"Have I overreacted?" Topic

Hmmm… how can I do this without 8 billion stifles and ignores…

I think you overreacted and unintentionally baited them to troll you.

And its all because of this statement:

"I realise that isn't the "received wisdom" and expect to be told I am wrong many times in many ways but that's just the way I see it."
With that you set the tone of "I am not listening and all responders are going to be hater

No that's fine honestly, you have asked a question and I'm happy to answer. What I meant was I expected people to tell me I'm wrong in their view and engage me in conversation about it, that's OK, but to question the level of my education etc, etc…nah sorry, that's all new to me. I have never seen those kind of responses here or any other forum I go on…..ever. I knew mine was a minority view so I expected people to say they didn't agree and explain why. I was opening up the conversation. Simple as that really.

Although I tend to agree with Haywire, the OP seemed to rise to the bait every time. It's often best to just walk away from a fight rather than responding in kind.

Good point, I did actually walk away and only returned that one time to give them both barrels. I can only reiterate that I meant what I said about cyber bullying in my last post. It is a great concern to me. I doubt anyone will kill themselves over an FFG forum but teenagers and young people are a mass of hormones and emotions, often have difficult lives and usually in the case of self harm there is something that is the final straw. I doubt my posting will change anything but at least I tried.

ok, i'll ask: why in the world did you bring up your wife to a bunch of strangers? really. why do that? and on a wargameing board…
mean to say, thats not the place

I dealt with that earlier on, take a look up this thread a bit at my posting at 7.45 and later at 10.28. In hindsight a mistake probably but done with the right intention. I maintain that equating death, anybody's death not just Mandy's, with a miniatures game trivialises it and also, and I do NOT mean this in a confrontational way, the aptness of the time and place is for me to decide. The guy just seemed to think stats were "God" and literally had a go at me for disrespecting his God…."disrespecting the math". If, may the Lord forbid, you lose someone you love to an infinitesimally small chance coming up you won't appreciate being lectured on stats and I did give the guy his due by saying he wasn't to know so he knew I wasn't expecting him to have ESP and I wasn't having a dig at him. Yes a mistake probably but "disrespecting the math" is that for real??? Personally I respect God, people and achievements rather than arithmetic.

I don't like bullies, I really don't, especially gangs of them. It's in my personality to react which I know is what they want but I really don't want them to rip to bits some kid who has just started in the hobby but doesn't share their view of things. It's not right.

I've been trying to work out how you guessed the forum, I see I let it slip in 2 words. Doh! Not to worry, I have done what I thought was right, we had a great game of Robot Rally tonight and my friends and I have all been having a good laugh at the self importance of the people on that forum. My robot wouldn't have fallen down the pit if I had "respected the math". Ironic the guy who said that tried to get people there to help him buy new ships when his were ahem…."lost" earlier in the year, a degree in maths but no common sense, try respecting your stuff and locking your door next time.

Oh well, I've learned a lot and I will know better next time. I am pretty sure that;

1. It's a forum of no real value because trolls ruin it for the others and new members.

2. I was right to leave and never go back.

3. I was right to make the point forcefully about cyber bullying before I left, even if there is the smallest chance it might make somebody stop and think about their actions.

4. Using Mandy to illustrate a point was, on balance, probably a mistake. The point needed making but the most obvious and clearest way to do it is not always the best.

5. I won £65.00 GBP because Germany won the football. I was thinking of buying the rebel transport with it. I won't now though, it's left a bit of a nasty taste in my mouth vis a vis X-Wing. If that kind of thing happens over and over with other people it might be something FFG might want to look at.

A horrible experience with cowardly people but hey, it's only the internet, something new and equally unimportant will be along shortly I am sure.

Anyway, I'm going to leave it there. I asked for a second opinion, I got one. In fact I got many, some agreeing, a few think I overreacted. No problem with the latter, can't ask a question and complain if I don't like the answer. Probably best to move on.

All the best to you all.

Using Mandy to illustrate a point was, on balance, probably a mistake.

It was. Most people would react to that by saying "oh look, he can't make a good argument so he tries to win by dragging his dead wife around". It's not a non-sequitur in an argument, but one of many tactics people use to win, by arguing from authority or trying to use sympathy.

The only wargaming forum I have been on with NO flame wars is the Muskets and Tomahawks one…….must go and start one
"You call THAT a tomahawk?"

