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"18th Cent Imagi-nation Campaign. Battle of Inka-Dinka-Doo" Topic

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©1994-2018 Bill Armintrout
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Ottoathome17 Sep 2016 10:33 a.m. PST

Here is the battle report for last Saturday's game.

I will now lay it out in the booklets for the battle along with the photos and the maps.

I will upload the control sheets for each country to them as e-mails.

I have to go on to make the "Purple Prose" version of the battle.

The Battle of the Inka-Dinka Doo!
A battle in an ongoing 18th Century Imagi-Nations Campaign
By Otto Schmidt

This battle, the sixth in the campaign was fought out at my house. In this the Empire of Ikea was manfully and bravely fending off the blows from three allies and unfortunately had lost the first two, though the assailants gains were held to a minimum. In this battle King Charles of the "Neverneverlands" was leading his army into action for the first time. The player was Norm Thime, and is something of a newcomer to gaming. He was assisted by Mike Lorenzo who in other avatars would be King Sangria of Spam, but today was just any old general, and Robert Heart, a frequent gamer but not leading a country in the campaign. On the opposite side were Peter Frechtling and Bill Smith. Peter is also King Ruffino of Swinnland and Bill in other guise is King Leonardo of Flounce. Pete is technically part of the coalition against Ikea, but like all gamers cheerfully attempts to win regardless of interest, as do all the others.

The battle saw the Ikeans heavily outnumbered having only two Brigades, and Elite Brigade, and a Cavalry Brigade on their side while facing them was a full army. To give you come concept of "weight" a brigade is a weight of 1 and an Army a weight of three. In more specific terms, the army had two heavy guns and two light guns while the Ikean two brigades had no heavy artillery and two light guns. The Army of the Neverneverlands had five wagons to the two Brigades two, and while the forces were fairly equal in cavalry, the Neverneverlandians had three more regiments of line infantry . But perhaps the most powerful advantage was that the Neverneverlandians had 11 general officers for a total officer points of 21 while the Ikeans had only six officers with a total ability of 8.

The Ikeans were heavily overmatched, but– it is a campaign and such things happen.

The Umpire (me) in this rule set is not a mere arbitrator, but a facilitator and I generally in such cases throw a few benefits to the overmatched side. In this case, a light defensive position.

The terrain of the battle is shown in Map 1. The battlefield is dominated by the large "blocked"areas to the north and south. The area to the north is the "Inka" which means in Ikean, "Vast large, fetid, salty muddy lake of horrible smells and many squishes and oozes." The area to the south is the "Dinka" which means, "Horrible, impenetrable, impious, unsightly, slimy, oozy stinking pits of infidel land such that no respecting camel would cross when dry let alone drink from." The "Doo" is a small sluggish stream fordable its entire length which connects the two and drains the upper lake, the Doo, into the lower lake, the Inka, and from thence by another stream to the sea.

The terrain has a few ridges of low hills all of which give a +1 to the rally and stand value of troops on it. All units except SCUM are forbidden from entering the blue "block hexes" and in this battle wide turning movements are ruled impossible. The terrain had a marginal effect on the battle save for a narrowing of the front that the Neverneverlandians could apply their forces against. The stream which only halted movement when entered likewise was going to do little to really slow the Neverneverlandian advance was vitiated by the bridge, which allowed troops to move over freely, though that again restricted their advance. The hills would provide some cover. The blocked hexes would work to the Ikean advantage and in the game they used them expertly, being able to divert and disorganize the Neverneverlandians and cause concern for their Victory points and rear area. In effect while no wide turning movements were possible because of these obstacles, the Ikeans, having SCUM could use these to harass and harry their enemy.

The Forces Engaged.

Order of Battle of the Ikean forces.
Commanded by Al- Akazam, (2)
Other Officers --Babaganoush (2) ; Ben- Ihana, Aga of the Baklavas (1) ;Ayatollah Uonce- (1) Ayatollah Utwice (1); Moammar Kaddaffiduk (1)

The Division of the Bennenjerries
Guards of the Hareem of Goats
Illustrious Mutilators of the grievously wounded.
Bennenjerries of the Jai-Alai
Most Terrible Oppressors of the Weak and Meek

Light Infantry- broken up into 6 scum stands each
The Bashi Bazooks, Breakfast of Champions
The Jihadists of unarmed infidel Pacificsts
The Impalers of the Imam.

