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"What minor celebs should be fed to the Kraken ?" Topic


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10 May 2012 9:48 a.m. PST
by Editor in Chief Bill

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kreoseus227 Aug 2011 11:00 a.m. PST

As it came up on another post, what minor tv annoyances should be tied to the stake at low tide to the Kraken, and in what order ?

Oprah may count as 2 choices ( and meals for the kraken).

Personal logo Pictors Studio Sponsoring Member of TMP27 Aug 2011 11:08 a.m. PST

Nicholas Cage

Keanaue Reeves

That would be good with me.

53Punisher27 Aug 2011 11:10 a.m. PST

Joy Behar (include all talk show hosts and all hosts/"stars" of reality shows) most Fox News anchors (add some MSNBC ones too), the guy on Antiques Roadshow who always wears the Dr. Who plaid suit…

need I go on?

bracken Supporting Member of TMP27 Aug 2011 11:13 a.m. PST

All wanna be's ! That includes foot ballers girl friends, katie price AKA Jordan every one who's ever being on big brother , and let's not forget I'm a celebrity get me out of here !

Cyclops27 Aug 2011 11:13 a.m. PST

Piers Morgan. Once described, correctly IMHO, as a 'human oilslick'.

Spreewaldgurken27 Aug 2011 11:15 a.m. PST

Why must we be limited to the minor ones?

SECURITY MINISTER CRITTER27 Aug 2011 11:19 a.m. PST

The Kardassians, and their Pimp Step Father…
Tavis Smiley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Flat Beer and Cold Pizza27 Aug 2011 11:26 a.m. PST

The entire cast of "The Jersey Shore", Rob Schneider, any celebrity lawyer you can think of, the crew of the Sea Shepherd… man, I could do this all day.

kyoteblue27 Aug 2011 11:30 a.m. PST

DELETED

nnascati Supporting Member of TMP27 Aug 2011 11:34 a.m. PST

All of the Kardashians, the Jersey Shore cast, Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler, most of the blond, female "singers" under 30.

Mako1127 Aug 2011 11:35 a.m. PST

Lots of good choices above, but some may actually kill a kraken, so not sure they are advised.

J Womack 9427 Aug 2011 12:21 p.m. PST

The silicon and botox additives in many celebs could indeed be toxic to a mere titan like the Kraken.

Let's add the parents of the kids in pageants. Toddlers and Tiaras is evil.

ROBemis27 Aug 2011 12:27 p.m. PST

oh that's easy! So as that we can get back to talking about gaming…John the OFM and the Editor!..and maybe Connard and Bede…and some others…

Dentatus Fezian27 Aug 2011 1:02 p.m. PST

I vote YES.

Lee Brilleaux Fezian27 Aug 2011 1:41 p.m. PST

I nominate Donald Trump, so he can get furious about the 'minor celebrity' title.

But, heck, I'd be happy to promote him to major celebrity if he's okay with being fed to the Kraken. I'd push him in myself.

Norman D Landings27 Aug 2011 2:22 p.m. PST

Jedward.

Danny Dyer.

Jeremy Kyle.

Julie Burchill.

Frank Sidebottom.

Ricky Tomlinson.

Carla Lane.

Peter Stringfellow.

Bez.

Derek Acorah.

'Doctor' Gillian McKeith.

Darcus Howe.

Russel Grant.

Paris Hilton.

Kerry Katona.

Callum Best.

Paul Danan.

Tracy Emin.

Dave Courtney.

Jeremy Clarkson.

James Whale.

Gary Bushell.

Pete Doherty.

Ross Kemp.

The McVities biscuit executive responsible for the discontinuation of Marmite-flavoured Mini Cheddars.

And I'd squirt them with lemon juice first, so when the jagged rows of teeth rip into them like a rotivator chewing up a lawn…. it stings just a little bit more.

BW195927 Aug 2011 2:25 p.m. PST

How about Justin Beiber, and and the cast of the Twilight movies.

John the OFM27 Aug 2011 2:25 p.m. PST

All "singers" who need dancers.
Britney, GaGa, Madonna…
And all the emo "male" singers that infest sensitive commercials.

The Geico cavemen, but only because I think they would put up a good fight. That would be entertaining, and it seems their commercials have died out.

Vince MacMahon and his daughter Stefanie and her husband Triple H.

Of course, they don't have much meat on their bones, so we would have to lash them two at a time to the stake.