It was. Most people would react to that by saying "oh look, he can't make a good argument so he tries to win by dragging his dead wife around". It's not a non-sequitur in an argument, but one of many tactics people use to win, by arguing from authority or trying to use sympathy.

Just caught your posing before bedtime as it's nearly 1 AM here.

Yeah I suppose they could think that. It's maybe a sad commentary on the human condition and the internet that people can and do think that way. I fell into the trap of typing as though as I was talking to somebody face to face. I didn't feel I needed Mandy to back up the point, I merely wanted to illustrate it but as I said earlier the most obvious and clearest way isn't always the best. She'll be OK with it and she will know what I meant, that's all that matters.

Ah well, it's done now. Bedtime. Good night.

I'll preface this by saying that I've never heard of you until today, AlanYork so I'm trying to be objective. I don't post on the FFG website either.

I read the Z95 thread and it appears to me that you were the one who kept escalating it with a bit of arrogance tossed in. You really kick it into high gear on the top of page 3. Yipes!

You didn't start the thread, another guy did. Those guys are trying to see how the Z95 fits into the larger picture of the game, which is good because not everything is playtested the way it should be. The metagame is always important and is there even in historical games. Math is important in games, even if you don't like math. Someone has to figure out all the math, and that's what those guys do. But you just kick the door in and start dumping all over their thread.

They pretty much seem to be ignoring you by the time page 3 is done, but you keeping coming back for more and then throw tantrums at them and toss a few grenades in their direction as you announce your departure. You baited them real good and they dished it right back to you.

BTW if that was a "flame war" then you never hung out on Usenet or BBS's back in the day.

I found the thread in question (and that website does not look good on a phone) and it looks like you entered the thread with a hostile attitude, and on top of it stating that you expected to be told you were wrong. You didn't come across as seeking a reasonable debate (which can leave room for changing of the mind), but merely a person seeking to bait "fanboys" into frustration by hinting that you could have sought a reasonable argument. I saw the context of your mentioning of your wife, and if you had simply said you saw the movie with your wife that would be normal. Mentioning repeatedly that she is dead is unnecessary sympathy-seeking.

My wife died in my arms at aged 47, taken by leukaemia after just 29 months of marriage and you accuse me of sympathy seeking? Go yourself and prey this vile disease never comes knocking on your door .

If your forum-posting methods can be summarized as here is my opinion; worship me or you're a fanboy, then why do you post at all? Wouldn't a blog be a better venue if you are not interested in discussions or debates?

Like I said, just go pray that this disease never comes knocking, mind you . How dare you accuse me of using my beautiful Amanda in that fashion, , you didn't know her or me and you certainly weren't there in that cancer ward for 11 months with her like I was.

In response to your original question, yes you were overreacting. And you still are.

Whoa!

And again… you are overreacting or just looking for a fight… and now threatening bodily harm here.

Alan… stop posting late at night, go to bed, or have a snickers.

I will take your advice and go to bed (couldn't sleep earlier, I miss her very much so sleep doesn't come easily and would never, EVER use her as a tool to win an argument, to illustrate a point yes but not that. I love her very much and wanted 29 years or more with her, not the 29 months we got, the leukaemia came out of nowhere, we don't even smoke, 4 in a million chance the docs said)

As for sympathy? Will it bring her back? No, so what good will it do me? Why the hell would I want it?

Alan,

I'm deeply sorry for your loss. I couldn't cope in your situation. But I don't think you are ready to face the world just yet around this issue – probably best to just talk about this with family and close friends for now, and bring it up with the rest of us in a few years. I have never met Rebel Yell but I don't think he and his comments deserved your response, and in a few years the older you would probably agree. This advice is given with respect and regards…

Cheers,

Ralph

Well. I read the thread. I think you're overreacting. Most of the responses were very civil in the beginning.

In a thread it's even as if you're the one baiting with calling a game's target audience as "teenagers with tantrum", in a completely unnecessary context.

I'm also deeply sorry for your loss Alan and it must be a very hard thing to cope with. I think I would be a mess if I had gone through what you have gone through.

Sparker's words above are wise ones and are said out of concern for you. I hope that you will be able to see that too and will consider taking his advice.

Best wishes to you,
Aaron

AlanYork – your grief is speaking.