The Heavy Cavalry
The Spastics of the Ottoman
The Spastics of the Divan
The Spastics of the Wetbar.

Barbarian Horse Archers
The Pederasts
The Spahstics of the Love Seat

Light Cavalry
Plunderers of the Aged and Infirm
Ali Thieves and the 40 Baba's
Raiders of the Lost Picnic

Light Guns
Battery of Slaughter
Battery of Fazzatwa

The Army of the Neverneverlands
Commanded by King Charles Statholder of the Magic Kingdom. (3)
Prince Bezaubernd (4): General Gift und Dolch (3)
Marshall Kartoffel (2); Marshall Kummenkuatt (2); General Kurbanzer (2)
Colonel Saunders (1); Lord Lolllaround (1); Lord Pfundkuchen (1); Lord Boyzenberrie (1); Lord Laughinstock (1)

Infantry Regiments
The Rottingham Dutch
The Plotchdam Dutch,
The Gouden dam Dutch
The Polderdam Dutch
The (*&^%$#)dam Dutch

The Gutefee Guards
The Holzhacker Grenadiers

Heavy Cavalry
Der Schneeweis Cuirassiers
Der Siebenzwerg Cuirassiers
Graff Pinnochio's Cuirassiers
Der Aschenputtel Cuirassiers

Bidibobbidyboo Dragoons

Light Cavalry
Sternewunschen Light Horse
Count Zorro's Light Horse
Dornroschen Light Horse
Hussars du Micki

2 heavy guns
2 Light guns

The Battle itself.

This can be dealt with fairly easily as the second map shows the major movements of both sides. The Neverneverlandians, having the initiative and using the Bridge (though it constricted in some ways the advance) deployed their forces after seeing the Ikean deployments, into four masses of maneuver. Each of these were commanded by four groups of officers, whose officer abilities totaled four to five. These were all stationed to command these masses. One group, composed of all the Heavy Cavalry and dragoons was assigned to go over the bridge and strike north east to attack the upper ridge of hills only partially occupied by the Ikeans and push them off. The aim of this force was to provide unendurable pressure on the left and force back the enemy right wing, then fall on the center where most of the Ikean Victory tokens were. The second group was most of the regular infantry who were to move forward over the bridge and face the Ikean center and hold it fast while the left flank cavalry did its work. The third group was mostly light cavalry, but had a hard core of grenadiers. This group was to screen the right of the Neverneverlandians, hold the Ikean left in position, and keep the grenadiers back as a central reserve to burst through and take the Ikean Victory tokens in the center when that center had been weakened. The fourth maneuver group scattered to the four points of the compass to screen and provide flank forces to cover the Blocked hexes and prevent the Ikean scum from coming around to the rear and working their way through the blocked hexes.

The Ikeans for their part took them up on this with alacrity and sent a group of six stands into the Inka and another six into the Dinka, but kept a third group of six to sprinkle across their front.

I shall not give you a blow-by-blow of the general action as the lines did not move much, though the combat was fierce and back and forth and the northern ridge was taken and retaken at least half a dozen times. The grind in the center was fierce. The action on southern ridge was never so fierce as the forces were lighter and the Neverneverlandians only wanted to hold, not overwhelm these. Here units were packed in cheek by jowl and the action could be little more than back and forth. What was interesting was that after nine turns, the battle was called as it was obvious both sides were reaching exhaustion. Both sides had lost many units and both sides had gotten lucky in the "Critical Loss" roles and each had four of these tokens added to the camp, line of retreat, and Headquarters tokens and the three strategic point tokens they had at start, so it was a draw. A real draw. As unimaginative and dull as that may sound it was dearly bought and it was the tenacity of the Ikeans who held the enemy to that and so it was in one sense a major accomplishment. Still, it meant each side got no Victory points as none had a superiority in Victory tokens. As the Ikeans were outnumbered 3 to 2, a draw was a rather nice thing.

I will focus instead on two facets of the game that were interesting and illustrative which I have the space to deal with in this article.

One of the central features of "Oh God! Anything But a Six!!!" is the curious class of troops called SCUM! This is the 18th century and SCUM represent irregular skirmisher troops. I always tell players new to the game that they will come to despise and hate these troops just as their real life counterparts did. That is because they are the inevitable "spoilers" and "gadflies" who always seem to be around, ruining your plans, getting in the way, and generally being as popular as a Bleeped text in the potato salad. Of course, in cases like this, they can be a matchless asset and you will find them among your most favorite troops when they pull your bacon out of the fire.