Terrement27 Aug 2011 2:30 p.m. PST

DELETED

Gennorm27 Aug 2011 2:33 p.m. PST

Anybody who has been (or is) on Celebrity Big Brother.

Norman D Landings27 Aug 2011 2:37 p.m. PST

Oh, yeah, I forgot…

D. B. Pierre.

Louis Spence.

Axl Rose.

Bristol Palin.

Cheryl Cole.

Stephen Baldwin.

Brian Sewell.

Justin Bieber.

Dappy.

Peaches Geldof.

Peter Andre.

Simon Cowell.

Anyone who looks like Simon Cowell with a moustache… in case he's trying to escape by employing the tactic of disguise.

John Barrowman.

The guy from the 'Go Compare' advert.

Sharon Osbourne.

Gok Wan

James Corden.

Alan Carr.

Battle Phlox27 Aug 2011 2:44 p.m. PST

The Energizer Bunny
Pillsbury Doughboy
Anybody in a medical device commercial.
Lawyers on T.V. commercials trying to find clients for class action lawsuits.

Grand Duke Natokina27 Aug 2011 3:00 p.m. PST

I'll vote all the above.

Qurchi Bashi27 Aug 2011 3:12 p.m. PST

The exit from the Big Brother house should lead straight to the Kraken feeding tank.

Norman D Landings27 Aug 2011 3:28 p.m. PST

Katy Brand.

Paul Burrel.

Karen Taylor.

Stephen K. Amos.

Craig Ferguson.

Josie Lawrence.

Sienna Miller.

Jane Horrocks.

Craig David.

Paddy McGuinness.

Phil Collins.

Alan Jackson.

Maradona.

Uri Geller.

Paul O'Grady.

Stephenie Meyer.

Mike Ashley.

Sepp Blatter.

Louis Hamilton.

Miley Cyrus.

Michael Carrol.

Jeffrey Archer.

Michael Barrymore.

I like this thread. We should definitely get a kraken. I'd chip in for one.

Personal logo Flashman14 Supporting Member of TMP27 Aug 2011 3:42 p.m. PST

It will take all of them as well as all the third rate ones to satiate the kraken.

ochoin deach27 Aug 2011 3:54 p.m. PST

Jimerson Kapling
Aridne Mc Pherson
Brotherton Muller

kreoseus227 Aug 2011 3:54 p.m. PST

So how much is a kraken and where do we get one ? It shouldn't be too dear if we split it between as of us …

Norman D Landings27 Aug 2011 4:37 p.m. PST

Giles Coren.

Alexander McCall Smith.

Kirstie Allsop.

Sarah Beeny.

The entire cast of 'Sex and the City'.

Jonathan Togo.

Spalding Gray.

Anne Robinson.

Ben Elton.

Vernon Kay.

Teri Hatcher.

Need sleep… but there are still so many who deserve to be on the list! What if they succumb to natural causes during the night, and cheat their fate?

(AKA: 'Doing a Winehouse')

skinkmasterreturns27 Aug 2011 4:51 p.m. PST

While none of you will probably relate to this,My selection would be Mark Johnson,tv weatherman channel 5 in Cleveland Ohio. This jackwagon is so sensationalist that anytime it sprinkles out,he portrays it as a major typhoon.I myself do not watch him,but every time I visit my parents,I have to hear his annoying voice in the background.I would prefer that the Kraken eat him quickly.

John D Salt27 Aug 2011 4:56 p.m. PST

I am pleased to say that I have never heard of most of these people. I feel that my life is not lacking enrichment as a result.

However, I do second Mexican Jack Squint's recommendation re Donald Trump, for crimes against hair, taste, and irony.

All the best,

John.

Sundance27 Aug 2011 6:31 p.m. PST

I'll go with the above, plus Britney, Lindsay Lohan and the rest of their ilk.

Personal logo Patrick R Supporting Member of TMP27 Aug 2011 7:11 p.m. PST

What has the Kraken done to deserve such a horrible tummy ache ? I'd just go for the ol' nuke from orbit …

John the OFM27 Aug 2011 8:20 p.m. PST

I never heard of 90% of these "celebrities"…

ochoin deach27 Aug 2011 9:10 p.m. PST

I never heard of 90% of these "celebrities"…

I'm very glad of that John as I made my list up.


