"Re: My Inheritance Package - Too good to pass up" Topic
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|Top Gun Ace ||06 Mar 2009 3:43 p.m. PST|
I know I shouldn't have, but thought this message was just too good to avoid replying to, so my $1.5 USD Million inheritance should be on its way to me soon.
Original message received:
Hello my Dear friend,
Good day. How are you today? My name is Mr.Ali Bell I am writing to inform you that I have Paid the registration fee for your cheque which has been with me for a long time. And I went to the bank to confirm if the draft has expired or getting near to expire and Mr. Justin Yayi the Director Bank of Africa told me that before the cheque will get to your hand that it will expire. So I told him to cash the $1.5million united state dollarsS to cash payment to avoid losing this funds under expiration.
However, all the necessary arrangement for delivering the $1.5million united state dollarsS in cash was made with FEDEX EXPRESS COURIER here in Cotonou Benin Republic, Mr.Justin Yayi the Director of Bank of Africa Cotonou has package the sum of $1.5 USD million USD in cash for you.
Then he also help me to Register the Consignment with FEDEX EXPRESS COURIER Infact I thank God very much for all the movement I made, every thing went normally. As for our agreement with the FEDEX EXPRESS COURIER they promised that your consignment will leave this Country on or before 5 days from now, But the Director of the FEDEX EXPRESS COURIER said that they need your contacts information's to enable them meet up with you immediately the Diplomat Agents arrived in your Country.
Please write a letter of application to the given E- mail address below.
ATTN: Mr.,Jeery Cook
Email: email@example.com (or) firstname.lastname@example.org
please Send them your contacts information to enable them locate you immediately they arrived in your country with your BOX This
is what they need from you.
1.YOUR FULL NAME
3.YOUR HOME DELIVERY ADDRESS.
4.YOUR CURRENT HOME TELEPHONE NUMBER.
5.YOUR CURRENT OFFICE TELEPHONE.
6 YOUR CURRENT CELL PHONE
7.A COPY OF YOUR PICTURE
Please make sure you send this needed information to the Director general of FEDEX EXPRESS COURIER Mr,Jeery Cook with the address given to you.
Note this. Courrier Service Company don't know the contents of the Box. I registered it as a BOX of Africa cloths. They did not know the contents was money. this is to avoid them delaying with the BOX.
Dont let them know that the box contents was money ok. I am waiting for your urgent response.
Below is the Deposit details:
Deposit Number: PLCC-101-PL45
Sort/Clearance Code: PLC/101-45/P50
Deposit Certificate N0.: 405576
Consignment Description: 1 BOX of Africa cloths
Depositor: Mr.Ali Bello
Thanks and Remain Blessed.
|Top Gun Ace ||06 Mar 2009 3:51 p.m. PST|
My urgent reply – as mentioned, I just couldn't help myself, so had a little bit of fun writing this one up:
Dear Mr. Ali,
Thank you for your kind note, regarding my inheritance, and your willingness to help me in order to prevent its expiration. I really appreciate your assistance on my behalf.
Currently, I am on assignment at McMurdo Station in Antarctica, studying penguins and their migratory patterns on the icepack, so as I'm sure you can imagine, it is difficult for me to comply with your request. We don't have regular phone service here, or even a street address to provide to you, since essentially, there aren't any streets in Antarctica, so I am contacting you via e-mail, through a friends account.
We do however have a nine-hole golfcourse, for entertainment, so we are not completely uncivilized – just make sure to not make the rookie mistake of bringing white golfballs along to play (bright, fluorescent colors are recommended instead), if you want to try it out, since you will probably get frostbite before you find your ball, after teeing off, if you do.
I would be more than happy to meet with you personally, or with one of your representatives, to finalize the transfer to me, if you can hop a flight on one of the C-130 supply planes that lands here every other week. The flights are fairly safe this time of year, since it is Summer here, and not as cold as you would think, given all the ice on the continent, e.g. a balmy – 15 degree fahrenheit, or so, not counting the windchill factor. Warm clothing is recommended.
You can catch a flight from Williams Field at Christchurch, New Zealand. As mentioned, it is usually a pretty safe flight, as long as your plane doesn't hit any large, migratory bird flocks on the way here, and/or the polar region's magnetic field fluctuations don't cause the aircraft's compass to deviate, causing it to veer offcourse, and run out of fuel in the South Pacific. Obviously, if those incidents occur, the people on board rarely survive ditching in the ice cold waters for long. The accident rate has been a low 8.73% for the last couple of years, but that is anticipated to increase slightly, since budgetary restrictions have forced cutbacks in engine maintenance. Still, 9 out of 10 safe arrivals isn't bad at all, in our business.
Please don't listen to all the rumors of strange goings on down here on the icepack. The historical documentary movie "The Thing" gave us a bad reputation for awhile, and the shape-shifting, lifeforms found here, under the ice are a bit more benign that depicted in the movie. Likewise, the temple found under the ice seems to present little danger to the personnel located here, but we haven't been able to explore it fully, due to the recent cave-in. Attempts are under way to drill down to it, for a more thorough study of the sealed chambers located within.
I anxiously await your arrival, and will be happy to show you around.
We will throw a party in your honor, to congratulate and thank you for your kind, and magnanimous assistance in following up on my behalf, to ensure that my long lost relative's inheritance is properly handed down to me.
Arnold E. Ziffel (Chief Penguin Linguistics Analyst)
Now, of course I know there are streets at the base, since I have seen a photo of it, and imagine it is a bit warmer than -15 degrees in the Summer, but I didn't want it to appear to be too inviting.
Hope the references to the creatures from the movie "The Thing", and the reference to the temple in "Predator vs. Alien", and/or the crash rates of air flights don't scare Mr. Ali, or his assistant off.
I'm looking forward to hosting the dinner in his honor.
My name is probably showing my age
|Parzival||06 Mar 2009 4:19 p.m. PST|
Right now somebody's running around a beat-up post-colonial hotel room in Nigeria shouting "I got a live one!
Uh, where is 'Antarctica'?"
|CLDISME ||06 Mar 2009 5:54 p.m. PST|
I am surprised you didn't ask him to convert the dollars in to local, Antartic currency – the Antaran.
|RavenscraftCybernetics||06 Mar 2009 9:46 p.m. PST|
Man Im so jealous. You're gonna be set for life.
|Old Slow Trot ||08 May 2009 6:45 a.m. PST|
Just got a similar one with an address in Accra,Ghana with a "please get back to me immediately" in it,and the 30% split routine.