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"Not your mother's giant sentient cyber tank" Topic

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1,575 hits since 3 Dec 2012
©1994-2018 Bill Armintrout
Comments or corrections?

jgawne Inactive Member03 Dec 2012 8:04 a.m. PST

Ok, disclaimer: I know the author. Well enough that I was stunned by his ability to write this book. I wanted to hate it (due to who had written it) but enjoyed it so much I could not. So no sock puppet I.
I am posting this here as I think anyone into the whole orge/bolo/giant tank thing might enjoy it. Actually, people who think those are silly might enjoy it. It has some, uh, very different views on war, warfare, economics, biology, even vampires… and many other things. I've just read the sequel, which is really interesting about space combat. But I digress.

In any event- If the following sounds at all interesting to you I recommend you read a few pages of the preview. If you like that, it just keeps getting more interesting.

The Chronicles of Old Guy – by Timothy Gawne


"In the distant future mankind created sentient cybertanks pattered on the human brain to help fight their alien enemies. Then, inexplicably, the humans vanished. They just went away. All that is left of the human empire are the cybertanks who, in their own way, keep the human civilization alive. With an intelligence based on the human psyche, the cybertanks continue to defend human space, but also perform scientific research, create art, form committees and ponder the universe.

These are the stories of one of the first cybertanks, known to his friends as "Old Guy." He has outlived most of his peers, and has had a wealth of experiences over his long life, but he is starting to slowly become obsolete. Join him and his comrades Double-Wide, Whiffle-Bat, Smoking Hole, Mondocat, and Bob, as they live and love and fight alien enemies such as the Amok, the Yllg, and the Fructoids."

Chef Lackey Rich Fezian Inactive Member03 Dec 2012 8:29 a.m. PST

Did he credit Laumer?

jpattern203 Dec 2012 9:59 a.m. PST

Sounds interesting, but I don't have access to a Kindle.

The editor sounds a little sketchy, though . . .


Personal logo 20thmaine Supporting Member of TMP03 Dec 2012 10:14 a.m. PST

Is this tank porn ? wink

Join him and his comrades Double-Wide, Whiffle-Bat, Smoking Hole, Mondocat, and Bob, as they live and love and fight alien enemies

Personal logo Wolfshanza Supporting Member of TMP03 Dec 2012 10:20 a.m. PST

Yeah, as I disremember, it was Laumer who wrote a similar plot with robots. They went on crusade to find the evil race that had destroyed humankind (actually we had dorked ourselves with a nasty nuclear war) and brought peace and prosperity to the galaxy. Read it decades ago so the details are a bit fuzzy <chuckle>.

Chef Lackey Rich Fezian Inactive Member03 Dec 2012 10:20 a.m. PST

Is this tank porn ?

I think you want GOTTLOS for that, Bill.

leidang03 Dec 2012 10:26 a.m. PST

I'd giv eit a shot if it was on B&N. I've got a nook.

jgawne Inactive Member03 Dec 2012 10:37 a.m. PST

Yes actually, without giving it away, there is cybertank porn (in a way) in the book. It's how new cybertanks are made. NOT how you might think. In fact, little in the old guy books are what you might think.

All glory to Laumer who certainly made the most of the genre, but he was not the first, nor the last to write about large sentiant military machines.

And they do not actually go to war against an alien race for killing people. They have no idea what happened to humans. The humans just kind of went away. Leaving only the cybertanks, (and who can forget the office copier civilization) to carry on as they will. You will not see a bolo building a library, or bowling for that matter. It is, as is all too often said, a very different take.

Nooks are only 20% of the ebook market. Not sure if there will be one for them or not, but there is a pb version for $6.95 USD

Madzerker03 Dec 2012 10:46 a.m. PST

Shouldn't pattered be patterned? He should make sure his blurb is edited right or it makes the whole book look bad.

Meiczyslaw03 Dec 2012 10:48 a.m. PST

Nooks are only 20% of the ebook market. Not sure if there will be one for them or not …

Should be. A friend of mine self-e-published, and his book is everywhere:

The Kindle version
The Nook version.
The iBook version.

I'll ping him and see which service he used (if he used one). I'll update the thread when I hear back from him.