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Tazman4968427 Aug 2011 9:32 p.m. PST

The whole legislative branch and all the retirees from such…….:)

Dentatus Fezian27 Aug 2011 9:33 p.m. PST

I'm sorry. I misread the question. I thought you asked 'should' they be fed…

Yes, to all the above.

Grand Duke Natokina27 Aug 2011 10:13 p.m. PST

Norman, we are going to one fat Kraken if all those people are fed to it.

Cpt Arexu27 Aug 2011 10:19 p.m. PST

Isn't Spalding Gray already dead (check, he shuffled off 10 Jan 2004)? Not much there to give the Kraken…

SECURITY MINISTER CRITTER27 Aug 2011 11:43 p.m. PST

Add Alan Alda, and I can die a happy man.

Wargamer Blue28 Aug 2011 1:47 a.m. PST

If I can feed that singer Adel to the Kraken I will be very happy.

Connard Sage28 Aug 2011 1:58 a.m. PST

Frank Sidebottom

No longer fresh Norm.

link

I can't find much else wrong with your lists though…

Norman D Landings28 Aug 2011 2:29 a.m. PST

Tch… two dead 'uns. Even though we're rid of them, I still feel vaguely cheated.

Moral question, though… Barney the Dinosaur really grips my colon.

Given that 'Barney the Dinosaur' does not actually exist, per se, and is merely portrayed by an actor or actors… would it be unethical to feed that actor (or actors) to the kraken?

(whilst in costume, obviously.)

bracken Supporting Member of TMP28 Aug 2011 6:13 a.m. PST

I can't believe someone's said the Pillsbury doughboy ! That's just wrong ! Wrong wrong wrong !!!

Etranger28 Aug 2011 7:06 a.m. PST

Good list Norm. One or two I might spare on the grounds of cruelty to the Kraken.

Prfesumably we're going to televise this as Pro-Am Celebrity Kraken Feeding? As to Barney – definitely. That could be the matinee session for the kids.

Mister X28 Aug 2011 8:14 a.m. PST

On the kraken subject, there is nice Kraken (or Kraken relative) feeding scene in the latest "Conan the Barbarian" film. Not a great film, but a great feeding scene. Maybe clever computer people out in TMPlandia could insert famous "minor celebs" heads into a film still.

Grand Duke Natokina28 Aug 2011 8:18 a.m. PST

Norm, just show your 5 year old kid Jurassic Park and tell that's Barney on steroids. Those annoying songs will stop.

Norman D Landings28 Aug 2011 8:39 a.m. PST

Don King.

Eric "monster" Hall.

Vanessa Feltz.

John McRirick.

Esther Rantzen.

Normski.

Pamela Stephenson.

Claudia Winkleman.

Jodie Marsh.

Pete Burns.

Joe Pasquale.

Janet Street Porter.

Lauren Laverne.

David Gest.

Janice Dickinson.

David Van Day.

Jenny Eclair.

Sheryl Gascoigne.

Chris Moyles.

Will Mellor.

Janeane Garofalo. (in fact – how the heck has she got away up til now?! I can only apologise.)

Bjork.

Cerys Matthews.

And I'd invite Stephen Fry down to watch, as a warning.
"National icon or not, mate…" I'd tell him: "…less is more, yeah? Take the hint."

WarrenB28 Aug 2011 2:56 p.m. PST

Heck, Stephen Fry is one of the first I'd push in.

Also:

Piers 'Morgan' Moron.

'Signed by' Jordan.

David Mitchell.

Simon 'constipated weasel' Anstell

David Walliams.

John Barrowman.

Whoopi Goldberg.

Eoghain Quigley.

Catherine Tate.

Top of the heap: Jedward and Ricky Gervais.

"Ooh. This kraken this kraken is going to eat me, yeh? It's all like 'ooh, I'm going to eat you, yeh?' Me. It's going to eat me. Do you know who I am? I've been in a film, yeh? Ooh, Barry off Eastenders, yeh? Whhhah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!"

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Warren B.
minisculpture.co.uk

Space Monkey28 Aug 2011 3:50 p.m. PST

Oh, most of these I'd let go… but I'd try to save Craig Ferguson, Janeane Garofalo and Ricky Gervais.
Possibly by distracting the Kraken with Rush Limbaugh coated in a nice tartar sauce… maybe strap Al Sharpton to him so they wiggle and squirm a lot.

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