"Before you tell someone they are wrong ....." Topic

tell them they are right.

Put simply, Pascal suggests that before disagreeing with someone, first point out the ways in which they're right. And to effectively persuade someone to change their mind, lead them to discover a counter-point of their own accord. Arthur Markman, psychology professor at The University of Texas at Austin, says both these points hold true.

"One of the first things you have to do to give someone permission to change their mind is to lower their defenses and prevent them from digging their heels in to the position they already staked out," he says. "If I immediately start to tell you all the ways in which you're wrong, there's no incentive for you to co-operate. But if I start by saying, ‘Ah yeah, you made a couple of really good points here, I think these are important issues,' now you're giving the other party a reason to want to co-operate as part of the exchange. And that gives you a chance to give voice your own concerns about their position in a way that allows co-operation."

link

Wolfhag

One hopes that this technique will enable us to persuade the tens of millions of US citizens who voted for the incorrect candidate for President this election.

That was a quick turn into a political thread.

So, Shagnasty, let me get this straight. A person is incorrect if he voted for a different candidate than you? Seems a little, umm, intolerant and maybe bigoted or prejudiced?

It would appear that irony does not translate on the Internet.

Yeah no, until someone invents an Irony Font…

You know, if a con man wrote about persuasive techniques, I'd pay attention. They have track records. All psychology professors have is tenure and graduate students, and testing grad students tells you very little about the rest of humanity.

And yes, Shagnasty, you should have known better. I can think of at least three regular TMP posters who would have made the same comment without the slightest hint of irony.

This is just wrong!

The only thing you need to know about the validity of studies conducted with undergraduates as subjects is in the original Ghostbusters movie.

Ah, so it was irony? How does one tell, by the tone of your alphabet characters? I'll take you at your word, though, assuming your are an honest Texan.

I would have thought his comment would have made both sides happy… and nodding their heads while reading it.
What is the mater with you guys?

I know Shagnasty and his humor. Skipper John gets it. Some people are quick to take offense and be critisize.

And pzivh43, Shag is as honest as the day is long.

I am just glad I will never have to vote in another Presidental election until its required.

Many things are wrong with me, Skipper. But the one on point is 50+ years of trauma--church leaders, professors "creatives" and even various wargamers all working with grossly insufficient information and poor reasoning skills--but convinced that they are in possession of The Truth, and that all they have to do is keep explaining to me why I'm wrong. (See as typical the National Diatribe on Race.) If that doesn't work, their fallback position is that those who still disagree with them are insane. (See the F Scale and all sequels.) I'd rather be visited by Jehovah's Witnesses again than be gifted with another long-range diagnosis by a tenured professor.

The Witnesses are more open to new information and different thinking than humanities or "social science" professors.

Hmph. And notice facts and reason don't enter in at all. Only presentation--and that calm "let's be reasonable until you see things my way" voice. If a ticketed engineer tells me my supports or my ventilation is inadequate, I'd pay attention. If a mortarman disagrees with the setting, you pay serious attention. But psychology profs bring no credibility to the argument.

It would appear that irony does not translate on the Internet.

Neither does my favored medium…sarcasm

And notice facts and reason don't enter in at all. Only presentation--and that calm "let's be reasonable until you see things my way" voice. If a ticketed engineer tells me my supports or my ventilation is inadequate, I'd pay attention. If a mortarman disagrees with the setting, you pay serious attention. But psychology profs bring no credibility to the argument.

Agree 100%, so much of the discussion currently is based solely on emotion, the era of cognitive thinking is over. Don't pay attention to what the facts are, pay attention to how it makes you feel.

Don't pay attention to what the facts are, pay attention to how it makes you feel.

I thought that was the definition of a fact -- something that you feel is true. Did I miss something?

Fact is that which is objectively proven.

Obviously it depends on the individual situation and the person to whom you are speaking, but i use that approach regularly. It is highly effective, especially in retaining the recipient's engagement and enthusiasm.

It could be better described though – before you tell them what they got wrong, tell them what they got right

"You exhibited tremendous skill in your painting of the XVI Schlattenbummler Grenadiers. The shading was so subtle, the detail of the lace, the buttons and the crossbelt badges was incredible. And the scenic basing was so realistic I could almost smell the patches of manure amongst the grass.. .

"Just one thing, though, I couldn't help noticing and hope you won't mind me mentioning: all the sources, from 'Utterly Obscure Military Units of the War of Jenkin's Ear', by Professor Strabismus of Heidelburg University, to the latest Osprey, agree that their coats were canary yellow – but you've painted them green…"

mildbill +1 yes, that IS the whole point!

I may FEEL like a 32 year old but the FACT is…I'm Not, no matter how much I FEEL it.

I'm over 50, but I feel like I did when I was in my twenties … fat, dumb, and socially awkward.

"Before you tell someone they are wrong ….tell them they are right."

Or use the Dennis Miller approach to avoid being lectured & harangued by them, simply agree "You may be right", which disarms them and allows you to make your escape while they are still in shock…

I'm over 50, but I feel like I did when I was in my twenties … fat, dumb, and socially awkward.

But, what are the facts?