In the game if you have an army or certain brigades there will be two elite regiments in an army and sometimes one elite regiment in normal brigades. In an Elite Brigade you get three elite regiments. These elite regiments can be at your choice, at the start of the game either grenadiers or light infantry. If you chose light infantry you can further break them down into a group of six small stands as SCUM! These groups of stands can operate independently of each other and can be scattered around the table at will. Each stand of scum must be rolled for individually (though they can move in a maneuver group. To move a stand of scum you must roll a five or less. However all its remaining values for rally, melee, and "to stand" are rated as 1. The real benefit to scum is in their having a zone of control which can inhibit enemy movement and their fire ability. The formal rules regarding SCUM are as follows.

1. Each NON SCUM enemy unit within 1 measure (8") of any number of enemy stands of SCUM receives one combat results card as its shot.
2. Each stand of SCUM no matter how many units fire on it (including other scum) receives a maximum of 1 combat results card.
3. A stand of SCUM is eliminated when it fails to roll off an eliminated card or any combat results card with a "triangle" on it. A scum stand may continue to exist with a triangle card on it so long as it is in rough or very rough terrain. However once it must leave the terrain, if it still has a triangle card on it, it is eliminated.

Let me give you a bit of clarification by example. Rule No.1 represents the skirmishing ability of the stand of using hit and run and pot-shotting at troops. This fire is usually not devastating but it IS annoying, and can even eliminate a unit if the unit gets a number of cards on it. Normally this is of small probability. For rule 1, if there is ONE enemy unit within 8" it gets one card. If there were 360 enemy units within 1 measure of a scum stand each unit would get 1 card. NOTE, that a unit can only get 1 card. So, if there were two SCUM stands with 360 enemy units around them at every point of the compass, each would get only ONE card, not two each. This represents the small scale popping off and occasional bullet whizzing by that is deleterious to the nerves of troops under fire.

In the same form, that single stand of scum in the center of the 360 other regular units (or scum for that matter) would get only ONE card, for being such a small target, dispersed, taking cover, and skirmishing, few bullets would hit home. This represents the ineffectiveness of massed volleys on such people.

The third rule is how to get rid of these pestilential nuisances. Any time they cannot roll off a card with a triangle, which can be for "Shaken" (no move), "Fatigued" (no melee), "Out of Ammo " (no fire), "Out of Control" (officers can't use their ability on them), "Disorganized"(all values reduced by one), "Broken" (all abilities reduced TO 1), then the stand is eliminated. If the stand is in rough or very rough terrain it can continue to exist, but once forced out (either moved out voluntarily or forced out by retreat) it is eliminated. These troops are highly expandable and mobile and are of invaluable service infesting rough terrain as the blocks were in this case and in screening flanks and fronts, but they are delicate and expandable. Opinions on them change. When you are faced by them, you hate them, when they are on your side they can be invaluable.

The rules may seem odd and illogical but the effect produced works, and works well. In this game all of the Neverneverlandian players came to despise scum and Mike was so goaded to distraction by them that he focused all the artillery he could to try and eliminate them and went on a veritable "Kill the wabbit " frenzy toward the middle of the game. The Scum can be powerful, if you use them right and in this game Pete and Billy used them masterfully. No doubt the credit for the draw went to the SCUM.

Note scum can be extremely dangerous if they are able to get behind troops in combat and cut off their retreat, thus eliminating them.

