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"Silliest logical names you gave to your figures or units." Topic

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Personal logo John the OFM Supporting Member of TMP In the TMP Dawghouse24 Sep 2020 8:02 p.m. PST

Like I said in the title, LOGICAL!!!

But I've been around here long enough to know that the OP's adamant instructions are … pointless.

As an example, at Blenheim the French had a Silly Regiment. Seriously. Look it up! I'm not going to do all your work.

A few games ago, we had a modern gang war game. 1:1 The usual.
I took the Russian mob, and named the figures after Chess Grandmasters.
So, I had Tal, Kasparov, Spassky, Karpov…
I got wiped out, of course. But I did do major damage, and I don't think that Roger shot me in the back.

TGerritsen Supporting Member of TMP24 Sep 2020 8:31 p.m. PST

Not one of mine, but the very first World War 2 1/285 game Back in high school was at Gen Con 1983 or 4 playing Jagd Panzer rules, and the GM (an older player as the hobby was graying even then) had a bright pink Jagd Panzer IV he dubbed the JagdPanzee. It was the only German tank not to receive a hit the whole game.

I had an odd fantasy miniature given to me at the same show by a TSR sculptor who was sculpting miniatures live at the show and giving out to audience members. It was a strange multi-armed clawed figure I dubbed the ‘Optilopticus.' It featured in many a game after that.

rmaker24 Sep 2020 8:42 p.m. PST

I have a pseudo-napoleonic unit, the Zurich Bankers' Militia Battalion, painted up with garden gnome figures.

And, like, I suspect, many colonialists, I have the Princess Patricia's Own Fore and Fit Fusiliers, aka the Fore and Aft.

Chuckaroobob24 Sep 2020 8:44 p.m. PST

I painted up a unit of Australian Heavy Cavalry for the Napoleonic wars. Called them the Lifers. 50% of the horses were stolen (mismatched furniture) and they all had a ball and chain attached to one leg.

Martin Rapier24 Sep 2020 11:28 p.m. PST

As I mainly do historical this knotty problem rarely arises, although for fictionalised encounters I will usually field appropriate fictionalised units such as The South Essex or Duke of Glendans Light Infantry.

One slight issue with Corps and Army level WW1 gaming is that the drab masses tramping over the table all look much the same, so I've taken to tagging the various formations with coloured labels. So while they may actually be e.g. 2nd Corps, 4th Army, players inevitably call them yellow Corps, Red Corps etc. Which is logical, but silly.

John Armatys25 Sep 2020 2:21 a.m. PST

My Napoleonic Battenbergers are commanded by Colonel Kipling.

Dn Jackson25 Sep 2020 4:42 a.m. PST

In my western games I have two of the gangs names after prominent political figures. One gang of Republicans one of Democrats. Sad to say that I painted them so long ago that no one knows who they are now.

Frederick Supporting Member of TMP25 Sep 2020 5:05 a.m. PST

I have a unit on the painting table – the St. Nicholas Fusiliers – for my Imagination that are done up in Santa's Elves colours

T Corret Supporting Member of TMP25 Sep 2020 5:05 a.m. PST

An Empire gaming group in North Carolina had a quarter-pounder artillery battery, a double hamburger mounted on a carriage!

redbanner414525 Sep 2020 6:21 a.m. PST

I have a Napoleonic cavalry unit named the footless Bavarians. Old Heritage figures cast without feet.

Personal logo Dye4minis Supporting Member of TMP25 Sep 2020 6:44 a.m. PST

When we were molding up the 15mm Crimean War figures at GFI, I did up a unit of Turks as the "21st Turkish Towel Snapper Regiment" . It was to be my "Crack" unit. Never did get to play a Crimean War scenario to get them "dirtied-up" for laundering…..

Ed Mohrmann Supporting Member of TMP25 Sep 2020 7:14 a.m. PST

Chuckaroobob, that is SOOOOOOO 'YOU' !!

T Corret, the original of the 1/4 pound battery was
created by Joel Haas, artist/designer, etc., when
he ran the original Armoury gaming shop in Raleigh,
NC (circa 1980).

Not a game unit, but I once commissioned a sculptor to
do a 'Chinese Fire Drill' as a gift for my Dad. Six
figures in firefighter dress tripping over hoses, falling
from ladders, etc.

