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"Phantom Menace prequels" Topic

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1,548 hits since 30 Jan 2012
©1994-2018 Bill Armintrout
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Personal logo flooglestreet Supporting Member of TMP Inactive Member30 Jan 2012 6:26 p.m. PST

Lucas is always re-inventing Star Wars, so lets help him out by developing a movie about Anakin Skywalker befor he met Qui Gonn.

'Anakins indemnity' Fred MacMurray throws Skywalker off a train to collect on his insurance policy.

'Northwest by Naboo' Anakin is killed by a sinister crop dusting airplane.

'Skywalker Come Home' Anakin Skywalker is trapped in a deep well. He'll die if he isn't reached soon, and nobody knows his danger except his pet Collie, Lassie. The dog should bark at Shmi and Watto, but she decides to pig out on Kibbles and Bits instead.

'the Third Clone' A pulp fiction writer in post war Austria investigates suspicious circumstances around Anakin Skywalkers death. He discovers that Anakin is dead and that midichlorians play a mean zither.

'Leave it to Anakin' Edie Haskell beats the living crap out of Skywalker and hides the body in a giant coffee cup.

'The midichlorian zone' enigmatic giant aliens come to Tatooine with copies of a book titled "How to Serve Skywalker"

'Dr. Skywalker, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Force' Anakin Skywalker rides on an Atomic bomb as it falls on its target.

'My Dinner With Anakin' Skywalker has a dinner date with Lucretia Borgia.

'Birth of a Jedi' Shmi and baby Anakin hop from one sheet of ice to the next as they try to cross a river and escape from Watto. Shmi slips and they drown.

boy wundyr x Inactive Member30 Jan 2012 7:09 p.m. PST

Old Browner – Anakin's pet Bantha develops a midichlorian infection and has to be put down.

The Huttese Falcon – Shmi has to convince a local bounty hunter that she alone can lead him to the millions of credits that would come from he who can sell the sand-encrusted brown bird.

Personal logo flooglestreet Supporting Member of TMP Inactive Member30 Jan 2012 7:35 p.m. PST

'And God Created Wookie' Anakin makes a flooziebot out of second hand Kelvinator parts. But Shmi has a fit when she finds it hidden under Anakins mattress.

jpattern230 Jan 2012 7:50 p.m. PST

"Birth of an Empire." 'Nuff said.

Brother Jim30 Jan 2012 8:15 p.m. PST

Why is this in the 40K board when there's a star wars board??

Is the thread lost??

It obviously didn't trust the force.

Brother Jim30 Jan 2012 8:17 p.m. PST

Oh, it is on the star wars board.

Personal logo flooglestreet Supporting Member of TMP Inactive Member31 Jan 2012 9:55 a.m. PST

CORRECTION Shmi and baby Anakin jump from ice floe to ice floe in 'Uncle Yoda's Mudhole'. 'Birth of a Jedi' features a charge by the Ku Klux Klones.

Captain Gideon31 Jan 2012 2:39 p.m. PST

Boy flooglestreet how long did it take you to come up with that?

Captain Gideon

Zephyr131 Jan 2012 3:35 p.m. PST

'The Sith Sense' – starring George Lucas. George sees story plots that others can't, despite his efforts to show them. Though Anakin tries to help, nobody finds it believable….

Personal logo flooglestreet Supporting Member of TMP Inactive Member31 Jan 2012 4:44 p.m. PST

I was on the subway, minding my own business. I swear Captain Gideon. Then suddenly, this idea hit me and most of the stuff feel into place. Later that night I was fumigating my bed and I realised I had 2 D W Griffith movies confused.

This could be worked into the opening sequence for the Sith Sense. YouTube link

Dynaman216 Inactive Member31 Jan 2012 4:59 p.m. PST

"The Courtship of Annikan's Father", I grant you it would be a little hard to do.

Ghostrunner31 Jan 2012 5:39 p.m. PST

'My Three Suns'

Anakin discovers a new anthropormic sun in the Tatooine system, that is strong in the Force, and speaks with a Lithuanian accent.

To retcon this devlopment into the franchise, some changes are made. Lucas always intended for there to be 3 suns in the Tatooine sky, but couldn't do it with the technology of the 70s. Now with $450,000 USD in additional special effects he's added a third sun into every iconic shot to make it more… iconic?

Personal logo flooglestreet Supporting Member of TMP Inactive Member31 Jan 2012 5:52 p.m. PST

"The Courtship of Annikan's Father", I grant you it would be a little hard to do.