The other facet of the game I wish to explain is the events. Each turn the side with initiative as the first thing in the turn must draw an event card and apply it. Like Scum this deck is roundly hated by all. Everyone thinks that the deck is rigged against them, and everyone has their own little cheery nickname for it- "The Deck of Death." "The I hate Billy Deck" (to Billy) and "Otto's Revenge." The deck is 144 cards and is scrupulously divided into one card for each side. Half say "YOU…" which means the result applies to them, and the other half say "Give this card to the other guy…" which then applies to that side. These events are played immediately and are not held in your hand for later use like some games. This is war games not gin rummy, and they represent real or possible battlefield events that may occur. As few games last more than 10 turns, that's usually the number drawn so any specific card has only a 7 tenths of 1 percent chance of showing up. Some of these cards can be ones that do not apply at all given the conditions of the game. For example "Find the Path" which allows troops making off the table movement to be successful that turn are of no import if no forces are moving off board. Others are trivial (like an officer having to make a saving throw to avoid a random bullet. Some can be more serious, conferring benefits to one side, or deficits as well to one or both sides. Some can be devastating. There is one card which we call "Edict of the Gods" for example, which says…"You Lose. For some reason, the exact nature of which is unimportant, like McClellan at Antietem you decide you have lost the battle and retreat." That ends the game. Wildly unfair I admit but these things happen. This card by the way in over the 100 battles we have fought with Ogabas, has come up precisely ONCE! When it did it was to a side that was being disastrously defeated and so it's result was not untoward. Most of the time it does not have that much effect.

In this game the following cards came up which were of an unusual and interesting nature which did have an effect on the battle that is worth talking about.

Turn 1, FORTUNE FROWNS- This fell to the Neverneverlandian side and it dictated that for that turn all Neverneverlandian units had their values reduced by 1. This means that a unit with a movement value of 3 was now reduced to 2. It would have to roll a 1 or 2 to move rather than a 1 to three. This card in fact was ineffective for that as all the Neverneverlandian units were moving by maneuver group, but their melee, "to stand", rally and fire values were reduced by 1.

Turn 2 SURPRISE CHARGE- This again fell to the Neverneverlandians and allowed them to right at the start of the turn make a surprise charge with unlimited movement by any three units of his he chose. The whole thing was fought out as a normal combat (but out of sequence) .

Turn 3. BATTLE TROPHIES- This again fell to the Neverneverlandians. It specifies that in the battle he gains a large haul of drums, banners, colors, captured arms and so forth allowing him to add one Critical Loss card to his victory pile. This normally is not an important card, but in this battle it was, giving the Neverneverlandians a card which brought him up even to that the Ikeans had gotten, thus making it a draw. Had he not gotten this card the Ikeans would have had a score of 10 to 9 and won one Victory point in the campaign.

Turn 4. WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY- In this the side with initiative (the Neverneverlandians at this point) were reduced to moving one measure for infantry and guns and two for cavalry which is normally the way the side without initiative moves. The side without initiative was allowed unlimited movement. It didn't do them much though as their units were all mostly locked in combat, but it DID allow them to bring back two units which were off the field.

Turn 5. RECOVER EQUILIBRIUM- This fell to the Neverneverlandians. It allowed him to draw back at random from his expended initiative cards two and re-add them to his hand. This is a very fortuitous card and in this case sorely needed by the Neverneverlandians to keep up the pressure on the Ikeans.

Turn 6. FIELD EXPEDIENT- This was one of the cards which the Neverneverlandians drew, but it said "Give this card to the other guy!" and it allowed th Ikeans to bring back one eliminated unit onto the field. This was lucky as they had lost one of their elite Janissary Units which now could be returned.

Turn 7. OFFICER DEGRADATION- This card was another ordering the puller to "give to the other guy" which meant it fell to th Ikeans. It allowed them to put four minus one on any four enemy officers he chose. In placing, no officer is allowed to be reduced to less than 1. At this point it did not matter much as most officers were in combat, and using their values in rally or stand, and so it did not do much. Had this card gone to the Neverneverlandians and they used it on the Ikeans, as the Ikeans had four one point officers on which they could not be used on and only two point officers which could have been reduced to 1, it would have been almost ineffective.

Turn 8. OFFICER REVIVES- On this turn the Neverneverlandians lost the initiative to the Ikeans and they drew the above card. All it does is allow them to bring back one officer killed or carried off the field. As they only had one, this choice was easy but still hard for the Neverneverlandians to bear. They had done so much to kill him!

Turn 9. FIND THE PATH- This is the card I mentioned before. It was totally ineffective as it allows troops moving off table to get back on where they wish with no chance of loss, but as no troops were moving off the field it was essentially "No effect."

Thus you have a brief overview of several interesting cards and how they impacted the game. One other thing. As Umpire it is my job to facilitate not arbitrate. I have the ability to set aside any card if I feel it is grossly unfair or will throw the game. I rarely do this "en-campaign" as these are the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune we all must put up with, but in one-up table top battles I do this more often if it will ruin the game.


