"Aliens From "Signs": Why A Hand-To-Hand Conquest?" Topic

I like the suspense, human reactions and overall acting in the movie. I actually sympathize much with Mel's character in the film (from faithful to basically faith-less).

But I don't get final methods and outcome. Why travel so far in space just to come and arm-wrestle with us?

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CC

I think it is more about human reactions to threats and uncertainty than about the threat itself.

More importantly, why visit a planet which happens to be overflowing (literally) with the one substance that can dissolve your flesh? It'd be like Humanity deciding to conquer a nitric acid world without benefit of protective gear.

I can't believe Mel starred in that movie. Were the aliens English or something?

I think that the alien cavalry commander was off galivanting on the Planet Philadelphia, leaving the Alien General blind. He had no idea what he was getting into.

These guys seem have some sense of warfare. They may not have armor but, at least, they have weapons:

TMP link
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CC

Same reason they walk around alone on an away mission.

You'd have to put in the category of over confidence.

… and let's mark our Landing Zones with crop circles 'cause infrared glow sticks just aren't cool!

Does anybody have a picture link to the crop circle from Scary Movie (3?) that says "Attack Here"…?

I LOVE those Griffin Greys! But they never did any more from the series or 'slave races' or re-Released the dude in hover chair…or the saucers they said…etc…

I had such HIGH hopes for more of the same! I'd even gotten a full set of their first CRAVID releases cause I thought/they implied? there would be 'more'???

Never got any more info back from them the times since when I've emailed…(as they were working on 'Harbinger'..which is now 'gone')…

As much detail and 'pnash' as the greys have…and the one hover-chair chap I DID 'glom' onto…I was hoping their OTHER aliens and 'slave races' etc would follow thru with.

Does anybody KNOW anything more about WHAT Griffin MIGHT do with their 'greys'…who sculpted them…that THEY will answer emails from????

I've gotten 'greys' from Copplestone and GZG, among others…but darnit…the GRIFFIN ones just 'looked so right'…I'd love to see 'Grey civilians', unamred with the fingers/toes NOT 'clenched' for a change and maybe FEMALE greys? etc…

Hey, I can 'hope' can't I?

No, I haven't seen 'signs'…aliens come to arm-wrestle Mel Gibson on a planet that has substance that can dissolve them??? What are they, 'Newcomers' from Alien Nation with an aversion to 'salt water'….again???

*sigh*….

I feel so…'red-shirted'…(TOS-wise)

Sgt DWW

LOL!

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CC

Kinda makes you wonder if this was thier first attempt at takeing over a world? No firepower except that little poofy thing in thier arms that had to be prety much point blank to hit.You'd think after looking at some of our historical vids on war and seeing what we do to eachother they'd be better prepaired. Besides the water thing, that bat seemed to be working pretty well too.

Now, if they were all alien Ninjas . . . able to sneak into every home simultaneously . . . but you've got to still give them SOME weaponry:

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CC

Because the aliens were simply a metaphor for the unknown, exterior threat. The details of their invasion were irrelevant, outside of their shock value and direct threat to the protagonist (and his family). 'Signs' isn't an alien invasion movie; it's a horror/family drama movie.

The aliens we see aren't the ones building and flying the invisible crafts. These are near mindless, genetic engineered slave drones. They aren't trying to take over the world. They are running some kind of experiment. They send in the drones. Once they have what they want, they leave, and wounded drones are left behind because it's not cost effective to repair what you can replace easily. Many people bag on the water weakness being stupid, but think about it. What kind of weakness would you build into a slave race? Why, severe allergy to the most common building block of most life. The slaves revolt and the masters simply turn on the faucet. In that movie, the real alien masters were never encountered and don't give a crap about Mel and his family. And the movie wasn't even about aliens. It's about one man finding a lost faith…which also happens to have aliens in it. Luckily, they weren't British, as stated above, or Mel would have slaughtered the lot of them.

Because the whole damn plot was just just a life-support system for M. Night Shamalamadingdong's lame 'suprise' climax where the Rube Goldberg chain of events leads to the aliens demise… therefore proving (somehow) to Mel's character that God killed his wife according to a higher plan… or some such kookery.
Thing is… everything leading up to the trick is much more interesting than the trick itself.
Same thing in 'The Village' and 'The Sixth Sense'… I think they both are a better view if you know the 'secret'…
but in 'Signs' the gimmick was so dumb it spoiled what had otherwise been a pretty good movie to me.

