"You're Not Really a Wargamer If..." Topic

Well?

You shave and wear a collar to a wargame convention? (Or at least a tee-shirt with no logo or illustration.)

You don't have a lead pile!

You've never played Flames of War? (ducks)

You have ever NOT uttered any of the following:
"Okay, show me in the rulebook where it says I CAN'T do that!"
"But the rules CLEARLY state…"
"It REALLY doesn't work that way!"

You haven't almost passed out from the smell of the guy in front of you at Historicon (or any CON).

You don't own any dice.

You don't have your own tape measure.

You don't read rules you never plan to play, just to "see how they did it."

You don't know what an "Osprey" is.

You don't know that Nappy grognards can be a bit, er… fussy about paint jobs.

You don't play wargames.

….you didn't have to explain to your non-gamer friends that 300 was "loosely" based on an actual battle. and you didn't have a book on hand to prove it.

You realize t-shirts come in colors other than black and sizes other than XXL.

… you can watch a war movie without pointing out every little thing that is wrong with it…

Editor, surely its, your not a real wargamer if you HAVE played Flames of War…

I would ammend leadpile to lead & plastic pile!

If you put polls on TMP about whats your favourite;
LP,
band of…,
flavoured weenie,
etc.,
etc.,
etc…..

If you won't play a game without minis, then you are just a miniatures gamer.

If you don't know what CRT is and have at least one memorized.

You can"t calculate distances accurately without measuring.

If you think the "War of Jenkin's Ear" is just a TMP in joke.

I've never run into someone who simply claimed to be a wargamer. Missunderstandings about what a gamer is has happened. Mostly the other was a video gamer.
I've been accused. Almost always by someone standing across the table from me while playing a game with my figures, at a friend's house, so at their table, and the accuser didn't even have their own dice with them. Oh, and often the accuser was at least ten years my junior.

'You don't know that Nappy grognards can be a bit, er… fussy about paint jobs.'

Isn't a Nappy something rather smelly and worn by babies? What has that got to do with wargaming?

..if you've never had this exchange.

Looks like that unit is out of the arc.

Are you sure? These bases don't look square.

What do you want, a protractor?

Do you have one?

Don't visit TMP :)

You've never said "Don't roll a one."

If you don't play wargames.
-Kle.

I'm a big scary looking long haired biker dude type with scars and all. People at work are scared of me until I start explaining the battle of Thermopolye, or Antietum, or Normandy, and then I become this big loveable teddy bear in thier eyes that they come to for advise. I suffer enough humiliation as it is.

Looks like that unit is out of the arc.

Are you sure? These bases don't look square.

What do you want, a protractor?

I'm not using your [insert facial expression implying the word "loaded"] protractor. I'll use mine.

You're not really a wargamer if …

… you think it's only a game

If you haven't at least once ruined one of your spouse's/partner's kitchen utensils in one of your projects.

My wife made me buy a new flour sifter after I used ours for separating ballast & flocking that were mixed together. Still don't understand why.

you don''t tell people that you are a wargamer

When someone saying "The big game on Saturday" makes you think of baseball, football, basketball, etc.

Youre affraid to tell friends or family what your hobby is.

You don't look at every small object and think can I use it for terrain?

…you're happy to actually be able to get into black xxl t-shirts.
…your spouse won't tell people she meets about your disc golf hobby since that is the geekiest thing you do.
…you hear the word "French" and instead of thinking people or food you think second box from the top in the hall closet unless you're talking moderns which are bottom box bedroom closet closest to the door.
…you complained about Games Workshop and their constant price increases.

You can't instantaneously divide 6 into 1.

Your one of the few people who knows what a "Rules Lawyer" is.
You can calculate simple math, plus and minus's faster than anyone you know.
You would rather play golf.

Ah the XXL t-shirt, more commly referred to by con staffs as a "gamer's small".

You have not repeatedly felt embarrassed explaining to your adult friends what a grown man is doing playing with toy soldiers.

if you have never said "Gees, when I did to roll high I roll low and when I need to roll low I roll high!".

You dream in miniature.

You have never told everyone about some great military victory you had where you routed everyone in front of you and reversed history, how you would have saved the Confederacy, or the French, or the Germans, or any other losing side had you been in charge since you have done so many times in miniature.

You dream in miniature.

I actually do this sometimes.

I also sometimes dream multivariate calculus.

No Cthulu dreams … yet.

you have never stood on a D4 in our bare feet. Gamer caltrops.

…you mutter to yourself, "I think I finally have enough minis."

You cant understand why someone would want to collect the exat same army in 3 different scales!

You don't have multiple bookmark folders on your browser labeled "minis", "cool minis", "paint", "bday/xmas ideas", "terrain", "really cool minis", and "project ideas".

On a side note, I'm not, ahem, fessing up to actually having those folders on my browser and actually occasionally sorting the links in them, that'd be really anal. There's this guy I know…

You're not really a wargamer if you start discussing who is and isn't a real wargamer. Our hobby should be one of acceptance, not exclusion. We play with toy soldiers, ferchrissakes.

You've never been to the doghouse

…you use zombies.

…you don't game wars.

……you only play 'Magic the Gathering' or similar.

You haven't gotten into a flame war over the use of Nappies vs Napoleonics.

IronMike & Prince Rupert ftw!

You spend more time on TMP than you do wargaming.