is XX killing off/breathing new life into YYY?" type threads on TMP I've added a new feature to my website which randomly creates TMP-like gobbledegook wargames cliches and semi-meaningless, entirely baseless assertions.

This means you can just visit my site once a week or so, and with a few quick clicks you get a sort of highly condensed TMP experience in a few seconds:

The direct link is here:


Please feel free to use any of the cliches in any thread of your choice :-)


Personal logo Parzival Supporting Member of TMP11 Apr 2008 11:04 a.m. PST

"Yes, Green dry-brushed Kappdocians are good at impact but they simply cannot take casualties in sustained melee."

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! I love this generator. Great work, Tim!

StaffordGames Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 11:07 a.m. PST

I hate the GW type ' Who would win between a Roman Legionary and a Tiger tank' threads!


PeteMurray Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 11:10 a.m. PST

<Q>If anyone makes a range of Veteran fully aerobatic self propelled artillery, it will be Essex Miniatures.</Q>

Illumisar Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 11:22 a.m. PST

Will the availability of 40mm plastic Short-range half-tracked Flamethrowers attract more youngsters into the hobby?

As Flounder famously said in Animal House, This is great!

Captain Swing Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 11:36 a.m. PST

Veteran historically deployed Phalangites are good in most cases, but I wouldn't use them in an open competition.

Or so I find.


Martin Penneck

Ivan DBA11 Apr 2008 11:36 a.m. PST

THis one almost makes sense:

"He's been painting this one unit of Elite NBC capable US 7th Cavalry since 1972!!."

PeteMurray Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 11:38 a.m. PST

This is beyond good. This generator is a source of revealed wisdom. I will consult it like an I Ching.

Cke1st Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 11:44 a.m. PST

Think before you post – I reckon the whole topic of Hand Painted paradropped dragoons is only being brought up again as troll-bait!

You're scaring me, man.

Griefbringer11 Apr 2008 11:45 a.m. PST

True genious! I got the following pearls of wisdom:

- The points values of 28mm upgraded Civil War Militia are all wrong in DBM.
- 300 Home-cast historically deployed Germans in THAT army? WRG must think their customers are all idiots…
- I think the ability to place Ancient Imperial Assault troops in ambush conclusively proves there IS a loophole in these rules.

And it has better spelling than your average TMP poster!


Griefbringer11 Apr 2008 11:48 a.m. PST

But the winner takes it all:

Do you think Napoleon would have won Waterloo if the Austrians had arrived earlier, and with a division of WRG 6th Meso-American Russians?

Better to go and start painting them now (and I do not mean the Austrians).


Personal logo Saber6 Supporting Member of TMP Fezian11 Apr 2008 12:09 p.m. PST

Sadly however, WRG chain-mail King Tigers can't be used with Roman allies in this particular year.

How very true…

Personal logo Rattrap1 Sponsoring Member of TMP Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 12:11 p.m. PST

My mantra every time I win a game is now:

I could have lost even more badly except for a heroic performance from the WW2 thermal-imaging-using 25mm figures I used.

Personal logo Rattrap1 Sponsoring Member of TMP Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 12:12 p.m. PST

Damn I could spend a whole day doing this. :-)

camelspider Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 12:16 p.m. PST

I hate the GW type ' Who would win between a Roman Legionary and a Tiger tank' threads

The legionary, if he's armed with his +3 Pilum of Skull-Encrusted Corruscation, along with the obligatory matchup of the +2 Gladius of Zimmerit Avoidance.

I can metagame it all out for you, but I'm too "whatev dude" to bother. Next silly question?

Ditto Tango 2 1 Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 12:19 p.m. PST

That's funny! Love it!

Guthroth11 Apr 2008 12:20 p.m. PST

I want this one on my tombstone !!

"He had spent the previous 6 months casting thousands of Veteran armoured British WW1 officers in his kitchen, and then he died of lead poisoning. Shame really."


Mephistopheles Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 12:22 p.m. PST

"I think the ability to place Ch'in Chinese upgraded Space Marines in ambush conclusively proves there IS a loophole in these rules."

No, you've really gotta work on this thing man. It's been well documented that the Chinese stopped using space marines at the end of the Shang dynasty.

Randall11 Apr 2008 12:37 p.m. PST

Thank you, madaxeman, for a great idea and a good morning chuckle.


stingray2016611 Apr 2008 12:44 p.m. PST

<quote>The assistant in the GW shop had never heard of Long-range open-topped French Guards – kids today eh?</quote>

Awesome! Mod up.

Cyclops Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 12:55 p.m. PST

This one actually makes sense.

Believe me! They actually used some Elite 1-to-1 scale SAS in WW2!!!

Personal logo John the OFM Supporting Member of TMP11 Apr 2008 1:08 p.m. PST

Everytihng is SO true!

jgawne Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 1:13 p.m. PST


Personal logo Don Perrin Supporting Member of TMP11 Apr 2008 1:23 p.m. PST

If quality is more important than numbers, you need Civil War auxiliary Ghulams.

Jed H R Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 1:27 p.m. PST

Is it only me that thinks it needs a "Nudge" or "Hold" feature?

