"I would rather melt my figures than play..." Topic

We all have rules that fall into this category. For me, great fan of Ancients though I am, my first set of Ancients rules is destined never to be played again if I can help it.

Those rules are "Shock of Impact", I still have them and the army list booklet to go with them, but even a glance between the covers sets my eyes to glazing.

Harpoon for modern naval is another game I will never play again. I just don't have the depth of interest in the subject to appriciate the nuances of the rules. Granted I haven't seen it since first edition…

The one other category for me is competition anything. Every time I enter a wargame competition, tournament, etc I end up having a lousy time. Even if it is with people I normally enjoy playing the rules in question with.

There are of games like FoG and FoW and anything Napoleonic that I really have very little interest in, but I am not sure I would refuse to play them, I'm just not interested.

So what about the rest of you? What games would you rather melt your figures down than play?

A personnal favorite of mine is "A Clash of Armor" by Peoples War Games. This is a wonderfully executed game about the battle of Tobruk in May 1942. The map is chock full of detail, the counters are magnificent & the background information given on the scenarios is well researched, but there is one ssmmaallll problem. This game is unplayable by even phd's in military history ! The ruleset is so full of ly details that just to get through one turn requires nearly forty seperate phases & sub-phases.

Though should you read through the dedication to the game, you will get an inkling as to the mindset of the designers, who too be fair made a wonderful WARGAME that could not be played.

Empire.

Command Decision.

I've tried and the latest version is better than any of the others, but there are a couple of things in the rules that make it extremely unpleasant to play.

Starfleet battles.

3-pamphlets – sweet.
Boxed game – awesome.
Captains's advanced compiled unabridged whatever – no.

Battletech.

3025 – loved it.
3050 – Oh all right.
2750 – Why?
3055 – Pass
3058 – If I have to
3060 – Never mind.
3067 – Can you say CAV

Empire IV to be exact. If I ever have to go throught the elan test flow chart again I will drive pencils into my eyes prior to killing myself.

Another vote for Empire. WRG Ancients looks to be very painful as well. I remember watching tournaments at Historicon and it seemed like everyone spent the whole game arguing the finer points of the rules with each other.

Any version of DBM. I really tried, but I just can't do it.

Shock of Impact is a hilarous read though. I'd read it again. The arrogance in which it was written is worth the cost in time of finding it in the used games bin just to read.

There are games I thought I would never play again but then came across able GMs that made it fun. Modern Spearhead was that way until a game a few months ago concerning the Fulda Gap run by a great guy named Joe. Fun, Fun.

Stars and Bars I could never get into at all.

Its funny because I've played games that made me crave the taste of gun metal in my mouth and now I am drawing a total blank… maybe this is an evolutionary mechanism to protect my fragile mind.

Warhammer 40K, Warhammer Fantasy and Flames of War.

In fact i would rather take a .45 round through the head than play any of those games – that way my minis can go to someone after i am gone

40k.

Pretty much every ancient naval game I've ever tried.

Command Decision, most certainly

Warhammer Fantasy Battle…….(Shivers in dread)

What ever possessed me to start I'll never know.

Yet another vote for Empire…..and one for WRG 7th; that game required a mandatory bottle of aspirin.

Empire IV to be exact. If I ever have to go throught the elan test flow chart again I will drive pencils into my eyes prior to killing myself.

Make that two of us.

There was also the old SPI Game USN that would cause me to seriously consider self-immolation provided I could take the designer with me.

WRG Ancients. After playing them I quit tabletop games in favor of boardgames for a period of about 8 years. Everytime I walked into the FLGS and looked at figures I thought about that game and went over to the boardgames. It was not just the rules. It was also the attitude of the people playing.

Anything made by GW. Either they revise it before all codex are revised. Or, they dump it. Also changed it into Tournament Hammer(both Fantasy and SciFi. I have had many of my old oppenents ask why. Just look how long it took to get the new Ork Codex out.

Empire (in all its roman numeraled glory and it's various spawn)
FoW (pretty game played with WWII miniatures but certainly NOT a WWII miniature game)
DBxxxxx et al (don't get me started…)
Anything by GW

And positively NEVER any tournament games. I'd rather have my spleen removed without being knocked out….

FoW and any tournament game.