After the game as we had with this battle resolved all those engendered by the last campaign "call for intentions" we could proceed to the new "Call for Intentions." The first was the writing of Intentions. Unlike the last time where we only had six "local" players, all playing in the table top battles, I had enlisted six more "remote players" . I had already gotten the "intentions" of the "remote players." So all that was required was those from the "participating players."

Here, country by country is what was turned in for turn 4 and the results where applicable Also shown below were the "revivals" each player made from the Bank, that is, the resources he redeemed from the bank which now went back into "his hand" as it were and were available for use. NOTE! These revivals are mad AFTER intentions so they could not be used to make intentions, but could be used to counter them, as in the case of Flounce and Spam.

Bad Zu Wurst (Sean Thorne) Sean is a "local player" but could not make the game, therefore he had "No move." As Sean's Sovereign was in "The Bank" having been used in a special action in a previous turn, I as umpire made the decision returning it to his hand./

The Colonies (Ken Hall) – Ken is a "remote player." The colonies have the special power of "the revolutionaries, a world wide organization of back-stabbers, ankle biters, rabble-rousers and in general social pests. This allow him to send one resource of that country to the bank. In this game his target was Hungland. He therefore wrote his order as "I command the Revolutionaries in Hungland to rabble rouse and sow dissensions in the Pirates and forcing them to the bank." Umpire ruling Hungland army sent to the bank. Note that "The Pirates" is one of the five "floating resources" in the game that pass from player to player by an arcane and complex process. The Pirates really duplicated Hungland's special ability of having a fleet to allow a player to harry another countries coasts and send one resource of that players choice to the bank, so Bob at the start had in effect two fleets. Now that the pirates are gone it will be rare for him to get them bank. Next turn, they will go to the first player who does not turn in a move or purposely posts "no move." Ken had no cards I the bank so he had no revivals.

Flounce (William Smith Jr.) Billy is a "local player." Billy attempted several attacks against Spam but decided in the end not to attack and rewrote his orders as – "Build a big wall around the country and man with my troops." Umpire action Impractical action, count as "no move." Billy was angling to try and get a strike in against Spam who he thought would not have his army available. When corrected of that mis-apprehension he decided to rewrite the order. He thought of directing his attack against Neverneverland, who WOULD have his army inactive in the bank because it just took place in the battle of Inka-Dinka-Doo) but was put off by the two fortresses Norm had as Neverneverland which would have invalidated his attack. Billy had no resources in the bank so he has nothing to revive.

Grand Duchy of the Grand Duke of Gorgonzola (Joe Saur) . Joe is a "remote player." Joe decided to make a Spite and Malice Attack against Hungland. It read "King Marc sings as flat as Robert Goulet." Now, a spite and malice attack is a means whereby you can directly REDUCE the number of victory points a player has in his total . This was a poor choice for Joe as Hungland HAD NO victory points, but I suppose Joe just wanted to scorch Bob Liebl about his vain sovereigns character and try out the game. In these things the victim of the "Spite and Malice Attack" if possible can be given a chance to defend himself, as Bob was. He came back with "Your attempted besmirchment fell as impotently as your heirs, who look amazing like your neighbors." Umpire Ruling NAAAH!!! Response not witty enough but attack was lame. No loss of victory point which would be ineffective as Hungland has no Victory Points. I pointed out to Bob that a response had to be better than a "So's your old man" or "Your Mother wears Army boots." I noted that it would have possibly rebounded to GAIN him victory points had he been able to compose a little song like.. This (Sung to the tune of LaDonna Mobile)

"I Sing like Bob Goulet
My voice is marvelous
You couldn't sing like this,
Not in a million years.
I am the tenor
I always get the girl
I drink Soave
You'd never Knooowww I'm from the Midlands."

Tra la lallaya- Tra Lka Lallalya, tra la la la la.

To "fund" this spite and malice attack Joe had to "alienate" send to the bank one resource, which was a brigade, probably the lowest priced of all. Before this Joe had no items in "the bank" so he had no revivals.