You still need to grieve. That is forefront in your mind right now, and is coloring everything else.

Been there. Done that. It doesn't "heal". It does however become more bearable.

I didn't think that the users of the forum we're being out of line on the thread in question, actually they seemed happy to engage with you although your own posts were a little bit passive/aggressive in tone. To have started new threads just to wrap them on the knuckles does strike me as overreacting I'm afraid.

I think you also overreacted with rebelyell2000 on this thread. I don't see that either he or the FFG forumers were being nasty about your wife.

You're clearly not in a strong place in your life right now but I think you need to chill out a bit in the online world.

Agree with the above Alan – it's grief speaking, and for your loss you have everyone's sympathy. It's hard, but I can't say anything to help. I'll just repeat Sparker:

'I'm deeply sorry for your loss. I couldn't cope in your situation. But I don't think you are ready to face the world just yet around this issue – probably best to just talk about this with family and close friends for now, and bring it up with the rest of us in a few years. I have never met Rebel Yell but I don't think he and his comments deserved your response, and in a few years the older you would probably agree. This advice is given with respect and regards…'

I don't think you are going to get any better advice.

Alan, I wish I had enough life experience to give you some sage words of advice.

All I can say is for all the people I've loved and lost I hope I would make them proud for each day I'm here.

Alan, I get a very strong feeling that you can never be wrong. About anything. And that you actually enjoy taking offense.

I saw no "bullying" on the original thread. I saw someone not willing to take advice contrary to his views. You were seeking affirmation but not really advice.
Sadly, I see the same thing on this thread.

Hi,

As I said in my response towards the start of this thread I am a friend of Alan. I've just spoken to him as I was so concerned about some of the earlier posts. As you will have seen his grief is talking. He is a really great guy but this whole thing has just got to him. I've told him to stay away from TMP and other forums (at least for now) which he has agreed is sensible. I've also reminded him he has friends (including myself) he can talk to.

Cheers Aubrey

Has he thought about professional help?

No shame in that, I was diagnosed as suffering from depression recently, for years in fact, I just never knew. (I had put it down to other things)

Counselling/medication and life style changes as well as being aware is half the battle won.

Hi Alan/Aubrey. I think the advice to stay away from the net is a very sensible one. He'll be tempted to return but as mentioned above this is not the appropriate place for expressing the terrible emotional grief that's obviously simmering just beneath the surface.

I'd totally agree with Angel Barracks too; I went through a very difficult time in the past where I reluctantly accepted professional help and I found it extraordinarily helpful. So I hope he doesn't discard it out of hand.

My faith was also an invaluable help. We wish him all the best.

John

Aubrey,

Please make sure he gets help. He's obviously got strong grief issues that need attention. He's lucky to have friends like you he can lean on at a time like this. He definitely had a chip on his shoulder going into that other forum, and his reaction to RebellYell seems to me that he's lost perspective. He definitely needs to get counseling for his issues. I can't imagine the pain he's going through right now with losing his wife at the prime of her life. That would make me lose perspective.

It seems like he'd be a good guy, but I don't think he realizes how his grief is coming out and affecting his life. I wish him the best in coping with his loss.

Weasel
Damn Yankee can mean different things depending on whether you are in Europe or the American South ;)

Indeed … "Damn Yankees", was actually comedy about the "NY Yankee" baseball team link And a want-a-be US rock band. Regardless, I find the remark about Fanatic American Nationalism a bit humorous on one hand and a bit offensive on the other … especially from some Europeans. Don't worry, while much of Europe is downsizing and mothballing much of it's military. The US, including US Nationalists, will be there again to pull your chestnuts out of fire once again …
Now back OT, see how easy it is to get a less than positive response, from a seemingly passing comment … Like this post …

Lots of forums (fora? – flame war…) can be like that. Try mentioning on TMP anything that suggests something done by Americans or America isn't wonderful, or that perhaps, just perhaps, the current hate object might just be not quite as bad as all that… watch the stifles climb and wait for the comments.

So that begs the question "Have I overreacted ?" For both me and the original posts by GM … Who frequently makes less than flattering comments about the US … Which really is OK, as in an intellectual conversation, all points of view should be welcomed. If done in a civil, less derisive and divisive manner. See how easy it can happen ?

