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"Brown Death: A History of Poop As a Weapon" Topic

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Tango01 Supporting Member of TMP26 Jun 2019 4:15 p.m. PST

"The other day I found myself thinking about a comment left on an old piece I'd written for VICE. I don't remember the exact wording, but the gist was that the commenter wanted to leave one of his Bleeped text outside overnight to freeze, then use that Bleeped text as a weapon to stab me to death.

Which got me wondering whether anyone had actually tried to murder someone with poop before. They must have, right? I mean, people get angry and lash out with whatever they have handy all the time, and poop is basically a concealed weapon that we carry constantly. But I'd never actually heard of an instance where someone was assaulted with it. I've heard of people using their teeth, boobs, fists, knees, feet, Bleeped text, elbows, and heads as weapons, so why not poop?…"
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Personal logo Editor in Chief Bill The Editor of TMP Fezian26 Jun 2019 4:44 p.m. PST

I guess he missed the incident this week where a defendant threw feces at the judge (and missed).

SultanSevy26 Jun 2019 5:58 p.m. PST

I gotta admit, it is an interesting article! LOL.

von Schwartz26 Jun 2019 6:36 p.m. PST

Had two friends, they were brothers, who served in Vietnam, both paras. The older brother I know saw combat not sure about the younger, but I digress. The older brother said that they had to hide and bury their latrines cuz the VC would dig it up and smear it on their punji stick booby traps.

Zephyr126 Jun 2019 8:56 p.m. PST

"(…)the gist was that the commenter wanted to leave one of his Bleeped text outside overnight to freeze, then use that Bleeped text as a weapon to stab me to death."

Maybe if the temps are sub-zero. There is a (true) story of an Eskimo who sharpened a frozen one to escape.

But it would indeed make for an interesting murder case to solve on an episode CSI:Wherever… ;-)

Tango01 Supporting Member of TMP27 Jun 2019 12:10 p.m. PST



Zephyr128 Jun 2019 9:32 p.m. PST

As I somewhat recall now, the Eskimo spit on the frozen *** to build up a sharp edge. Again, requires sub-zero temps… ;-)

von Schwartz05 Jul 2019 5:41 p.m. PST

Aww SH*T!!!

Robert le Diable28 Jan 2020 5:13 p.m. PST

Someone in Ireland (Co. Donegal) threatened – or characterised – someone else, about seventy years ago, as follows: "Ye should be shot wi' a ball o' yir ain dung."

I don't know if there's any video clip of the following incident, but surely there must be; briefly, during a television news article about chimpanzees in some zoo or other, one of these creatures suddenly swung into shot from top right and, with impeccable timing as well as aim, swung his shot into shot and into the shocked face of the (female) reporter. It's impossible to tell this true event to anyone without yourself bursting into laughter.

von Schwartz29 Jan 2020 7:28 p.m. PST

Wasn't there a rather unknown quote from a French Grenadier officer during the 1807 campaign exhorting his men to, "…keep your heads down men, those are musket balls, not Bleeped texts" or words to that effect?

von Schwartz29 Jan 2020 7:31 p.m. PST

OK, OK, I used a naughty word!!! FECES, how about that, those are musket balls, not FECES?!?!


Robert le Diable29 Jan 2020 7:56 p.m. PST

Col. Lepic of the Grenadiers a Cheval de la Garde, at Eylau, 1807. There's a painting by Edouard Detaille. The title is in French (naturellement), so it might get by the censor; "Haute les tetes, le mitraille n'est pas de la merde".

von Schwartz10 Feb 2020 7:24 p.m. PST

Thank you Robert, at least someone else read that quote, I believe it was in Chandler's "The Campaigns of Napoleon".

And since you were so kind as to provide the exact quote, in French, I was then able to obtain the English translation, for those of us not conversant in French, me most of all.

"high heads the grapeshot is not sh**"

Suitably censored of course.(smile)

Robert le Diable16 Feb 2020 12:05 p.m. PST

As far as I knew/know, the quotation is actually part of the title of the painting, though that title is slightly, and significantly, longer than I remembered. It goes, "'Haut les tetes, messieurs, la mitraille n'est pas de la merde'. Le Col. Lepic a Eylau, (Fevrier 1807)" – can't recall if the month were given! Someone else is certain to be better informed than I, but wasn't it part of what might be termed "Garde etiquette" that the soldiers were all addressed as "Monsieur" or "Messieurs" by officers? Perhaps that was only the "Gardes d'Honneur". Anyway, glad to have been of help, and you might find it interesting that Detaille re-used several compositions, as well as certain figures, in paintings of different military subjects; the famous one of Lasalle leading a Cuirassier Regt appears in at least two other works, one of a Napoleonic Dragoon holding aloft a standard, the other a contemporary French cavalryman, I think light cavalry, ie Chasseurs or Hussards. I've got a memory of the Lepic one also being re-used, but again someone else may be more exact. Good Luck.

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