Gulagia (George Deppner) George is a "local player" but was not at the game. He therefore puts in a "No Move" and he had no intentions. He has two brigades in the bank working on his project of turning the battle of Picknickov, that he won, into a celebratory theme park. Umpire Ruling- None needed. No revivals.
Hungland (Bob Liebl) Bob is a "remote player." Bob's orders were "I use my fleet to raid Spam's Wealth of the Indies and gain money." Bob still doesn't understand there is no money in the game. But his orders were valid as he has the special ability of a fleet which can raid the enemy coasts or trade and force him to send one resource of his choice to the Bank. Umpire Ruling- One of Spam's resources must be sent to the bank Mike Lorenzo of Spam chose a brigade to go to the bank. Please see the Grand Duke of the Grand Duchy of Gorgonzola for the Spite and Malice attack he made upon Hungland.

Ikea (Ian Robinson) "Ian is a remote player." Ian's country of Ikea has had a hard time of it of late, being beset by three other players and suffering two defeats and a draw. His army and all four Brigades were used to defend himself while he was umpire controlled and were in the bank. As Ian is new to the country, taking over this heavily attacked land, and he is new he is in something of a fix, but still has resources to respond with (his special ability of Native Levies, Barbarian Allies, and a fortress). He sent in the following Action. "I will revive one brigade. They will parade for me in the vain hope their marshal prowess will uplift my spirits." Ian is brand new to the game and did not understand some of the finer points. I have written back to him asking if would not wish to revive the much more powerful army than just a brigade. Ian also I believe was trying to do a little role playing with his sovereign (Shah Na-Na, the Nattering Nabob of Negativism) to attempt a cheapo victory point. I will therefore in the same manner as the Gorgonzolan vs Hunglandian spite and Malice attack attempt to win it by elaborating as his sovereign would do. So he could write back something along the lines of a meandering, wandering bit of complaining and self pitying, such as that which is emblazoned on each and every flag of the Sultanate of Ikea which reads…

And now the sage words of Shah na na the nattering nabob of negativism whose wisdom is as precious pearls it's hopeless, what are you going to do when your goose is cooked, you can't fight city hall, Soon you won't have Dick Na Na to kick around anymore, they've even started making fun of my little dog fallafel , I tell you there out to get me, there's a vast right-wing conspiracy, they've got it all fixed, what's the point, your ungrateful kids wills kick you into a nursing home anyway, I tried to kill myself and lay down on the tracks and then found the railroad went out of business, I tell you, you load sixteen tons and whaddaya get, life's a bitch
and then you marry one, it doesn't even pay me to turn the key in the door of the palace in the morning…

So I'll give Ian a week to come up with something. If it's good, I'll give him a point, but he will have to send his sovereign's personality card "to the bank" and can't use it next turn. .Umpire Ruling deferred until response.

The Neverneverlands (Norm Thime) Norm is a "local player." Norm was the participant in the battle in Ikea. His orders were. "Go into defense mode until my army is recovered, See if I can marry off my children for military alliances." Umpire Ruling- OK, done, basically a no move and we shall have to see what others will do with his offer of marriage alliances. I am sure that King Sangria of Spam will be eager. As Norm had nothing in the bank, he had no revivals. The army now in the bank can ve revived next turn.

Saxe Burlap und Schleswig Beerstein (Cleo Liebl) Cleo is a "remote player." Cleo's intentions or orders are "I announce I will look with favor on any court that will give me an extravagant red silk ball gown ." Umpire Ruling – None Needed. This is a general action requiring a response from others. We shall see what others do next turn once this is made public. If Cleo had wanted a more direct "role playing attempt by her sovereign she could have written something like "I commission a brilliant red silk dress in a daring, dashing new style to center fashion on me." Or something like that. We shall see how the other sovereigns react.

Spam (Mike Lorenzo) Mike is a "local player." Mike's Orders were "Host Crusader Party! Call off War! Solicit for Brides for all my sons! . Commission play called "Monarchies!" Begin Casting Calls." Umpire Ruling Spam attempting too much. Not enough effort on one thing. He will not get any VP' s for this. His Sovereign card does however go to the Bank. As his free revivals he gets two for his special ability The Wealth of the Indies. He chooses an army and a brigade, the ones he used in the battle of Palaver against Ikea, so those return, but the attack by the Fleet of Hungland causes a brigade to be sent to the bank.

