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"Bad names for your ship." Topic

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Last Hussar15 May 2009 2:38 p.m. PST

Ship names are inspired by the martial (Battle Axe)
or a mood of defiance (Unbroken, Dreadnaught)
or lofty ideal (Enterprise)
Sometimes even heroic legend (Bellephon)

You wouldn't want to captain the Fruit-knife, Unstable, Indolent or Don Quixote though.

Covert Walrus15 May 2009 2:46 p.m. PST

I would be proud, as would David Drake, to serve aboard an SDN named The Night Blooming Cereus:)

peterx Supporting Member of TMP15 May 2009 2:52 p.m. PST

The proud ship Ganglia, Minty Fresh Gargle (a corporate ship), The Lazy Sod, The Stupid Oaf, The Slightly Stinky Sneaker, The To Be or Not To Be (That Is the Question), The Greasy Frying Pan, The Burp, The Large Clump of Something that I Can't Quite Identify, The Not So Fresh Feeling, The Crazy Lunatic Shouting Man, The Messy Room, The Garbage Truck, and many others in the huge fleet too numerous and silly to mention.

Plynkes Inactive Member15 May 2009 2:57 p.m. PST

Personally I like the names of the RN Flower Class Corvettes. None of that boastfulness of other, supposedly mightier vessels. That always smacked of whistling in the dark to me anyway.

These names say, "we're so not scared of your stupid U-Boats that we're gonna give all our ships really gay names, and not give a Bleeped text, that's how hard we are."

HMS Pink
HMS Meadowsweet
HMS Gladiolus

Yes, Mr. U-Bootwaffe-going to starve us into surrender with your fleet of big metal penises-man , think on this as you drift forever down into the mansions of Poseidon's hoary deeps… you were sunk by HMS Buttercup.

quidveritas Inactive Member15 May 2009 3:01 p.m. PST

HMS Walter Mitty


Space Monkey Inactive Member15 May 2009 3:02 p.m. PST


Parzival15 May 2009 3:07 p.m. PST

In the G.O.B.S.! rules I give the following ship names in examples:

Screaming Meanie

Battleship Cardigan

Which should tell you how much of a serious game G.O.B.S.! is. wink

doug redshirt15 May 2009 3:15 p.m. PST

The first thing that came to mind was what the heck to call the fleet laundry ship? Washerwoman? Washerman? Spin? Wash Cycle? Fluff? Dry? Rinse? Scrubber?

SECURITY MINISTER CRITTER Inactive Member15 May 2009 3:22 p.m. PST

The Sunken Garden?

kyoteblue Supporting Member of TMP15 May 2009 3:26 p.m. PST

The Ex Wife……….

Personal logo Editor in Chief Bill The Editor of TMP Fezian15 May 2009 3:29 p.m. PST

Sensor Ghost

Personal logo Dances With Words Supporting Member of TMP Fezian15 May 2009 3:35 p.m. PST


Red-shirt special?



We Almost Made It?

Spaaaaaaaaccccce TOAST?

Mikhail Lerementov Inactive Member15 May 2009 3:40 p.m. PST

USS Constipation
HMS Indescribable
HMS Inconceivable.
HMS Incontinent
HMS Impotent
HMS Imperiled
HMS Hemorrhoid

CVN Glowworm

DD Tee

CA Board

SSN Milquetoast

Last Hussar15 May 2009 3:48 p.m. PST

Mikhail- did you serve aboard the FF Sake, by any chance?

Coelacanth193815 May 2009 3:51 p.m. PST

The Dentless

Garand15 May 2009 4:12 p.m. PST

Somehow the USS Gigglestein just doesn't evoke fear…


Sgt McWarMonkey Inactive Member15 May 2009 4:13 p.m. PST

Sitamus Dukamus

CLDecker Supporting Member of TMP15 May 2009 4:14 p.m. PST

USS Insertitall
USS Bloewenme
USS Always Will Retreat
USS Dontgivaphuc
USS Donald Duck
USS Leaking Lena (this baby really exists)
USS Unscrupulous
USS Hiram T. Toadwater
USS Arthur W. Ratfart
USS Stinkwhistle

A few are parodies of warship names we used way back when

SECURITY MINISTER CRITTER Inactive Member15 May 2009 4:17 p.m. PST

Somehow the USS Gigglestein just doesn't evoke fear…

You never met Captain Gigglestein's wife.

dmclellan Inactive Member15 May 2009 4:21 p.m. PST

Continuing that long line of HMS I class Battlecruisers

HMS Insufferable

Mutant Q15 May 2009 4:21 p.m. PST

Kobayashi Maru

Sgt McWarMonkey Inactive Member15 May 2009 4:28 p.m. PST

USS Mulch
it's Motto "We have you covered" I know "oh so lame"

Brent27511 Inactive Member15 May 2009 4:36 p.m. PST

USS Doomed
USS Glass Jaw
USS Hole in One
USS Not an explosives carrier
USS The couldn't hit an elephant at this range….

