"Next Star Wars movie pitch" Topic

It looks like many of the characters in the Star Wars universe will get their own movie. Boba Fett for instance. What character do you most want to see a movie made about?

For me it would be Porkins. What is that guy's back story? There are so many unanswered questions. Was "Porkins" his real name or just a cruel nick name? How did this guy become a fighter pilot being so overweight? To be fair, I think I can already answer that. It's obvious the rebellion was desperately short of pilots. They gave a multi zillion dollar star fighter to a raw farm boy, few questions asked.

So, what's your pitch?

That little droid Chewie scares off in the Death Star. Gotta be a story there somewhere.

One of the novels, Tales from the Cantina (maybe), provided back stories of a few of the characters that were in the cantina.

I would like to see a jawa movie, but without the squeeky voices. A peek into the life of a storm trooper, from central city hoodlum to fire team leader, could be cool.

I want to see a three-part series on Jar-Jar Binks, with lots and lots of Ewoks. It needs to star yet another 90-lb Disney princess that can beat any grown man in a fistfight.

I mean, if you are intent on screwing up a franchise, go big or go home.

"go big or go home"

A documentary on the Hutts rise to (criminal) power.

Ahsoka Tano!!!

Wedge?

A peek into the life of a storm trooper

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Saber6 beat me to it!

A Hutt movie would combine Gangster genre and SciFi, so could be awesome.

They need the Coen brothers to make it though.

Well the Fett movie was rumoured when I was a kid!

Someone mentioned the Ewoks – Disney could always reboot that movie sequence, I mean what's not to like about tonnes of furry teddy merchandise? And we complain about the current state of the franchise…

I will skip Beta Fett like I am skipping Soylo. I would pay to see them toss Kennedy and Johnson into Sarlacc Pit.

Hmm. You know, I like the little furballs, myself. But in keeping with our theme of how to further mess up the franchise:

--The Ewok Christmas Special on TV--but they'll have to call it "Winterfest" or something.
--Remake "A New Hope" with an all-female cast.
--A soap opera about scheming someone's way to the top of the Trade Federation.
--On cable, a very explicit bit on life in Jabba's palace. We know how Jabba's relationship with Leia began and how it ended--but what was it like in between? Possibly why things never really worked out between her and Han?

Oh. And they gave Porkins a chance because he was related to the legendary Viper pilot Jolly.

Won't matter what they do until they remove Kennedy and put a real SW fan in charge who is more concerned about storytelling then agendas.

Christopher

What is this "storytelling" of which you speak? Is socialist realism missing something as an art form?

I, however did miss something. It's not actually a movie, but we need the self-help book about using the Force to advance your career.

Or The Teaching Company could do it as a lecture series. They're about down to it.

There are so many unanswered questions. Was "Porkins" his real name or just a cruel nick name? How did this guy become a fighter pilot being so overweight?

Not to get this onto the Fez or the Dawghouse, but give how Kathleen Kennedy is making Star Wars today, Porkins is probably a transgendered woman originally named "Porcinia" who bravely sacrificed xerself for the cause of the Rebellion…

You know guys, before we mock the overweight fighter jock to excess, we may want to take another look at the physics of the Star Wars universe--or maybe just their artificial gravity. Because in OUR universe, the perfect fighter pilot is middle aged, overweight and fighting high blood pressure.

Yeah, I know. Not the USAF recruiting poster. But when you get to actual dogfights, given more or less equal planes, bet on the overage Air National Guard pilot. He's got hundreds if not thousands of additional hours in the cockpit and--to our immediate point--his higher blood pressure means he doesn't black out in a tight turn as fast as that skinny kid just out of the Academy.

The Air Force knows it, but they don't like to talk about it.

Another unanswered Porkins question is, where was he supposed to eject to? That space station they are trying to blow up? I suppose the chances of their succeeding were slim to none so fair enough. But how is ejecting from a damaged starfighter going to improve your situation when you're not wearing a proper space suit. Or does a pod containing the cockpit detach and float around in space?

Another possible Star Wars spin off occurs to me. What's up with that guy evacuating cloud city in the second movie, the one carrying an ice cream maker under his arm. The evil empire has arrived to impose its tyrannical will on cloud city and you gotta run for your life. What do you snatch up in the few moments you have? Family photos, a hand full of cash, maybe a good blaster? No. Apparently an ice cream maker. Perhaps this guy was an ice cream seller and this was all of his livelihood that was portable. Maybe it had sentimental value.

Vengeance is a dish best served cold- through brain freeze!

Tell it from the Empire's Point of view.

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Hmm. You know, I like the little furballs, myself. But in keeping with our theme of how to further mess up the franchise:
--The Ewok Christmas Special on TV--but they'll have to call it "Winterfest" or something.

I think they've done that already, granted without Ewoks, but it was called the 'Holiday Special'!

Frankly short of Disney doing to SW what they've just done to the Zombie genre, but have Uwe Boll direct I'm not sure they can go much lower than has already been achieved!

I want more war movies, maybe something on the 61st Mobile Infantry "Twilight Company" or the Inferno Squad. Or even Rogue Squadron.

"I think they've done that already, granted without Ewoks, but it was called the 'Holiday Special'!"

Yeah, I know. I didn't watch it, but I heard. But if you're really going for the sugar high, you need the Ewoks.

We mock Disney, and why not? But you could do a long roster of bad Star Wars ideas Lukas perpetrated.

A very long roster.

Yeah, and he continues to be a 'creative consultant' on the current ones, apparently with actual input and if that includes the scripts, it might explain a few things….

A more interesting spin for the "continuation" movies would have been to introduce a third "alien" threat to both the remnant Empire and the New Republic forcing them to work together – so Storm Troopers could do something positive. But maintain some Cold War friction between the two (Luke/Leia uneasy about an alliance – new characters with a different point of view).

But instead we got remakes, a good one and a bad one.

TomT

Tico: A Star Wars story