If I were in your position …
Firstly, I would recognize that the reason so many games seem to be intensely competitive is that this is how the people in the group like their games.
Unhappily, it does not seem to be the way you like your games. By the way, it is also not the way I like my games. So I have some empathy with your position. But start by recognizing this is how they like to play.
So you have the choice of dropping out from the group. Well, maybe that's not what you want to do, because hey, miniatures gaming groups don't grown on trees. At least not in my area. Probably not in your area either.
So if I were in your place, and I didn't want to drop from the group, I would see my remaining choices as two:
a ) Find a way to identify the subset of people who like less competitive gaming, and then set up separate games with them.
or …
b ) Find a way to convince the group as a whole that less-competitive gaming is fun enough to replace some (if not all) of their over-competitive gaming.
As to the "talk it out with them" counsel, well if I were in that position I would not be too enthused about this. It might be a path to option a), but I would not expect it to be a path to option b). When was the last time you got a permanent positive change by asking someone that didn't want to do something to do it just "for you"? I have never found that to be an effective way to change someone's behavior, except maybe for very short periods of time.
Far more productive, I would think would be setting up some games that were, by their nature, not very competitive -- and try to ensure those games are fun. If you do this, you'll get a little of a) and a little of b) working for you every time. Easier to identify those who enjoy it (because they choose to play in your games), and over a few games most likely you'll get a growing number of converts to your way of gaming.
So how do you make a game that is less competitive, but very fun? In my own game-mastering I've succeeded in several cases, but I've also had some notable failures.
Things that I've tried that have worked, the best seem to be:
- Place more un-known factors into the game, and ..
- Come up with more than 1 way to be a winner. (Others mentioned this as well.)
I like to put a large dose of the unknown into my games. I think the gaming is better … much better. A large portion of the game is spend trying to uncover information, rather than trying to optimize minutia for an advantage in the dice.
The three key unknowns I work with are:
1) Players don't know the opposing forces
2) Players don't know the opponents' victory conditions, and
3) Blind set-up and movement during the game (I use chits, but there are several methods available).
I find that most hyper-competitive people seem to focus on optimization of who is half and inch around the corner, did you see me for more than 1/4 but less than 1/3 of my move / you didn't move far enough / well he can't see me / oh he can see you / oh I get a +1 because I'm unbuttoned / no you never said you were unbuttoned and it says on page 23, paragraph b(iii) that "a player declares at the start of the turn … ". That's the kind of behavior that really puts me off of a game.
I find that players who don't know the opponent's force, and who see only their suspicions on the board, play a very different game. It's not about optimizing my bucket of dice vs. yours. It's about "Oh crap I didn't put anyone covering that flank … do I need to move someone over there pronto?"
But beware, some people simply don't take well to imperfect information. They become frustrated and don't have any fun if they can't spend their time optimizing how the two on the left will target the two on the right (… no, not YOUR right, MY right, you know, including the one that is your company commander, although really I'm not targeting the company commander, 'cause the rules say I can't, but I'm just targeting the two on the right).
In my case, they seldom want to join a second of my games after the first one. I'm OK with that.
The other idea, as others have mentioned, is more than one way to win. Here I have found it useful both to think about how you construct your victory conditions, but also the possibility of being a "winner" even if you don't win the game.
At one big game I did at a Con, I set up some prizes, separate from victory of loss. I was fortunate enough to have GHQ provide me two gift certificates to give away (they "sponsored" my game). So I made 2 ways to win that were NOT who won the game. I had "most heroic unit" and "most kills". Then I had a set of victory points for the whole side that involved taking objectives, and how many kills minus how many losses from the original force. The "most heroic unit" was voted for by all the gamers at the end of the game, the only rule being that no one could vote for their own unit(s).
Even with intensely competitive gamers (you'll always get them at a Con game), it turned out to be a very good approach. It was a Prokhorovka game (gulp! Not an ambition undertaking at all!) covering the action on the north bank of the Psel. One of the victory points was for a bridge … 2 points if the Germans could capture it, 1 point if they could deny it to the Russians.
One of the gamers had an engineering platoon in SPWs (among some other forces). Seeing that his team was just not moving fast enough to achieve all of their victory conditions, he drove head-first through a company of Russian T-70s who were being shot to pieces by some Pz IVHs, and as the mortar rounds and an artillery concentration fell about their ears, his engineers rushed through the tanks up to the bridge, disembarked, set improvised charges, and BLEW IT UP.
He lost more than 1/2 of his force doing it. And he didn't kill a single enemy doing it. But he got that one victory point that put his team over the top for victory, and everyone at the game, on both sides, agreed that his was the most heroic unit. He basked in his glory, even though there was no rules-lawyering involved.
The prize conditions were consistent, but not matched, to the victory conditions. It worked. Everyone had a good time, including guys that I know (from other Con events) are hyper-competitive. Not a perfect game, but fun enough that both the competitive guys and the gaming for a good time guys all said they wanted to be in my next game too.
Just one approach. Consider or disregard at your discretion.
-Mark
(aka: Mk 1)