"The last word on TMP" Topic

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THAT'S UNFAIR!

And this is unfairerer! I've usurped the Gallatic gallics! YAKERTY-BOO!

And Mr Spock, you look lovely dressed in red!

I hope zat you are smoking mit der ersatz cigarretten?

Gut news!! Der chintz sofa haff arriven und ist installed in der bunker. Only zwei moves of furniture as vell!! If only invading other countries vos as simple!

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As ein little celebration I haff formed ein barber shop qvartet as you can see above. Here ve are argueing over vot der first song will be ven ve perform for der first time! I think Mussolini und Hess could be trouble, und I don't think Hess vill stick it for very long. I think he vishes to go solo. Anyvay, it vill be a gut rehearsal for ven ve vin der Last Vord und haff a little party to celebrate.

SILENCE!

Fur you, Wolleyfire, ze vor it's over! Ve von!

(Man, the things a serious actor has to do these days to earn a living!)

What do you think, Jim, do I look better in grey or black? What suits me best?

You can write what you like, you won't win the war you know!

Ach zo!! If you are going to make mitt der doppelganger you need ein moustache like mine! Your attempt vouldn't fool anyvon, only der von mitt der funny ears ist any gut. He looks like Hess.
Zis ist vot mein real doppelganger looks like.

I bet you can't tell vich von ist der real me!

Spellcheck has not been kind to you!

I bet you can't tell vich von ist der real me!

Well clearly you are the little guy standing to attention between the two Charlie Chaplin impersonators.

I claim my prize!

Zat ist der vurst German autobot prototype!!

Meanwhile, Eva haff brung in der cowboy builders, Poles I tink. I know der wass a lot of der banging last night coming from her room, I could hardly sleep ein vink.Und zis morning zis ist der mess I find ven I awaken! Here I am showing Mussolini vot has happened.

Eva tells me it vos going to be a surprise. Vell it certainly surprised ME! She says ven it is der finishen it is going to be ein stage for der presentation off der trophy for vinning der Last Vord ven dat happens, und ve can perform on it as der Deutchsland Barber shop qvartet.

Goering is delighted as it means more off der firewood for der fire so he zat can toast his enormous backside, und block me from toasting mein crumpets!

Von thing about havink der undercover spelling teams operating in England is zat zey send back really gut intelligence to help zer German war effort und keep up zer morale. Namely, zey send me der Beano und Dandy. Mein favourite ist Dennis der Menace.

Bad news I'm afraid for der Barber shop qvartet. Hess haff decided zat he vonts to be ein solo artist, und has pinched Goering's shiny new Messerschmidt und flown off to Scotland to appear on ein radio talent show.
Here ve are watching him fly over as he leaves. Goering ist most peeved as you can see, und wouldn't wave him gutbye.
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Hess haff been on der radio talent programme, ve tuned in to listen und frankly ve veren't impressed. Perhaps it vos ein blessing in disguise him leaving, his singing vos awful.

I think he just haff ein crush on Vera Lynn.

Geobbels haff said dat he vishes to take Hess' platzen in der qvartet.Diss is no gut. He sings like der soprano because he haff no balls.Not only dat, if Goering stands in front off him ve cannot see or hear him! In fact, if Goering stands at der front you cannot see any ov us!

See vot I mean? Ve are all standing behind Fat Hermann but you wouldn't know it, dat ist mein hand making mit der waving behind his right shoulder!

"Sir Tristham, do you think he's taken my last remark as a compliment?"

"No, Sire. You were very eloquent"

Ach vell if you put it like dat…..

I don't vont much, just ein little ting.

You'll probably think it ist qvuite ridiculous, unt funny…..

Ha ha!
But vot I vont, vot I really really vont…..

….Und it isn't to zig a zig ahhh you know?

I haff ein dream …

I vont to vin der Last Word on TMP.
Zere I've said it now.Ziss is me being humble mitt der little tear. (sniff).

"Yes, Sire! That is Volleyfire's head in the clouds"

I vont to vin der Last Word on TMP

NEVER!

NEVER!

NEVER!

(spoken with a French accent)

"It's not going to happen, honey!"

I am not ein happy camper!
I declare dat I vill win no matter how long it takes!!
Mein scientists are developing der terrible revenge veapons at dis very moment.
Der 1000kg exploding squirrel or SV1.

Rocket powered sqvuirrels mitt der high pitched sqveak vich vill soon be arriving over Engerland in der thousands demorolising der people und making haff der spelling mistakes.Diss ist der SV2.

Und mein sneaky undercover spelling teams vill infiltrate und win all der spelling contests. Zey are coming ashore as I type!
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Obviously zey are only dressed for infiltrating der coastal resorts during der Summer at zer moment vich could be ein teeny weeny problem.

"Please don't threaten him …please don't threaten him! Keep your squirrel hidden away. You could be biting off more than you can chew!

Der furst wave are on der vay! Prepare for der SV1 1000kg! Actually dey might be 2000kg, I tink dey put some weight on.
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Heading in zis direction!

Am I crossing the line with this? If so just delete it.

NOoooooooooooooooOH!

Not offended!

zat ist naughty! I suggested it to Eva, but I fell asleep instead.
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Voops dat vos der wrong picture! Eva haff been fiddling mitt mein Kodak again. Zat vos one off me after mein tablets haff vorn off.
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IT'S STILL …

NEVER!

NEVER

NEVER!

IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, HONEY!

I am pondering zis. Vy are der two bald headed men fighting to get out of her dress?? Or ist she smuggling zem into Germany?

Is it zees two?

Und to answer der postings above Herr Breaking of ze Metal…..

Not never…..it vill be

……….instead.

Understand this. In any competition between us, I shall lick you!

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Anyvay….I am just putting togezzer der dance routine mit der rest off der qvartet, I mean trio, ready for ven we vin der Last Vord. Its gonna be all gut folks, mitt der goosesteppen und lots off marching.
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I'm thinking off starting ein show on der new British invention television. Deutschland Haff Talent vill be der title. It's a JA! from me!

In honor of the TMP bug

TMP Nightly Maintenance

Bill hires an assistant to combat the bug

"Yup, it's ed!"

- Captain's Log?

- Not exactly!

- "My Captain goes on a five-year mission and all he brings back for me is this silly little Last Word!"

- "I'm speechless!"

- "Oh, well maybe it does work!"