"offensive gamers" Topic

What do you do if one of the other gamers in your group makes offensive racist remarks while playing? Ignore it or risk an argument that may end with someone feeling they can't come game anymore.

Call them on it in as nice a way as possible and let them know that sort of talk isn't appreciated nor tolerated. If they don't like it they can stay home. I'd rather lose a gamer than have that sort of talk at my gaming table.

But then I was just recently Dawghoused for calling out a guy on just that sort of thing so my stance shouldn't be a surprise…

+1 Nazrat

If a racist comment was made by someone for whom such an attitude would be completely out of character (just a genuinely bad choice of words / very sick joke), then my group would probably just openly give hard stares and cock eyebrows.

If we thought it were in character, they wouldn't be gaming in our group anyway because we would not tolerate a racist as part of our group. We game in each other's homes and no one likes filth on their carpets.

Never happened with any gaming group I've been involved with.

Last year I joined a round robin Model Railroad Group in my local area. We were operating at one of the members homes, the conversation turned to politics and one other member started making extreme racist statements. I called him on it and told him I wouldn't tolerate that.

He stopped but it was obvious (to me), now, that this guy was used to verbally expressing this kind of crap.

Then, it hit me: I was the new guy and I was the only one that objected to his statements. The other members obviously tolerated his outbursts or were tacit in their agreement.

The meetings were monthly: I considered the situation and emailed the President of the Group and advised him that I would not be returning.

Depends on what the rest of the group considers "offensive racist remarks". Someone can make a lot of "offensive racist remarks" about me, and I simply won't care…I'll just note that the someone is more of an idiot than I originally assumed.

But what about historical games and using slurs that were common for the time but not currently considered offensive? ie. period style banter / trash talk.

What about racial remarks that only one side considers offensive? One of the guys I've played would make 'offensive' jokes about his own ancestry. Do you call him out on that? He's the only one that would be offended, and he wasn't.

Mostly, I just tell people to grow the *&$%* up and stop looking for things to be offended by.

We play with friends at each other's home so if someone can't play a game without running their mouth, they get asked to leave.

That also goes for the sort who must bring up their pet political issues every 9 seconds.

Instead of "What about…" – how about avoiding useless spinning and answering the OP's question -?

"Mostly, I just tell people to grow the *&$%* up and stop looking for things to be offended by."

Interrogative: I don't know people who 'look' for something to be offended about / by. Someone makes a racist statement, in the moment I'm not going to debate the circumstances or context under which it is said. If it is obvious I'm going to speak up.

I'm so glad we don't have any racists in our Durban HistoryGamers' Club – they are a nice bunch of folks who judge people on their own merits, so racism a non issue for me so far!

+1 Nazrat

Flip side of this coin, what happens when the 'offender' does not feel that their comments are offensive?

That maybe they feel that you are being overly sensitive or that you are taking the gag outta context?

Not trying to be an arse, but these are the things that need to be considered.

Just wondering.

Nazrat. +1
Joes Shop. +1 to both your answers.

You are both outstanding.

🍺🍺

I have experienced it, and it shames me to say it but I did not say much, and just went on gaming, beyond stopping for a moment and looking bewildered at the person and then moving the conversation back to the game. It shames me to this day that I did not say something.

I vehemently disagree with "overtly sensitive" as a proper factor to take into consideration in such situations. Perhaps the person saying the potentially problematic things among people who are strangers should first consider that these are people said person does not know, who might react badly to things said person's closer circle might accept or laud.

Basic manners is a good guide. Keep conversation neutral and away from politics, except if you are invited to expound.If you wish to expound on politics, ask the others if they are ok with it first. There are tons of good jokes to say that do not involve caricaturing whole bunches of humans (buy a joke book if you do not know jokes or do not have a sense of humor. It is what I did).

Only happened once with a newbie

The fellow who brought him politely took him home and at the next session apologized profoundly

Overall we have a very polite group

richarDISNEY: good point and certainly possible. Personally, I feel I could make that call based on the context of what and how it was said. I'm not going to jump on someone if it's not clear to me exactly what is being said; if I have doubts then I will ask for clarification.

To be clear: in my example above the guy I described was using the N Word repeatedly while talking about the president.

If it's just a person to game with then ideally someone would have a word to them and if they didn't tone it down they wouldn't get asked back. If it was a genuine friend then it might need a bit more attention.

KTravlos, don't beat yourself up about it. I think we can all look back at things that took us by surprise and wish we had responded differently.

Cheers,
Aaron

I'm in an inter-racial marriage and have lgbt kids. Bigoted comments are not welcome, too often the attitude escalates to violence (not at a gaming session, but out there in the world.)

