"The movie I will make when I win the Lottery" Topic

Unlike the usual "I would definitely like to see a movie on the Battle of Tsushima!" monthly TMP topic.
Anyone who suggests that knows that he will go to the 7:00 show and there will be one other person in the theatre, and he is probably passed out.
No, THIS MOVIE HAS TO MAKE A PROFIT!!!! I may be putting up $100 USD million of my own money, but I expect to get $200 USD million back. The usual TMPer movie wish will not do that.

Give your reasons why it would make you a nice hefty profit, and what and who you would do with it,

I would do Terry Pratchett's Wyrd Sisters.
First, fantasy is not a money loser as in the past. See Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, Game of Thrones, etc. Fantasy is hot now.
Second, it's a very good story.
Third, it is funny.

We need a cast.
Angelina Jolie has already done a witch, and I think she has the acting chops to do justice to Granny Weatherwax. And the ego. Like the stunning Charlize Theron uglying up to play that hideous serial killer, this has Oscar written all over it.
Kathleen Turner has put on weight, but that voice is still there. Nanny Ogg.
Magrat? Someone who is skinny and flat chested, yet still attractive in the right light. This would also require submerging your ego. Keira Knightley?

Hollywood would love to do this, since they love to make movies about how wonderful actors are. There is that in plenty.

Director? Peter Jackson did a fine job with LOTR, but screwed the pooch with Hobbit. No, not him.
I'll think of someone. Has to be a fan of the books, which Jackson was not.

It can come in at 2 hours, which is almost sine qua non.
and it will set up a franchise for the other books in the series.

Remember, you have to justify how it will make money for you. This is not a foolish life long dream of seeing The Battle of Chadwick's Outhouse made into a movie. You may have $745,876,322 USD in winnings, but you are not out to lose money either. There is also those annoying third world governments to overthrow and diseases to find cures for. Not to mention worthless cousins and bodacious showgirls. SOMETHING has to make a profit!

Angelina Jolie, Charlize Theron, Keira Knightley

Well, there's half your budget right there.

So a stirring romance set in the 1877 Russo-Turkish war wouldn't make money?

No, I don't have a part for Charlize theron, sadly. She was an example of a stunning actress going Ugly for Art.
But if Angie is not available…

Hey! Everybody else! I want your ideas!

So a stirring romance set in the 1877 Russo-Turkish war wouldn't make money?

Maybe with Katy Perry and Leonardo diCaprio…

Starship Troopers:

The screen starts out black with a few blinking button type lights. There is a HUD map on the lower right side of the screen showing dots in a pretty abstract way, more of a blip detector than a map.

Then that all starts shaking and rattling. Then a giant white light appears in the middle of the screen, a crack. Then it widens and you start to see the surface of a planet rushing up at you with air defense artillery rounds exploding all over the place.

As the ground rushes up you can see lights start to appear all over the screen pointing out where enemy are.

When you hit ground the camera pulls back revealing a hydrocephalic gorilla suit of armour that lands and then stands up with a jump scattering bombs behind it as it goes leaping away. You follow up with other suits just like it landing causing random destruction, dropping talking bombs, firing off the odd nuke here and there.

The opening scene would be about 10 minutes long, probably cost about $400,000 USD or so and would be as fast paced as the start of Saving Private Ryan.

It would more or less follow the book from there, the action scenes would be played out of course. The bugs would be an alien race with guns and such like. We would see them in the film, unlike in the book.

I'd probably try to stay away from big names just to keep the budget under control. Maybe have William Levy as Rico. Although it might be better to get someone less pretty.

His dad, when he meets him, would be played by Edward James Olmos or maybe Jimmy Smits.

I would produce a movie on Preston & Child's Agent Aloysius Pendergast series with Johnny Depp as the eccentric yet brilliant FBI agent/southern gentlemen. It's mystery-suspense with a brilliant serial killer angle that combines the best aspects of Sherlock Holmes, James Bond and a dash of Hannibal Lecter. The movie 'Relic' never featured him because he was a minor character back then.

I would do 1066. The story reads like a film script anyway. One year, three kings!

You've got Harold the tragic hero. Tostig the psycho, evil brother. William the cool, calculating nemesis. Dramatic tension with the weather, forced marches, battles and stuff.

Practically writes itself! And because I'm financing it, I can demand accurate kit!

How about the Master of Disaster, Glen Cook?

