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"Tabletop Germ Warfare" Topic

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02 Mar 2020 1:27 p.m. PST
by Editor in Chief Bill

  • Crossposted to TMP Poll Suggestions board

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502 hits since 2 Mar 2020
©1994-2020 Bill Armintrout
Comments or corrections?

Personal logo Editor in Chief Bill The Editor of TMP Fezian02 Mar 2020 1:24 p.m. PST

During a game, you notice that a gamer who is using your figures or models is developing signs of illness, such as sweating or sneezing. After he goes home, what would you do to the figures he was in contact with?

Cerdic Supporting Member of TMP02 Mar 2020 1:40 p.m. PST


Keep calm and carry on, and all that…

dBerczerk02 Mar 2020 2:22 p.m. PST

Give every figure a double tot of rum.

USAFpilot02 Mar 2020 2:25 p.m. PST

Put them in quarantine. The bacteria or virus will eventually die on its own.

BTCTerrainman Supporting Member of TMP02 Mar 2020 3:23 p.m. PST

Burn them….

Personal logo Extra Crispy Sponsoring Member of TMP02 Mar 2020 4:22 p.m. PST

Draw them, quarter them, burn the bodies, then load the ashes in to a cannon and fir them off toward Poland.

Stryderg02 Mar 2020 4:45 p.m. PST

Ask someone else to pack them up, then leave them in the box until the next time I get to play with them. The germs should die off well before they see the light of day again.

Coyotepunc and Hatshepsuut02 Mar 2020 6:37 p.m. PST

Lick them. I have spent a few years building a better immune system by exposing myself to a variety of pathogens. I used to be sick like all the time, now I hardly ever get sick. And when I do, I get over it much faster. The immune system is like any other body system, if you don't exercise it, it atrophies.

Zephyr102 Mar 2020 10:17 p.m. PST

Actually, you want to expose them to sunlight. Nature's natural germ killer. Or bathe them in UV light… ;-)

advocate03 Mar 2020 12:51 a.m. PST

If this is remotely serious, pack them and wash your hands.

Personal logo etotheipi Sponsoring Member of TMP03 Mar 2020 5:05 a.m. PST

Just pop out my handheld Cobalt-60 gamma irradiator and … wait … does the public know about those yet ..? oh … uhm … everclear in a perfume atomizer. That's what I said. Spray on your figures to sterilize. Spray on an X-Acto cut to disinfect and kill the pain (after the sharp first contact). Spray in your coffee to put up with Lord Haw-Haw the wargamer.

Stoppage03 Mar 2020 5:53 a.m. PST

You should have checked the gamer beforehand with a thermometer. Over 38 C is in the Red-Zone (US: 100F)

Suggest no-touch forehead thermometer (slightly more acceptable than a rectal one).

Legion 404 Mar 2020 8:45 a.m. PST


von Schwartz04 Mar 2020 7:50 p.m. PST

Draw them, quarter them, burn the bodies, then load the ashes in to a cannon and fir them off toward Poland.

You sure that's enough?

Gunfreak Supporting Member of TMP05 Mar 2020 5:18 a.m. PST

You do like you do with cows with mad cow disease, slaughter them and burn the bodies, and that includes the gamer who coughed.

Personal logo etotheipi Sponsoring Member of TMP05 Mar 2020 8:19 a.m. PST

do like you do with cows with mad cow disease

From the Wikipedia entry:

"Unexploded Cow is a card game by Cheapass Games in which the objective is to blow up unexploded bombs in France with mad cows from Britain, earning money in the process. The winner is the person who collects the most money."

This is a great card game that I got when my kids were little and we still play (in their mid-20's now).

von Schwartz05 Mar 2020 6:32 p.m. PST

That's Hilarious, where can I get a copy?!?

von Schwartz05 Mar 2020 6:34 p.m. PST

Suggest no-touch forehead thermometer (slightly more acceptable than a rectal one).

But not nearly as much fun!!!

Oh, wait…did I just write that? Damn!!!

Personal logo etotheipi Sponsoring Member of TMP06 Mar 2020 5:25 a.m. PST

UXC is available on Amazon. I think Cheapass Games still does direct sales from their website. Or you could go to your FLGS and demand (!) that they order a bucket of Cheapass Games products! Almost all of their other games I have played (and I have a lot of them) are well designed for play and lots of fun. None of them that I have played are horrible.

The Wikipedia entry is nearly a direct quote of the blurb on the front of the box. That blurb is why I bought my first Cheapass Games product. "Mad cows in England. Unexploded ordnance in France. Two problems with a common solution."

von Schwartz06 Mar 2020 7:57 p.m. PST

Sounds like something Douglas Adams would've written.

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