"The silliest chainmail bikini top ever!" Topic

I've benn followwing and sometimes collecting fantasy art, miniatures, and the likes for decades, so obviously, I've come across my fair share of silly chainmail bikinis (and then some).

But the current Conan Kickstarter actually managed to baffle me with their take of the most impractical armor of them all:

What the hell is this? It looks like the artist couldn't quite decide whether to draw a chainmail bikini top or a necklace and therefore settled for something that looks sillier than the most absurd Vega stripper costume.

I think this must be the silliest chainmail bikini top ever. Or can anyone think of an even more ridiculous example?

I think you've found the truth and then mislaid it. At some point bits of metalwork cease to be armor and become merely jewelry.

It doesn't offer any support, I don't see why those jugs aren't hanging to her navel, but at least her nips are covered.

Given the choice of weapons, she is armored by faith/magic/ritual. The physical "clothing" is a manifestation of that.

Heck, those might be glued on and holder her *up*. She's holding up amazingly well for having all that metal where it is.

Not any sillier than what is worn by "singers" and internet "models."

I think the "intent" of the so-called chainmail bikini is that is serves, in some fashion (so to speak) as "armor".

I think this one is AC10 by intent, armed for up close and personal action, or not. To be classed as a CB is to imply, even slightly, that the get-up offers any kind of protection. I'm just not getting that here.

I don't know who this is supposed to be- my Conan knowledege is a bit rusty, assuming she is even a creation of Howard and not a pastiche or Kickstarter-created character.

I will assume she is some sort of warrior/sorceress who relies on powerful magics or body-glitter from the Negative Material Plane or or demon-hickeys or something for protection in battle.

It's too bad the mini isn't more true to the art. She's gone from realistic to pneumatic…

Damon.

I think that is a typical Conan comic style get up for a female. I would say she is a priestess.

It doesn't offer any support, I don't see why those jugs aren't hanging to her navel…

Dark magic.

…but at least her nips are covered.

The "Casual Friday" variant is a Kickstarter exclusive.

I don't think that is supposed to protect anything other than the last vestiges of her modesty… ;-)

It's Conan.

It works for me….

I found out she is Belit. Belit was not known for dressing sensibly. And the sculpt is pretty good.

Her "loincloth" is long enough to trip her, and her boots can be greaves. What are you bitching about? That's Standard MarkV female armor.

In Savage Worlds: Beasts and Barbarians RPG she has the Edge called 'Bikini Heroine'. She saves against attacks because she is in impractical armour.

Decorative and not armor

Duane

Looks fine to me.

Not all types of bling are meant to protect. Some are meant to enhance certain senses.

It could also protect from sunburn, so……

Freak, isn't that supposed to be scale armor/decoration?

it protects her against enemy nursing reflexes in combat.

@Big Red:
Beats me. It looks to me like the artist forgot to how to draw a necklace that doesn't require taping onto the nipples, so decided to go to some typical Red Sonja armor for reference, kind of hung part of that upside down from bizarre shoulder straps and…

Whatever that is, to me, it looks patently silly by fantasy standards.

Well, at least they are not pointy; In close combat, that could put someone's eye out…

Sorry, especially by the time it gets to the mini it is well into sexist, not sexy.

If this is supposed to be "Belit" I think I'll pass on the Conan KS. Queen of the Black Coast this is not.

Her weapons have a golden sheen too; looks more like a set of gear worn by a priestess, which is OK with me.

Pose is very dynamic imo would also work for me if she was wearing a dress.

Jewellery, not armor.

One of several versions of Belit in the kickstarter.

Doesn't look silly to me at all! The again, I don't think the market for this figure is too worried about the practicality of the chain mail.

:-)

It is silly of course – in fact my kids think all my miniatures are silly so perhaps it is all a degree of silliness. At least for once she isn't holding a weapon I couldn't lift off the floor

I actually like this miniature a lot – I think the miniature is better than the artwork – the facial expression is really good.

John

Gypsies and belly dancers, as well as others were known to wear their worldly wealth--these could be coins. Except that they seem to be absolutely flat, while coins would have some relief. I guess this is a possibility if you buy the figure and want to convert it. It would certainly be a bit different if she came to a strip poker game.

I'm afraid I don't get the extremely long loincloth either, John, though you do see them rather often in fantasy paintings and n fantasy females. It does allow her to display her legs.

I like fantasy, but I guess I'm just too much of a historical type to really appreciate this.

Grelber

I am reminded of this…

It's not going to protect then from me…

Exactly what part of the word 'fantasy' are you failing to grasp?

"She turned toward Conan, her bosom heaving, her eyes flashing. Fierce fingers of wonder caught at his heart. She was slender, yet formed like a goddess: at once lithe and voluptuous. Her only garment was a broad silken girdle. Her white ivory limbs and the ivory globes of her breasts drove a beat of fierce passion through the Cimmerian's pulse, even in the panting fury of battle. Her rich black hair, black as a Stygian night, fell in rippling burnished clusters down her supple back. Her dark eyes burned on the Cimmerian."

Doesn't seem that far off the mark from the primary source.

Dear Gabe

Yah! It's Conan.

Actually that's not meant to be armor, it's a coin holder for the tolls on the Sacred way from Babbaganoush to Kukkamonga. They tried pitting them on the chariots themselves, but the lack of springs scattered them all over the roads. The larger ones on her hips are for the hotels.

The miniature is actually very very good! Except that's one ed off babe with a case of road rage at the wrong time of the month!

You said it Patrick R. And HobbyDr spot on – the key word is fantasy.

BTW Its clearly not even a bikini so I'd wind everyone up by disagreeing with the premise of the question! Could it be segmented armour? Possibly.

It's a nice example of the genre I think, cast quality is terrific – from a semi-pro.

Sweet dreams

John FoA

That's not armor but more of a harness…

Looks like Gypsy/belly-dancing decorations to me. Not armor, a display of her worldly wealth.

Lion has it on the nose. Decoration. I like the sculpt. And, being a huge fan of Conan, i'm backing this.

I hate the sickles. Belit did not use sickles….

I don't see why those jugs aren't hanging to her navel, but at least her nips are covered.

I have to say that, rare as they are, some women (even surgically unassisted) are really that, ummm, er 'pneumatic'.

At least when in their younger adulthood, anyway. Of course, without seeming crude, as the years slip on by, it won't last: but perhaps gravity is less onerous in Hyboria…

John T

So she's perky. It is fantasy.

Remember if she is a spirit she can appear as she wishes.

Now, drop the greaves, the stupid weapons, and the other bits of body jewelry, immerse her up to her knees in water, and put in the hands the ends of a long wrap or robe, and you have a perfect sculpture of what Acteon saw the last moment of his life.

John T is absolutely right. Quite a few women I've known…thank goodness…have been that pneumatic well into their thirties. Actually, not wearing a bra aids this (or so these women have informed me), and keeps the pecs toned. Of course, this works fine for small to medium sized breasts…not much is going to keep big ones up past the early 20's! But then I prefer 'em smaller for precisely this reason.