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"How to Survive a Killer Clown Attack" Topic

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645 hits since 11 Sep 2017
©1994-2018 Bill Armintrout
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Tango01 Supporting Member of TMP12 Sep 2017 3:16 p.m. PST

"Alamo Drafthouse locations across the country are hosting all-clown screenings of It this weekend in an ill-advised attempt to turn the public's innate and rational fear of clowns into some sort of "fun" marketing stunt. To reiterate: there's a solid chance you're going to see gangs of clowns roaming the streets.

To be fair, the vast majority of the clowns you might bump into this weekend are merely going to be overenthusiastic Stephen King fans who gleefully responded to the Alamo Drafthouse's sick call to arms. But, as is always the case when there are more clowns wandering the streets than normal, it is important to remember that some clowns aren't just people in awful Party City makeup. Some clowns aren't people at all—they're murderous, bloodthirsty monsters who'd like nothing more than sink their filthy teeth into your unsuspecting flesh.

We here at io9 take clown safety very seriously, so we wanted to familiarize everyone with a) how to differentiate between harmless human clowns and their (much more) murderous cousins; and b) how to confront a clown should the situation call for it. Remember, people, clowns are much less afraid of you than you are of them, so it'd behoove you to have a game plan at the ready unless you're trying to get got…"
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Personal logo piper909 Supporting Member of TMP Inactive Member12 Sep 2017 3:23 p.m. PST

It's gotten to be that a happy, NON-killer clown is a rarity. They've been made extinct by post-modern irony and camp thrills.

Old Glory Sponsoring Member of TMP12 Sep 2017 7:38 p.m. PST

When attacked by clowns always always go for the "juggler???"

Russ Dunaway

Personal logo Patrick R Supporting Member of TMP13 Sep 2017 1:44 a.m. PST


OldGrenadier at work13 Sep 2017 3:00 a.m. PST

You may have something there, Patrick.

Personal logo miniMo Supporting Member of TMP13 Sep 2017 9:05 a.m. PST

I think the evil clown trend started back in Gothic literature.

I'ld go with Edgar Allen Poe's Hop-Frog. Technically a jester, but definitely period clown-equivalent for the setting of the story.

Tango01 Supporting Member of TMP13 Sep 2017 9:58 a.m. PST



Kropotkin30313 Sep 2017 1:40 p.m. PST

Custard Pies I think.

snurl1 Inactive Member13 Sep 2017 5:12 p.m. PST

Lots of pies.

Redmenace Inactive Member14 Sep 2017 6:49 a.m. PST

Fragmentation pies.

Personal logo Wolfshanza Supporting Member of TMP14 Sep 2017 9:26 p.m. PST

Killer Clowns from Outer Space ! evil grin

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