Soldat15 May 2009 4:42 p.m. PST

USS Target
USS Explosion
USS What's This Button For?
USS White Flag

Mikhail Lerementov Inactive Member15 May 2009 4:44 p.m. PST

HMS Unreliable
HMS Unctuous
HMS Contaminated
HMS Indeterminate (Started life as a 74 but was cut down to make a large frigate)
Fleet Repair Ship Fatigued
HMS Unsupported

SSN Plausible Deniability
SSN Roller Blade (Update of Skate)

Personal logo John the OFM Supporting Member of TMP15 May 2009 5:17 p.m. PST

HMS Admiral Byng

The G Dog Fezian15 May 2009 5:37 p.m. PST

HMS Pretense

Last Hussar15 May 2009 5:38 p.m. PST

HMS Decoy
HMS Munchkin ("Sorry Admiral, all the Classical ones are gone")
USS Garfield ("Its a President, right?")
USS Preciousssss

Cpt Arexu Inactive Member15 May 2009 5:43 p.m. PST

Personally, I like Iain Banks 'Culture' novels, where the ships pick their own names:


Sgt McWarMonkey Inactive Member15 May 2009 5:47 p.m. PST

USS McNugget

Sgt McWarMonkey Inactive Member15 May 2009 5:49 p.m. PST

USS Whoopsie Boom

OldGrenadier Fezian15 May 2009 5:56 p.m. PST

In the grand tradition of the USN naming smaller ships after Indian tribes, the buoy tender USS Heh-kow-ee. Some of you older folk may actually get the reference :)

Personal logo Virtualscratchbuilder Supporting Member of TMP Fezian15 May 2009 6:11 p.m. PST

In my Star Trek TNG world there is the "Doomed Admiral" class of frigates:

USS Nishimura
USS Craddock
USS Scott
USS De Brueys
USS Nabokov
USS Ting
USS Goto
USS Holland
USS Shovell
USS Vitgeft
USS Queiret
USS Wilcox

peterx Supporting Member of TMP15 May 2009 6:19 p.m. PST

How about some Brit ships named after Python creations:
HMS Mrs. Non-gorilla
HMS Pointed Stick
HMS Piranha Brothers
HMS Bigus Dickus
HMS Minister of Silly Walks
HMS Butch Penguin
HMS Nudge Nudge
HMS Lumberjack

BigJoeDuke15 May 2009 6:23 p.m. PST

USS Suicidal Tendencies
USS Brown Pants
USS Righteous Indignation
USS Imminent Domain
USS Manifest Destiny
USS Obomba
USS Bush (hehe, I said bush…)

Sgt McWarMonkey Inactive Member15 May 2009 6:39 p.m. PST

USS Trouser Chili
Water treatment ship USS Hokey Pokey "You put it in, we pull it out"
USS Yellow Snow

Personal logo flooglestreet Supporting Member of TMP15 May 2009 6:59 p.m. PST

HMS Abysmal
IJN Sockitumi
USS Gerbil
USS Sincus

jimborex Inactive Member15 May 2009 7:47 p.m. PST

Inflammable seems a poor choice for a wooden ship of the line.

Tom Bryant Supporting Member of TMP15 May 2009 8:22 p.m. PST

I pulled out my copy of Janes Figting Ships of WWII for some Royal Navy inspiration. Here are a few good ones from real life!


HMS Acute
HMS Cheerful
HMS Pickle (sure to get you out of one)
HMS Pincher
HMS Plucky (always in the fight)
HMS Spanker (Oh Sailor!)

HMS Fierce
HMS Welcome

HMS Pyrrhus

HMS Coquette
HMS Truelove
HMS Welfare


HMS Bustler
HMS Growler
HMS Reward
HMS Turmoil


HMS Antic
HMS Dexterous
HMS Charon (Honestly now, would you really want your ship towed by the ferryman to Hades?)

HMS Frisky
HMS Jaunty (Always a happy crew no matter how bad the situation.)

HMS Prudent
HMS Saucy (The little wench!)

The worst part about it is that they were real names.

Sgt McWarMonkey Inactive Member15 May 2009 8:23 p.m. PST

USS Kaboom
USS Abbynormey
hospital ship USS Peel N Stick

Roll Again Inactive Member15 May 2009 8:59 p.m. PST

I had a ship I made up for Star Fleet Battles called the
USS Justine Bateman.

I figured so far into the future, that some historian got their facts mixed up.

mweaver Inactive Member15 May 2009 9:17 p.m. PST

Rothgar's Theory of names: Appease the dragons, make love to the ships, insult dead worlds, and compliment live ones.

Grainger, in Brian Stableford's "The Halcyon Drift" (part of a conversation about why no one should have been surprised that a luxury liner starship named "The Lost Star" disappeared on her maiden voyage…).

The Outlander Inactive Member15 May 2009 9:30 p.m. PST

K u. K Unterhose
HMS Appeasement
USS Cindy Sheehan

SECURITY MINISTER CRITTER Inactive Member15 May 2009 9:41 p.m. PST

The HMS Not AT This Battle.
The HMS Ann Elk.
The HMS Cowardly Poltroon.

Mapleleaf15 May 2009 9:55 p.m. PST

HMS Will

In every movie someone always yells "Fire at Will"

Toaster16 May 2009 12:26 a.m. PST

Red Chicken Rising has some wonderful ship names, personal favorite is the cat races "Hiss at the Dog" class battlecruiser.


Personal logo Doms Decals Sponsoring Member of TMP16 May 2009 12:27 a.m. PST

I'm with Alex some of the ship names in Banks' novels are just great. (Too many favourites to list, but honourable mention goes to "I Said I've Got a Big Stick" which is of course always printed in tiny lettering….) For real life ones, I've got my fingers crossed that we go from 6 Daring class destroyers to 8, as based on the historical names of D Classes, the next two should be Her Majesty's Ships Decoy and Dainty….

NoLongerAMember Inactive Member16 May 2009 12:54 a.m. PST

Full list of Banks ships names here:

On flower class corvettes, it was always said in Liverpool that HMS Pansy had the roughest, toughest crew in the Navy…

Mike G Inactive Member16 May 2009 1:50 a.m. PST


The Black Tower Inactive Member16 May 2009 2:43 a.m. PST


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