Sergeant Paper
Down here at 21 degrees north, all you Mainland Americans look like Yankees…

Indeed !

Alan … I too am very sorry for your loss …

The US, including US Nationalists, will be there again to pull your chestnuts out of fire once again …

Thanks Legion4, we can rest easy in our beds now

@ Alan; still play FOGAM but very infrequently as it's long since lost its allure for reasoning similar to yours. As regards other stuff I think Sparker speaks wisely mate.

Steve Price

Glad to help ! To quote two of your countrymen – "Cry Havoc, and let slip the Dogs of War !" … "People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."

@ Alan York. I haven't read the original posts and threads on the other forum but – judging by your comments here – you've certainly overreacted on this forum. I too am sorry for your loss but that's a side issue to the OP you made, I would suggest. But hey: what do I know. I have not walked a mile in your shoes.

None of that detracts from my points about people owning their own opinions.

@ Rebelyell2006

Anonymity allows me to be who I really am without worrying that potential employers would find things that cause them to toss my applications after Google-searching my name. It allows me to discuss my choice of porn without worrying that my family reads what I type. It allows me to discuss politics and religion without worrying that someone who knows me could take offense at my posts and shoot me. I've seen 2 Girls 1 Cup as well as 3 Guys 1 Hammer, but I'm not going to call my mother and tell her that. I'd talk about it at a pub with a couple of close friends, knowing that such discussions will go no further. I do not want to tack my name on to posts about urolagnia or why Warhammer 40,000 was a waste of money.

Sir, if you used your "real" name but don't act like a chump on line (and before you say it, I'm not suggesting for one minute that you do or have) what would you have to lose when people google you? I suppose you could get turned down for a job if someone found you play with toy soldiers (unlikely in the western world, but not impossible I accept) but you're much more likely to get your application tossed into the 'no' pile if people find you go on forums using your real name (assuming that you are the only 'Joe Bloggs' using that naem, of course) and then say horrible things: That would get you regected for sure. I accept that.

There's a way out of that, of course: be nice to people on line.

And if you went on to download porn using your own name…. gosh, I don't know what to say to that one. Errrr "don't" might be a starting position. That's not "owning your own opinions" on a forum, that's publicising your web browsing habits for the world to see. A whole different can of worms, I think.

What one buys – or even views – on line, and what one says out loud – on line or anywhere else – are, I believe, two very different things. I'm not saying you have to use your real name for both of those things am I?

You also said that it allows you to "discuss politics and religion without worrying that someone who knows me could take offense at my posts and shoot me". It's a valid point. The flip side of that is that it might also help us moderate what we say in those areas, but I'm probably being naive there, I'm sure.

Finally, anyone who seriously thinks that using a silly name on a forum will hide their porn habit from… well, any agency who actully wants to find it out, to be honest, needs to think again.

Rebelyell2006 – and probably 95% of the other users on this forum – In my opinion you use a pen name not to legitimately protect yourself from harm, I suspect (which would be fair enough), but either because it's fun (also fair enough) or because you want to hide behind a barrier of annonimity to sa whatever you like with no come-backs, safe in a disguise (usually not fair enough, IMHO).

But each to their own.

As I often say when this comes up (as it has done elsewhere), once a year I go to Salute (well, I have done every year for the last 35) so – if anyone wants to come up and punch me on the nose – they know where to find me.

John Treadaway

Or is it really John Treadaway? To be honest, I could be absolutely anyone…

What one buys – or even views – on line, and what one says out loud – on line or anywhere else – are, I believe, two very different things. I'm not saying you have to use your real name for both of those things am I?

At what point does it become both? If I want to say I've watched some weird stuff, does that go in the opinions folder or the viewing/purchasing folder? Can I remain anonymous when stating I've seen weird stuff, and do I need to disclose my name when I give reasons why it is weird? Wouldn't it be easier to remain anonymous at all times?

And in all honesty, when I'm at a pub talking with strangers, I have no idea who they are, and they probably do not know who I am. If it is possible to have anonymous conversations in public, why not online?

Here's an analogy. I'm at a game shop, having a casual conversation about products and politics with the owner and another customer. Other customers could join in or listen, non-gamers could walk in to the store and listen, but otherwise it is a private conversation. Of course the people involved could repeat what they heard, but that is still person-to-person. They know my first name, and the store owner could look up my name on the credit card if he really cared. The other customer saw me at a restaurant once a few months ago. How is that any different from the TMP? If people do not know what I said in that store that day, why should they be entitled to know what I said on the TMP two weeks ago?

