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"Murphy's Law for Tankers and other AFV problems" Topic

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902 hits since 25 Jul 2023
©1994-2024 Bill Armintrout
Comments or corrections?

Wolfhag25 Jul 2023 12:33 p.m. PST

Just a few SNAFU ideas:

1. Just after you report "Redcon 1" for your qualification run, you will realize that you desperately need to take a leak.
2. The fuel truck will run out of fuel just before he gets to your tank.
2a. You will run out of fuel before he returns.
3. Tanks don't float.
4. If a supply sergeant is given a choice between death and going to the field with his unit, he will ask for a few minutes to "Think it over."
5. Attempting to help recover a mired tank will only result in your tank becoming mired also.
6. The primary purpose of an operations order is to ensure that all blame falls on the line units.
6a. For this reason, the staff will not publish an operations order until after the exercise is completed.
7. Night vision devices will only fail at night.
7a. They will function perfectly once the sun rises.
8. The dirtier and more tired you are, the less appreciative you become of "constructive criticism" from somebody in a pristine uniform.
9. The heater on your tank will fail in October. The part to repair it will arrive in April.
10. No matter how minor the ailment, a visit to the medics will result in an I.V.
10a. Arguing with the medics about this will result in your being evacuated in a neck brace and back board (in addition to the I.V.).
11. When loading the main gun, remember: "pointy end first."
12. The only times you will throw a track are: a. At night, b. in the rain, c. during the movement back to garrison, or d. one hour after you installed the new ones.
13. Your vehicle will go NMC right after the contact team leaves the AO.
14. All infantry fighting vehicles don't look alike.
15. Shaking trees to your front mean that you are being hunted by helicopters.
16. When you are told your engineer support was needed elsewhere, the bridge will be out.
17. The exercise will finish and you'll get back to garrison just after the wash rack closes.
18. If all else fails, shoot at the muzzle flashes the larger ones are the dangerous ones, the smaller ones are infantry.
18a. The infantry muzzle flashes you ignore are covering an anti-tank team setting up.
19. "Rebel yells" are not proper FM radio procedure after a successful Table VIII shoot.
20. XO math: 3 pacs on the ground + no fueler + 2 deadlines = 100% FMC.
21. Close air support is safest from far away.
22. Proving that three feet of frontal armor protection will defend against any threat is probably best demonstrated on someone else's track.
23. Hearing an "Aw, ****" soon after an "on-the-waaay!" means you're probably not getting that promotion.
24. Tanks are very easy to see unless you're dismounted and they're backing up.
25. The one time you skip the firing circuit test is when you have the misfire.
26. "GUNNER, SABOT, SNIPER" is not an appropriate use of ammunition.
27. It is cruel to tell NBC types "Damn, that Fox looks like a BMP!" particularly when live rounds are being issued.
28. Blackout drive + autobahn + 0345 = polizei.
29. Unsecured turrets will only swing freely mid-way through a rail tunnel.
30. When doing a gunnery, the tank is always operational until you get to the ready line.
31. If you are promised "downtime," what they really mean is: You will be breaking track.
32. First sergeant math: Buy Gatorade for $1.49 USD each and sell for $1.00 USD each with the profits going to the unit fund.
33. Just when you take the most important shot you find out too late your gun is not boresighted anymore.
34. I could have sworn I filled the Recuperator Cylinder this morning.
35. How could something go wrong, I followed the checklist.

Feel free to add your own.

During an exercise this month to prepare a Bundeswehr tank brigade for inclusion in NATO's "high readiness" response force, all 18 of the modern German infantry fighting vehicles failed, von Butler wrote.

The tanks, known as Pumas, suffered a myriad of malfunctions from electronic failures to "turret defects." Soldiers had to abandon one of the tanks after its wiring caught fire.: link

Russian soldiers rejecting the T-14 Armata over quality issues: link

Age Matters: Abrams Tank Failures Increase at a Compound Rate of 5 Percent per Year

Controlling for location and level of usage, RAND Arroyo Center researchers estimate that a 14-year-old tank has, on average, about twice as many mission-critical failures for a given amount of use as a new tank. This equates to an estimated compound annual growth rate of between 3 and 7 percent. The estimate is based upon individual tank failures across the active Army over approximately one year. These tanks ranged from brand new to 14 years old, so this result cannot be extrapolated beyond 14 years. The study included both M1A1s and M1A2s. Although the study could not control for the two variants because they are confounded with age, detailed analysis indicates that components common to the two variants drive the age effect.

The Effect of Age on the M1 Tank
Implications for Readiness, Workload, and Recapitalization
It shows a graph of predicted mean system failures: link

This is Why Russia's T-80 Tank Is a Total Disaster: link

T-80: Why Is Russia Using One of the Worst Tanks Ever in Ukraine? link

T-90M Proryv-3 – Shortcomings:


BattlerBritain25 Jul 2023 1:47 p.m. PST

Teamwork is essential it gives them someone else to shoot at.

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

Incoming fire has right of way.

When in doubt empty the magazine.

Oh yeah: the most dangerous thing in the world is a Lieutenant with a map.

robert piepenbrink Supporting Member of TMP25 Jul 2023 5:59 p.m. PST

I will stand by the proud old intel motto:
"Military operations end in one of two ways: either in operational success, or in intelligence failure."

Personal logo deadhead Supporting Member of TMP26 Jul 2023 5:13 a.m. PST

A few commands to avoid

"Do not wait for the infantry. Just push on"

"Drive straight through that building, I am sure it does not have a cellar"

"The enemy here don't have any"

"Lead the way into that mediaeval city"

Andy ONeill26 Jul 2023 8:55 a.m. PST

We'll easy cross that, oh. That tube is longer than I thought.

Those infantry chaps don't seem to like us firing from next to them.

Fire at those guys up the top of the valley?

Frederick Supporting Member of TMP26 Jul 2023 9:32 a.m. PST

The quickest way is that narrow road with stone walls on boht sides – what could possibly go wrong?

ScoutJock26 Jul 2023 2:18 p.m. PST

Army Aviation math:

Pilots need 70% to pass
Crew Chiefs need 70% to pass
Air Traffic Controllers need 70% to pass,
Therefore on any given flight, there is a 90% chance something will go wrong.

Murvihill27 Jul 2023 10:17 a.m. PST

Tech Manuals in the Navy
Submariners: If it is not in the book you may not do it.
Surface sailors: If the book does not say you cannot do it you may do it.
Aviators: It is easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

COL Scott ret03 Aug 2023 9:58 p.m. PST

For number 5 it doesn't have to be a tank that is mired. As a young LT my platoon sergeant and I on a recon of a training area got a CUCV (think camo Chevy Blazer) stuck. In getting us unstuck we stuck a Bucket loader, Backhoe, road grader and 5 tone wrecker. It was great recovery training for both my platoon and the company HQ.

If I drink fast and talk slow it is a two-drink story.

Wolfhag05 Aug 2023 12:00 p.m. PST

COL Scott,
If you simulated that event in a game people that have never been in the military would shout about how unrealistic it is and could never happen in real life.

Some of the stuff I'm hearing about screw-ups and SNAFUs in Ukraine are incredible.


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