"Don't let him leave, till I come back and get him…"
(Time passes.)
"You heard them orders, right?"
"Sure 'nuff, as I did."
"And they was to all of us, right?"
"Reckon they was."
"So, which one of us is 'him'?"
"Whatchya mean?"
"The 'him' we's supposed to guard."
"I'm thinkin' it's Stanley."
"What, me? Whatever would I need guardin' for?"
"I seen you sneakin' a third biscuit This mornin'."
"What? I never! Besides, Dick had four!"
"Well, I gots to keep up me strength, what with guardin' you all day."
"What are you lot goin' on about? We ain't guardin' Stanley."
"See, I knew we was guardin' Dick. Biscuit glutton."
"We ain't guardin' Dick neither!"
"Well then, who is we guardin'?"
"You got to listen to the orders. They was most specific. Clear as the nose on me own face, they was."
"Your nose has pox."
"Not that kind of clear, you daft git!"
"Never mind your poxy nose, who is we guardin'?!"
"He said, 'him.'"
"What, the officer?"
"No, you idjit! That's balmy. If he meant us to guard him, he'd have said 'me'."
"So we're guardin' you."
"Not me, 'me,' him, 'me!'"
"Right. You're him."
"No, I'm not him! He's 'me', not him, and not me."
"I'm gonna need another biscuit to figure all this out."
"Look, just guard him, okay?"
"Which him?"
"All of them."
"Wait, you can't have everyone be him."
"Why not?"
"Well him's just, you know, him, whereas them's them and we're us."
"Fine! We'll all just guard each other!"
"Oh. Yeah, ok."
"Yep. Fine with me."
"So we just pick a him to guard?"
"That's the gist of it."
"Oh. Well, that makes sense, then."
"Easy job, too. I like that."
"Right. On with the guardin'."
Pause.
"Anybody got an extra biscuit?"
"He does."
"???"
FIN. Or possibly, repeat.
With apologies to M.P.
