"Ken Burnside Surgery" Topic

Ken is recovering from a previously scheduled medical procedure and will be taking next week off to recover. Please be patient if orders take a little extra time or emails go unanswered until he heals. Get well soon Ken! (If you're not squeamish, details, and a blackly humorous story, are below.)

"I had hernia and orchiopexy surgery on the 11th of February. When the doctors said that the recovery time was 10 days to three weeks, they weren't kidding. I should be able to sit at my desk for more than an hour or two next week."

This also means that Ken's Patreon will be hiatus until he recovers a bit. Ken's day job is as a freelance copywriter/editor, so if he doesn't work, he doesn't get paid. The Patreon lets him take a few hours away from his freelancing and devote it to creating products. If you're a fan of Squadron Strike or Attack Vector: Tactical, or if you're looking forward to the Traveller version of Squadron Strike, you can help by becoming a patron for as little as $5 USD/month. You get some pretty cool rewards, as well! See patreon.com/StarShipsRUs for a bit more information, or ask here if you have questions.

And now, some black humor:

So, today's lesson on Always Double Check Things.

Tomorrow at an unholy hour, I go to Columbia St. Mary's hospital for two surgical procedures. One is an inguinal hernia repair. If you don't know what an inguinal hernia is, save your appetite and cherish your ignorance. Only men can get them, which should be enough of a hint.

The other is an orchiplexy – which is suturing the testes to the – this prevents testicular torsion from recurring, and it's something I've had problems with since I was a teenager – I suspect I got kicked in the crotch a few too many times as nerdy blind kid.

Here's a thoroughly pleasant PSA on testicular torsion.

YouTube link

So, today, there was the pre-appointment phone call going over medical appointment.

We covered medical history, drug interactions, when I was supposed to be there. Throughout the call, the nurse and I both assumed we were talking about the same procedures in a joint session (we scheduled them together to make only one trip to the hospital – the argument is "Hey, as long as you've got the hood up…")

And then we got to this:

Me: With both procedures at the same time, what's the expected recovery time?

Nurse: Oh, it shouldn't be more than a week. But hey, let me check.

<pause>

Nurse: Huh. That's odd. We have you down for a hernia repair, but one code says you're getting an orchiplexy, the other says the second procedure is an orchiectomy.

Me: …

Nurse: So, confirming, you do not want the orchiectomy?

Me, legs pulled to my chest, defensively: CORRECT!

Nurse: I'll go fix that and make sure the change gets to Dr. <Name Redacted's> office.

Me: MUCH APPRECIATED! SHOULD I WRITE "I WANT TO KEEP THESE" ON MY SCROTUM WITH A SHARPIE TONIGHT JUST TO BE SURE?

Nurse: "giggling HYSTERICALLY* I'm SO GLAD we caught that.

Me: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS MORE EMPHATICALLY: ME TOO!

Nurse: God, I'm so glad you have a sense of humor…

Me: I do? It's hard to tell at the moment. It feels more like having dodged a bullet. Or a scalpel.

And after a few minutes to catch my breath, let my heart rate come back down from "I just ran a 3 hour marathon" levels, we got the rest of the call done, and I confirmed, oh, not at all obsessively -- only about six times -- that she'd made the change to the procedure code to "orchiplexy."

Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to be curled up in the corner laughing hysterically.

priceless…. ok.. always double check…

testicular torsion

Isn't that called a divorce?

I'll get me coat. :)

Dennis!

And you once thought fighting Illunan Pirates in "The Kris And The Flame" was a … torsion inducing experience! If those Old Boys had caught you, you wouldn't have had the chance to dodge the orchiectomy.

Just to be safe, keep taking inventory. Remember, it's "Two going in, and two coming out."

TVAG

I read this to my wife – we both laughed our behinds off :-)