The Dread Empire series might be a bit grim, but if you did the Black Company you could use:

Jason Stratchan as Croaker
Christian Bale as Silent
Angelina Jolie as The Lady (or Zoe Saldana, who would be just as good and way cheaper)
Elijah Wood as Raven
Willam Defoe as The Limper
Tom Hardy as Raker
Molly Q as Whisper

Film it in the Pacific Northwest between the Queen Charlottes and Oregon

Lots of action, humour, strong female leads

This has blockbuster written all over it

Bushy run, add a 0 or two at the end of your $400,000. USD

Space Viking or Lord Kalven of Otherwhen by H. B. Piper would make great movies

I still think Elric of Melnibone' could rip the box office. It's got it all; dragons, sex, soul-sucking swords, more sex, side-kick who could partly be comic relief, monsters galore, magic and gods… All part and parcel to the Hollywood fantasy formula.

Benedict Cumberbatch as Elric, Keira Knightly as Cymoril, Tom Hiddleston as Yrkoon (maybe type-casting?), and Chris Pratt as Moonglum. Eh, eh?!

I would do a movie about Dan Morgan with Cowpens as the finale of course.
Tom Berenger would be Morgan.
Daniel Craig would be Cornwallis, and Daniel Radcliffe would play Bloody Ban!
gotta get him away from the wizard stuff.
Ron Howard would direct.

Bushy Run,
That was exactly my movie dream for a long time as well. Then someone came along and made that other movie with the same title but little else.

My stock answer is Zelazny's

Lord of Light

." Would look good, even if the usual Hollywood treatment would stinkify it as a whole.

Car Wars – The Movie. Building off the Mad Max reboot and the Fast & Furious franchise (for the trendies) and liberally borrowing the best filming/scene styles from Bullitt and LeMans (e.g. in-car footage with no music drowning out the sound of the engine shifting gears*). That should get the hip crowd in early, while actually making the movie good enough to get buzz once the first weekend is over.

It would open with an arena duel scene, through the driver's eyes, with a HUD screen on, other cars around the arena revving up*, and a TV announcer's voice hyping the start of the duel as a countdown goes on and on-screen text gives the history of the Car Wars world (exactly as the rulebook used to list it). Just as the countdown hits "Go!" and the announcer shouts "They're off!" the text reads "…Car Wars". And then we have an opening duel with lots of explosions etc., like the segue opening of a James Bond movie.

Being sci-fi and near-future, tight-fitting driving suits for the ladies, cleavage and legs of course fit in, so eye candy will be there.

If cool Guy Ritchie was available (as opposed to lame Guy Ritchie), I would want him as the director. Would need to think about the stars a bit more, if I'm going for the Kid storyline, or the Woman in a Man's World storyline, or the Redeemed Screw-up storyline, or the Fading Veteran storyline. Mechanic sidekick could be a tomboy or the old drunk.

* Yeah, I know, the electic Cars Wars engines wouldn't do that, so I may have to compromise my integrity already.

Miles Vorkosigan' series, played by Peter Dinklage as the titular character. Probably, "Brothers in Arms" is the most easy to adapt to the big screen.

Also Honor Harrington' series, starting with Basilisk Station. Emma Watson for the role of Honor? Maybe… Although, she is a too short (5'4") for Honor (6'2")

A re-boot movie of Gerry Anderson's UFO, directed by J.J. Abrams.

UFO's, late 60's retro clothes, a leading man with a British accent, and a strong female lead in a skin-tight spacesuit. Females will go see it, as well as guys. UFO still has the best opening theme music ever written.

And i don't care if you hate J.J. Abrams. His movies make a lot of money, which is the criteria.

The Happy Meals toys alone will make a fortune. The tie-in video game will be a smash. Everyone will be wearing licensed purple anti-static wigs by Halloween.

So a stirring romance set in the 1877 Russo-Turkish war wouldn't make money?

Rumor has it that this film was a moderate success:
link

Call your UFO series – ShadoW Corps.. and have agents running down mutants.. and lots of see through costumes (just like the original) and it is a winner…

Waiting for Godot, re-imagined as an action-packed teen-romance with zombie-vampires and school-girls.
Big name actors, lots of CGI, crude 'humor', political propaganda, AND a ty plot. Should make millions….

Ortona.

Eric

Saving Gallipearlharbor of the Bulge with a Fury. All 1:1 scale with no CGI flipping tanks or exploding buildings.

Frederick, I don't believe Elijah Wood is tough enough to be Raven…….

Poul Anderson's The High Crusade probably has th prefect mix of spectacle and absurdity. Costumes could be largely pulled from stock (there should be plenty of suitable stuff left after Kingdom of Heaven, Robin Hood, et al.), and once you're off planet, no medieval sets are needed, so you can film it anywhere. (Heck, it could be filmed not far from me, using a local replica Welsh castle as the starting point. Yeah, it's too late in time, but who cares. It's fantasy, and it's an establishing shot. Once they storm the starship, it's not needed.
CGI can cover the rest of the stuff, but you'll need a bit of budget for the aliens and their gear… but not that much.
Cast (ideal): Russel Crowe as either the knight or the monk who records everything (been a while since I read it, so I don't remember the names). After that, start grabbing solid character actors, don't mess with any big name bits, maybe stick in a romantic subplot (it's Hollywood, we want the wide appeal) with an actress who can appeal to the literati as well as the public (Emily Blunt?) and start ringing the cash register.

