"What you didn't want to hear during the Middle Ages" Topic

A group of knights in conversation and more than one of them stating;

"Let's make sure we're all on the same Page, here!"

Ha!

instantrimshot.com

"Let's do this!"

Or, some of these pages are stuck together.

"My Norse relatives are coming for a visit"

"Oh man, my armor has rusted stiff in the joints, so I won't have any armor on in battle today. Well, what could happen? It's all good."

Damn fleas.

"Let's bury him in a carpark!"

Or maybe I'm wrong…

"You're alive, and it's the Middle Ages."

Looking at the enemy formation, raising a fist and yelling:

"BRING IT ON!!!"

"What do those Scotsmen have under their kilts?"

I see those lumps under your armpits,have yet to heal.

Help! I'm being oppressed!!

"Why Johnny, of course I'll sign the permission slip for your class's field trip to The Holy Land."

It's tax time!

The king will be staying the night with us with all his knights….

I wonder why all those rats are running off that Venetian ship that just arrived from Constantinople?

Your____________looks swollen to me.

"She turned me into a newt!"

I recommend amputation!!

Yeah this crusade thing will only be a couple of weeks lad.

"That wound doesn't looks good"

"We'll have to amputate"

"Come to Jerusalem and find glory and riches!"

What Tom said, most definitely….

I hear there are Asian horsemen in the next village over comes to mind as well…..

"We're all out of beer and wine. You're going to have to drink water."

"Honey, do you know you know you've got a sore on your ******?"

Or, some of these pages are stuck together.

I like this one, Fennells

Son, we are all out of food but I hear the galleys are looking for young rowers…..

"Have you noticed a lot of dead rats lately?"

"I prescribe a course of leeches."

"Those Longbowmen couldn't hit a-"

Apothacary : " Just sit still while I lance this boil ,,,,and this one ,,,and this one , oh heres another , and this one , and this one , and this one , heres a another , and this one , oh there's one , and this one and this one , and this one , and this one ,,,,,,, there all better , now sleep with a turnip under each arm for a fortnight and youll be fine " .

Looks infected.

It's only a flesh wound!

"Serfs up!"

Here, have some of this pork…

Hmm… Looks like it got infected.

So. I hear the Inquisition is in town…

"Off to the crusades Milord? I'll be here when you get back."

The knight returned to the king's castle with prisoners, bags of gold and other riches from his victories. "Tell me of your battles," said the king.

"Well, sire, I have been robbing and stealing on your behalf for weeks, burning the all of the villages of your enemies in the north."

The king was horrified. "But I have no enemies in the north," he said.

"Well," said the knight, "you do now."

How many Norsemen does it take to set fire to a lantern?

Why bother with a lantern--there's a monastery just over the hill!

Those greaves are so last year!

"Your sister floats, doesn't she?"

"Do my buboes look big in this?"

Iron Lady?

Noooo Honey, it's a fitting room, here, take this burlap sack and go try it on in there.

So you say the guy who took us prisoner is called Vlad the Impaler. Any ideas why that might be?

"The Baron just heard about your wedding and now he's wearing his best Prima Nocta suit. It's the one made of leather and metal."

Being told you're Middle Aged, everyone then was Middle Age

Jester: "What's the difference between a proctologist and the
King?"
Court: "What"
Jester: "One of them looks at Asses all day, the other one is
an Ass!"