Personal logo ColCampbell Supporting Member of TMP25 Sep 2020 7:19 a.m. PST

Some of my Margraviate of Carpania (SYW "Prussian" Army) regiments are named after German beers -- Zweibieren Teutonica, Clausthaler, Schweiger, Paulaner, and Warsteiner -- and commanders are General der Infanterie Baron Rolfe von Stuppe (from "The Great Race"), Generalmajor Baron von Habenbier, and Rittmeister Klaus von Staffeldünkel. Plus the Dragoon Regiment Graf von Hapnich and Hussar Regiment von Stuppe (both from "The Great Race").

An ally state (Hesse-Hannuber) has Bascombe's and Mountjoy's Regiments of Foot from "The Mouse that Roared." And commanders are Major General Tully Bascombe and Colonel Erasmus Mountjoy, plus Colonel Ashley Hyde-Enseecker.

My Gallian (French) commanders are Marechal-de-Camp Francois Lucien, Comte de Merlot; Brigadier Louis Antoine, Sieur de Chardonnay; and Mestre-de-Ordinance Jacques Riviere, Comte de Bullion [AKA 'Johnny Cash']. And one of the infantry regiments follows along the wine trend -- Regiment Beaujolais (which is patterned after a real French regiment, #69).

And finally my Duchy of Courland (Russian) commander of the light troops is Colonel Ignace Alleshazy.


Personal logo Parzival Supporting Member of TMP25 Sep 2020 8:06 a.m. PST

I have a unit of Warmaster Dwarf Thunderers painted up as the Tennessee Titans (including helmets with very tiny torch-flame logos).

For names, not units but generals:

Dwarf General Hovart Helmblind, so named because his helm is permanently stuck on his head after a dinner incident involving some bad cabbage.

Orc General Stomphen Smashflat for his violent animosity towards poultry.

May their names live forever on the Rolls of Military Glory!

(Both generals' names are actually derived from the two players in the first ever battle involving these armies: Howard (myself) and Stephen (my nephew).)

PS: The above all seemed very logical at the time.

Personal logo Virtualscratchbuilder Supporting Member of TMP Fezian25 Sep 2020 8:10 a.m. PST

Mergatroid Hussars

robert piepenbrink Supporting Member of TMP25 Sep 2020 9:39 a.m. PST

Borderline, but I keep a list of suitable cheeses and dogs sorted by nationality for commander's names--and, just for fun, a list of mushrooms for their intelligence officers. So a WWII US task force might be commanded by COL Fred Colby or Mike Pimento, opposed by Kampfgruppe Harzer or Dobermann. Napoleonic British commanded by his grace the Duke of Cheshire, would fight French commanded by General Brie or the Duc de Fromage.

Sadly, I had to reject some names because they were historical.

bobspruster25 Sep 2020 10:33 a.m. PST

The general in command of my Chinese regulars for my Boxer Rebellion games is General Cho Sen Wun.

SpuriousMilius25 Sep 2020 12:16 p.m. PST

My original personal Boothill bandido is named Mean Miguel McGillicuty, the Irish/Hispanic scourge of Bunghole County, New Mexico. When my group took up English Civil War gaming, I was living in an apartment on Fairmont Street so I named my ECW Royalist commander Lord Fairemount of Rumplestiltskinshire, the imaginary shire that I created for our campaign. The regiment of foot that he raised is known as Fairemount's Felons for their preference for pillaging over facing Puritans on the battlefield. When I rolled up my 1st D&D Fighter character, I named him Axolotl the Allemagne (his fav weapon is a 2handed axe) expecting him to die in a game or 2. However, I rolled almost the best possible score for his Strength & he was average in his other Stats so he survived years of dungeon delving stuck with a silly name.

Personal logo etotheipi Sponsoring Member of TMP25 Sep 2020 4:21 p.m. PST

Not a unit, but I had an old west town with the large seven buildings 12"x12" (the saloon), 11"x11" (the livery), and so on to 6"x6", then two 2.5" x 5" sheds and eight 1"x1" outhouses. With these dimensions, the buildings would nest inside each other for storage, so it only took up 12"x12"x4" (the livery was 4", but the saloon, only 3") with a gallows and eight or so graves that stacked on top of the sheds. The town's name … Matryoshka, NM.