Never had it happen with our group, nor with friends they bring along sometimes, nor with newcomers who become regulars. Of course there isn't even swearing going on and we really have loads of fun. If someone should come in and create a problem of any sort, I will deal with him personally and the rest of the group will also join in! Although we did have someone who complained loudly about the rules every time he was losing. He was instantly ridiculed and laughed at by everybody in the group every time he would display an outburst of his temper, which caused him to crawl back into his shell.

I was kicked out of a civil war group because I fielded colored troops, I was forced to make them green troops under their rules and then proceeded to annihilate their elite confederate forces. The host went into a rage, threw me out and I was never invited back or offered an apology, which I was definitely due. Sometimes grown men do not act very "grown up" or civilized for that matter.

Making jokes about others' heritage, or making bigoted remarks (this seems most common, in my experience, in WWII Pacific, Vietnam, or modern day Middle Eastern COIN games), is unacceptable.

I avoid people who feel the need to bring bigotry into a gaming situation. I'll call bovine fecal on a flagrantly dumb/offensive statement but otherwise I will simply avoid folks such as that.

@ Joes Shop

– how about avoiding useless spinning and answering the OP's question -?
Thought I did that with the 1st and 4th paragraphs.

- Interrogative: I don't know people who 'look' for something to be offended about / by.
I know people who do.

-Someone makes a racist statement, in the moment I'm not going to debate the circumstances or context under which it is said. If it is obvious I'm going to speak up.
Well, sure, but what about (yeah, I know) when it's not obvious (that was my point)? For instance, people using "n word" instead of actually saying the offensive word, offends me. If you want to put a word in my head, say the word, don't imply the word. For example "F word Y word, Y word F word B word" Some of you will figure that out, but by modern convention, that sentence isn't offensive, even though the intent is.

I have a feeling that further comments to me will have to delivered via the dawg house. I'll look up the visiting hours in case anyone is interested.

Why, I don't believe anything you've said warrants that.

I understand your point: in the case I cited above the individual was using the actual word plus some phrases I hadn't heard since the late 60's as a kid.

And, yes, it is all about intent. If you're stating that it's even worse when it's subtle then I completely agree.

That maybe they feel that you are being overly sensitive or that you are taking the gag outta context?

They can host the next game and cook for everybody then ;-)

I mean, heck, one of my friends is a gnarly old anarchist dude with a bleak sense of humour and a penchant for saying horrible things just to get a rise out of people.

If he came to your house, while you hosted a Vietnam war game and every time he moved an American unit he'd say "I'm moving my baby killers over here", "Dont mind me, just doing a bit of war crimes over there" and whatever, if he announced that he was just joking, would you continue to host the game?

I'm thinking that'd be a no.

I am lucky that there is no chance of this happening with the people I game with.

Here's the thing about "overly sensitive": any reaction looks that way to anyone who is not the target of the comment, doesn't it? I mean, it is probably not going to insult you, is it?

Here's the thing about "overly sensitive": any reaction looks that way to anyone who is not the target of the comment, doesn't it?

Not to me.

You certainly have the right to that viewpoint, but superimposing your view on others is pretty much the thing we are talking about. I don't think I am being overly sensitive when I am offended by bigoted remarks targeted at a group of people, whether or not the speaker of or the audience for those remarks thinks I am a member of that group. Nor do I think anyone else is necessarily overly sensitive based on others' views of whether or not they are a target of the remarks.

Personally, I think the whole idea of race is . I couldn't give a one way or the other about your body morphology or how you came to have it. I shudder at the horrible understanding of statistics that leads people to believe something like that makes an individual "predisposed" to some circumstance.

To that point, I don't even have to accept the concept of "race" to be offended by racially bigoted statements. I do not fin poor logic and lack of civility to be mutually exclusive.

Making bigoted statements involving and overreacting to statements (however tangentially) related to the cluster-podge of ideas generally called "race" are both behaviours that can be reasonably defined. Both behaviours can be exhibited by individuals and they are not mutually exclusive, even within individuals.

The existence of racially based bigoted behaviour does not rule out the existence of overreacting to behaviour relating to racial concepts. The existence of overreacting to behaviour relating to racial concepts does not rule out the existence of racially based bigoted behaviour.

I referee lacrosse, and although I do tolerate some offensive language depending on circumstances, I have zero tolerance for racist, homophobic etc language and comments, and I always challenge it now. My own intolerance of such behaviour has grown as I get older, and as the incidence of such things seems to grow, and be considered acceptable by some sections of the media or politics.