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"Schlock Mercenary Reviews VALERIAN, and it ain't good..." Topic

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Personal logo Parzival Supporting Member of TMP21 Jul 2017 5:44 a.m. PST

Howard Tayler , creator of SCHLOCK MERCENARY, just posted his review of VALERIAN AND THE CITY OF A THOUSAND PLANETS. Suffice it to say that even Lt. Pie wouldn't love this bomb.

No real spoilers, except to say that in Tayler's opinion, the movie sucks more than the supermassive black hole in the center of the Galaxy. That's my phrasing, but it captures the review. Read it for yourself: link

Mutant Q21 Jul 2017 8:46 a.m. PST

I've been hearing mixed reviews. I think this is going to be one of those films that either has a lot of vehement detractors AND a lot a avid fans. I'll see what my friends have to say about it before dropping $5 USD on it.

Oberlindes Sol LIC Supporting Member of TMP21 Jul 2017 9:45 a.m. PST

Where do you get to see a first-run movie in the theater for only $5 USD?

Vigilant21 Jul 2017 9:56 a.m. PST

Since I've never heard of Howard Taylor or Schlock Mercenary, but I have seen several Luc Beeson films and generally enjoyed them, I'll take my chances.

Frederick Supporting Member of TMP21 Jul 2017 10:28 a.m. PST

Agree with Vigilant – if this is a true Space Opera best not to take it too seriously

Plus the Little Prince (who is not so little anymore) really wants to see it

nnascati Supporting Member of TMP21 Jul 2017 11:58 a.m. PST

It struck me as a movie offering good entertainment. I wil wait until it is on Netflix, etheater experience any, I have no patience fo rthe

Personal logo Parzival Supporting Member of TMP21 Jul 2017 12:29 p.m. PST


If you've never read Schlock Mercenary, you're missing out. The ongoing comic saga of a 31st century mercenary company, "Tagon's Toughs," featuring the eponymous Sergeant Schlock (a cheerfully belligerent, plasma-gun loving "amorph"), the strip has been running daily, without interruption, since 2000, and the book collections have recieved 5 separate nominations for Hugo awards. Military SF author John Ringo's "Troy Rising" trilogy is very much written as the "future ancient history background" for the series.

Tayler is also cocreator, with bestselling SF/F author Brandon Sanderson, of the "Writing Excuses" podcast series for writers and other creative artists. He's been reviewing action, SF, fantasy and similar films on his comic blog for some time, and he's got the plot and characterization chops to back up his opinions. More often than not, I find his reviews to be spot on, though if anything, he tends to be a little too forgiving. You don't name a comic "Schlock Mercenary" without having some sort of love for schlock! grin

Calico Bill21 Jul 2017 2:19 p.m. PST

Thanks for the warning.

Cyrus the Great21 Jul 2017 3:05 p.m. PST

Yea, I've never heard of him or Schlock Mercenary. Just another guy with an opinion.

Mutant Q21 Jul 2017 3:52 p.m. PST

Oberlindes Sol LIC:

The local movie theater chain (Marcus) has $5 USD admissions for 2D movies (I think it's $6 USD for 3D) on Tuesdays.

Cyrus can vouch.

Mardaddy21 Jul 2017 8:48 p.m. PST

The director also made "The Fifth Element."

That had a lot of detractors upon release, but over time has become a campy favorite to many of us.

The reviews I have seen is that this has bad, wooden, dull acting on the part of the two protagonists, and a very odd plot.

I have yet to see it, but could envision this also becoming a late campy favorite.

bsrlee22 Jul 2017 12:43 a.m. PST

From the previews on YouTube and Howard's review, it looks to be lots of CGI eye candy but no substance, unlike 5th Element. So – diabetes inducing but it still leaves you feeling hungry afterwards.

From several years of Howard's reviews, I've found we have similar tastes in movies, or at least we think the same movies are stinkers.

bandit86 Supporting Member of TMP22 Jul 2017 1:18 a.m. PST

Love the 5th element, this however was pretty bad and I was really looking forward to it The movie was all Special effects over Plot. The main characters were wooden and it was basically another version of Avatar. A few (very few) funny parts, The Hat scene made me smile. Way Way too many characters who were real throw aways. I really liked the opening montage but it went down from there,I did not hate it but did not like it either

Dentatus Fezian23 Jul 2017 10:41 a.m. PST

Sounds like a rental…

Patrick Sexton Supporting Member of TMP23 Jul 2017 8:09 p.m. PST

Well, we saw it this afternoon and my wife and I both thought it was an extremely good movie. Good enough thta we will see it again when it hits the 'dollar' show.

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