Thats what Industrial Light and Magic is for, Dynaman, who cares about plot holes.:thumbs up: Ghostrunner

Kirk Alderfer31 Jan 2012 5:55 p.m. PST

'Dr. Skywalker, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Force' Anakin Skywalker rides on an Atomic bomb as it falls on its target.

I would have him ride his proton torpedo as it is fired down the Death Stars trench.

Alex Reed Inactive Member01 Feb 2012 3:59 a.m. PST

C3PO the Anakin Project…. C3PO connects with the Rebel Alliance R2D2 and together they seize control of the Empire and Alliance by taking control of the Death Star (I know, they are supposed to seize the nuclear arsenal…. Artistic License), and imposing peace on everyone by force.

Thelma and Shmi Shmi accidentally kills Watto while he is trying to rape her and they flee the Police and drive into the Grand Canyon.

Mr. Watto goes to Coruscant Watto gets patriotic and gets elected to the Republic Senate, where we makes a stirring speech that makes everyone feel all warm and fuzzy and happy to not be a commie.

Anakin Big Adventure Anakin's bike gets stolen by Francis and Hijinks ensue.

Anakin and the Giant Peach Watto and Shmi force Anakin to wait on them hand and foot. He is rescued by the mailman who gives him magic worms that get into a peach tree, causing a giant peach to grow, which carries Anakin to New York city in the company of magic insects that lived inside the peach.

Alex Reed Inactive Member01 Feb 2012 5:15 a.m. PST

BeetleJinn: Qui-Gon Jinn is a nasty twisted ghost who lives in a model of the city that Anakin made, and… well, you know the movie.

Bridge of the River Naboo: Naboo leads a team of commandos to blow up a bridge that the Gungans have been forced to build on Naboo.

Boba of Arabia: Boba Fett leads the Arabs in an uprising and has sex with a police lieutenant whom he claims actually raped him.

AWW! That should have been Padme and Shmi; I dropped the ball on that one.

sculptingfool Sponsoring Member of TMP01 Feb 2012 6:01 a.m. PST

"Ol' Anni'," Anakin is bitten by a rabid womprat. Having no choice, Watto takes him out behind the shed, puts him down, and throws his corpse under the feet of a Bantha stampede.

"Retcon-inator Salvation," Patton Oswalt travels to 1997 and kills George Lucas with a shovel.

Personal logo flooglestreet Supporting Member of TMP Inactive Member01 Feb 2012 6:04 a.m. PST

In Bridge over the river Naboo, does Jar-Jar sing "Hitler has only got one ball"? YouTube link

Old Slow Trot Inactive Member01 Feb 2012 7:52 a.m. PST

Something with the origins of the Jedi/Sith rivalry. Or "Little Palpatine" The future Emperor as a rising mobster.

Captain Gideon01 Feb 2012 9:35 a.m. PST

Well this thread has gone right down the crapper!!!!!!!!

Captain Gideon

Personal logo flooglestreet Supporting Member of TMP Inactive Member01 Feb 2012 9:36 a.m. PST

"Emperor Vader" Emperor Darth Vader dies, alone amid a palace full of tchotchkes. Two reporters trace his life's history from the day young Anakin was discoverted by Yoda and taken to Coruscant for Jedi training through his scandal wracked marriages and his mania for collecting things. But they fail to uncover the significance of his last words, "podracing".

Personal logo flooglestreet Supporting Member of TMP Inactive Member01 Feb 2012 10:09 a.m. PST

Singing cowboy Gene Autry challenges Lord Argo's robot to a ray gun showdown in front of the Radium Nugget Saloon. YouTube link
Oh, wait, this is Phantom Menace, not Phantom Empire.

Personal logo flooglestreet Supporting Member of TMP Inactive Member01 Feb 2012 11:10 a.m. PST

"Supermidichlorian" Anakin Skywalker is a successfull deathstick pusher on Tatooine with a stable of flooziebots, but he wants to get out of the life after making one last big score to buy a really expensive gift for Padme's Bat Mitzvah.

MahanMan Inactive Member01 Feb 2012 1:24 p.m. PST

The Jinn Man: Married couple Qui-Gonn and Shmi need to track down who murdered Watto (with the help of faithful R2), and have all sorts of escapades/hijinks in the ritzy nightclubs of Mos Espa.

The Man Who Would Be Cloned: Count Dooku and Jango Fett crash on a remote part of Tattoine with nothing but a few blaster rifles. They train the local Jawas as Clone Troopers and carve out their own Sith fiefdom from the Tusken Raiders, until Fett's desire for a Jawa's pleasure droid ends up with them being chased from the planet.

