"Wargaming vs lurve" Topic

Born on March 12 1918, Donald Featherstone spent his early childhood in London. His interest in military strategy began as an eight year-old, when his father presented him with a box of lead soldiers; at 12, he encountered Little Wars in his local library, and was enthralled. "The immense thrill of discovering [wargaming]," he wrote, "was perhaps only matched by that of later years when I realised that there was another sex called girls." Sadly for many young men following in his footsteps, however, an interest in the former was often to prove incompatible with attracting the latter.

link

Discuss.

Sounds like a personal problem.

In my experience they don't have the faintest idea what wargaming is, or entails. The grim horror only dawns upon them once they live with you.

"Start your free trial to continue reading" kind of spoils the link though.

Wargaming is no different in this context than any other obsession , such as baseball , hockey , drinking , video games , RPG , etc.

Most of the wargamers I know are married or in steady relationships, so it's a bit of a fallacy and an outdated stereotype.

Don't post links that require you to subscribe to read this is at best VERY ANNOYING!

+1 Say no to subscription to read an article.

When the page loads quickly hit Ctrl-A and ctrl-c, then paste into a word doc' or text editor!

To paraphrase an old Arab proverb:

A man's love for a woman shifts like the sands of the desert, but his love for his little lead warriors endures to the stars.

It's not love; it's adulthood. Holding a job, getting an education, finding a mate and raising children all take time and money which might otherwise be spent on toy soldiers.
Mildbill is right, of course: if we decide to grow up, our obsessions have to be demoted to recreations. But I suspect it's easier to find a young woman with at least a mild interest in sports or RPGs than one who understands the male interest in killing people and blowing things up.

I showed my wife my toys the first time she was in my parents home. She didn't run away screaming, and we've been married 46 years. Early on, she did treat the hobby a bit like "the other woman". She came to realize though that it keeps me level headed and away from other pursuits.

The key for me has been to find a woman who is equally passionate about her hobbies and creative interests.

I guess I'm truly blessed. My wife is married to a Marine VN-era vet and her son is a WOT Marine combat vet. She approves of all of the drone strikes her son was responsible for and the bad guys he took out of circulation. Her dad was a WWII Guadalcanal and Pearl Harbor vet too. It runs in the family and we are trying to keep it that way. She understands there is evil in the world we should not tolerate.

Our 10-year-old granddaughter is on a competition shooting team and I'm coaching her. We set up her own shooting range in her backyard. As a grandfather, I like spoiling my grandkids. My son-in-law and daughter have a CCP but I don't have one but my wife is thinking about it.

Maybe that's why my wife tolerates my war games and miniatures collection taking up one of our bedrooms, the basement, and part of the garage. My son's wife approves too, she's an active duty Marine.

Those wonderful types of women that appreciate us are out there.

Wolfhag

Wargaming keeps me off the streets, out of trouble and hanging out with old men in my spare time. I like booze and women, too, so wargaming beats the alternative. :)

pjm

If you look at the mindset and behaiviour of die-hard football fans for instance (be it American Football, Rugby, League or what non-Europeans call Soccer) then wargamers often don't come off nearly so bad. There's no hooliganism in wargaming and I don't tend to get drunk on the side-lines, bare my chest or paint my face before abusing the ref. Women tend to appreciate it.

… okay, perhaps I do get drunk and paint my face but I'm cutting back.

Unlucky, do you paint your face uniform coat color or equipment color? Would you be painted white or ochre yellow to play Austrians, for instance?

I'm having this vision of an OGRE tournament with players painted Combine Red of Pan-European Blue.

wargaming is and always will be a hobby with very limited time devoted to it.

I like too many things to spend huge amounts of time on just wargaming or just any one thing.

28 years married, 5 children, 3 grandkids(so far) and a rich and abundant life.

far better than i deserve really.

anything you do to the exclusion of exploring all there is to offer, limits your other choices no matter what it is.

BTW, i was a wargaming nerd in junior high and high school, when i was also played football baseball MCJROTC student council and made time for the far more interesting other sex of the species.

A growing percentage of gamers are female, so lurve is less mutually exclusive to gaming than it used to be. Still not many women who like wargaming, but all types of gaming bleed together at the edges, and there are plenty of couples who go to gaming conventions together.

It seems to me that obsessive Internet usage is a far greater danger to healthy relationships than hobbies.

Apparently an Ex-member of my club didn't admit wargaming to his wife for 3 years after the wedding…

I realized this in college. Wish I had known it sooner. If women think you are cool, they will think your hobbies or other interests are cool. If women don't find you cool then your hobby will just be another reason for them to laugh or roll their eyes.

I have a friend that got divorced because of his dedication to playing, designing, and going to conventions. I think what pushed it over the edge was spending $15 USDK all at once on miniatures without informing his wife ahead of time. He's still playing and single.

Wolfhag

@Wolfhag
As a grandfather, I like spoiling my grandkids.

THAT, my friend, is in the job description!

@Yellow Admiral
It seems to me that obsessive Internet usage is a far greater danger to healthy relationships than hobbies.

If that's the case then all of us married guys and gals, here are in deep weeds!

Could you repeat that? The wind was blowing through the deep weeds all around me and I couldn't year you over the hissing noise.

My wife supports my hobby. If she was deeply opposed we might not be together any more. As it is things work out fine.

Married 30 years to a woman who has more wargaming kit than I do. A lot more.

My wife and kids think my gaming is slightly nuts and go to great lengths to avoid talking about it.