More importantly, why visit a planet which happens to be overflowing (literally) with the one substance that can dissolve your flesh?

Hmmm. The idea worked on Alien Nation.

Warwick has a great point about seening just the slave race, i thought signs was a good invasion type film, just one point on the planet when they attack, as its happenes across the planet, so i would say warwicks ideas are sound..
Theirs a cheap film called " warnings, or warning signs, a remake of signs, no water but they hate iron, but a rip off anyway, they used the corn circles for landing etc, not great, but same ideas…
Great input by the way..

IF I were an 'alien intelligence'…(and I've got two EX-wives who might seriously agree with that thought)…WHY would I 'target' Mel Gibson's house? or cornfield? I'd want to go after Kevin Costner's…(at least I'd be up against ghost base-ball players or get a decent game out of it)…

I mean…if you were really going to 'test' humans for some bizarre reason…why pick some bloke in the middle of no-where and play head games with him? (or maybe that's one of those inscrutible alien higher intelligence things)…

I'd choose either a higher profile 'target' (intellectually, publicity/publically,) more socially/politically/economically/scientifically…say, like Donald Trump or Bill Gates…or the Dixie Chicks…or Howard Stern…or the folks that invent non-nutritional food additives???

Or maybe even George Lucas???? Nope, he'd use them to make yet another STAR WARS sequel/re-write…

Or better STILL…land them in DISNEY WORLD and have them do battle with Mickey Mouse and other costumed characters before they get thrown into the moat around cinderella's castle…?

Alien Nation was a much cooler movie and series…and actually SALT WATER is 'caustic' to a degree…Don't you remember what it did to the 'TRIFFIDS' in 'Day of the Triffids' in the famous Lighthouse Battle scene at the end???? 8-) Good old Sodium Choride and fishy water…(course, it could have been just outside the water discharges from 3-mile Island too…which might have helped the 'cause'????

I still want to know why GRIFFIN won't do any more 'greys' to add to their series/sets…like they'd said/promised…

They are soooooooo Cool! for area 51 types or 'martian's…(which they sorta 'hinted' at with the red planet background behind them)…In fact…I even got the GURP's MARS suppliment and Atomic Horror Suppliments SPECIFICALLY for using with the 'greys'…

Next to AMT not releasing any more ships from the "Leif Ericson Space Cruiser"(later reissued in glo-in the dark plastic as Interplanetary UFO)….GRIFFIN not doing any more greys/stoping release of their CRAVID, and Mongoose NOT even ACKNOWLEDGING the 'existence' of the CGI Pluto Hopper are my three BIGGEST 'dissappointments' in life…Yep, it's THAT BAD…

Carpe' REALLY DISSAPPOINTED'um in GRiffin…
Sgt DWW

They are aliens,you can only assume to understand anything about their visit. Maybe it wasn't an invasion, maybe it was a vacation, a religious pilgrimage, they might collect spoons, or were looking for something they left 12 million years ago and found that the critters here moved everything around. The aliens might simply be biological mechanisms used to collect data. Maybe they were engineered specifically for our environment such that they will rapidly decay/desolve even in just mildly humid air after meeting their 2 hour mission requirement so as to leave nothing behind that might corrupt the social and technological evolution of the natives. Maybe they were angels sent here to restore Mel's faith. Maybe they were just victims of budget restaints.

"Hmmm. The idea worked on Alien Nation."

In Alien Nation, their ship crashed. I seem to recall they revolted, and took control of the ship, but didn't know how to pilot it well enough to go where they wanted.

The idea worked on Alien Nation.

For sufficiently low values of 'worked'.

Alien Nation was a good idea, save for the salt-water stupidity. If salt water is like high-molar acid to them, then how are slags having casual physical contact with humans, let alone (as shown in the film) having cross-species intercourse?

To get back to the original question, the Culkin kid, paraphrasing the book said the Aliens would go hand to hand and spread out all over the place to reduce the chance that we'd go nuclear on them. Apparently, so as to preserve what they came here to obtain. (Soylent Green, I'm guessing)

Oh, shut up. All of you.
I liked it. 8^)

To answer CC, the kid had all the answers in the book he was reading.
If the Aliens used superior technology against us, we would feel compelled to nuke them, thus spoiling dinner.

DWW,

I think the answer to the gradual "disappearance" of all (miniature) things grey is in a Bizarro cartoon clip I have . . .