Up my budget and we'll do Dune, the right way.

Now, for an animated feature, how about Pratchett's The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents. Funny and with a creepy tunnel fight sequence that would out do Aliens for sheer suspense. I'd make this 2D traditional, not computer generated, though I have to admit Pixar knows how to make appealing rat characters.

Oh. wait, I know it: The Dragonriders of Pern, though this is gonna be a series, not a movie. HBO/Showtime would be all over it!!! And we'll do Dragonsong and Dragonsinger as family friendly spin-off flicks for theaters.

Hmmm… although this is a "just for fun" thread, you gotta admit, there are a lot of properties that are now visually doable and within budget reach for an interested filmmaker.

You guys go out and buy some lottery tickets now! You've covered everything I'd make into a movie.

How much would it cost me to get the plot fixed in Kingdom of Heaven or Alexander and just have them re-shot?

You know that the Witches Trilogy by Pratchet has already been done, don't you?

Would redo " The running man" by Bachman ( Stephen King) and stick to the storyline in the book ( maybe with Mark Rufelo(?)…The Hulk) as the lead.

Nothing like the Arnie version!

If you do win the lottery John, before you do your movie ? Could you donate about $40 USD-$50 Grand to my personal relief fund ? I have PayPal !

I'd love to see a true-to-the-book "Running Man" made! Great book; silly movie.

Also, and I know the box office would hate it, I'd like to see "Ringworld" on the big screen. Sadly, it might turn into a navel-gazing monstrosity like "Interstellar".

And for some unabashed violent military sci-fi fun -- Hammer's Slammers!

Me make a movie? Would definitely big a budget historical, maybe about the guiscard trouncing everyone in his path in a Norman rags to riches story.

I'd redo Damnation Alley. Make it closer to the book this time. I'd get Danny Trejo to play the part of Hell Tanner. I would however, find some way to keep something like the Landmaster (a smsller version perhaps ins something like a king cab or H3 size vehicle) in.

And for some unabashed violent military sci-fi fun -- Hammer's Slammers!

"Little Fuzzy". I would keep the toy merchandise rights though. Imagine how many stuffed fuzzies one could sell.

I have a few good ideas myself.

John, if you win, some people are actually going to expect/want you to make this movie…

That does not include me…

Elric for me, with an option on Hawkmoon too..

As for an actor for Elric, I remember a few years ago (at the time they paid a Moorcock a second installment of cash for the film rights) there was a suggestion on a forum of Tilda Swinton for the role. While a slightly odd choice at first, I think there is some merit in it.

Not sure Benedict Cumberbatch would cut it in the role…

Death to the French/ Rifleman Dodd, a grown ups Sharpe

Joe Haldeman's Forever War.
L. Sprague deCamp's "A Gun for Dinosaur"
William Forstchen's "The Lost Regiment"
Harry Harrison's "Stainless Steel Rat" series

Just to be clear, Wyrd Sisters would be a remake, right?

And, yes, animation counts.

Doug

The film opens with Beat to Quarters on a sailed warship. The camera swoops flawlessly from the boy with the drum to crew running to their stations, marines deploying and guns being run out, then back to the command deck where there is a Victorian uniformed officer looking through new-fangled binoculars. The camera pulls back and you realize it is a skyship over a large canal to another more baroque-style skyship manned by slender elf-like figures readying to engage. As bothe ships commence ranging shots the logo appears-Space, then 1889 below it followed by Sky Galleons of Mars.

Or show Queen Victoria poppin' 6pdr Hotchkiss Revolving Cannon shells at a Imperial Russian vessel while yelling "WE are NOT amused, Cousin Alex-Feed Me, Mandrake! This salvo is for Dear Albert!"…or not.

Or a Castle Keep style film where a WWII unit is misted to a alternate world and is defending a Castle from a Orc Horde.

Snake Plissken in the 25th Century.."I thought you were frozen".

Oops. Forgot one. Or two, actually. Maybe more.
Niven/Pournelle's "The Mote in God's Eye"
Sequel: "The Gripping Hand"
Prequels/same universe: Tales of the Co-Dominium--West of Honor, The Mercenary, etc.

The Battle of Tsushima! Starring Scarlett Johansson.