Skeets | 04 Jun 2018 9:13 a.m. PST |
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 55. For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a month, leaving us more than 280,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while. An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch. If captured, we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser. Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling. They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet. An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way. Let us old guys track down those terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them. HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50… in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes?? Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night! Send this to all of your senior friends… it's in big type so they can read it. |
Winston Smith | 04 Jun 2018 10:00 a.m. PST |
The best Heinlein-esque novel I've read in a long time is John Scalzi's "Old Man's War". It covers a lot of your points. |
Cyrus the Great | 04 Jun 2018 10:22 a.m. PST |
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Patrick Sexton | 04 Jun 2018 10:24 a.m. PST |
Skeets, I cannot disagree with you. Though they are going to have to do some work to get a uniform in my size. |
Ed Mohrmann | 04 Jun 2018 1:03 p.m. PST |
And remember: 'Age and treachery overcomes youth every time !' |
zoneofcontrol | 04 Jun 2018 2:56 p.m. PST |
The only problem I've found with getting older is that I just can't stay awake late enough to watch the Johnny Carson Show anymore. |
skippy0001 | 04 Jun 2018 3:30 p.m. PST |
I'd have a problem getting through a tank hatch. Explosives, rocket launchers, automatic grenade launchers, those would be fun. Driving tanks/APC's HMMV's, I'd be more dangerous than the weapons they carry. If they bring back the Davy Crockett, I'm in. |
cloudcaptain | 04 Jun 2018 6:54 p.m. PST |
Eh…people won't be driving tanks much longer. I'm 42 and grew up in the video gaming from early on. I am all for drinking coffee and squashing our enemies with drone weapons. Tank hatches/heat/that ungodly smell are non-issues. |
Old Wolfman | 12 Oct 2018 6:31 a.m. PST |
Tested quite OK on a TOW simulator a while back. Knocked out 1 OPFOR tank,and tracked a second one. |
Bismarck | 31 Oct 2018 9:33 a.m. PST |
OORAH, Skeets! A new meaning for "Old Corps". |
Mithmee | 07 Jan 2019 7:32 p.m. PST |
Okay I am also over 60 and well I would have to disagree on a few things. I still think about sex almost as much as a 18 year old and since I am married can actually get some. Also I do not need to get up to go and to the bathroom during the wee hours of the night. One thing though I would need some new knees since the one I have are past their prime. |
Old Wolfman | 17 Jul 2019 6:28 a.m. PST |
I'm 56 and I could use some of those new knees too,Mithmee. ;^) |
Old Wolfman | 23 Oct 2019 6:32 a.m. PST |
I'm also a fair shot,too. |