Though all you see in the illustration is two early men in a cave (one doing cave art), with a grey at the entrance and a saucer in the background behind him, the words are prophetic:

"He says they can teach us about stuff called 'FIRE' and 'WHEEL', but we have to promise not to paint him on any walls."

Maybe we are trying to erase our representations of them so we can get the tech they promise! :)

CC

Eh. Still prefered "Spaced Invaders".

<Still prefered "Spaced Invaders">

He makes a good point.

I guess the only real way to make sense of the behavior of the Signs aliens is to double-think in some reason for their inexplicable choices. It's borderline ret-con.

Let's see:
* Planet covered in something that melts you
* Humans are violent and xenophobic (especially where ETs are concerned)
* No protection from attack or elements
* No advanced weaponry (primitive attacks)

I can only think of a few reasons for such behavior:
* Religious reasons/prohibitions
See an alien race in Old Man's War: link
* Cultural rite of passage (warrior caste possibly)
* Alien version of a Special Forces training scenario (Here's a knife & compass … See you at the rendezvous in two weeks!)

Interesting "explanation" here:

"Alien raids are short-term alien invasions. The aliens are incapable of supporting a large-scale invasion due to small numbers and instead use the shock of their arrival to inspire terror. Other stories following this line of reasoning would have the alien invaders conducting reconnaissance and probing raids on the Earth's population and especially their military forces. Also, the invaders will try to choose isolated spots, such as the desert or farmlands of rural America, as a staging area or landing zone. This type of plotline provides a better possibility of small groups, like local police and military, or even ordinary civilians, the ability to repulse the invaders and return to normal life after the event. Because of budget constraints, this variation was fairly common in the 1950s science fiction B-movies, such as It Came from Outer Space, Teenagers From Outer Space, and Ed Wood's Plan 9 From Outer Space. A more modern take on this variation would M. Night Shyamalan's 2002 film Signs."
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So is the criticism of the invasion in the film:

"Some of the more directly sci-fi-related aspects have come under heavy criticism from science fiction fans (see external links). The concept of an alien species expert in space travel and invisibility, but unable to protect itself from water, especially when traveling to a planet that is mostly water, or to conceive of or use technological weapons, open doors, etc., is held by many to be highly unrealistic. These aliens have mastered inter-galactic travel, are able to wage total war on mankind but can not detect one of the more simple molecules in existence is fairly implausible. Additionally, water vapor in the atmosphere should have killed or seriously maimed the alien invaders.

A possible defense against the above criticism holds that, as extra-terrestrials have not been observed, there is no reason to believe that their evolution, culture, and home environment would be similar enough to ours to allow them to adequately anticipate human physiology or inventions, or the terrestrial environment. This argument falls down when the likely evolution, adaptability and planning capabilities of any possible planet-to-planet raider species are borne in mind, especially since an entirely dissimilar species (i.e. one from a physically and chemically distinct environment) would most likely not find either our species or our planet "useful" in either a biological or a 'civilizational' sense. Another theory is that the aliens are engaging in a ritual similar to counting coup — that is, they deliberately choose a world on which they would be very vulnerable and chose to attack without high-tech weapons in order to demonstrate personal bravery or some other character trait prized in their culture.

Also, while this is mostly a valid argument in terms of the story depicted in Signs, it can be argued that the film's purpose is to entertain, and if a film does not reasonably conform to the conceptual expectations of its audience, however unrealistic, some of that entertainment value will be diminished. It can also be further argued that the aliens are a plot device to allow Mel Gibson's character to regain his faith, and that Signs is not necessarily a Science-Fiction film and as such there is no need for the plot to have much of a basis in scientific fact.

Still others argue that, although no evidence is given in the film, the aliens may be desperate and using Earth as a last ditch effort for some unspoken plan. This, of course, requires faith in a theory which is not stated in either the film, commentary, or press. Supporters of this theory often use vague evidence reflected from the film, such as observations that the aliens "appear weak" or "don't appear to have a solid plan." Critics of this theory have jokingly stated, "maybe the aliens are just idiots."

Critics claim that a lapse of logic occurs when, as Graham's family emerges from the basement and hears the news reports of the aliens' retreat, the voice-over from the newsman says that the aliens are defeated by "a primitive method" and no further details were available. Obviously, it's important to the movie that the true key to defeating the aliens is not revealed until Merrill starts swinging away, but for critics this news report fails on a purely logical level. According to critics whoever knew how to kill the aliens would have said "Water kills them," not "it's a primitive method," and the news outlets would have that information. Other viewers believe that in the chaos of a planet wide attack, details coming from far across the planet would necessarily be obscured, incorrect, or missing key information."
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CC

Check out "Conquering the Earth for Fun and Profit":
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Or it might simply be an international hoax perpetrated by a secret group hoping to unite earth through fear of an outside threat.

