"Questions you'd Like to Pose to the Star Wars Universe" Topic

Nothing like jumping on a bandwagon, and following Captain Gideon's comment about heading off to a Star Wars game I wondered if a similar "top 5" poll addressing those "need to know" issues in the Star Wars universe might be in order. For starters…

When was stormtrooper weapon proficiency training stopped?

When were building codes changed to allow bottomless chasms here there and everywhere?

When did parsec become a unit of time?

Are these the droids you are looking for?

since when do trash compactors have "sea snakes" in them?

Are Stormtroopers Clones? If not, when did the Clones stop their service?

How did a whiney young guy turn out to be the nastiest, deadliest Sith warrior ever ala Darth Vader?

Did any Jedi other than Yoda and Obi-wan survive the slaughter? Did Yoda ever try and fight back any time after the events in Revenge of the Sith?

How many times will George re-make the same movie, and why do the studios let him?

Why are the Emperor's Guard, who supposedly were chose for the superior fighting abilities, so pitiful in battle?

Ewoks defeating Imperial Stormtroopers? What were you thinking? Yes, I know the toy sales for the kiddies shooting through the roof, but still, what were you thinking?

The last one is a rhetorical question, since I already know the answer – $$$,$$$,$$$.00.

George has succumbed to the Dark Side.

How long after George's death do you think it will be before you see a "Reimagining" of Star Wars ala Battlestar Galactica?

You could actually get a pretty decent story out of the various aspects of the Star Wars movies (including keeping Jar-Jar, if it came to it).

Make Anakin a little bit older, and more brooding as a kid. And make his conflict a little more believable.

Make the Jedi a bit more corrupt.

Make Amidala a bit younger.

Make Palpatine more likable.

There's a lot of room for more ambiguity in that story than Lucas gave it.

Of course, it could still be done without the ambiguity, but it will still need to have a lot of the materials scrapped.

And the Ewoks… It would even be possible to keep them. Make them more like little Rat-Bears than little Teddy-Bears, for instance. And a LOT more of them.

Did time stop between the time Anakin met Amidala in the first movie and the second when he married her?

Is Queen Amidala turned on by younger men or is she a female pedophile?

How come every single alien in the Cantina is connected to the main characters in the films ? In fact pretty much every character who gets screentime somehow is involved in the affairs of the Skywalker family, their friends, foes and acquaintances. The guy on Bespin who tries to get away with his ice-cream maker owes gambling debts to Han Solo, the third tie pilot on the right in ROTJ went to the academy with Biggs. NOBODY in the expanded universe is a random passer-by who is not somehow connected to the saga in any form or shape.

How come that after the Annakin debacle, Obi and Yoda decide that their last hope is another teenage kid who is too old and not trained properly. Not only that, but they consistently lie to and withold vital information from Luke. Also why does Yoda put on his little show, complete with an argument with Obi's ghost about Luke being "too old". Is the fall of Palpatine such a pre-ordained thing that they decide to spice it up a bit, just for the sake of fun ?

How come that nobody decides it might be a good idea to throw the kid who helped save Naboo a bone, and at least release his mother from captivity ? Was there a cash flow problem ? Even if they don't allow him to see her ever again, at least he would know she is in a good place and being taken care of ? At least weren't the Jedi curious to check her claims of a virgin birth ?

How come that the Jedi who are so concerned about bad emotions all the time never notice that Annakin has turned into a whiny, brooding, creepy teenager who believes nazism is the best political system ?

Annakin goes from a silly kid to a nasty emo teen to a cold-blooded murderer, serving as the emperor's right hand and chief executioner. He believes might makes right and the only way to rule the galaxy is to have a boot stomp on every face forever. Are all his crimes magically wiped away after throwing the emperor into a shaft ?

Why is everything set up in such a way that ANY regime is preferable to the corrupt Republic and the Keystone Jedi ? Yet the Empire is evil and has to be brought down …

Why did Lucas let his accountant write the background for the Naboo-Trade Federation conflict ?

Why does every female character lose at least half her IQ points in each subsequent film ? They start off as competent and intelligent characters in the first film only to become increasingly one-dimensional, ineffective and nearly invisible by the third film ?

Why does every character in the films have selective amnesia and pretend they never met or know each other ?

Why does Obi chop off Annakin's limbs and then callously leaves him to a slow and horrible death, burning alive in lava and yet he seems genuinely cheerful when he remembers him many years later ? Does he suffer from serious cognitive dissonance or is he simply a psychopath ?

When did the Ewoks get their taste for human flesh …?

Why couldn't Mace Windu save himself when falling from Palpatine's suite? After all Jedi can levitate starfighters, so he should be able to stop his own fall? Or had he lost too many midchloridians…..

How does an exiled loser civilian who happens to tag along with a diplomatic party (ie Jar Jar Binks) get a direct commission as a senior general?

How does he manage to control his unit without commo gear, runners or any appearant staff?

Since when do queens get elected and have term limits?

What have the Sith been doing in the ages before Palpatine?

