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"Movies that never should have been made in the first place" Topic


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24 Jan 2018 3:18 p.m. PST
by Editor in Chief Bill

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Winston Smith12 Jun 2017 5:37 p.m. PST

Showgirls. Number 1 on my guilty pleasures list. I read an article in The NY Times Ahts and Lezhure section when this movie came out. It was full of wonder at how many naked women could be blah blah blah.
It also featured two of the ugliest guys I have ever seen, the director and producer. Or was one a writer. No matter. It showed exactly why UGLY guys go into show business.

The plot is absurd. The acting is horrible. Elizabeth Berkeley has no talent whatsoever, so you may as well take all her clothes off. Gina Gershon has marginally better acting skills but is still hot.
Kyle MacLachlan has never been better, but then he's never been very good either. But who cares? He's a dude and just gets in the way.

Anyway, Showgirls can't be beat. But it should be.

robert piepenbrink Supporting Member of TMP12 Jun 2017 5:59 p.m. PST

Guilty as Sin remains the only movie I actually gave up and walked out of after paying for a ticket. I still don't know how it ended. I mean, presumably it did, but I saw no sign of it.

nevals12 Jun 2017 6:03 p.m. PST

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

Personal logo Mister Tibbles Supporting Member of TMP12 Jun 2017 6:03 p.m. PST

1776 The Musical. I barely made it through it.

I pray they do not make a movie version of Hamilton, complete with condescending and rude stage actors.

Stryderg12 Jun 2017 6:03 p.m. PST

Starship Troopers 2 and 3 (and 4 if their was one)
Aliens 3 and 4
… Now that I think about it, probably most any ____ 3 and 4

Coyotepunc and Hatshepsuut12 Jun 2017 6:11 p.m. PST

G.I. Joe

Just horrible.

EDIT: also Superman IV The Quest For Peace

Hafen von Schlockenberg12 Jun 2017 6:18 p.m. PST

Ah. So many to choose from.

Actually,Showgirls ended up making money, after its rerelease as a camp favorite--lots of midnight showings and watch parties. More amazing facts:

link


Anyway. I'd put The Conqueror up there. And any other radioactive movies.

Poor Susan Hayward.

cavcrazy12 Jun 2017 6:20 p.m. PST

Howard the Duck

Coyotepunc and Hatshepsuut12 Jun 2017 6:24 p.m. PST

Howard The Duck was great! It got me through the second half of the '80s.

vagamer63 Supporting Member of TMP12 Jun 2017 6:28 p.m. PST

About 75% of the movies made since around 1975!!

Pictors Studio12 Jun 2017 6:33 p.m. PST

And 90% of the ones made before 1975.

Wackmole9 Supporting Member of TMP12 Jun 2017 6:48 p.m. PST

Alien 3, Ghostbusters 2, Jaws 2-up, Tremors 3-up

Great War Ace12 Jun 2017 7:21 p.m. PST

All of the Planet of the Apes sequels, the TV series too.

I try to forget horrible movies…………

Allen57 Supporting Member of TMP12 Jun 2017 7:39 p.m. PST

Lost Horizon (1973). OMG they made it as a musical.

Personal logo optional field Supporting Member of TMP12 Jun 2017 7:55 p.m. PST

Most Hollywood made since… 1990?

Personal logo javelin98 Supporting Member of TMP12 Jun 2017 8:03 p.m. PST

Prometheus
Suicide Squad

Personal logo David Manley Supporting Member of TMP12 Jun 2017 8:09 p.m. PST

U571
The Patriot
Braveheart
Deep Impact

phssthpok12 Jun 2017 8:58 p.m. PST

Dune, the movie not the miniseries; Bakshi's The Hobbit. All of the Clash of the Titan's.

USAFpilot12 Jun 2017 10:09 p.m. PST

The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings

Most movies made these days; over the top action with cliche story telling.

A famous film critic once said that Americans make movies for teenagers, whereas Europeans make movies for adults.

Tacitus12 Jun 2017 10:41 p.m. PST

David, at least we can agree on Deep Impact. I submit Tammy.

Bandolier Supporting Member of TMP13 Jun 2017 12:46 a.m. PST

Fast and Furious 4-8.

I walked out on the 7th movie. Stupid-Dumb, not even 'stupid-fun'.

Dynaman878913 Jun 2017 2:55 a.m. PST

> Starship Troopers 2 and 3 (and 4 if their was one)

There was a fourth one, and it was fairly decent since it was all 3d animation. They are working on a 5th one now – but it has the original Johnny Rico back to voice the character again (another 3d animated one).