'Don't worry, while much of Europe is downsizing and mothballing much of it's military. The US, including US Nationalists, will be there again to pull your chestnuts out of fire once again'

Again, could I point you to actual military budgets of the EU?

link link – the miltary budgets of the UK, France and Germany add up to roughly double the budget of Russia.

'Who frequently makes less than flattering comments about the US'

Quite right. When I feel they are justified. But, I also try and give reasons or references as to why. In this case I pointed out that it is a mainly US forum and it is therefore reasonable to have a proportion of prickly American Nationalists. I also pointed out that other nations could also be prone to this.

I might add that such comments are often a response to ill-researched comments re European defence expenditure or similar!

What can I say, I'm a sucker for a bit of net-drama from time to time. So…

I Read both threads and what was said here and a few points come up. I'm going to address the OP as seriously as possible and offer the 2nd opinion he requested.

1) Your first problem was knowing the context of where you were posting. Getting into conversation about the "Meta" of a game you should expect lots of talk about stats and math. Dismissing such in a conversation will get you no where and no respect.

2) Starting a thread about "quitting" is just another way of trying to have the last word. If you want to quit a forum, PM a moderator or one of the members who you say PM'd you. In the meantime, just change all the info on your profile and as long as you haven't shared personal info on the forum itself you should be fine.

3) In general it's best to keep unrelated personal experience -especially that of a tragic nature) out of a debate. Even if you are earnest and well-meaning, it will not get respect and likely result in hurt feelings when someone disregards it as they most certainly will.

4) It's generally bad form to complain about one forum on another.

5) If you are going to complain, then it makes no sense to ask if you are over-reacting when we don't know the situation, only your impression of it.

6) More importantly. If you're not happy with how a conversation is going. STOP POSTING! Just stop. Let it go, walk away and be big enough to let the other person/troll/debater have the last word.

To Sum up, eventually you did "over-react", but your first mistake was to react at all. Then you came here gave us a slanted version of the story and over-reacted.

All that said, I concur with Sparker (Ralph) as he said it better than I could have. I may wholeheartedly disagree with your style of discussion, but you have my sincerest sympathies and good wishes for your future.

'Don't worry, while much of Europe is downsizing and mothballing much of it's military. The US, including US Nationalists, will be there again to pull your chestnuts out of fire once again'

Again, could I point you to actual military budgets of the EU?

link link – the miltary budgets of the UK, France and Germany add up to roughly double the budget of Russia.

'Who frequently makes less than flattering comments about the US'

Quite right. When I feel they are justified. But, I also try and give reasons or references as to why. In this case I pointed out that it is a mainly US forum and it is therefore reasonable to have a proportion of prickly American Nationalists. I also pointed out that other nations could also be prone to this.

I might add that such comments are often a response to ill-researched comments re European defence expenditure or similar!

Not an unexpected response, from you GM … Yes, the military budges of the EU together are repectable. Regardless, I don't think the Russians are a viable threat to the EU or NATO … But as we all know, never underestimate you [possible] enemy … And yes, your comments about the US and other nations are not without merit frequently … Never said they were not … Just making an observation from an American [Nationalist … maybe] who frequently notices it … and may not agree … But let there be no doubt I can be very critical of my government's machinations at times. I just may not always say anything if it is not relevant, IMO … Or want to end up in the Dog House. Some of my comments you may deem are ill researched, they may be, in your opinion. But as always we are all entitled to opinions … You brought up about fanatical American Nationalists, on a post that I don't think has anything to do with the topic … but again, you are entitled to you opinions … as am I … and everyone else here … right or wrong is always in the eye of the beholder … I think we can all agree on that … As noted by the first link you posted –

The principal military alliance in Europe remains NATO, which includes 21 of all EU member states as well as other non-EU European countries, Turkey, the United States and Canada.