WarmasterCharlie Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 1:28 p.m. PST

The Perry twins alledgedly cast some fantastic Mid war airburst Normans but they were never actually released commercially

I can't imagine why not? Everyone needs airburst Normans!

de Ligne Sponsoring Member of TMP11 Apr 2008 1:42 p.m. PST

"I got that effect on my Persian half-armoured Russians by using a 1-5 diluted solution of floor polish and cat urine as a wash just before varnishing"


de Ligne Sponsoring Member of TMP11 Apr 2008 1:45 p.m. PST

"After the battle of Balaclava the Russians never used Multi-part breech-loading cavalry again."

aecurtis Fezian Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 1:45 p.m. PST

"I don't care what books you've read, you aren't using those Persian heliborne Legions AND scythed chariots as allies for your 1940's Italians in Abyssinya!!"

That's alwasy one of my pet peeves, as well.

Trajanus11 Apr 2008 1:54 p.m. PST

"Byzantine half-armoured cataphracts are going to be in GWs next 40k Codex."

Thats handy, they are the only game shop any where near me!

Dropship Horizon Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 2:14 p.m. PST

"I think these ACW half-tracked Shock-based cavalry work fine in theme, but out of period they are dogmeat."

When are Peter Pig bringing them out in 15mm?


streetline Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 2:21 p.m. PST

"I don't care what books you've read, you aren't using those Hand Painted 13th Century feudal Red Indians AND scythed chariots as allies for your 1940's Italians in Abyssinya!!"

However, initially I read Abyssinya as Aberystwyth, which amused me more.

McKinstry Fezian11 Apr 2008 3:02 p.m. PST

Fantastic but scary. I swear I really saw this thread at one point.

"Games Workshop are planning a new ruleset for Late war unpainted Greeks based on Warhammer."

Stealth100011 Apr 2008 3:25 p.m. PST

"There were some really great Axe-wielding Turkish cavalry avaiable about 5 years ago but the company who owned the moulds went out of business."

So true.



Steve Hazuka Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 3:50 p.m. PST

I think it's great. Now have it generate a random Message Board to go along with it. Seems the way to go.

Connard Sage Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 4:38 p.m. PST

If Napoleon had recruited some Napoleonic historically deployed skirmishers we'd all be speaking French now!

Makes perfect sense to me

alien BLOODY HELL surfer11 Apr 2008 5:06 p.m. PST

He entered a unit of 98mm Early war scythed Phalangites – all naked – in the painting competition, and was then disqualified for obvious reasons. We haven't seen him since

alien BLOODY HELL surfer11 Apr 2008 5:07 p.m. PST

Will the availability of 40mm plastic Lance armed amphibious British WW1 officers attract more youngsters into the hobby?

alien BLOODY HELL surfer11 Apr 2008 5:08 p.m. PST

When MY own rules finally get finished Napoleonic ACW Riverine Warfare Snipers will be properly represented for the first time.

No-one has used Viking long barrelled Flamethrowers since the days of 6th edition.

I'll game most periods, but I still won't touch a ruleset where Well painted unpainted Gladiators are only allowed to fight in a single rank.

alien BLOODY HELL surfer11 Apr 2008 5:09 p.m. PST

I need a new unit of Multi-pose Camillan infantry like I need a pair of 1's on 2 D6.

Ok, I'll stop now.

The Gonk Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 5:19 p.m. PST

I think Amazons pricing policy on these new Viking NBC capable Cruisers will totally undermine the local retailers who have always been the bedrock of our hobby.

Farstar Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 5:19 p.m. PST

"300 Warhammer 40K chain-mail Gladiators in THAT army? WRG must think their customers are all idiots…"

We almost need a new formatting tag for this stuff…

Personal logo John the OFM Supporting Member of TMP11 Apr 2008 5:19 p.m. PST

If you want Warhammer 40K half-armoured chariotry the Xyston figures are the best – but they are big.

Yeah, I've found that to be true also.

Richard Bodley Scott Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 5:20 p.m. PST

Dear oh dear Tim, you really need to get out more. Great fun though.

WarmasterCharlie Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 5:46 p.m. PST

Basically FoG is good if you want to use Hand Painted Meso-American Flamethrowers, but rubbish for Eastern Medieval period armies.

I think that pretty much says it all, don't you?

Stavka11 Apr 2008 9:46 p.m. PST

"Would a real general ever let his Ancient airburst King Tigers get frittered away like that"

"Will the availability of 40mm plastic Fantasy Turkish Snipers attract more youngsters into the hobby?"

And my favourite so far,

"The multiple capabilities of Ancient Imperial Normans are almost incomprehensible when married with Barkers prose."

Personal logo Mardaddy Supporting Member of TMP11 Apr 2008 10:20 p.m. PST

"The points values of Prussian airburst 15mm figures are all wrong in DBM."

Yea, I had that problem too… Shrapnel from my Prussians is the whole reason I gave up 15mm gaming…

Neotacha Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 10:25 p.m. PST

I'll game most periods, but I still won't touch a ruleset where Rapid deployment airburst knights are only allowed to fight in a single rank.

Nice. But really, I don't see the problem with a single rank of airburst knights. If you let them rank up, they could trigger each other and the shrapnel would do a lot more damage.

Maxshadow11 Apr 2008 11:08 p.m. PST

ROFL thats brilliant how did you do it!

likeadodo Inactive Member11 Apr 2008 11:11 p.m. PST

The Germans shipped a load of Long-range Imperial Assyrians to Bolivia in a U-boat at the end of the war.

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