Dynaman878913 Jun 2017 2:56 a.m. PST

> A famous film critic once said that Americans make movies for teenagers, whereas Europeans make movies for adults.

That may be true but Hollywood films are top grossing around the world…

robert piepenbrink Supporting Member of TMP13 Jun 2017 3:18 a.m. PST

A certain amount of mud-slinging going on? Vagamer? Pictors?
Hafen, if we were studio executives, Showgirls' return on investment would be a factor--perhaps the only factor. But if that's the case, shouldn't we defer the whole argument over to Box Office Mojo?
Actually, SUAFpilot, state-run film systems make movies, not for teenagers, admittedly, but for critics--and it's hard to get further from an adult than that.

Suggestion: unless we just want to re-title the thread "movies I really hated" shouldn't we focus on the ones which really shouldn't have been made? To me that suggests not bad execution, but bad initial ideas--or no idea at all. For instance, I have no use for the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen as produced, but I don't think there was anything wrong with the concept. I think The Conqueror was actually a good script. But--and I should have thought of it sooner--why would anyone greenlight Lost Horizon as a musical? THAT is a movie which never should have been made. The problem is, most of us have never seen the really spectacular examples.

Ewan Hoosami13 Jun 2017 3:57 a.m. PST

Hudson Hawk, Toys, Zardoz, The Librarian series, Waterworld, Lost in Space, Australia, Memphis Belle, Alien 3 up, Starship Troopers 1,2,3. The Halo Films. Mad Max 3, U571, Tomb Raider 1 and 2

basileus6613 Jun 2017 5:25 a.m. PST

So many… Let me see:

Alien 3 (or how to make rubbish of a franchise)
Prometheus
Alien Covenant (uneeded, unloved)
Suicide Squad
Kingdom of Heaven
U571
Starship Troopers (any of them)
Predator 3 en avant
Alien vs Predator (rubbish)
Terminator Salvation
Terminator Geneysis
Lone Ranger (one of the most unnecessary films ever)

parrskool13 Jun 2017 5:44 a.m. PST

Gonks go Beat.

Kevin C Supporting Member of TMP13 Jun 2017 6:02 a.m. PST

All of the Star Wars movies after the Return of the Jedi.

21eRegt13 Jun 2017 6:18 a.m. PST

The only movie I walked out of, muttering "too stupid," was Being There with Peter Sellers. So disappointed.

Old Wolfman13 Jun 2017 6:49 a.m. PST

Andy Warhol's Frankenstein,his Dracula pic also,and several others by others..

Dynaman878913 Jun 2017 6:56 a.m. PST

Liquid Sky.

Personal logo The Virtual Armchair General Sponsoring Member of TMP13 Jun 2017 7:13 a.m. PST

"King Solomon's Mines," the 80's version with Richard Chamberlain, Sharon Stone, and a greatly wasted Herbert Lom.

This is still the only movie I was ever on the point of walking out on--and then I thought, "Can it get worse?" Intellectual curiosity saw me through to the end, and, yes, it got worse. More astonishingly, it made enough money to spawn a sequel, but I don't think anyone went to see it--including a much wiser

TVAG

USAFpilot13 Jun 2017 7:32 a.m. PST

> A famous film critic once said that Americans make movies for teenagers, whereas Europeans make movies for adults.

That may be true but Hollywood films are top grossing around the world…

That may be true but when has money ever equated to good taste.

Oh yea,I second 'all the movies after Jedi'

Gunfreak Supporting Member of TMP13 Jun 2017 7:43 a.m. PST

All of those Kevin Sorbos "God" movies
BravHeart (AKA hate the English)
The Patriot (AKA hate the English part 2, alias let's Bleeped text up history for every 15 year old)
Die Hard 4 (AKA let's make a PG13 sequel to True Lies)
Die Hard 5 (AKA let's make a Vin Disel movie with out Vin Disel, alias someone shoot Bruce Willis before he totally ruins John McClanes reputation)

Personal logo Parzival Supporting Member of TMP13 Jun 2017 8:04 a.m. PST

The prequels. You know the ones I mean.

And Serenity. Other than a few good lines, it was a mush that destroyed the franchise. Better to have let the series end with "Out of Gas."

Gone Fishing13 Jun 2017 8:33 a.m. PST

Though my family loves them, I have to agree with Kevin C: the Star Wars films after the original three have ranged from "tolerable" to "forgettable" to "O God, I wish it was forgettable!" They lost the magic. (The Force?)