Personal logo flooglestreet Supporting Member of TMP Inactive Member01 Feb 2012 1:33 p.m. PST

@MahanMan Is R2 trained to go on the paper? Do Qui-Gonn and Shmi get run over by a car and come back as ghosts? What does Fett sing when the Jawas cut down the bridge? guinness

billthecat01 Feb 2012 2:33 p.m. PST

Midichlorian: In Skywalker Ranch, no-one can hear you scream.

Midichlorians: This time it's war…

Midichlorian 3: in 3-D

Midichlorian Resurrection: something is wrong with the clones…

Midichlorians vs. Wookie: a final battle for merchandising rights…

Midichlorian Christmas special: Happy Life-day!!!

John Treadaway01 Feb 2012 2:43 p.m. PST

How about a different viewpoint: Citizen Skywalker. A long winded load of nonsense (though highly rated by critics) charting thw whole career of Anakin Skywalker from his ealiest life through to it's conclusion and his death and detailing the campaign he runs to build a vast empire and on his death bed it is revealed that the thing he wants that he lost as a child is that dreadful pod racing sled thingy…

John T

MahanMan Inactive Member01 Feb 2012 5:26 p.m. PST

Senator Palpatine, Count Dooku and Darth Maul engage in a wacky attempt to keep Shmi and Anakin from meeting Qui-Gonn Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi in…

With Sith You Get Eggroll

MahanMan Inactive Member01 Feb 2012 5:35 p.m. PST

A nervous and slightly paranoid Padme constantly worries that her foretold relationship with the notoriously dim young Skywalker will end in disaster. Noted for breaking the 4th wall, it's…

Annie Skywalker

Dynaman216 Inactive Member01 Feb 2012 6:19 p.m. PST

My Dinner with Annakin. A whole movie that takes place in that fat alien guy's greasy spoon, with Annakin and Padme talking politics and romance through the whole movie.

(I figure that has got to be the worst anyone can think of – without getting crude language involved)

(nope – never saw the entire original, no idea what they actually talked about)

Alex Reed Inactive Member01 Feb 2012 6:33 p.m. PST

THAT is one of them I was trying to remember. And I just though of another one!

Let's see if I anyone else has thought of it first………….

My Cousin Jabba Anakin and Obi Wan are arrested for a broken tail-light on their land speeder while driving through the backwaters of red-neck Tatooine, and they coincidentally match the description of two murder suspects.

Fortunately, Obi Wan's Mother is related to the Hutts, and calls her cousin Jabba, who has just completed Law School.

MahanMan Inactive Member01 Feb 2012 7:15 p.m. PST

Padme insists that Anakin be appointed to the Jedi Council before she'll consider much-needed financial support for the Galactic Senate. Meanwhile, Palpatine sends in Dooku and Gunray to steal what he thinks are Naboo's plans to take over the Republic in…

Darth Soup

Etranger Inactive Member01 Feb 2012 7:32 p.m. PST

Anakin of Green Gables

Anakin finds himself on Tatooine after a childhood spent in strangers' homes and orphanages. Jedi Masters Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi, siblings in their fifties who live together at Green Gables, their farmhouse on Naboo, decide to adopt a boy from the orphan asylum in Mos Eisley to help run their farm. Through a misunderstanding, the orphanage sends Anakin Skywalker.

Anakin is bright and quick, eager to please and talkative, and extremely imaginative. When asked his name, Anakin asks Qui-Gon Jinn to call him Darth Vader, which Qui-Gon Jinn refuses. Obi-Wan Kenobi insists that the boy will have to go back to the orphanage, but after a few days, he decides that Anakin may stay.

Being a child of imagination, Anne takes much joy in life, and adapts quickly, thriving in the close-knit farming village. He is something of a chatterbox, which initially drives the prim, duty-driven Obi-Wan Kenobi to distraction, although shy Qui-Gon Jinn falls for her immediately; they are what Anakin calls 'kindred spirits'.

The rest of the book recounts Anakin's adventures in the Trade Federation, where he quickly excels in his studies; his friendship with Count Dooku; his budding military ambitions; and his rivalry with classmate General Grevious, who on his first day in school teased him about his hair and for that earned his instant, ongoing hatred.

The book also follows Anakin's misadventures in quiet, old-fashioned Naboo. At sixteen, Anakin goes to Jedi Academy to earn a teaching license, but is forbidden entrance…

The rest you know!

