"gaming over 40" Topic

I have been playing RPG's, wargames and boardgames for more that 30 years now. I owned a store, I worked at the GW Studio, I have more armies and fleets that I can count with my fingers and toes. I bought my house so I could have room to paint and play, I have 100's of boardgames and 1000's of minis to paint. I like Historical, Fantasy, Sci-Fi, anything complex or simple. I'd play anything given time and company. Lately, though, for many reasons, I lost all my gaming buddies. Mainly most of them wouldn't bother to travel to my place and they would rather play complex and long historical board-wargames, which, considering the little time we have at disposal, it is not practical to me, squeezed between family and work. And this, even though I tried to always chase the tastes and the resources of the group. I paint and build the scenery, I research the scenarios, I used to call everybody and organize our meeting, I tried to propose the games depending on the level of experience and tastes of our gaming buddies…
Anyways, I would like to find new friends to share my hobby projects, but it seems very hard at my age, I will be 48 soon, and in my city, in Rome, in Italy, I find it very hard.
I tried to join a club many years ago, but the people there didn't make me feel very confortable… they looked a bunch of neurotic guys that tried to compensate the frustrations of their lives in wargames. Not many really contributed painting and modelling and everybody would either play the boss or the rule lawyer, while the club would only allow rules that would match the personal theories about war of the chairman.

I feel alone at a dead end now. What would you guys and girls suggest I should do?

Don't give up!

Join a few forums of interest and look for players there. Most fora have a section for locating fellow gamers in your area.

Start your own blog and fill it full of tempting photographs and advertise it heavily. It should attract players in your area.

Maybe go back to the clubs and see if there are other guys there in the same situation as you.

Maybe go to some local conventions or shows and see who you might meet there.

In view of your lifetime commitment though never give up.

Good luck

Sounds like you're in a rough spot. Although I am younger, I have a brother that I game with that is roughly your age and is going through many of the same issues, as his gaming group has largely dissolved.

Some things to at least consider/think about:
1) Playing Solo – I have begun doing this for games that I could not find other people interested and have really loved it. It's a lot more fun that it would seem on the surface, especially if you're going to be the one doing the hard work with painting/terrain/etc.

2) Online outlet – The whole world wide web can be an outlet, so if you finish a project, you can share it with those who enjoy it and can get a real sense of comradery with what you've done.

3) Finding new people is hard – I wouldn't feel too bad at coming to a "dead end". It's hard to find people to mesh with, at least for me and moreso for my brother who is around your age. Don't feel down, there are others like you, and I'm sure eventually you'll find some others locally. I'm not an expert in Wargaming in Italy, but I was under the impression that there are a lot of wargamers out there so with a little patience and a lot of luck I'm sure you'll find a suitable group!

Have you considered solo wargaming ?

Have a look at the sample Lone Warrior articles on the Solo Wargamers Association board link – they might spark some ideas.

Another option is play by email – either one off battles or whole campaigns. In one-off battles you'd probably run the game with two players being independently fed information about the battle – only what their command can see of course. This can be a lot of fun! Possibly a couple of your old gaming buddies would be interested in doing something which is as near as no effort to them as it is possible to be ! It's more work for the umpire though.

There is a local club I go to, and there are one or two people I would really prefer to not associate with, but for the most part everyone is great and we are on the same page with regards to our preferences and what we want out of playing games. I don't just play games at the monthly club night, though. Some of the people I have met there and at other places (my local game store, conventions) have become friends, and we play lots of games outside of club nights.

My advice is continue to go to clubs, go to games hosted at local stores, etc. and find the people you connect with. Even if you only meet one person out of a whole club who you enjoy spending time with, there's one person with whom to form your own small circle of like-minded gamers.

Another thought – Rome is quite a big place and there may be some clubs you do not know about – have you tried posting a "Any wargame clubs in Rome?" message on the Wargaming in Italy TMP board ?

It sounds like you miss the face-to-face social interaction of playing games with friends. 48 isn't old, certainly not too old to socialize and make new friends.

You are doing the right thing to advertise. Here on TMP is a start, we have a few Italian members. Do the same on any Italian gaming Facebook groups, Yahoo groups or other venues. Re-visit the local clubs, even though they didn't suit you years ago. They may have changed, or you may have changed, or you might meet someone who could become a friend outside the club. Google for 'miniature wargaming' and 'in Rome' (maybe not a good idea, since so many people model and wargame the era of the Roman Empire, but you can refine the search parameters).

What we in the US call 'Euro' boardgaming is supposed to be very popular now, there *must* be formal or informal groups you could join. Wings of War/Wings of Glory WWI air miniature gaming started in Italy and I get notices of gaming events in Italy from a Yahoo group that the designer runs. Track these folks down.

Don't give up. Playing games with a friend is a great way to socialize, for a certain type of nerd. You just need to find a few more like yourself.

I completely understand the preference for historical games – that's a given. But you do need to find/recruit enthusiasts who share your preferences – or play solo. Both are good options.