But I have some really good friends who either play as well or understand it.

I think some of them like the results of the painting I do, which isn't brilliant but gives a good impression.

But I don't spend mega bucks on lots of lead because over the years I've bought a little here and there and it's just added up.

Now I have a room where I'm getting stuck for space to put it all.

But it does look great when I get the table laid out with the figures on it and go through some game moves.

And it's better than just spending it all on beer.

My inabilities in attracting a significant other were never because of wargaming and entirely common to the non-wargaming population! Still I always felt the admission of that particular extra-curricula activity was a little dicey (pun not intended). I tended to start off with roleplaying since that was actually my main hobby in my later teenage and 20-something years. Less likely to result in a look of total incomprehension and seemed like softening up for the 'playing with toy soldiers' bit! Couldn't conceive of not actually saying something since when still at home I would have been having to explain why I wasn't routinely available on a Tuesday evening and when not at home – a quick glance at the book case would have been a bit of giveaway.

Dial forward a good few years my better-half tolerates my hobby as long as there is quid pro quo in terms of spending on wool and cake decorating supplies. The two Thug-class ROUs tolerate their Dad's eccentricity it as long as it doesn't interfere with the wi-fi.

"Our 10-year-old granddaughter is on a competition shooting team.." A shot in the dark here but, just possibly, posted by a citizen of the United States of America?

Natch!

I was never in a position where I had to choose between one or the other. It's just another hobby. Some guys play golf, some guys play with toy trains.

I had a friend with a big gambling problem. War gaming seems pretty tame by comparison.

John

I've never let my particular hobbies get in the way of finding girlfriends, though I do remember a few funny (to me) incidents, One in particular, still makes me laugh. Back in 1995 or so, I was attending a college here in Upstate NY, when I met a pretty gal in a History of Western Music class. We hit it off right away, and soon were an item. On one fateful night she came over to my apartment, took one look at the progress on painting miniatures, and said flatly, "My ex-husband used to do that BEFORE we got married!" I just laughed and responded."I didn't realize we are getting married! It's no wonder he divorced you." Needless to say, that relationship was soon kaput, before it became a train wreck. I think I may have dodged a bullet that time.

I see this the same way as Bill N expressed it.

My wife has been my regular wargame opponent for the past 52 years. We both started in the first year we were married. I was serving in the army and we moved around the world together, taking our growing wargames army with us. We have a permanent wargames table and we still spend an hour or so most days gaming. In addition to wargaming we have spent many happy holidays exploring Napoleonic battlefields throughout Europe. I find it strange that other wives do not also share this interesting hobby.

I always thought Sofia Vergara would make a good gaming table for 6mm … Call me crazy!

Only if she agreed of course … we're not barbarians !

My other half never had a decent doll's house as a kid, and wants one now, space permitting. Lights wired in, carpets, etc. The fun is hunting stuff down that can be used such as Farrow and Ball paint samples, and so on. I have to say I completely sympathise with this goal.

I always thought Sofia Vergara would make a good gaming table for 6mm … Call me crazy! huh?

Only if she agreed of course … we're not barbarians !

Didn't know you were ever in the 10th Mountain Division Legion.

My wife apparently considers wargaming my less nerdy hobby; she's expressed a hope the books will scare other women away, but never said anything of the sort about the toy soldiers.

(The books are mostly history and science, before you ask.)

Incels are going to incel regardless of hobby.
I left wargaming behind for a few years at university… didn't paint or play .. though I still read magazines… music and girls became more important. And with study and expanded social life (pubs and nightclubs were easier and more affordable) I had less time for it. I came back though before I met my wife and it was no impediment to dating, meeting women…. Britain I usually went for punk/goth/rocker girls anyway …. and they usually are open minded… in Japan my tastes in women broadened but again it was never an issue…. it wasn't something I broadcast when chatting up a girl… unless she mentioned something nerdy, but it wasn't something I hid. My wife found out about it the morning she first woke up at my place… saw some 28mm vikings and redcoats… thought it was amazing that I painted them. And if I didn't have wargaming/video games I would be going out drinking 1-2 times a week instead, spending more money just to down a toilet, have hangovers (which now render me useless for a whole day rather than a few hours) and no doubt get into mischief.

I can see it would have been an issue at secondary school, teenagers are mostly shallow, vain and desperate to look cool… even if they have their own idea of cool.

The missus prefers me writing a computer game to playing with toy soldiers. No messy things, just me and my computer. She hopes it'll be a big earner and i will finally put those inconvenient models, terrain, painting and meeting "wargamers" behind me. She uses the word wargamer as a sort of insult.

I wouldn't spend £2.00 GBPk without at least mentioning it in advance and never out shared money or that could impact shared finances.

Didn't know you were ever in the 10th Mountain Division Legion.

Well … a man can dream can't he ? 😏😁🤩

I suppose it would depend on which side you were using, the rolling, undulating, steppes or the high, rugged, mountains, and deep canyons.

Reminds me of the stories the guys in the 82nd told about Christiane Amanpour in Haiti.

von Schwartz ver 2 … that's classified …

82nd told about Christiane Amanpour in Haiti.

I don't want to know !

You're right- you don't!

What was she like a WWI Donut Dolly ? 🤔

Definitely not.

Oh My !!!!

I was gonna comment on that one but common sense got the better of me

@Nine pound round
Reminds me of the stories the guys in the 82nd told about Christiane Amanpour in Haiti.

I don't want to know!

You're right- you don't!

But I do!!