Other than that, most of my character figures (and I have a lot, as I play a lot of skirmish) get pithy, job appropriate names. My current fave is the Space Patrol navigator, Helena Han-Basquette.

robert piepenbrink Supporting Member of TMP26 Sep 2020 8:29 a.m. PST

Some of my fantasy knights have football team logos on their shields--colors to match--and my 25mm Amazon commander has a Vassar logo on hers.

But pride of place goes to my elite Amazon hoplites. Every shield is a different trendy leftist symbol, from the Planned Parenthood logo, through clenched fists and "no smoking" to recycling--24 hoplites and 22 different symbols. I don't know what effect they have on my Orc Spears, my Dwarven axemen or my Halfling archers, but they scare me half to death!

robert piepenbrink Supporting Member of TMP26 Sep 2020 10:10 a.m. PST

Hard to top actual historicals too. I keep wanting to build the War of 1812 militia unit largely composed of legal clerks and law students, and known in Quebec as "The Devils Avocates." And there was a CSA regiment something like "Fifth Arkansas Mounted Infantry (Dismounted.)

Personal logo John the OFM Supporting Member of TMP In the TMP Dawghouse26 Sep 2020 2:38 p.m. PST

I keep asking AWI manufacturers to make mounted dismounted Brunswick Dragoons. There's actually a good reason for this.

Redcurrant26 Sep 2020 3:55 p.m. PST

none for me, but I am surprised no-one has the US Army Transport Division headed by General Motors.

von Schwartz26 Sep 2020 5:20 p.m. PST

No units but I did find a nice 15mm figure of Al Capone smoking a stogie…he became a Major General in my 1809 Franco-Italian corps.

Personal logo etotheipi Sponsoring Member of TMP27 Sep 2020 8:03 a.m. PST

football team logos on their shields--colors to match

I don't put logos on, but I do use school and team colours.

What historical genre doesn't have a red force and a blue force? or a rwb one?

Oberlindes Sol LIC Supporting Member of TMP27 Sep 2020 10:20 p.m. PST

If I have a four-man team in a game, they will usually be named Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny, so that if one gets killed, I get to say, "They killed Kenny! The bastards!"

Sundance30 Sep 2020 9:38 a.m. PST

I don't now remember the name I gave one of my pilots in a game of Air Force, but I remember he won the Royal Order of Spaghetts with Crossed Forks and Meatballs for shooting down a couple of British planes and damaging another one or two.

Russ Lockwood07 Oct 2020 11:51 a.m. PST

Well…since you asked…. I led off an After Action Report of an ancients game with the following named Greek warriors…


The thick fog prevented any view of the opposing Persian army, no matter how hard the Greek warriors squinted.

"They're out there, all right," grumbled one Spartan. "You can smell their perfume a mile away."

"Ho! We can smell you right here, Malodorus!"

"Look who's talking. Like it would kill you to rinse your mouth out, Halitosus."

"Pipe down, you two!" came a disembodied shout.

"Says who?" Malodorus challenged.

"Says me, and don't make me come over and smack you up both sides of your heads simultaneously," growled Ambidexterus.

"You and what army?"

A creaky, elderly voice cut in and admonished, "Save it for the Persians."

"Ha! Old man! We're strong enough to fight two Persian armies today," Malodorus boasted. "Hey! Didn't we leave you behind?"

Halitosus interjected, "Were you deaf? When we marched, you could hear his joints creak and crack halfway across the Aegean!"

"You should both live through a hundred battles to reach my age and carry the same shield," Arthritus retorted. "You blabber like the Persians are a joke."

"THEY ARE!" Malodorus and Halitosus roared.

"They fight like wimps," Malodorus chortled.

"They run like wimps, too!" Halitosus added to the delight of the other warriors.

"And the last time any Persian told a joke, he was kicked into the bottomless pit by the king. That's how bad the joke was."

"What was the joke?"

Malodorus paused, then replied, "Who is the most famous Persian comedian in all history?"

"I don't know. Who?"


"Oh, that's awful!"

"Now you know why the king kicked the envoy into the pit."

Ambidexterus straightened up his armor. "Look sharp. The fog's lifting and I see lots of columns of Persians marching towards us."


von Schwartz07 Oct 2020 6:15 p.m. PST

My former wargame group back in Minnesota had SYW campaigns with commanders like, "Freddy the Adequate", "Duke Conan the Bavarian", the Russian "Count Tickmeoff", others that I don't recall, a fiend mentioned them to me many years back.

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