"Thieves and Nursing Mothers" Topic

I have learned two things from commercials.

1. As security companies depict in commercials that run multiple times per hour, my home is threatened by healthy, prosperous-appearing white males who want to steal my stuff or attack my wife or daughter.

2. Internet ads want me to know that I can find out who is searching for me online – and the pictures almost always show young women who apparently have a talent for breastfeeding. This leads to the conclusion that they are single mothers looking for an upstanding man (like me) to fulfill the role of a father to their baby.

3. What to take if you can't poop.
4. What to take if you can't stop pooping.

5. Bugs will try to deliver pizza to your door.
6. Your old mop is stalking you.
7. Beating up a hooker doesn't end a pitchman's career.

8. Tampons appear to turn gymnasts into female versions of the Energizer Bunny.

LLC aka Ron

Apparently, I can be classmates of young, voluptuous women while attending an on-line university program.

(from online advertising)

9 Obama wants you to refinance
10 Obama wants the missus to go back to school
11 Obama is single-handedly stimulating the economy in very specific sectors (that I'm pretty sure aren't receiving government money)

Wyatt

12. Take this to have an erection.

13. Apparently I am very sick, because I am tired in the morning.

14. Money can stalk you.
15. What to take if you're not enough.
16. What to take if I'm not happy; but clearly warned that it may cause me to commit suiccide.
17. A thousand different ways to loose weight.

I would like to reiterate #3:
American women and children are the most constipated or "irregular" people on the face of the planet and it is imperative that all food companies address the problem by adding micro organisms into their food so that these poor helpless non-defecating people can share with their friends about how to deal with this debilitating condition and finally live the normal lives and do the things they hoped they could do, were it not for them not-pooping enough.

And add:

All American men over the age of 50 are incontinent and impotent, and have huge prostates that will explode at any moment.

I know, I know everyone else in the world already knew this. But apparently we Americans were not afraid of these things enough.

Breakfast foods made primarily from sugar are somehow good for your kids.

There are Uber-Hot chicks just waiting by the phone to chat with me!! (depends wait time of day/night you watch TV).

You can make laser painters outta Fruit Loops. have to try that sometime…

One should always ask your doctor if you are healthy enough for sex before daring to engage in it.
Who knew it was so dangerous?

And be sure to have certain pills close at hand. Because no-one over 20 can possibly manage without them.

Therefore, keep your doctor on speed dial?

Whatever you take, there are a list of possible side-effects that are *much* worse than whatever you're taking it for. Including Greasy Discharge and Death.

One should always ask your doctor if you are healthy enough for sex before daring to engage in it.
Who knew it was so dangerous?

Maybe a heart condition or some other complication?

Don't forget the challenge of how to get your diabetes and diabetes testing supplies is one of the biggest concerns for the modern population if…
You are not limited in your mobility that would be changed completely by having a motorized wheelchair

Back to Bill's #1:
1) Ben Roethlisberger is always trying to break into someone's house, but is easily foiled.

By the way, if I have an erection lasting more than 4 hours, I sure as hell am not going to be wasting my time trying to call my doctor. I will have more pressing things to attend to.

Damn straight, Skippy. I'll go happy; I won't be worrying at that point.

Allen

'In the unlikely event…', nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

None of the american/European commericals can touch the tripe I see every day on Korean T.V. My current favorite is the energy drink where the upscale Korean female exec is dancing in her office. I can watch that commerial for hours. However it is only on in the morning. In the afternoon it is all Soju commericals.
VR
James Mattes

As security companies depict in commercials that run multiple times per hour, my home is threatened by healthy, prosperous-appearing white males who want to steal my stuff or attack my wife or daughter.

Not only that, but they can be scared away by the knowledge that the police might show up in fifteen or twenty minutes, and/or loud noises.
-Kle.

Your hair requires more nutrition, chemical supplements and attention than a starving drug addict.

Nothing is ever your fault or an accident. There is always someone you can sue.

Your kitchen and bathroom are seething with evil bacteria, just waiting to kill you at a moment's notice.

Your yoghurt drink is seething with friendly bacteria, just waiting to turn your digestive system into a cheap graphic at a moment's notice.

I always wonder what exactly the doctor is supposed to do when somebody comes waddling through the door after 4 hours. I suppose the sight of a needle or scaple would take care of the problem.

" doctor is supposed to do "

Too many jokes, too little time.

Leeches.