Turkey is the second largest military in NATO … behind the USA. And also when you say Americans, that also includes Canada … As for the second link, I believe I posted something similar, awhile back … So IMO it comes down if you take individual nations or a combination by agreements/alliances. For example the Dutch have mothballed all their MBTs and/or AFVs. IIRC the Dutch would field maybe a 2-3 Bdes that would come under German command if "the balloon went up" … Or look at Lativia, not a member of NATO [yet ?], but IIRC, they have 3 MBTs in their entire Army … So again facts(?) are in the eye of the beholder …

Fair comments.

@ Rebelyell2006

I take your point. I understand your analogy. I don't think it's the only one to be drawn, however. The difference between what you say in passing, face to face albeit in a quasi-public space (a model shop) between two other people ("having a casual conversation about products and politics with the owner and another customer") is different enough from what you write down for the whole world to read on the web. Or in a newspaper. Or any other (form of) "publication".

One is a simple coversation. One is a matter of record. One is open to direct challenge, at the time, face to face. The other… is just not.

I think they are different enough and I – obviously – think that one has to be careful to who I give away my details to on line. Do I do facebook? No. Do I do twitter? No. Or have a GMail account and google drive? None of them.

But what I do say on line I'm happy to own up to.

What I read or download on line? Well, that's between me and my non-exstiant deity.

And GCHQ, of course…

John T

Legion4 – On the topic of Yankee's, the bit that stands out in my mind is a buddy of mine from Alaska. He was classified as a "damn yankee" when they lived in Georgia for a while :)

I think they are different enough and I – obviously – think that one has to be careful to who I give away my details to on line.

Well, that is why we have anonymity online. It is no different than making up names for letters to the editor or letters to Abby. I've written some letters with fake names too. Just look at the infamous newspaper report on Heywood Jablome and Gene Masseth. Anonymity also allows for private life to be explored online: I can have casual and private conversations on one website that are limited by its small membership, and using a different user handle I can have private conversations elsewhere. It is an online version of talking about one thing in my living room with a few friends, and striking up a casual conversation with the person sitting next to me at a pub, and talking to people at a game store or tournament, or sitting in a crowded restaurant and talk about a film with a friend and none of it would matter because (1) the place is so crowded that nobody would be able to fully hear and understand what we are talking about and (2) I am not wearing a nametag so nobody would know who I am besides my friend (just as the only people on TMP who know my name are a few people who sold me stuff on the marketplace and a couple of people in the Parlor). The only difference between that and the TMP is that the TMP is easier to read.

I really think that the game shop conversation is a wonderful analogy for the TMP. We are talking right now (very slowly), and in a month we will both forget about this conversation. And if you do remember it, you might not remember how to find it. In a flesh-and-bone conversation, if you didn't know me beforehand, you would probably identify me mentally by my goatee. In an online conversation, you would identify me mentally by my user handle. A passerby would only catch parts of the conversation, just as most people do not read most of the posts in a thread.

@ Rebelyell2006

I really think that the game shop conversation is a wonderful analogy for the TMP.

We're just gonna have to agree to differ, I'm afraid.

Anonymity also allows for private life to be explored online:

I didn't say that all web access should be open and flagrant. Annonymity is appropriate in some circumstances. As I've already indicated. Being discrete with your 'footprint' is also appropriate. Again, as I've already said. So making that point again is… well, redundant, I think.

But that sort on annonimity that I've just spoken about (again) is not particularly appropriate, I think, in the circumstances we're talking in: ie a toy soldier web site. I think the 'cloak and dagger' approach that you've adopted can lead some people (not you, again I hasten to add) to be unpleasant in a way that they wouldn't be in RL because they'd probably get a punch in the face. I don't think that's a price worth paying for the fun of an entertaining name.

Not every one is like that, obviously. Not by a long shot. But some people are. Too many, IMHO. There are too many trolls, too many people with "web cojones" and the annonimity you applaud simply magnifies that problem.

But – like a lot of folks who wear a 'mask' – some do so for legitimate reasons, some do so for fun, and some wear one for malicious reasons. That's why they make me take off my crash helmet when I go into a bank.

But I can see I'm not going to persuade you. Stick to the pen name, by all means, but – as I said much earlier on – to me it largely devalues much of the apparent provenance – and probably the perceived worth – I attach to your comment and input.

Purely my choice, obviously.

But, to end with*, I'll allow you the luxury you won't allow me: come and have a chat with me about it in person if you'd like to.