Rubber Suit Theatre Inactive Member03 Dec 2012 2:36 p.m. PST

Now I'm picturing Mum and a BOLO that thinks he's one of her cats. "Not now, Bluey, I'm trying to read."

Privateer4hire Inactive Member03 Dec 2012 3:45 p.m. PST

I pattered my cyber tanks after pitters.
That way I got the pitter-patter of little treads.

pzivh43 Supporting Member of TMP03 Dec 2012 5:09 p.m. PST

Privateer---there is a special place in hell for you, my friend!! :)

PygmaelionAgain Inactive Member03 Dec 2012 8:15 p.m. PST

Not sure whether this was a recommendation or fair warning, I read the sample chapter.

It's certainly entertaining, and might have earned my three bucks by the end of the night. Of course, I don't have a kindle or a nook, so I'll be reading this on the "kindle for pc" app, or the same for my phone. Either way, there's a giant cyber tank, aliens, *zillas, and simulated commanders.

It's pulling the same strings that make me insist that Red Dwarf and Lexx are worth watching through at least once, so it can't be all bad.

jgawne Inactive Member04 Dec 2012 8:40 a.m. PST

I checked, unfortunatly they fell for Amazon's global domination lending plan that prohibits it from being sold elsewhere for 90 days. Upon realzing this, and finding that people actually wanted it in nook format, they pulled it from the program so it can eventually be offered as a nook.

There was also great embarressment at the patter, as that was me siomehow screwing up in copy and paste.

boy wundyr x Inactive Member04 Dec 2012 11:46 a.m. PST

Is there a link for the paperback version? I couldn't see it on Amazon when I was looking around yesterday.

Gokiburi04 Dec 2012 5:35 p.m. PST

Here you go Wundyr: (I hope the link works)

jgawne Inactive Member05 Dec 2012 8:15 a.m. PST

Well, I had to post the blurb for the second book. I mean, you can;t make this stuf up! (well, actually I guess you have to).

It is the distant future and the human race has gone. Whether extinct or moved on to a higher level of existence, nobody knows. Their civilization has been inherited by the cybertanks: massive atomic powered war machines with mentalities modeled on the human psyche. Theirs is an idyllic existence: throwing parties, killing aliens, creating works of art, shooting skeet with hypersonic missiles.

But now an ancient evil from the darkest nightmares of humanity threatens to resurface and destroy them all. Are the cybertanks up to the challenge?

- Can an immortal undead vampire find true happiness with a sentient interstellar battlecruiser?
- Are space monkeys regulated by any arms control treaties?
- What was it about that black cloud thing in "The Chronicles of Old Guy"?
- Why are neoliberal economists so darned evil?
- Is Commando Major Wolfgang Ecliptic Gay?
- How many long did the hit TV series "Nymphomaniac Engineer in Zentopia" last before it was cancelled?
- Who's tougher, an alien robot spider or General William Tecumseh Sherman?
- Is it wise to annoy a super-intelligent weapon of mass destruction called "Smartass"?

The answer to some of these questions, and more besides, lies within!

boy wundyr x Inactive Member05 Dec 2012 9:48 a.m. PST

Thanks Gokiburi! Link worked.

Meiczyslaw05 Dec 2012 10:21 a.m. PST

OK, I heard back from my buddy --

He basically had to submit his book to the different sources separately. "I learned more about Word's formatting options than I ever wanted to," says he.

jgawne Inactive Member06 Dec 2012 11:36 a.m. PST


Amen to that. Word's formatting scheme leads a LOT to be desired. There is a market for applications that just strip it out and leave you with a reasonable level of formatting. I don't know if this was planned or not by MS, but it gets so complicated at times, that Word really is not totally compatible with other WP formats (open office, etc.) It is a matter of extreme frustration to people who do layouts.

There actually are companies that consolidate ebook submissions for you, but it is generally not that hard to just submit them yourself. The thing is, at some point the effort required may not meet the expected number purchased.

jgawne Inactive Member08 Dec 2012 7:27 a.m. PST

The sequel, or rather the seond book of Old Guy as tghis one takes place during the time skipped over in the first book- "Space Battleship Scharnhort and the Library of Doom" is now available at Amazon.


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