Sweeta (Dennis Largesse) Dennis is a "remote player." His orders this turn were "I appoint the High Tech Brigade as the Personal Guard of the King." Dennis' country is set in intrigue against him for sleights his grandfather committed against the nobility. They have been plotting his demise ever since. He shouldn't be too worried about this as the conspirators are rather inept, but they've been doing this for almost a hundred years and it's become almost an open social thing. There are occasional attempts and these are regularly rated for their entertainment value by critics in the newspapers much like dramatic plays or musical shows. "Pan the Putch!" is a common verdict brought in against particularly unentertaining, exciting or even moderately successful coups. In any case Dennis is feeling his way and appointing the High Tech Brigade is a relatively mild response. Umpire Ruling – None needed. Dennis had no revivals.

Swinnland (Peter Frechtling) Peter is a "local player." His orders were "Build a wall around city and try and make a second fortress. Supply armament and make more money." Umpire Ruling OK, one brigade set to work on it. Will know in three turns. Pete is trying to build up the resources by getting a second fortress. This is gong to be EXTREMELY hard to do as it tends to imbalance the game and Pete is having a hard time getting his mind around a game without money. No doubt complicating this is that his Sovereign's Personality is a miser who is besotted with money. The challenge to the Role playing is having a money grubber in a world without money as a game element. This is particularly frustrating for Pete as the special ability of his country is that he can make ONE free revival for any FOREIGN power because he sits at the center of international money and banking connections. He is the "gnome of Zurich" as it were. Pete is having trouble getting others to understand that he could give them a free revival each turn and this should be a great benefit in international diplomacy. It's not Pete's fault. Most other gamers don't seem to understand it either. He has no units in the bank so there is no need to revive anything on his own.

As no battles were engendered there is nothing on the schedule, so I will call for a new round of intentions from all concerned and perhaps we can generate some, or at least advance the game in time. Things can go quite fast this way, and hopefully, after the repeated blows of the battlefield they can gather their wits about them and make some interesting play.

Ragbones Supporting Member of TMP17 Sep 2016 5:24 p.m. PST

Thanks for an interesting read! You've provided a lot of grist for the ole mill.

Ottoathome18 Sep 2016 8:05 a.m. PST

Please let me know if anyone is interested in these battle reports. If no one is I will discontinue them.

Frederick Supporting Member of TMP18 Sep 2016 2:39 p.m. PST

I quite like them

Personal logo capncarp Supporting Member of TMP19 Sep 2016 8:52 a.m. PST

As I understand it, the forces of Ikea are finely crafted units, but getting them to assemble in good time has always been a complicated mess.

Ottoathome19 Sep 2016 10:25 a.m. PST

Dear Capncarp

No not at all. It is not a function of the characteristics of Ikeas forces or their sort of "Turkish" inspiration.

All players have "resources" which are The personality of the Sovereign, a Special Ability, maybe two. All players have one army, four brigades, one fortress. They MAY have one or two special brigades no one else can have. For example Sweeta has a siege brigade, Ikea has its barbarian allies Brigade and a Native Levies Brigade, Saxe Burlap und Schleswig Beerstein has a Frei Korps Brigade and a Militia Brigade. Gulagia has two armies.

Ok now let's just talk about the Army and Brigades.

These are set up this way to govern and regulate the forces you can have on a table top to prevent wildly mismatched forces- like a regiment of dragoons against an entire army.

The rules allow players to attack each other. In any attack, the MAXIMUM you can have in an attack is one army and one brigade. You can have two units of any type but only one of them can be an army. Thus the allowable combinations are Army and a Brigade, Army, Two Brigades, or one brigade.

When attacked a player can face these attacks with whatever units he wishes but again, only two units are allowed. So if all was equal and say The Colonies attacked Bad Zu Wurst with an Army and a Brigade, then if Bad Zu Wurst did not commit those two units to any attack, they would be standing around and he could respond in kind with an army and a brigae and big huge wonderful battle would be engendered. Note that the brigades are of different types while the Armies are all identical, so one side attacking with an Army and an Infantry Brigade would have different forces if engaging an army with a cavalry brigade. The one side would have more cavalry than the other and the other would have more infantry than the one.

When a player is attacked by more than one player he must apportion his forces carefully. In this specific cast Ikea was fending off THREE assailants. These were SPAM,which attacked with an Army and a Brigade, Bad Zu Wurst, which attacked with an army and a Brigade, and the Neverneverlands which attacked with only an army. As Ikea was at that time controlled by the umpire (it was a non-player country, I decided to spread the forces out. I used the Army of Ikea to engage Spam which came out at about 5 to 3 odds, and I applied two other brigades each to the other two attacks which was a 2 to 1 attack for Bad Zu Wurst, and a 3 to 2 attack for The Neverneverlands.