John T

* Because this is my last comment

Five years and a half since my wife died of lung cancer, but I can still remember how angry I was for some months after her passing. Not against anyone in particular, just against bloody life itself. I had a very short fuse back then. It caused me some troubles, particularly in Internet forums. What I mean is that I understand Alan's reactions. Is he overreacting? Yes, he probably is. Is it a natural behaviour after such a traumatising event? Yes, it certainly is.

Look, grieving is a bitch. Every damm day is a process of fighting against pain and loss. Moreover after you see your wife being wasted by the disease, and seeing how your hopes are taken away piece by piece. Yeah, there is a lot of anger. Some people are strong enough to cope without being dragged down by their sadness. Others need to share to make sense of what is happening to them, inside their minds and bodies.

I wouldn't dare to recommend Alan how to cope with his loss. Sometime, in the future, he will be able to speak about his wife -and remember her- without being overwhelmed by sadness, anger and need. It takes time for the wound to become a scar that only hurts when you touch it inadvertedly.

But, to end with*, I'll allow you the luxury you won't allow me: come and have a chat with me about it in person if you'd like to.

Ultimately it is not a luxury, but a matter of personal choice. If I think my personal information is none of your business, I won't give it to you. If I am in a pub, or answering my phone, or posting online, I won't give you my name or home address unless I feel it is necessary. If I want to say something to a person standing in front of me in line at the grocery store, I won't shake his hand and say "hello, I am Rebel Yell2006 of 123 Fake Street, Atlanta"; I'll just say "nice shirt" and then start to throw my items on the conveyer belt. My name is on a need to know basis, and the reason why there is anonymity online is because of that.

Weasel
Legion4 – On the topic of Yankee's, the bit that stands out in my mind is a buddy of mine from Alaska. He was classified as a "damn yankee" when they lived in Georgia for a while :)

That makes sense ! To a Southerner !

* Because this is my last comment

Your last comment, maybe. Not mine.

Hi, my name is Edgar and I have an alias… Capt Flash!
No it's not some pulp sci-fi, heroic adventurer's name , it's an utterly insane Malkavian Vampire I used to run as an NPC years ago.
As much as I respect the opinions of those that choose not to use an alias online, I choose to do so. That's a luxury we are allowed on many forums and I don't see any reason why anyone would cast aspersions to people that do. I look at the context of a post and decide if I will engage in a conversation.
As a side note, I thoroughly enjoy seeing the creativity and variety of people's handles on the many forums I visit.
-Capt Flash

A final comment from me.

As I identified in an earlier post I am a friend of AlanYork and I have spoken to him and he is now staying off TMP and other forums.

This thread and the ones on FFG brought out a lot of pain and anger that he has kept bottled up and hidden. I was really concerned when I saw his reaction.

I would like to thank everyone who has contributed to this thread as it has helped bring an issue out into the open that needs to be addressed.

I would especially like to thank Sparker and Basileuss66.

I have sent Alan an e-mail saying that I think he should carefully read what I have to say as a good friend.

I have said that it is hard to possibly imagine his pain and his feelings but Basileuss66 who posted after Alan left has been in a similar position. I have copied the post into the e-mail and asked Alan to consider Basileuss66 views.

I have referred to Sparkers post and specifically his comment that he didn't think RebelYells post deserved Alan's reaction. I have said in my e-mail that neither do I.

I have said I am deeply worried what would happen if someone made a similar comment to RebelYells to Alan's face and that I believe Alan would be looking at a long stretch in prison.

I have said I think he needs bereavement counselling and he needs to get his pain and anger out in a controlled way and that there is no shame in asking for help.

Finally, I have copied the e-mail to another close gaming friend of Alan's who I know when he is aware of what has happened will also support Alan in this.

Thanks Again.

Aubrey

Thanks Aubrey. You're a good man to have in one's corner.

Good job Aubrey, Alan's a lucky man to have you as a friend.

100 posts … I think we all may have overracted …

For the good of the order, I humbly submit the following:

flamewarriorsguide.com

This is a humorous, yet frighteningly insightful, take on the cyber-wars milieu.

Alan, I sympathize with what happened to you on that forum, and I'm glad you stepped away from it. I think the only point of contention I would have would be with your generalization about Americans; the worst internet treatment I've ever received was on the Warhammer 40K Usenet forums by some Brits and Irish folks. It's not an American phenomenon.