I go to a lot of shows and events, but at home/locally?weekly, I wargame with a relatively small, self-selecting group (and some weeks, nobody is free so we don't get a game: frankly that just gives an extra evening prep/painting time, so it works well enough for us) …

Good luck – I am sure it will fall into place.

Phil

Advertise in colleges. Do a solo ImagiNation game. I went 7 years without a game group in the seventies. You will survive. I have two ladyfriends that play rpg's and boardgames/miniature games and card games. They are out there.

"Anyways, I would like to find new friends to share my hobby projects, but it seems very hard at my age, I will be 48 soon, and in my city, in Rome, in Italy, I find it very hard."

You're young yet and there is plenty of time. You seem to have a wide range of interests pick a couple that are favourites and maybe do a bit of blogging. Folks with similar interests will get in touch. Enthusiasts like enthusiasm for the things they like. Also you live in one of the world's great city's locals or tourists will be happy to meet up.

All the advice from TMPers above is good. It will be OK and good luck.

Check out some of the Hobby Shops and ask around there if there are gamers or clubs that meet. You only need to find one who has the same interests as you and your off and running. I've had some of the most fun games with just one opponent who enjoyed gaming the period as much as I.

Don't give up. There are more of us around than you may realize. We don't exactly put up a flag in front of our homes advertising.

Start a history or gaming club at your local high school.

Start running demo games of your favourite games at the local gaming store. You'll meet some neat people both ways.

Have you thought about playing over VASSAL? There are various VASSAL communities around – Commands & Colors: Ancients & Napoleonics, for example – and it's easy to find guys to play with. You can play by email (record your turn and send it) or live (you both log in at the same time).

There's more info here: vassalengine.org

I'd be happy to have a game with you if we have a boardgame in common. Feel free to drop me a PM!

Cheers,
Aaron

Solo gaming. Then blog about it (I find blogging as enjoyable as playing the games).

Solo gaming, gets old. Really fast. So the mood to solo comes less often and lasts a shorter time. Sad but true. If you are a social animal, solo gaming feels like its missing an essential component, which it is: people!

I don't have any answers. Maybe some of your friends will come back to game in the future. That's what happened to me, after a hiatus of at least ten years. We had a "reunion game", and have been getting together every month or two since then, almost a year ago. It was very unexpected on my part. I thought gaming was dead. But two of my best gaming friends, after years of being gone, wanted to resume our association. So far, the "shelf life" hasn't worn off. But at my age, you don't expect things to last forever anymore. You take each game as it comes and enjoy it. You don't ask for more. Life just isn't that stable for middle-aged people!

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I already considered some of your advices. You are right Great War Ace, I have have always played solo games: to learn the rules, or for fun, but it gets old, expecially when you are getting older. I played my last few wargames solo: LOTR, Lock and Load boardgames, Zombicide, Rallyman and many others. I actually went on a solo-gaming shopping frenzy, and now I own even more miniatures to paint. I am painting them, but taking my time :). Still it is not the same. I remember when I used to run my store, or when I was in Nottinghamat GW, the most interesting thing was to share my passion with people, talk about new ideas or the latest models or the best rules, work at projects that would give you a purpose, get feedback and learn.
I spend a lot of my spare time reading and being kind of jealous of what you guys write in here and manage to do in the rest of the world (I wish I could be there), but still I wouldn't know where to start to build a new group. You all offered new ideas and solidarity and I greatly appreciate it, I will consider some of the things you suggest… maybe blogging (I write for a living, so it shouldn't be too hard), but I still feel that my age is holding me back. Probably it's just my idea, but I think here people would think I am a weirdo if I propose to play with toy soldiers with young guys… :/ :)

Yeah, I have found there is an age issue with sub-adult gamers. You don't want to be the creepy old guy who's hanging around the chirren. Unless you're a scoutmaster or a church youth leader…in which case you better watch your step, buddy. But in my experience, most public game groups have a mix of ages, even tending toward the geezer range. Put yourself out there and meet some people.

Are you on Facebook? If so, and you still get on with the GW folks, have you tried joining the ex-GW staff group? You might be able to reconnect with some of them for some gaming.

If you survived owning a hobby store you can survive any gaming dilemma! Buona fortuna.

Most of our group are older than you. We have 10 regular and 3 supernumerary players. I'm probably in the middle if the pack at 57.
Many years ago I moved to an area of Greater Vancouver so I could be in this group. I have never regretted it. If you write for a living, you may consider looking outside your area for a good group, maybe it's worthwhile moving?

There is a club in Vancouver that meets once a month, however it's a 1 hour drive away with heavy traffic. Look outside your immediate area? Post your location here and desire to find gamers on TMP and LAF. (Lead Adventure Forum)
It looks to me that there are more international posters on LAF than here.

I agree with many comments above. Put on games at your local hobby shop. Contact your local military reserve units and ask if they are interested in you putting on games? The reserve will have people interested in the military and possibly gaming? There may even be gamers in the unit.

Best of luck!