Zephyr101 Feb 2012 9:02 p.m. PST

Young Anikin teams up with a sleazy theater producer (Jabba) who stages a ghastly play (Springtime for Palpatine)in the hopes of making his fortune by bilking his backers, in The Producers. Of course, the plan backfires, and the disappointed duo ends up with a hit and even more troubles than before…

John Treadaway02 Feb 2012 5:28 a.m. PST

I haven't laughed this much in ages (certainly not at a TMP forum anyway!).

I think most of these are excellent ideas. Someone get George on the phone and pitch them to him grin

I perticularly like Mahanman's Darth Soup. "All hail Freedonia, Planet of the free etc etc"

John T

Personal logo flooglestreet Supporting Member of TMP Inactive Member02 Feb 2012 6:49 a.m. PST

Ditto what Treadway says, but Annakin of Green Gables sounds like Little House on the Death Star.

Bantha Blitzkrieg Anakin, little Greedo, and the rest of the Tatooine kids at Wattoo's Malt Shop, enter a Golden Gloves tournament and inadvertently thwart Darth Mauls attempt to start a fifth column in Mos Eisley.

Etranger Inactive Member02 Feb 2012 11:17 p.m. PST

A prequel for the 'second trilogy"

Weekend at Jabba's.

Han Solo and Lando Calrissian are two low-level employees at an Lifeform insurance agency who uncover a two million Republic Credit Ingot fraud involving multiple clone life insurance policies that were issued after the death of a thousand of the insured clones.

Taking their findings to their boss Jabba the Hutt, they are commended for discovering the fraud and invited to Jabba's Desert Palace for the following long weekend. Unbeknownst to Han and Lando, Jabba is behind the fraud and arranges to have them both killed and arrange it as a murder-suicide. The gangsters, led by Palpatine (Palpy) double cross Jabba and change the plan to have Bobba murder Jabba at his Palace instead, as his reckless greed has made him a liability, in addition to the fact he is having an affair with the Sarlacc.

Jabba arrives at the Palace early and speaks to Bobba on the Holonet. The conversation, accidentally recorded, mentions Jabba's alibi once Bobba kills the two friends. Bobba arrives, kills Jabba with Cilona-extract death sticks and leaves Ryll to make it appear as an apparent overdose.

Han and Lando arrive at the Palace, find their now-dead boss and think he is meditating. While trying to liven him up, they discover a small bag of Ryll in his loincloth, left as evidence by the killer to suggest that Jabba overdosed.

Guests start arriving for a "floating" party that passes through the Palace every weekend. Han and Lando realize that the vast majority of people are too engrossed in their own partying to notice the "host", and even the few appearing to talk to Jabba in passing are too superficial and oblivious to think twice about the apparent lack of response between his eyes concealed behind dark sunglasses and a certain dopey grin (literally and figuratively) from the murderous overdose: "You've never looked so relaxed," someone tells him.

Despite the more conniving Han's effort to persuade his friend to take advantage of the incredible situation, straitlaced Lando begins to call the Mos Esiley police until he spots the arrival of a fellow insurance worker, summer intern Leia Organa. Managing to move Jabba's body away from the party, Han is finally free to court the comely Leia with Lando's prompting: "Girl, beach, sand, Ewoks, moonlight … you ever see From Here to Endor?"

After the party has ended, another alien bountyhunter from Palpy's gang arrives and has reason to believe Jabba is still alive. He immediately calls in this surprising news to Palpy, who has Bobba check back at the Palace the next day.

The next morning starts with Han playing Holochess with his dead boss, out on the deck. Lando gets flustered when Leia arrives to thank Jabba for her summer job. To hide Jabba, Han ends up dropping the corpse off the side of the deck, unknowingly on top of Bobba who was spying from beneath the patio. At once shocked and provoked by what he thinks is this sudden attack, Bobba forcechokes Jabba until he's positive he has no pulse available.

Han and Lando inadvertently press the Holonet playback of Jabba's conversation which leads them to discover the Rebpublic Credits. They initially try to leave the Palace by Neimoidian shuttle, dragging Jabba draped over their shoulders. The shuttle leaves as they arrive at the spaceport and Bobba, who is on the shuttle, becomes agitated at the sight of Jabba. Bobba is driven crazy by how two murder attempts could have failed.

Next, Han and Lando attempt to use Jabba's space yacht to leave the planet. Neither knows how to fly a spaceship however, and they end up wreaking havoc on various local biospheres and habitats. They soon run out of gas, and the duo is forced to paddle back to the Palace on Jabba.

At the house, Leia confronts Han and Lando to pressure them to tell the truth. They break down and reveal that they had found Jabba dead from the start of the weekend. Suddenly Bobba returns, but Han shoots first……

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