"Do the Groupies put you off wargaming?" Topic

Last night I was trying to Solo-Play Little Round Top, using Lego blocks rather than figures since No-one was around, and I hear 'Tap! Tap!' at my bedroom window.

I look out, like you do, and there in the street is only that bloody Jessica bloody Biel, chucking gravel at my window.

"What IS it?" I shouted – (I may have seemed a bit short, but Chamberlain was about to order the charge and you KNOW how exciting that can be.) "What do you WANT, Biel?"

She only goes and starts begging me to come down and give her a seeing to, bent over the bonnet of my old Austin Metro. Right in the middle of the street! Well, I gives her short shrift, go back to my game and see the game through, – and as I start out to the all-night garage for some more pipe-tobacco and a Ginsters pastie, there she is , the slattern, and she has only gone and got herself undressed,with a placard round her neck begging me to give her one.

I recall the days when a wargaming chap could get on with his hobby without this sort of thing. Has anyone else found themselves losing interest in the Hobby due to all the hot women chasing them around, wanting to put another Wargamer as a notch on their bedposts?

Pat

Pipe-tobacco? Yeah right, remember it is huff huff pass

And that, boys and girls, is why you shouldn't lick the brushes. Any brushes.

It's the truth – I'm thinking of giving up conventions this year, can't be doing with the endless tottie getting between me and the Perrys.

Elven, you are the vic of a poser, lad, sorry to say.

That couldn't have been Biel, mate. She was outside my door, the whining, incessant knocking, rattling of the doorknob and sexting getting on my nerves.

Why do you think I gave up on bathing? EVERY time I get undressed, somehow the women keep barging right in…..

It's not just that the hot women are always knocking at my door, they NEVER bring the right figures. "Oh, we can use these Mamelukes of the Guard for Cossacks, no one will care." Oh please, just because you're Scarlett Johansson doesn't mean you are exempt from authenticity standards.

Why do you think I gave up on bathing?

Yes! And the back-packs are to keep hot chicks at arm's length! That explains EVERYTHING at conventions.

Pat

You were quite right not to give her one… Those Perry Napoleonics are FAR too good to give away.

Was that you posting pictures of your own membrum virilis on the HaT forum yesterday? I tell you, toy soldier message boards are getting surreal.

Was that you posting pictures of your own membrum virilis on the HaT forum yesterday/

You have to admit, it was well painted.

Pat

It's good to know I'm not the only one this happens to.

You have to admit, it was well painted.

But it seemed to be suffering from temporary scale creep. I hope Jessica Biel solved that for you.

I have a big stick which I use to beat them off.

Er…

The old jokes are always the best ones but you still can't beat the original version by Peter Cook and Dudley Moore:

Pete:
I had the same bloody trouble about three nights ago – I come in, about half-past eleven at night, we'd been having a couple of drinks I remember – and I come in, I get into bed, you see, feeling quite sleepy, I could feel the lids of me eyes beginning to droop – a bit of the droop in the eyes – I was just about to drop off, when suddenly, 'tap, tap, tap' at the bloody window pane – I looked out – you know who it was?
Dud:
Who?
Pete:
Bloody Greta Garbo! Bloody Greta Garbo – stark naked save for a shortie nightie. She was hanging on to the window sill, and I could see her knuckles all white … saying 'Pieter, Pieter …' you know how these bloody Swedes go on – I said 'Get out of it!' – bloody Greta Garbo. She wouldn't go – she wouldn't go, I had to smash her down with a broomstick, poke her off the window sill, she fell down on the pavement with a great crash …

Full Script here: link

Follow the link, sit back and enjoy a bit of Pete and Dud…

Malibu Max

groupies?

for bartentacles…it's the GROUPERS we have to worry about….

that and those dadburn, slishin' asiatic 'research trawlers' with the 'specimen tanks' filled with marinara sauce!!!

Sgt DWW-btod

… another great advert for today's wargamer :(

The adverts for yesterday's wargamer weren't working, Phil.

Pat

Ad then Pat woke up and needed to change the sheets…

, toy soldier message boards are getting surreal.

What do you mean getting?????????????

It's good to know I'm not the only one this happens to.

Most of mine are chainmail bunnies at Renaissance Fair. All they usually want is a quick toss, and a discount on a sword for their boyfriends!

chainmail 'bunnies'??????

that sounds like a very SICK sort of 'My Pretty Pony' spin-off……(like crossing BARNEY with TELETUBBIES)

OR….the 'eye-gouging-out, brain-bleaching terror' of seeing a size 16 gal trying to SQUEEZE into a size 6 chainmail bikini/thong set…ON THE DEALER'S ROOM FLOOR…and all you can think of, forevermore is 'bubblewrap' only…it's 'ATTACK of the CELLULITE!!!!'…..aaaaarrrrrrrghhhhh!!!!

Sgt DWW-btod

My main problem with Jessica is that when she comes over she is always under-dressed.

It is one of the hazards of the hobby . We must endure all things good and bad for our love of the hobby .

> My main problem with Jessica is that when she comes over she is always under-dressed.

OVER DRESSED!

And this is not on the Utter Drivel Board because…?

What do you mean?!?!

And this is not on the Utter Drivel Board because…?

This is a major threat and could destroy the hobby as we know it. I am getting aan extra game set up tonight just in case those groupies come around to the Bronx!!!

Yeah – I should be playing a boardgame right now, but …..I,m just too scared of what might happen…..one or two hot chicks, fine, it comes with the territory, you expect that, but they hunt in packs around here these days.

The moral to this story is stick to acrilic paints, paint thinner in confined spaces will rot your brain.

The Lord helps those who help themselves.I belive I could stand a helping.
John

Rookies. I hired a double back when Cheryl Tiegs was stalking me and it's worked out fine. Not only can I have some peace and quiet for gaming but the money he pays me keeps me in unpainted lead.

LT

It's why I only order on line. Every time I go into a wargaming shop some large breasted amazon with a shaved pudenda and a figure like an hour glass starts heavy breathing into my ear – "Hey big boy, let's go back to my place and play around a bit"

Does she have a sand table – NO!
Does she have Borodino and Waterloo at 1:1 – NO!
Does she have terrain that looks like a model railway layout – NO!

All they ever want is hours of hot sex!

Stay on line for your purchases – it is so much safer.

My main problem with Jessica is that when she comes over she is always under-dressed

There is no such thing as under-dressed.