[Scene: Rural America, just outside of TrailerPark, (your-state-here) ]

"Hey Earl? I'm ah almost out of ammo pickin' off them grey varmints. Ya got any more I kin borrow?!"

"Sorry Vern, I'm all out. But the ray-dee-oh says theys allergic to water. I'm drinkin' up all the beer I can. If theys get too close, I'm a gonna pee all over'em…."

"Sounds like a right good plan there, Earl!"

hmmmmmmm….so 'supersoakers' would be considred 'weapons of mass destruction' for the aliens, eh??? Water Balloons would be 'grenades'….and fire-hoses 'heavy artillary'???

This is really 'sad'….but after all the 'hype' on 'Signs' and then 'The Village'…what should we really expect…

The good old 'seltzer bottle' would be invaluable…or even spitting at them….? (ewwww bio-warfare)…

Why would such an advanced culture…waste time and resources for a chance to go 'hand to hand' with a race that is more than 72% WATER to begin with???

As for 'slags/Newcomers' and interspecies relations…a sweaty night could leave your Newcomer 'partner' a puddle in the bed…literally…! Not cool! unless it's a 'different salt' in the ocean than in human bodies??? and remember Uncle 'Moglie'…who was 'one with the universe' and able to walk into the 'ocean' UNHARMED…trying to teach his grandson about 'alien ZEN-ness'…and faith???

Personally I don't know that 'faith'…even alien faith would protect humans from skinny-dipping in hydrochoric acid…or walking across red-hot lava…but mind over matter/mental powers vs the physical 'universe'…who knows??? Telekenetic 'shields'…??? dampening of thermodynamic laws…energy diversion/transformation???

I just wish we had more 'greys' in miniatures….like the Asgard from SG-1, etc….or those nice chaps from 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind'…or the folks from TAKEN??? (after they 'understood' humans have NEGATIVE feelings about being kidnapped and experimented on…)…and became 'moral beings' after that…

But I digress…as usual…Griffin needs to bring mORE greys out…PLEASE!

Errr…. what do these aliens do when it rains?

I can sure feel for you brother. Back in the 80's I got caught in a major backdraft and came out of it with burns and broken bones. While recovering I did the same thing you did and paint those small figures. Your letter caused me to look back and see how the little lead men helped in recovery.

God Speed to you brother and get back on the road again to protect and serve.

Irons Man
Fire Fighter (ret)

Here's my take. There are never going to be a lot of aliens because it takes so long and costs so much to get here. Let's face it, they're disappointed when they arrive. So why wouldn't they want to slap someone like Mel Gibson on the head. Maybe they were just trying to wake him up. My main thought is that who ever visits has got to be incredibly wealthy. These arriving aliens will have got to be elite entrepreneurs. Economics has got to play a big role. Maybe they just wanted to pay for the damage to the corn fields and Mel assumed they were nasty boys. It would put me off if whenever I went over to see someone, the "evil ones" sound track starts up. If someone bothered to ask them to pay for the damage or give them a break on the price per acre before shooting at them you'd have a different story. Script writers are a low and silly people.

Signs wasn't about conquest. It was about faith. That's why it would draw someone like Mel Gibson.

Hi Guys,

I just watched the film the other day ago and came up with these ideas:

- The aliens were not on Earth to stay… only to harvest food and leave.

- The aliens had scouted the area very well and planted spacecraft all over the Earth although they seem to have concentrated over rural and urban areas rather than military areas… probably to avoid conflict.

- The aliens were clearly masters of camouflage and could stealthily achieve their goals without the need for ranged combat. Why take on the Marine Corps when dinner on the farm is much easier?

- While water was obviously toxic to the aliens, they stayed well away from major water sources and targetted poorly dfended areas inland of any major water source.

Here are some less logical thoughts:

- Isn't the human body composed overwhelmingly of water?

- Would the aliens have to process humans before eating them? Snausages anyone?

- Aren't we overanalyzing an "entertainment" film?

- Maybe we should all put tinfoil shields on our heads now to protect ourselves from aliens reading our minds?

