First off – I can't take credit for this list. It's an oldie but a goodie.
It was originally published by the good folk at the NWA club (Victoria, Australia)
I modified it somewhat for my own partner and had it printed and framed for her birthday – no, I'm not THAT selfish…I also bought her a new bike and a subscription to her favourite magazine.
But since I had it underhand, hope the following gives someone somewhere a moment's smile in these troubled times.
Regards
Stevo the Divo
"To our special ladies, who put up with us year in/year out wargamers, like any specialist hobbyist, have their own particular foibles which are endearing to some (but would be quite likely to peeve anyone else off)
The ideal partner for a wargamer needs 22 attributes.
Therefore I hope your significant others
1. Understand that the new buffet is a perfect place to keep the terrain that had nowhere else to go
2. Are happy to provide space in the kitchen for 5 months for the construction of a large cardboard model absolutely vital for the open day.
3. Are perfectly delighted to discover that the large cardboard model that took three cars to transport is for 3-dimensional "wall paper" on open day, and not for use in the scenario.
4. Are thrilled to find that the new glass cupboard is needed for display of priceless old books dealing with various historical periods. And that said books must never be touched, moved or read lest they fall apart. They're collectors' items, not resource material.
5. Are always pleased to find your partner stressed out because the new set of rules means that all the figures have to be rebased before the competition starts – tomorrow.
6. Look forward to holidaying in Canberra in the middle of winter so the wargamer can attend CanCon.
7. Don't criticize the fact a grown man plays with toy soldiers.
8. Are comfortable telling people that your partner is away playing wargames.
9. Are quite happy to be alone every Monday evening
10. Consider yourself extra super duper fortunate when your partner takes over the house, shed, bedroom and living room (sometimes all at the same time) to re-enact a battle you've no idea ever even took place or could care less about – yet have the tactfulness not to mention you're fuming over it
11. Love visiting second hand military bookshops when on holiday in an exciting new city. Tourist guidebooks be damned!
12. Know the address of every hobby store in Melbourne and enjoy stopping there to look at the little packets of unpainted lead and plastic.
13. Understand that just because the buffet, games room, shed, living room and bedroom are full of unpainted figures, it is still necessary to go out and buy a whole lot more figures for a new army to scare away the coming zombie apocalypse.
13. Can help add up the points to most armies correctly, even the Later WWII German List.
14. Are willing to listen for hours to detailed battle reports without falling to sleep.
15. Understand that "of course you would have won" if only the dice gods were not against you. Especially when you are beaten by said significant other.
16. Empathises with the disappointment of owning a set of dice which only roll 1's and 2's. Especially when you are beaten by said significant other.
17. Understand a dining table is not for eating at. It's storage space.
18. Go to Spotlight for your significant to find material that is exactly the right shade of green before heading to Bunnings to pick the perfect thickness of MDF and swing by OfficeWorks to pick up 768 pages of essential tactical readouts for your significant others' latest case of "Ohhhh shiny syndrome" in full knowledge said document will be stored in the shed never to be looked at again – a fate that befell the other 30 "this is it, this is the last one" documents you were charged with kindly hauling about town.
16. Are not ashamed when guests come over, sit on the couch for a glass of wine and a chat….and are poked in the rear by a 28mm lead Renaissance Swiss Pikemen's pointy stick burrowed into the couch seats.
17. Watch historical documentaries and actually understand them.
18. Help paint figures (especially the urgent ones that are suddenly needed two days before the tournament)
19. Know the difference between an Osprey, a rulebook, sourcebook, alpha, beta and a supplement.
20. Don't vacuum under the painting table, or anywhere remotely close to the gaming area, because you never know what might have fallen off one of the figures under construction.
21. Are quite happy to vacate the premises after ensuring everyone has been catered for so their significant other and his friends can take over the house, garden and shed.
22. Are all too happy to drive said significant other and his drunken mates home – typically on a weeknight – after they've downed a jug too many playing with toy soldiers across town and listens intently to their banter about the parallel universe in which they could have won but didn't – the blame falling squarely on the dice, of course, not on their being too jolly to walk straight.
Because without those special ladies in our lives – wargaming would really be our whole world!
And lead miniatures don't make coffee, don't wash dishes and most certainly don't give cuddles"