Empire
WRG 7th
Warhammer Fantasy
40K

Air Superiority. I'm sure it's actually easier to fly a military jet than learn that game.

Tractics (God, I'm really old).
The Blue Light Manual (ditto above).

Air War (the board game). Takes a half an hour of real time to play about 30 seconds of game time.

Old Grenadier, try an hour to play 2 seconds! I wouldn't play FoW if you paid me – ridiculous game – or anything by GW, but I do play WRG Ancients and have Empire though I haven't played. I'm looking for better rules – and I know there's plenty out there.

Only one for me :
Rapid Fire

Just Flames of War.

with Bob….

dba
40K

Piquet in any of it's myriad forms. The first and only game we played of it was an ACW game in which, due to lousy die rolling on the part of the Confederates, they never did anything while the Union hopped about the field like jackrabbits on speed. We kept checking the rules to make sure we were doing it right and we were, just the Union die rolls always, save in one case, were better than the Confederate.
Any time you're at a con watching the author put on the game, and he has to say "OK, now we aren't going to roll dice this time, I'm going to let these guys do something because they haven't won a die roll the whole game" you know the system is broke.

DBM, 40K, WHB, FOW, any tournaments.

FOW, DBR.

Pat

I hated Steve Barber's gladiator rules so much I threw them out rather than give them away or sell them to some unsuspecting victim.

A second vote for Piquet, for exactly the same reasons!
The first game we played one side never won the die rolls so they sat the entire game while the other side outmaneuvered and out shot them.

Not fun at all.

Never again.

Empire … A game to which I was once slavishly devoted (I even played at Scotty Bowden's house a couple of times). Nowadays I would rather pound on my toe with a hammer than play any version of Empire, especially any version higher than III.

Dave

"I threw them out rather than give them away or sell them to some unsuspecting victim."

Now THAT – is noble!

Empire
DBM et al
DBR
FOW

star fleet battles,40K after 2nd edit, WHB after 4th edit, FOW, tournaments, any rules that say a tank cant move and fire.

Full Thrust
Any DBx?

A home brew set of Napoleonic rules. Skirmishers literally block artillery fire at any range and French conscripts were better than the Guard units of their enemies. I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a fork.

Battleground WW2 by Easy Eight.

Tournament games. I may use some rules intended for tournaments, or that have points systems, but I will not ever play in a tournament.

Third vote for Picquet. My one experience was enough. I have a negative attitude towards any Igo/Ugo rules but will play them if the company and subject is good.

Probably DBM is my only candidate. Only played twice; in one both allied flank commands were immobile for much of the game and in the other it took so long to get into contact that the players were exhausted, never mind the troops.

Still play DBA though and still enjoy it a lot.

Harpoon.
Empire.
Challenger 2000.

Life's too short

Tournament games

Not my sort of hobby. If I'd wanted competitive, I'd have stuck with kendo. It was much better mannered

Challenger 2000 and Newbury Fast Play Ancient Rules (which aren't). I have both, never even finished reading the rule books.

Though I enjoy WAB, I have no interest whatsoever in Warhammer Fantasy or 40K.

Cheers,
Paul.

I'm not sure I'd quite go as far as melting figures to avoid rules, though I really didn't like the GW Lord of the Rings Rules. On the other hand, the folks I was playing with were 71% of the problem.

Now we'd never be so rude as to have a thread "I'd rather spend the day picking up trash by the side of the freeway in the rain than game with…" But if we did, I know who I'd think of…

Andrew

I was going to say that I never met a set of rules I truly hated, but then somebody mentioned Empire, and I would cast my vote for Stars and Bars.

Battleground WWII
40k
WHFB or any of their derivates

And while I wouldn't go so far as to refuse to play I really dislike any game whose designers want you to roll low to succeed. Seriously, who wants to be forced to root for their dice to come up "1"? Ridiculous, unsporting and downright mean.

Really, for me, its any game that requires a pocket calculator, or forces me to add four digit figures in my head.

I think it is the designer's job the combine playability and realism, all at varying levels, of course. Anybody who comes up with the most "realistic" system out there, but that requires you to calculate compound interest to figure out whether you penetrated the tank's armor, is not doing that job.

Also (and for my above cited reasons)

"Tractics (God, I'm really old)."

Yep, you and me both, old timer.

Well, at least it's a variation on the "favourite rule set" thread …