- And, oh! Call Dr. Bimbu, he'll know what to do! (And don't have a "tone" when you call him!)

Love the film!

Shalom,
Maksim-Smelchak.

We explore planets with no air. And have landed on the moon sans air. One crack in the the old space hemlet… swish… aaaaaah.

Mike

"IF I were an 'alien intelligence' … WHY would I 'target' Mel Gibson's house? or cornfield?"

Because the alien intelligence has been summoned by the Godless potsmoking gay-marrying liberals …. ;D

If you are going to question the details of this movie, why not question some more fundamental problems, which inhabit every alien intelligence movie? Like, why would an alien intelligence with the ability to travel fairly rapidly from one solar system to another, need ANYTHING from our solar system at all, considering that they would be nearly Godlike by our standards? That's some SERIOUS technology you're talking about.

I actually rather these kinds of movies, where aliens are prevented from getting into a basement because a shovel is propped precariously against it, than the movies which take alien invasions seriously.

Even consider Star Trek, with its purely make-believe "warp drives" — five year mission, pah! That means that, at a constant warp factor ten there and back in a straight line(which they obviously did not do), they are only going 25 light years out! That's right in the celestial neighborhood. How many planets supporting life do we seriously think are within a mere 25 light years of earth?

I'll take the hand-to-hand aliens, thanks.

O-my-God, the bug struck again.

That was not my post. I am not that brave.

I think that what I did post was that there was a story once about a family made of sugar. They were fascinated with watching weather reports.

CC

I just had an 'Epiphany'? (bless me)…

the reason the aliens in 'SIGNS' came to 'wrestle' Mel Gibson (wait for it…it's worth it)…

It was that they were setting the stage for ECW to make it's grand re-appearance on SCI FI channel! 8-D They were showing us the 'true path'!!

THAT IS THE ANSWER! Now it all makes 'sense'…I feel so much better now that one more cosmic mystery has been laid to rest….

what, MORE meds…well, ok honey…if you think it will really help??? (sorry, my wife says I need to go take my nap now…)

CC, that was not a TMP bug. It was ALIENS…

The Family Made of sugar story, I am quite sure, was Early Asimov – I can smell it in my head, right down to the A-Line skirts and family parties, real 50's america stuff.

The reason I know it was Isaac A was that it ended with a cheesy pun.

I like the idea of Aliens being NOT super-foes like they are in most movies. Just a shame they STILL relied on a 'one fix kills all' plot resolution.

Pat

If I were an alien attacking the planet:

Scout ships observe for several years, from beyond detection range;

Naval ships appear as close as possible to Earth and scour the orbital zone of satellites, ships, and space stations;

Scout ships seed the atmosphere with satellites that surveil the planet, establishing a GPS-like grid and reference system;

Naval aerospace assets concentrate on destroying any flying object, until the Earthlings figured out that "flying" = "hot fiery death";

Assault ships land mechanized forces on the planet, which would secure enough terrain to be able to take biological samples and use them to craft biological weapons. These would be deployed in short order to wipe out native sentient life, or perhaps reduce it to a sub-sentient state (brain-altering mutagens or something);

Any necessary terraforming takes place to make the planet suitable for colonization;

Mr. and Mrs. Grey move in, establishing a comfortable hive-nest where they and their three hundred little podlings can play and thrive in peace and harmony;

The Amalgamated Greys Trading Company then sets its sights on another planet and prepares to wash, rinse, repeat.

It could be that the aliens were refugees from a technological civilization that collapsed. They had no idea how to pilot the ships they were on, but could tell the ship's computer to "find food!" and then wait until the ships touched down to see what was on the menu.

Perhaps they were many generations removed from the survivors of the collapse, had no way of producing new clothing or equipment, and their ship was so highly automated (with "swishy" Star Trek type doors and everything) that they had no mechanical experience and acumen whatsoever. All they knew how to do was arm wrestle and tell the ship "find food"!

Ok…first of all…I have not seen this 'movie'…or read the book, reviews…etc…but right now, I'm not leaning towards doing so…ESPECIALLY if it's another 'Food of the God's type thing??? Like 'V', Aliens, ad NAUSEAM/nausea?

You mean they trampled the corn fields and came to a mostly water planet to EAT 'humans' who are more than 70% WATER??? and who could 'spit on them' or even 'pee-pee' and KILL the aliens…who want to 'arm-wrestle us to death'???