Gunfreak, couldn't agree more, particularly with the first two: Hollywood's portrayal of the English gets very old at times (Wonder Woman is a current example); another favourite target is people from the South.

attilathepun4713 Jun 2017 8:44 a.m. PST

Any and all "super hero" movies, plus any sci-fi movie that includes mush-headed crap about "the force."

Liliburlero Supporting Member of TMP13 Jun 2017 8:49 a.m. PST

Paint Your Wagon with Lee Marvin and Clint Eastwood.

Dynaman878913 Jun 2017 9:46 a.m. PST

> That may be true but when has money ever equated to good taste.

Nothing to do with "taste". The box office take in those other countries show just what their own citizenry think of their "movies for adults"…

skedaddle13 Jun 2017 9:48 a.m. PST

2012. Even the bottles of wine we snuck into the theater couldn't save that one.

Personal logo Herkybird Supporting Member of TMP13 Jun 2017 9:52 a.m. PST

The remakes of 'The day the Earth stood still' and 'War of the Worlds' deserve a Golden Turkey mention!

Personal logo Murphy Sponsoring Member of TMP13 Jun 2017 10:04 a.m. PST

"Xanadu"
"Defcon 4"
"Poletergeist III"
"Metalstorm, The Destruction of Jared Syn"…
"Sahara Heat" (A 3 AM Cinemax Favorite!)
"The Further Adventures of Tennessee Buck"…

And sooooooooooo many others….

Personal logo Murphy Sponsoring Member of TMP13 Jun 2017 10:05 a.m. PST

"Now That's Love" (1997 by Morgan Productions, co-starring yours truly)….

USAFpilot13 Jun 2017 1:39 p.m. PST

> That may be true but when has money ever equated to good taste.

Nothing to do with "taste". The box office take in those other countries show just what their own citizenry think of their "movies for adults"…

Ah yes, I think a Frenchman once wrote a book entitled "Tyranny of the Majority". Little did he know that the common rabble would guillotine his king and queen a few years later. Most popular culture is short lived and forgotten after a few years. Great art lasts forever. Intelligent people still appreciate the classics whether it is in movies, literature, music, or art. In a hundred years from now people will still read Shakespeare and listen to Beethoven, not because they are hits at the box office but because they are good.

Personal logo The Virtual Armchair General Sponsoring Member of TMP13 Jun 2017 1:53 p.m. PST

"In a hundred years from now people will still read Shakespeare and listen to Beethoven, not because they are hits at the box office but because they are good."

Oh, how I hope so!

But frankly I doubt it. The mass pop culture market has sucked/is sucking all available resources into what will make a dollar TODAY.

How often is Shakespeare performed today? Indeed, how much live theater is there now compared even to a decade ago. And, more to the point, how many YOUNG people attend or even know it exists--or care if it does?

Not to make to fine a point of it, but who hears Beethoven anywhere outside of a symphony orchestras getting less and less support from their local communities, or state supported radio stations with an ever dwindling audience.

Stop the next ten people you meet under 21 what they know about Shakespeare or Beethoven, and then ask if they'd be willing to spend any of their time or money on either.

I think you will immediately feel the chill of the death of any culture a hundred years from now not rooted in today's culture, Kardashian's, and instant mindless gratification.

Enjoy the culture that has survived until now--I can't see how it will survive when it's not taught, attended, appreciated or, frankly, paid for by a large enough audience of today's snowflakes.

Dark Ages don't always come from war and catastrophe. They only require disinterest in what came before.

TVAG

abelp0113 Jun 2017 2:00 p.m. PST

Doc Savage

VCarter Supporting Member of TMP13 Jun 2017 3:57 p.m. PST

Well said TVAG

In part because of the taught self hate of Western civilization.

Especially for dead white guys.

Hafen von Schlockenberg13 Jun 2017 5:01 p.m. PST

Last I heard, Tokyo supported four major orchestras, which sell out every performance.


Of course, unless things have changed,every Japanese school child is required to learn a musical instrument. Sounds like an example of GI-GO to me.

Whether the G is garbage or gold. Society decides what's important.

I liked Doc Savage,BTW. High camp.

Jakar Nilson13 Jun 2017 7:55 p.m. PST

Manos, the Hands of Fate.

Khusrau14 Jun 2017 3:31 a.m. PST

No mention of Ishtar so far?

Possibly the only movie I have ever switched off on Netflix after raising high hopes with the title was 'Zombie Strippers'.. it couldn't even manage camp parody without being dreadful. Oh, and most Cormann movies.

Virtually all 'made for TV' Sci-Fi movies.

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