"Worst WWII Movies for Wargamers?" Topic

Which WWII movies really make you cringe? As a wargamer, which movies just drive you nuts?

Battle of the Bulge.

'Nuff said

Hands down Battle of the Bulge. No resemblance of anything thst happened in the campaign. Worst war movie ever.

Battle of the Bulge here as well.

"turn off the Engine"

bah!

Force Ten From Naverone is the worst WW2 movie.

How can any of those compare in cinema induced misery to Pearl Harbor. That was a truly terrible movie. They didn't know when to quit, the love story was abominable and it was far, far too long.

"Battle Of The Bulge," easy.

"They're walking back to Germany."

Saw it when it came out, and actually heard at least one man of Veteran age moan in disbelief at that line--as did the other four of us who knew something about the real campaign.

Pure Hollywood tripe that aimed at believers in Super Tanks, Super Nazi's, and bad lip-synching.

The film that's not just "inaccurate," but misleading, and probably made a lot adolescents of all ages think the Nazi's were cool.

Every frame of the master copy should have been cut up and issued as guitar picks.

TVAG

I saw one with Eddie Albert once (forget name) that showed German assault guns firing with the travel locks on

The Thin Red Bore. I actually dozed off during the movie. Though 'Flags of our Fathers' wasn't far off.

Kellys Heroes

"Stop hittin' me with the negative waves, Extra Crispy!"

I would agree that Battle of the Bulge is terrible, but I must also say that Force 10 From Naverone was so bad that I could never bring myself to watch the whole thing so it might be worse. It's interesting that Eddie Albert is one of the few actors who played in movies about WWII who actually had real combat experience in the war.

Kellys Heroes, I have nearly every war movie ever made on WWII and it is not in my collection.

I don't even consider it a war movie, it is an Anti-War movie.

Battle of the Bulge is at least a good movie, it has tanks in it. It is exciting to see tanks driving around in the forest. It does need an accurate remake.

I have never seen Inglorious Bastards, because the reviews tell me it is not worthy of my time.

Mike Bunkermeister Creek
Bunker Talk blog

Pearl Harbor. Horrible POS. They definitely knew better but Hey! It's Hollywood!

Sympathetic, but have to remind you moderns enthusiasts of the agony that is "Cromwell". You are not alone in suffering at the hands of morons with cameras.
Come to think of it, how many thousands of new gamers have been left with the impression that Japanese warfare was always at a skirmish level as a result of "The Magnificent Samurai" or whatever it's called?

After the first twenty minutes, Saving Private Ryan. Pearl Harbour pushes it hard but I think SPR just fights it off for first place.

Battle of the Bulge is totally inaccurate, but it's an enjoyable enough piece of fiction IMHO.

What is truly sad is how I loved them as a child.

Completely out of left field … I offer Ghettysburg. Thisw movie has much to recommend it and was one of my favourites for years. I tied watching it the other day and I just couldn't swallow the speechy platitudes, the moralism, the waxing lyrical – I never really noticed it before. I think I must be getting more cynical.

U571

All of the films mentioned above have at least some redeeming qualities (tanks, Kate Beckinsale, the rather excellent bunker assault in ttrl etc). One war film with absolutely nothing going for it is Breakout, aka cross of iron 2, despite starring Richard Burton and Robert Mitchum. It really is one of the worst films I have ever seen, just awful on every level.

What's that horrible movie where a company of Americans and Company of Canadians start out as camp rivals and end up holding hands in some ridiculous assault on a cliff top?

Sounds like Devil's brigade which is actually true.

Some very worthy choices here. I would especially agree with Pearl Harbor and Battle of the Bulge.

There are two from my childhood I really hated:

Anzio, which despite having Robert Mitchum and Peter Falk, was full of M-47s and wrong equipment. It was kind of a Son of Bulge.

Battle Cry- this was not a proper war movie, there was just way too much kissing in it!

It took us this long to fall to Wrong Tank Syndrome?

What's the one where Peter Falk drops out of the war to move in with a peasant woman and become a baker ?

Surely Escape to victory must be on this list?

Castle Keep-surrealism and T34-85's don't mix. I did like the GI's justification for keeping the Volkswagen, though.

It should be redone as a WWII unit defending a castle against Orcs.

Sorry Winston, I admit it, I suffer from WTS. There should be a telethon for it.

Another vote for Battle of the Bulge as the worst, with Pearl Harbor runner up.

Winston Smith,

You're thinking of "Castle Keep", which I hope I never see again.

I also nominate "Cross of Iron" and "Breakout."

Tobruk

There's an Italian WW2 movie I saw which had M113 APCs as British carriers.

It was bad, very bad.

Eric

Battle of the Bulge
Patton
Saving Private Ryan
Thin Red zzzzzzzzz

Another vote for Thin Red Line, best movie about Vietnam set in WWII I've ever seen. Bad WWII movie.

