"Favorite Dadisms" Topic

By this, I am looking for one of those things either you say, or your daddy says, or your granddaddy says, or whatever.

I'm partial to these two:

Ugly enough to drive buzzards off a pile of guts.

Useless as teats on a boar hog.

Couldn't pour out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

Too windy to stack BBs.

"That boy would sell his car for gas money"

From Dad, a Vermonter, "Cold enough to freeze a witch's tit".

"Dumb as a box of hammers"

"That's a little known, well-known fact"

"It's the same reason why the Irish don't rule the world"

Dad, still a fountain of wit and wisdom at 68 plus.

Eric

You boys are making more noise than two skeletions squaredancing on a tin roof!

"Aint had so much fun since we watched the pigs eat my little brother"

From my grandfather:

"It was the least I could do, and I always do the least I can."

"It's better to be a smartass than a dumb<figure it out>."

Probably won't pass the filter, but:

Better to be ed off than ed on!

Edit: Nope, didn't think so. Replace ed with euphemism for urinated.

I can't remember exactly how he phrased it, but he hated the Yankees because they kept buying all the good players off his Philadelphia Athletics, and he hated the Dallas Cowboys because they shot his president.

Colder than a witch's tit

Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.

If you can't suck seed, suck eggs – actually my grandmother.

There are only 2 people around here who are wrong, and I'm both of them – my grandfather.

"I haven't had this much fun since we went dragging for grandma in the wrong lake."

Couldn't organize a root in a brothel.

Very Australian.

Cheers,
JohnG

Watch out for the other idiot.

Couldnt beat snow off a rope

Couldnt organise a up in a brewery

You're not worth the dynamite to blow you up.

As easy as a chainsaw going through Bambi

That one has the IQ of a wet towel

Standard answer to "I have a question" : "Use more lubrication."

Your going to have fun weather you like it or not.

Overheard that gem when working at the boardwalk.

"Keep your feet warm, and your head cool"

Actually, from my paternal grandfather (whom I never met), passed on via dad.

Doug

zoll gornisht helfen

Your going to have fun weather you like it or not.

What do you regard as "fun weather"?

My Dads favorite to all of his sons on their wedding day, "Remember, anything you find in a daiper, will wash off your hands". Anyone can borrow this. TIG

Daddisms

"If brains were dynamite, he couldn't blow his nose"

"Somewhere there's a village missing an idiot"

"Legend in his own mind"

"There's a right way, there's a wrong way, and there's the Army way"

"Nothing's quite so permanent as temporary" (this one, I think, is from an Warrant Officer who was his cousin's buddy)

One thing I heard him say often was "Proper prior planning prevents poor performance". This usually came after yet another of my or my brother's ill-planned escapades ended in disaster.

"That is smart as paint." -- Still not sure if that is good or bad…

" 'I see' said the blind carpenter, as he picked up his hammer and saw"

and

"If 'ifs and buts' were s and nuts, we would all have a merry Christmas"

But my favorite is…

"Hey Rich. Get me another beer. And get one for you too…"

"Don't make me stop this car".

Classic. I still use it on my kids, and have no doubt they will use it on theirs.

My father used all the greats:

Talk in one hand and in the other and see which one has more.

If were a brass band, you'd be the conductor.

My father has several Dadisms that are unique to him.

Example – "I've hear bigger ducks F A R T in water before" – To express surprise.

I'm a dad and I like "Go like fecal matter through a snake." but I don't say fecal matter. I also like "He couldn't sell creosote to a Nevian ." But there aren't many Doc Smith fans around these days.

My Grandfather used this one time and I thought it was hilarious. Now mind you he got along with almost everyone but this one family member used to drive him crazy. " I wouldn't p*ss down his throat if his guts were on fire"

I am just waiting for the day I can actually use this one…..

"Minor details." Good for stopping running in ever-tightening circles.

"End-for-end it." Said during carpentry projects.

"He's an educated idiot." I've met several. Great education, not very bright.

My favorite from my stepdad-"Dont step over a dollar to pick up a penny".

"Suppi-di-mulli-di-mostard-pot" Dad's favourite expression of surprise or shock. I didn't know what it meant, and still don't know what it means. He was born in the Netherlands, so I suspect it is my anglicised interpretation of him saying something in Dutch.

From my Grandmother, "Don't tell your Grandmother how to milk the ducks." Obviously said when she was doing something wrong and you were going to tell her how to do it.

Some more good ones:

I'm so hungry, my stomach thinks my throat's been cut.

"And people in Hell want ice water." Used when asking for something you aren't going to get.

" What the Hell is going on here?" Just as he found you doing something wrong .

'Thumb in your bum and your mind in neutral.'

All hat and no cattle.

My father is not given to repeating himself much, but there are two.

"You won't win if you don't play."

and his favorite when us kids were out looking for first jobs and discussing options for college:

"Make them say no."

Not surprisingly, the two sayings often came up in the same conversations.

"Never run to a fight -- it'll still be there if you walk."

"Never start a fight, but always finish one."

"Mark my words, one day that woman is going to do a lot of damage to this country" (said about Margaret Thatcher when she was Minister of Education).

"Have you got the destructions?" (when asking for the instruction sheet to anything).

"Son of a Gunner!" (a term of approval dating from his national service in the Royal Artillery).

All the best,

John (son of a Gunner).

"Cold as a nun's heart".

Very little that my father said was worth remembering -and I've gone out of my way to forget as much as I can- but that one has stuck with me.

LT

Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.

Dad always told us kids…

Fair? Life's not fair. Get used to it.

… because I have three teenage daughters, 19, 19, and 18.

"the guy who invited this should be sot with his own balls!" I

I only heard this once as he was try to fix the furnace.

Dad really shouldn't have tried to fix anything!! He was good at many thing -- repairs were not it!

"Stop crying or I'll give you something to really cry about."

This phrase was often followed by a clip round the ear.

Papa Buster used to say a lot of stuff, several of them others put in. Regarding slowpokes-He's slower than molasses in January. Regarding temper tantrums-He's hotter than a 2 dollar pistol on the 4th of July.

Papa Fred used to say, regarding projects that went well-That's slicker than snot on a doorknob. Regarding any of us dealing in a project with people we didn't know-Come on in said the spider to the fly.

The election ain't over until the last vote has been stolen.