You mean it wasn't for our twinkies or corn chips or Ipods???but the go to the FARM to EAT FARMERS??? (or their kids/relatives/significant others) etc…I mean we aren't even good FERTILIZER as the aliens in the Tom Cruise War of the Worlds movie showed…(although it only took about a BILLION of us to 'prove' we didn't 'agree' with their digestive systems or ECO-systems…etc???)

Like this is 'news'???? Being an 'advanced species'…(hah), isn't all it's cracked up to be I guess…supra-light travel, death-rays, red weed and bad attitude are no match for a squirtgun and the common cold???

They may be aliens…but SURELY…if they can travel THIS far…they'd know that SOMETHING is 'wrong' with 'food' that has machines/nuclear weapons….and a WHOLE ecosystem that it's part of…down to the VIRAL level that it's adapted to???

I know…it's only 'science fiction/fantasy'…(and I use the terms very 'loosely'. I like Mel Gibson…I really do and he does drama, comedy, pathos…all very well from 'Ransom' to the Lethal Weapon series to Mad Max, What Women Want…etc…very talented man and swell person.

But why do aliens have to travel BILLIONS/Trillions of miles just to 'dine out'??? On food that if it doesn't manage to kill you 'bare-handed' or with all the science you've probably fogotten…or with 'internal parasites/symbiotic organisms'….is going to find another way to do you in???'

We could give them all the 'white castle' they wanted…with extra onion rings…or even 'soy products'…(they could pay us with tech and farmers grow all they can and we'd STILL have 'corn/wheat, etc to 'burn')…

Why is it always….'this UNIVERSE isn't big enough for the both of us…and I aint' leavin'…ala' high noon?

I guess peaceful cooperation and mutual respect, appreciation and creative 'synergy' where all parties 'win'…isn't 'exciting' as watching Mel ECW with greys/greens? over his kids????

I think it's time for another nap…..

Wake me when the NEXT 'invasion' comes….maybe I'll eat a double-bean burrito first and show them the REAL meaning of 'bio-chem warfare'….and 'toxic emissions'…

Carpe' Tentacle'um of Doom…the other flatulant fish-byproduct…with no minty aftertaste…
Sgt DWW

I liked the movie. that moment where they show the video of the birthday party and the alien crosses the alley way, I almost jumped out of my seat, and that doesn't happen easily. I completely wasn't expecting it.
Beyond that, to get in on the fun of speculating about the movie, the aliens and they're lack of equipment. I'd have to say, like many others, that the aliens were there to set the atmosphere and ambiance. The movie wasn't about an alien invasion, if they had been carrying technology that was equal to the fact that they can travel to our planet, then it would be no contest, minus the water thig, which I'm guessing they'd have covered anyway.
Not only that but they're appearance seems to parallel the most popular sitings of aliens, encounters of the third kind where apparently nekked and unequipped aliens who are skinny, hairless and have large dark eyes make themselves known. Maybe he was trying to sort of tie his aliens into those accounts?
The drones idea is good, I also like the concept of a slave race doing the dirty work and I also like the idea that they just underestimated out capabilities to deal with the unknown.
Besides that I'd put signs loosely in the scifi category and more in the horror category.

Maybe if they had acquired some Mimbari fighting sticks before heading this way . . .

CC

Dialogue aboard Alien Flagship in the hours before arrival over earth.

Commander: Sheesh, 12 more parsecs to Tau Ceti, my back is killing me.

Mrs. Commander: I told you to stop at Proxima. I told you that you needed your back pills. Now we have nothing left to eat and we have to stop at THIS dungheap. No Methane. No liquid sulphur. Not even a decent place to get live Grebnot. I can only imagine what the bathrooms smell like. Oh, and did I forget to mention it has a surface made up of 70% WATER!

Commander: If you're so damned smart, why don't you drive.

Mrs. Commander: Oh no. Why should I drive when you're doing such a bang up job. Oh and don't think you're sending my relatives down this time. I only have 2600 siblings left, thanks to your last little adventure.

Commander: Blah, blah blah. Blah, blah, blah blah. I'll send down my cousins on my father's side. Not the sharpest blades in the cosmos. If we leave a few behind, more's the better. Oh, and no waepons this time. Phase blasters cost money, the dead cost nothing.

Mrs Commander: Bet you heard that in some hokey movie.

Commander's kids: ARE WE THERE YET!?!
——-

President Bush on the radio after the departure.

Bush: Come back! I was gonna make expresso!