"The last word on TMP" Topic

Bashy has gone very quiet……Are you still with us Bashy?

Bashy??? Coooeee!! Bashy!!!

I always go with quality over quantity, but right now I'd take anything, after all, there is a war on you know!! Anyone fancy squirrel??

Kapitan, der Last Vord on TMP team ist in der boat und ready to row ashore!

Gut, cast zem off for Engerland. Zey vill paddle ashore, infiltrate ziss TMP organization und claim der Last Vord!!

What's that you say Vicar? More Johnny foreigners have arrived and they want to enter a team in the local Last Word on TMP league at the Red Lion tonight?

This is preposterous, we are the team playing from the Red Lion, they'll just have to sign on for the Dog & Duck instead.

I mean, looking at the latest league table in the newspaper we are head and shoulders above the rest of the field. 'Bashytubits' team is languishing near the foot of Div 1. 'Toronto48', those Canadians I warned you about Wilson, they are just above, and this team calling themselves 'Breaking Wind' have been caught out masquerading as another team called 'The Last Word on TMP'!And you know what that means? 10 points deducted and next season they start in Div 2 if they don't finish bottom of this one!!

There's only one thing for it men. We go out there all guns blazing and take this league title once and for all!!

Of course I won't let my other role of Umpire in this league influence my decision in any way you understand?
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Not even if you buy me a drink. Ahem.

I've just seen this foreign team Sir and they appear to be dressed as German sailors!
There also seems to be rather a lot of them for one team don't you think?

They do rather out number us as it were.

Really, sometimes I despair of you Wilson. Quality will always beat quantity any day of the week!! We and our brave lads are quality, and they are quantity.

.

…you've all lost! The Last Word on TMP won. Obviously!

Look, just move along there will you. Simply changing ones name isn't cricket, it's the sort of dirty underhand trick the Nazis would play. Now if you don't mind, you're standing in front of the sightscreen.

Yes, caught out Last Word on TMP! You're out!! Out!!!

That's another one for Mr Mainwaring's team. I think his platoon are going to win this the way they are going.

You know it's just occurred to me Sir that this Breaking Metal fellow could be trying to hide something.

People usually change their name when they have something to hide. Perhaps there is something about this other name he uses?

Well done Wilson, I was wondering who would be the first to spot that!! I'll ring HQ immediately.

Sir, I wish to make enquiries about someone calling himself Last Word on TMP…………Is he really? I see.

Men! I have something important to tell you about someone in our midst. The person calling themselves Breaking Wind, er Breaking Metal, is actually a German Secret Agent. His code name is The Last Word VON TMP, not 'on'TMP as he has been calling himself. And therefore we must place him under close arrest immediately.

Shoot him Mr Mainwaring, go on, you've every right to!!

I'd like to volunteer to arrest the German spy Sir. And if he resists I'll give him a taste of the old cold steel Sir. They don't like it up 'em Sir! They do not like it!!

That was funny. You're a funny guy. But The Last Word on TMP has won. Obviously!

Please use one of these and stop flicking ash on the carpet!There's an ashtray over here look.

Filthy habit.
Wilson, take this woman's name.

I must say that is such a pretty lipstick, it really suits you.

New game, boys?

I think there's something rather fishy going on here and I'm determined to get to the bottom of it. Or rather Walker is.
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It all depends what you want me to do Captain Mainwaring. Now I'll do anything as you know but it might cost you a fiver.

A fiver?? Impertinence!! I want you to examine this young lady very carefully and tell me if she is a man or not.

A German spy to be exact. In disguise.

Oh, you mean like those Nazi paratroopers disguised as nuns??
Well the top looks very realistic but I'll have to examine him, er I mean her, all over you understand just to be absolutely sure.

Ooooh such goings on in the church hall. It's a good job I overheard all this, his reverence won't be at all pleased.Especially all the fag ash on his office carpet.

Come quickly your Reverence, there's shenanigans afoot in the Church Hall.

Once a minion starts typing

they can go forever

and actually like what they do

I suppose their little minds

are ideal for a thread like this

so on and on they go

happily typing away

thinking they are doing something important

but actually doing nothing but utter drivel

can't tell them that

they look so happy

The last word on TMP has had the last word on TMP. It's obvious!