I lost the first one, "The Battle of Palaver" and Spam got two Victory Points. I lost the second one, and Bad Zu Wurst got two victory points, and I drew the third. I still had "in my quiver" as it were the Ikean Fortress and the Native Levies Brigade, and the Barbarian Allies Brigade in case the coalition held. If it had I would have used the Fortress against one enemy attack , which frustrates the attack, sending the Fortress, and say the units of the enemy making the attack on it to the bank. I COULD have used this against one of the attacks by Spam and Bad Zu Wurst, but I was the Umpire playing against players and I didn't want to take every eadvantage, I wanted them to have their battles. After all the point of the game is to not just have a campaign but to have enjoyable table top battles. In the new turn I could have used the Fortress had I been attacked, and I could have used the Native Allies against another attack (which gives you a large number of table top units of positively execrable status, and I could have stiffened it with the Barbarian Allies, OR I could have used the latter to go on a raid on the enemy province and plunder and devastate it, forcing say Spam, to lose 1 of his hard won Victory Points.

So it's not anything inherent in the Ikean forces, just that they had to be spread pretty thin to defend against three attacks. Had Ikea been faced with FIVE enemy attacks he would have been out of all resources and in a piteous state.

NOTE one thing. You do not lose Victory points from losing a battle. You can only lose them by a "Spite and Malice" attack, as the Grand Duke of the Grand Duchy of Gorgonzola made against King Mark of Hungland. So Ikea after he lost the two battles still had a victory point of 0. He would have had 0 had there been the war continued and he lost all the battles. You only GAIN victory points in the campaign by winning battles or doing some creative role-playing with your sovereigns personality.

One more point. A unit (any resource even a sovereign personality) revives from the bank AFTER intentions are put in for the new turn. So the just revived Ikea Army is standing around waiting for use in an attack, but it could NOT be used this turn to make an attack itself.

As it turned out after a spate of battle few of the players wanted to go at it again immediately. But remember, even or not, uphill or downhill, the only way to gain victory points in the campaign is to win battles, or to do creative role playing with your sovereign personality, or your own imaginations.

A bit of comment on that.

A player is allowed to try almost anything he wishes in the game. The sky is the limit. So for example, Princess Trixie of Saxe Burlap und Schleswig Beerstein put out as her intention "I announce I will look with favor on any court that will give me an extravagant red silk ball gown ." This MIGHT be interpreted as a bit of role playing, but it really depends on how other players take up the challenge and reply to it. Had she rephrased it as putting out a new style or fashion endeavoring to draw world wide attention to her and establishing a new fashion that might have been ruled to give her a victory point for role playing.

The theory of the game for all, local and remote players, is to simply reserve to them the "top level decisions and ploys. This is a part of the camapaign that is I believe unique to this system or game, being essentially open ended. One point to note though that such intentions almost ALWAYS require the use of some resource, alienating it for a turn in the bank, and you cannot use it again. So for example, next Turn the Princess could not use the same intention, only this time making it a green dress.

By the way, the Shah of Ikea produced a rather nice jeremihad of his woes and troubles and I gave him a Victory point, but next time he's going to have to do better or do something in a different vein.

The aim of the campaign of course is to have fun.

The situation of Ikea is entirely a consequence of the play of the game. All

SJDonovan Inactive Member19 Sep 2016 2:33 p.m. PST


I thought it was a pretty good joke.

Ben Avery Inactive Member19 Sep 2016 2:39 p.m. PST

I don't know, I thought it had its intended effect…

Personal logo Narratio Supporting Member of TMP19 Oct 2016 5:05 a.m. PST

@capncarp, likewise I thought that decent humour.


I don't get over to SocDaisy as often as I'd like so please, continue posting here, they're interesting.

Maxshadow04 Nov 2017 2:25 a.m. PST

Fascinating campaign mechanisms.

Queen Catherine27 Nov 2017 7:27 p.m. PST

good stuff, but a bit too serious – can you try and lighten things up, please?

It'd be nice to see the maps and other items to which you refer, btw.

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