Why did the Gungan cross the road?

Why, oh why, did you make the most feared man in the entire Empire a whiny little beeyotch?

No further questions, your honor.

Why weren't Jah Jah Binks and his entire race wiped from the face of the universe for being annoying and pointless?

"Are Stormtroopers Clones? If not, when did the Clones stop their service?"

I! actually have an answer to this one. They were given the option to either retire, or remain. About 40% of the remaining clones opted to remain on duty and units like Anakin's 501st were turned into storm trooper legions.
The rest of the ranks were filled with new recruits who were not from clone stocks as Kamino's cloning labs had largely been shut down after they attempted to build their own clone army and overthrow the new empire in it's infancy upon realizing they'd just helped install a dictatorship.

There's more to that, but I can't recall it all. They did also try using a new subject for cloning material to breed more soldiers, but recruiting from the population was cheaper and easier.

"Did any Jedi other than Yoda and Obi-wan survive the slaughter?"

A few, and they did nothing with their lives but sulk and live peacefully in hiding afterward.

"Why weren't Jah Jah Binks and his entire race wiped from the face of the universe for being annoying and pointless?"

They nearly were. Gungans were used to colonize one of Naboo's moons. The Separatists gassed the colony, wiping out every settler, effectively destroying a high percentage of the Gungan race. Sadly, Jar jar was not present.

Princess Leia, does she go?

I reckon she's a teaser.

Ah! Just one more thread which confirms my conviction to never watch any Star Wars movie after the original Star Wars. Yes I struggled through the second but gave up on the third. Can I puke now?

Why are we expected to believe that the Rebels and the Jedi and the Republic are the Good Guys?

If the basis of force sensitivity is genetic why don't they clone jedi?

Why do we not see any jedi fighting for the separatists, after all the republic was rife with corruption

If there are 'heroes on both sides' why are all the separatists bad guys

Why didn't Anakin/Darth ever visit his mother's grave on Tatooine, or tie up loose ends by eliminating the Lars family?, either way it doesn't seem like a good place to hide Luke from him.

Why do the Jedi all dress like the inhabitants of Tatooine, in the first film you assume Obi Wan just dresses in layers of neutral colours to blend in with the locals

Are they eating stormtroopers at the party that is the last scene of RotJ?

Why does everyone think that George Lucas is the greatest SF creative genius ever?

Why do space stations with artificially generated internal gravity include deep interior chasms which maintain a 1G gravitational force all the way down? Why isn't this simply turned off to avoid unfortunate accidents, such as tossing an Emperor down one of these shafts? In less than a meter he should encounter a null-gravity zone to stop his descent and allow for an easy and safe rescue.
(One could ask the same thing of J.J. Abram's ridiculous Romulan vessel in Star Dreck as well.)

"How many times will George re-make the same movie, and why do the studios let him?"

Because as a bilionaire 5 times over, he owns the studio, dumkopf!

"How come that nobody decides it might be a good idea to throw the kid who helped save Naboo a bone, and at least release his mother from captivity ?"

That struck me as the worst plot hole of the entire series.

The other glaring alarm-bell is the fact that Liam Neeson's character gets it wrong over & over again….

Apparently the Jedi were not corrupt at all, just incredibly stupid. LOL In truth everything Star Wars, has such enormous and ridicule worthy plot holes through it,that you can pilot a Super Star Destroyer,sideways though the gaps, and you would never have a fear of bumping into logic,consistency, or even decent story telling. Sad truth is I enjoyed every movie as exactly what they are. Very pretty, poorly written, B movie pulp fests put together by a creative hack. Please don't be offended as I mean it in the nicest way possible. :)

How could an interstellar civilization have never invented the hand rail?

Why couldn't Princess Liea afford a better hair dresser?

After Liea told Han that luke was her brother,,,did Han give Luke over making out with his sister? "Dude! You made out with your sister!"

In such a highly technologically-advanced society, why do all of the most notable and powerful persons in the known universe speak as if they had a third-grade vocabulary?

Q: Why couldn't Mace Windu save himself when falling from Palpatine's suite? After all Jedi can levitate starfighters, so he should be able to stop his own fall? Or had he lost too many midchloridians…..

A: No, it was his only way of getting out of the movie (and future sequels.) Can you blame him…? ;-)

What kind of spice was Han Solo carrying that he dumped it at the sight of an Imperial Star Destroyer around Tatooine?

Why did the Imperials land more AT-ATs than AT-ST on Hoth?

Why did the Separatist use a missile that lands a bunch of mini droids on a star fighter to cut it apart when a simple explosive would have done a better job?

Why didn't Uncle Owen remember his mom's old protocol droid?

Why couldn't Jedi inject more midchloridians into themselves for needed boosts of force powers? Then they might have been able to sense the Sith guy wanting to become Chancellor.

Wampas eat Tauntauns, what do Tauntauns eat?

Do Tauntauns really smell that bad on the outside?

Where were the AT-ATs during the battle on Endor? Luke got a ride to see daddy on one at the Imperial base, and another was tromping around as well…so where were they?

