So this week saw the last session for our stalwart group of young adventurers. Would they find the way into the dungeon? Would they survive once they got there? Well… Yes and no.
We began still outside the dungeon proper, but with all the elements in place to solve the entry puzzle. Unfortunately, not all the brain cells were apparently in place for it, until the wizard accidentally used the one cantrip that was the key to the whole thing. That triggered an obvious clue, which they quickly acted upon, and they cheered as the entrance to the dungeon appeared. It would, alas, be their final moment of success.
The Wizard Has a Pet Dragon! It Couldn't Possibly Be Anything Else!
The set up is that they're investigating a legendary lost wizard's lair, belonging to a wizard who was rumored to have a menagerie of magical creatures he could control, until one became to great for him to master. Cue destruction of tower, death of wizard, legends galore, etc., etc.. One of the PCs was a Dragonborn Paladin, and had once seen a large, red lizard creature flying at a great distance from their hometown. (This was really just a bit of player and locale background, and had nothing to do with this adventure.) He was convinced the dragon was the creature this ancient wizard had failed to master. At one point, despite seeing several depictions of a weasel in the dungeon's artistic elements, the paladin finds a large bronze bowl, obviously the feeding dish of a large pet. The bowl is in a chamber with only three exits, each only 10' wide.
Teen (Paladin): "Wizard had a pet dragon!"
DM: "The name on the bowl says, 'Wooly.'"
Teen (Paladin): "The dragon's name is 'Wooly!'"
DM: "The room only has three doors, all of them only 10' wide. How did the dragon get in or out?"
Teen (Paladin): "The wizard shrunk the dragon!"
DM gives up.
And the Most Valuable Possession of a Teen Is…
Wooly, of course, turns out not to be a dragon at all, but a giant weasel. ("Awwww," says Teen Paladin. The second time I've gotten that reaction after describing an enormous furry carnivore with very sharp teeth to teens.) The weasel bobs its head about and sniffs at the party's backpacks (where their food is).
Teen (Cleric): "I give the weasel a ration."
DM: "It snaps it up in an instant. To be clear, think of it as encountering a hungry mastiff and giving it a crumb from a small cookie."
Teen (Cleric): "I give it all my rations."
DM: "It gobbles these up very quickly, but keeps sniffing at the packs."
Teen (Elf): "I don't have any food in my pack."
Teen (Wizard): "I don't either."
All look at Paladin:
Paladin: "I'm not giving it my food!"
DM: "Roll for initiative."
In Which We Learn About The Weasel's Relationship to…the Skunk
The above crisis turns into a fight, which triggers the weasel to do the second thing weasels do best…spray musk all over the party. Failed saving throws later, and the entire party smells worse than last week's garbage.
All Other Teens, to Paladin: "Next time, just feed the weasel!"
So It's *That* Kind of Dungeon
Teen (Cleric): "I take off my cloak, my armor, and all my equipment and clothes and spread everything out to air out."
Other Teen: "So, you're naked?"
Teen (Cleric): "Pretty much, yeah."
Other Teen: "Okay, I'm leaving the chamber right now."
Other Teens: "Us too!"
What's a Ghoul Like You Doing in a Place Like This? Besides Chewing on My Arm?or Why Wizards Shouldn't Open Doors
There next encounter was with a party of ghouls, but unfortunately, they encountered them with one member off in another chamber (the "airing out" cleric), and the other poisoned (by the stench of his own weasel musk). And the one doing the upfront exploring was…the Wizard! The first level 7 hit point wizard! Also known as "ghoul goulash."
The Paladin possessed a magic sword that was especially powerful against undead (which he knew), so I assumed that this fight would actually go very quickly, as this sword would most likely kill a ghoul with one strike.
Paladin's first round: Attack roll: a 1.
Wizard cast magic missile, hitting two ghouls, but failing to kill either (focusing on only one would have slain). Wizard goes down, obviously.
Elf shoots bow, but does little to the ghouls.
Cleric begins to get dressed, hearing the fight in the distance.
Paladin's second round: Ignores sword, disengages, lays hands on wizard.
Wizard casts ray of frost, doing piddling damage with the piddling spell. (This was a favorable ruling that the wizard could act, but I felt the party needed the break.)
Elf goes down. (Not paralyzed, but when you're at -2, that's really no consolation.)
A Ghast joins the ghouls.
Third round: Paladin (remembering his stats): "Hey, I have dragon breath!" Breathes fire. Kills two ghouls (already injured), but the rest are still fighting.
Wizard: Ray of frost on Ghast.
Cleric joins fight. Uses mace. Kills Ghast. Hooray! Only a few ghouls left, all badly injured!
Elf remains unconscious.
Wizard goes down (again).
Paladin goes down. (Uh oh.)
Cleric…gets paralyzed.
There ain't nobody else.
Teen: "Did we all just die again?"
You Can't Take It With You, But You Can Roll New Stats
Teen: "So, what do we see as we look down on ourselves?"
DM: "You see the undead creatures gnawing on your corpses."
Teen: "Eeeww."
Teen (Cleric): "But I had 500 gold pieces!"
Teen (Paladin): "And I had an awesome sword!"
DM: "Well, somebody else will come along and find them among your bones. But it won't be you."
Teen: "What now?"
DM: "You roll up new characters."
So they promptly did.
And thus endeth An Introduction to D&D program in the Teen Room.
At least until next summer.
EPILOGUE
The scene pulls back upon a table in a distant realm, where three boys peer at books and rattle geometric solid objects upon the table top. They excitedly scribble down numbers, flip pages, and discuss bits of arcana among themselves. A fourth boy holds an open box, from which he has pulled a thin tome: "THE LOST MINE OF PHANDELVER" it reads. He reads a headline: "For the Dungeon Master only." And then he reads on, smiling mischievously…
And so your faithful narrator looks away. The adventures will continue without him. And in that knowledge, he is well satisfied.
