"battle in the back yard" Topic

The battle of the back yard began when I came home looking forward to some relaxation in my tiny 1 acre domain. I looked across the lawn and to my dimsmay it became apparent that some of my minions were rising up in open revolt. These rebels were in bold defiance of my edict to maintain an orderly and uniform height at all times. They even had the temerity to lay siege to my loyal subjects, the blueberries, grapes and others. This was cause for war! I would soon sort these malcontents out. I lept to my scythed chariot and made good speed riding them down. The corpses of the slain were flying from my wrath. Then, I realized the rebels must have an earth shaman working for them. My chariot was afflicted by an earth to mud spell and become bogged down. I struggled mightily to free it, even loudly uttering my own counter spell incantations-(sometimes known as obscenities). All to no avail. The mocking laughter of the rebels filled me with rage as my chariot was impotently mired by the foul magic of the enemy. I channeled for Divine Intervention. With a huzzah my wish was granted. Nothing could stop the power of the heavens and soon my chariot was pulled free! (chain + 4 wheel drive truck) Ready to wipe the smile off of those rebel's foul faces, I prepared once again for battle. Alas! The mud spell had fouled my war machine and it would not move still. The evil taint of the mud spirit had to be cleansed before it would be ready. More incantations were used here as well. Now the hour was growing late, but there is always time for revenge. Soon the rebels were crying out in pain and anguish. The main uprising was finally crushed but I still had to deal with the rebel strong hold. They had built a formidable base along the stream. This terrain was impassable to the chariot and would require hand to hand melee. I pulled out the +2 weed wacker and set about them. This must have been where the earth shaman was hiding because he had infected the entire area. They attempted to grapple me but I managed to make a saving throw and only lost a shoe. Now it became obvious that this was a war to the bitter end and no quarter was given. The rebels learned at great cost the penalty for treason. Their suffering was legendary. Afterwards I stood holding my weapon and covered in the gore of my slain foes. It was almost like a Frazetta painting, except the gore was green, I was holding a weedwacker, there was no buxom beauty clinging to my thigh, and I am a bit shorter and far less ripped than Conan.

Best. Battle. Report. Ever.

Needed a few line breaks, but…

I am with Parzival!

Brilliant

I liked it.

Superb!

I've fought taht battle many a time…

Excellent. Not a blade left standing, you are a force to be reckoned with.

You should of done like me and hire mercenaries to come by on a regular bases to clear out the malcontents. I'm getting too old to be doing that battle all the time.

8)

Yard Wars!
On the lawns of the future, the right of way goes to the biggest blades!
(with apologies to Steve Jackson)

It has been less than a week since the battle and those bloody serfs seem determined to provoke another conflict. One of their scout wasps laid a cowardly ambush and wounded me by the barn. Coincidence? I think not.
I am going out to sharpen my scythes. This naked show of force should deter them from open revolt.
The sad part is that their army list seems weak at first glance, yet it tends to wear you down. The only respectable units are the spell casters that cause plague like itching and ozzing that last for days, and the rare serpent units. These are always deployed in the stream and cause fear. I can usually pass my morale test, but when faced with a -3 surprise modifier I have been known to rout 2D6' across the yard.

If Woodland Scenics produced a 40' x 50' grass mat, we wouldn't have to put up with this acursed chore.

Outstanding report. Do you actively imagine this hideous yard work as a LARP game while performing it? I just listen to my MP3 player… but I don't hail from the land of Tolkien.

Reminds me of Army of Darkness… "Gimme some sugar, Baby!" That was great. Thanks for sharing! Cheers!

People around me wonder why I'm laughing…

I hadn't seen this before. Brilliant! I needed a laugh…