What kind of spice was Han Solo carrying that he dumped it at the sight of an Imperial Star Destroyer around Tatooine?

Sneezing powder. As civilizations age, their tolerance for old practical jokes diminishes.

Why can't a targeting computer hit a target two meters wide?

Why can't a targeting computer hit a target two meters wide?

This one is easy.

Couldn't you tell that the only computer that the Galactic Empire and Rebels had at the time were TRS-80s?

Why did they re-image the end of RotJ to have an old Obi-Wan and Yoda, but a young Anakin? Just seemed wrong.

Heh heh heh, I feel kinda dirty, but this thread is GREAT!
Now I'm gonna pop over to the StarTrek version…

Why do many of the most striking images seem to have been 'inspired by' a French SF comic of the 60s and early 70s?
link
Link nicked from here TMP link

Giant 4 legged walkers, big chicken walker and droids every where. Why is there no powered armored troops and mobile suits?

"Why are we expected to believe that the Rebels and the Jedi and the Republic are the Good Guys?"

That's my whole problem with Star Wars, and why it didn't work for me after about age 14 or so. By that point I'd figured out that bad guys don't think they're bad guys, and nobody says, "Hooray for Evil! I'm so Evil! I think I'll dress up in Evil-looking clothes to make clear to everybody just how Evil I am…"

Okay, that, and the teddy bears battling the big robots. I don't think I'd even started shaving by that point, but I felt embarrassed to be in the theatre.

The Empire's evil is just implied, we don't really know what policies, taxation rates or other things they were doing. All we know is they had a big bad mobile planet destroying space station, and that was enough to make them evil.

But if you look at it that way, the USA dropped the worlds first city killing bomb. The British gave native populations blankets contaminated with small pox. Germany set 12 million people to death camps. Russia starved 30 million people to death. Kind of says all large bloated governments are evil when you see it that way.

Of the four above, the story about the Small Pox is in error. It was suggested in a letter, however, there has been no proof that is was actually done. A sad comment on PC BS over actual history.

But the Americans, British, Germans, and Russians didn't go around saying to people, "Look at how evil we are, and how awesome that is!"

The whole "Come to the Dark Side…" shtick is just really stupid.

The whole "Come to the Dark Side…" shtick is just really stupid.

It's like Kane beating up Zack Ryder so John Cena will "embrace the hate".
It's sad when I see professional wrestling analogs in Star Wars…

Question for Admiral Ackbar, and no it's not about the trap.
Do fish really sleep with their eyes open?

So why does a droid control ship operated by droids lunching a droid fighter which then launches a droid missle that pops open to deploy a doid with a……laser cutter?!?!…….. not just fire a laser weapon directly at incoming fighters…. oh never mind. I would have loved to see the droid arms dealer selling that bit of stupidity to the Republic. :)

How does an exiled loser civilian who happens to tag along with a diplomatic party (ie Jar Jar Binks) get a direct commission as a senior general?

Because flooglestreet Jar Jar Binks EARNED that commission from Boss Nass himself,and he was able to bring the Gungan and Naboo together THAT'S WHY.

Nuff Said

Captain Gideon

Why don't the storm troopers make their armor out of common wall material? Blasters only make a small burn marks and do not penetrate any wall in the Star wars universe. But storm trooper armor has yet to deflect any blaster.

Who is Anakin's father? How is Anakin related to Owen?

Malibu Max when you said:

Why weren't Jah Jah Binks and his entire race wiped from the face of the universe for being annoying and pointless?

So I take it you don't like the Gungans.

Wolfprophet when you said:

They nearly were. Gungans were used to colonize one of Naboo's moons. The Separatists gassed the colony, wiping out every settler, effectively destroying a high percentage of the Gungan race. Sadly, Jar jar was not present.

How do you know this?

Where did you read this?

Captain Gideon

Because flooglestreet Jar Jar Binks EARNED that commission from Boss Nass himself,and he was able to bring the Gungan and Naboo together THAT'S WHY.

Ah. A political appointment!
Like Ben Butler and Nathaniel Banks.

And what's wrong with that John?

Captain Gideon

How did the Klingon race evolve those big forehead thingies in less than 30 years?

Altius I think you've posted in the wrong topic.

You want the Star Trek topic.

Captain Gideon

Because flooglestreet Jar Jar Binks EARNED that commission from Boss Nass himself,and he was able to bring the Gungan and Naboo together THAT'S WHY.

Ah. A political appointment!
Like Ben Butler and Nathaniel Banks.

Captain Gideon Supporting Member of TMP
20 Feb 2012 8:25 a.m. PST

And what's wrong with that John?

Captain Gideon

Plenty, when the political general learned military tactics from the Keystone Kops!

Note to the OFM: You can't fault a TMPer for being ignorant of the disastrous political appointments in the American Civil War, because we have members from all over the world. Many nations don't teach their children about the ACW, the United States for example.

flooglestreet I think .

Captain Gideon