Bulge is bad too, at least it had some decent tank vs tank fighting – which is so rare that it deserves a little bit of a break.

Pearl Harbor get my vote.

I love Bulge. Its a really good movie. As opposed to, say, SPR. The fact that Bulge is more comic book than history bothers me not at all. A movie's purpose is to entertain.

Thin Red Line

Pearl Harbor

Kelly's Heroes

Castle Keep

I think Battle of the Bulge was entertaining as was Cross of Iron – and Tobruk (and, for that matter, Sahara) are period pieces

I tried watching Wind Talkers once, but couldn't make it through. It was just awful.

The Sound of Music. I always root for the Nazis to catch those damn Von Trapps.

I thought Hunt of the Red October had some execrable inserted footage of what was purposed to be F-14 crash landings on a carrier. The footage shown was a flight deck crash of an F-9F Panther, probably from the Korean conflict era. The F-9F was probably off the Navy aviation inventory by 1960, lovely aircraft that it was. You see that and you realize the folking filming the story have no clue what they are doing.

All rivet-counting aside, Battle of the Bulge was an insult to my intelligence at twelve. Probably one of the dumbest war movies ever.

Every time a doity kraut was shot, he threw his arms up in the air in a completely silly manner. Passively watching it with a friend once, we started shouting "FAME" every time. We laughed our asses off at that and many other things. that movie is ripe for a drinking game.

Kelly's Heroes is one of many of a generation of movies stinking with anti-Vietnam sentiment. Whiny, unwatchable crap.

Korvessa,would you be thinking of "Attack!"?

Kellys Heroes… just crap
Castle Keep
Pearl Harbor.. shots of Missle cruisers in Pearl
Thin Red Line… yuk

I tend to agree with most choices here, except- SPR.
Can anyone please explain what they find "wrong" about that film?

What? No angst for "SS Doomtrooper"????…..

I offer up 'Von Ryans Express', Frankie Tomata sucks.

I don't know what some of you guys are watching !? But from a former Grunt's POV, Kelly's Heroes is much more "realistic" then many films mentioned … They even had 3 "vis-mods' of Tiger 1s based on the T-34 chassis !

Big Joe: [shouting in the radio] Look, Mulligan! I don't think I'm getting through to you! You're dropping your damn barrage on our position! The reason you can't hear me is because you're firing your mortars at your end, and they're dropping here, on our end! No, the Krauts are not here! We're here! Mulligan, your bombs are coming down on our head! I don't know where the Krauts are! Just lift your barrage! Over!

I tried watching Wind Talkers once, but couldn't make it through. It was just awful.

Exactly my experience. Had a very similar one with "Miracle at San Anna."

I have to admit to having a soft spot for Thin Red Line. If you take out all the philosophical elements, it's a pretty good film about how not to attack a hill. And Nick Nolte did a pretty good job as a long-time professional who's just been passed over for promotion. There's about half an hour of good film in TRL, pity it goes on for two.

@epturner – I think that was The Battle of El Alamein (1960s version). I have a DVD box set of bad Italian (and/or set in Italy) WWII movies I once picked up for $5 USD in Walmart, but I can only average watching one of those every 2-3 years, so I still have lots to go (and will never get $5 USD worth of entertainment. About half of them star Lee Van Cleef.

I agree with a lot of the above, I couldn't finish Thin Red Line or Battle of the Bulge.

I'll defend SPR a bit though, even though nowadays I only skip through to the battle scenes, as the middle does sag badly. But I think people forget what it was like to watch that movie in a theatre with other people, and some (not specific to anyone here) never saw it in a theatre and are basing their opinions on watching it on video/TV, which is a different experience.

I saw SPR shortly after it was released in a theatre that was 90% full, say 200+ people. Through the movie there were people sobbing (I heard women, can't speak for the guys), yelling out at the screen, leaving for a breather, and getting twitchy in their seats(including me) from the tension and the way the sound of the tanks would rumble through your chest. When it was over, people wouldn't make eye contact with each other as they were leaving the theatre. There were three of us in the car on the 45-minute drive home, and no one talked, we were still absorbing the experience. We didn't really talk about it for another full day.

So yeah, SPR sagged in the middle and got sentimental, but it was one hell of a visceral movie-going experience. No war movie I'd seen before, not even the Vietnam renaissance flicks of the 80s, made battle as terrifying and real as I expect it is, as that.

There should be a law against making movies whose sole purpose is to feature the actor who "financed" it, but only from his good side.
Pearl Harbor and Ben Afleck. 'Nuff said.
Did that movie do ANYTHING right?

"Fall of Berlin" didn't bother me so much as a wargamer, but Stalin giving out romance advice certainly made me cringe a bit. :-)