"We are the Helpdesk..." Topic

… assistance is futile.

"Please take a number".

My name is Bob.

<recording plays quickly>

"…and your problems are important to us. Please listen to the following menu as our selections have recently changed. If you know your party's extension you can enter it now by entering pound star pound pound pound star star 3 star 14 star pound pound but do not enter pound star pound pound pound star star 3 star 14 star pound pound unless you first have entered the first four letters of the party's last name or the department's name after having first entering a star for party's name and pound for the department's name and then entering pound star pound pound pound star star 3 star 14 star pound pound as explained above and not pound star pound pound pound star star 3 star 14 star pound pound which is to be used in the other instance where the party's extension is known but not the correct spelling of the first four letters of the last name.

If you don't know the party's extension or their last name so that you are unable to enter the first four letters of their last name prior to entering their extension but you know their department, please select it from the following list. Remember you can return to this list or to the main menu at any time by pressing pound pound star pound to return to this list or pound star pound pound to return to the main menu.
The menu is as follows:
Press One for the pharmacy
Press Two for cosmetics and beauty supplies
Press Three for books and magazines
Press Four for The Larch. The Larch. Number Four, The Larch
Press Five for toys and sporting goods
Press Six for our copying center
Press Six for our copying center
Press Six for our copying center
Press Six for our copying center
Press Six for our copying center
Press Six for our copying center ….

Terrement, even worse are the recordings that demand you say something out loud. Some do have alternatives "say 'accounts' or press 2" but I'm finding more and more they are dropping the alternative.

Have any these light bulbs who develop these things ever worked in an open office? Jeez.
--
Tim

LOL, JJ you need to start writing comedy for a living.

I always like when option 1 is to speak Spanish, though I'm in America.

Kenshin obviously didn't get the memo.

Terrement, even worse are the recordings that demand you say something out loud

Tim,

I know what you mean. I have a deep but clear speaking voice, but SIRI on my phone, 511 Virginia for road conditions and traffic information, and a number of others drive me nuts when I try to use them:

"Call WNIS"

"Calling USAA (mobile)"

How they get that when it isn't even close to what I said is beyond me. Then again, sadly, even my "help desk" example above is better than some of the live help desk personnel with whom I've spoken.

Have any these light bulbs who develop these things ever worked in an open office?

I'm guessing as many have as the folks who write travel regulations actually travel for the company under those regs.

@Streitax

Kenshin obviously didn't get the memo.

Si

JJ

As a senior telecom analyst who deals with call centers and their call routing designs daily, I can tell you that $$$ drives all of this.

Hardware and software apps are far cheaper than hiring agents to actually answer phone calls. The average rate for an Tier 1 agent is now around $10 USD an hour with no benifits. Auto-attendant server and software replaces human receptionist who costs $50 USD-70K year with benifts. IVR products can handle thousands of calls per month for $100 USDK up front (or cheaper) and fractions of a penny per minute line usage. Everthing is moving to the "cloud", so not even hardware or apps local with service teams anymore.

Started years ago. Get used to it.

As for "Spanish", you must have missed the demographic class on the percentage of "Americans" who speak Spanish for a 1st or 2nd language nationwide. Get used to that also.

Everything changes, not that I'm happy about all changes (smile).

Dan

Have any these light bulbs who develop these things ever worked in an open office?

Let me tell you about automotive engineers… I still want to kill the guy and all his descendants, that designed the Porsche, that you have to undo the motor mounts to change the oil.

Common answers from our "not-help desk":

1. Reboot your computer (apparently the cure all).

2. It's a server issue you have to wait until it is resolved.

3. Let me reset your profile (ie. bend over).